Brooke Hogan: Genetics’ punching bag

March 31st, 2009 // 102 Comments

Here’s Brooke Hogan shopping in Miami yesterday and it’s painfully obvious this girl’s not going to age well. I mean, Christ, she’s only 20, and I already confused her for her 49-year-old mom Linda. That can’t be good. — Unless you’re Hulk Hogan then it’s pretty much exactly how you planned it. High five, brotha!

Photos: Splash News

  1. Que

    Que grande.

  2. Brooke Hogan

    I’ll snap those tiny dicks that hide under your disgusting hairy beer bellies, you fuckin worthless low-paid slobs.

  3. db

    So who do you think has a more cavernous gash– Brooke or Celine Dion?

  4. Gert Helsen

    She has breast on her chin!!

  5. Kaiser

    She’s disgusting. But hey, I slapped the ham for bitches, that were much uglier. In the dark, you don’t see her dick anyway. So let’s do her. Or her mum.

    Fish smells like fish. Even old ones.

  6. Please! Id tap that harder than the Hulkster!

  7. Hey, at least she has nice fat natural tits to compliment her shape and… what’s that? Oh…

  8. Nick Hogan

    Brooke has a cunt so cavernous you’ll think you’re fucking John Graziano’s forehead.

  9. Brimmer

    I’d hit in and quit it.

  10. That bitch is only 20yrs old? My God, she does look 40 Fish. That is freakin’ scary.

  11. devilsrain

    I thought that was her mom too. This girl is in trouble. Lohan genes

  12. Jimmy Jim

    nice one nick hogan, you win internet.

  13. Jrz

    She looks like Cameron Diaz on roids

  14. Andrio

    I dunno, if she met me and thought I was super hot, I dunno…it might be fascinating to experience being raped.

  15. Posh

    White people age sooo horribly.

  16. Nancy

    In just a few years she’ll have a constant hunchback and boobs that she tucks into her belt.

  17. #14 – There’s two “ifs” and a “might” there… surely you respect your junk more than that…

  18. Lain

    Her fake tits look very real. Congrats to her surgeon!

  19. Her tits are heading south in a hurry.

  20. ch474

    Cameron Diaz on ‘roids … c’mon that’s funny!

    Step 1, wear a bra. Step 2, go back to school and get an education ‘cuz your “career” is over. Hope you invested your money well.

  21. Gando

    Don’t get in a fight with this chick! Nice sandals though!

  22. Monkey's Bone

    With all the money this Man-Snatch has, you would think she would buy something better to walk on than $2.39 thongs for christs sake.

  23. W is for Whatever

    15–yeah, but at least we stick around long enough to acutally age, as opposed to shooting each other in drive bys when we’re fucking 12 or stroking out because of “The Sugar” when we’re 30. Juss sayin.

  24. Shoopy

    I don’t even like boobs but I would have sex with her if I could look at the poster of her dad on the wall above my head board and if that got boring I could look at my Mario Lopez poster.

  25. Darth

    Surprised! Her boobs don’t look fake!

  26. Shoopy

    I wished she looked more like Hayden Panettieri.

  27. shoopy

    I dont even like boobs unless they are on Hayden Panettiere.

  28. geez

    damn, american girls are so ugly

  29. shoopy

    I wish Hayden Panettiere looked more like Mario Lopez

  30. Rhialto

    She needs those bodyguards to carry her shoppingbags!?

  31. Thankgod im hotter than she is ::drinks airport beer:: SERIOUSLY… if she asked me how old i thought she was I would have to say at LEAST 35 +

  32. Jrz

    31-are you in some kind of weird Hotter Than You competition with Brooke Hogan or something? *sips fucking tap water* and any reason why you mention you’re drinking beer at an airport?

    WAIT…I get it! You think you’re wonderful! Is that it? I think that’s it.

  33. db

    “She looks like Cameron Diaz on roids”

    ding ding ding ding…. we have a winner

  34. Jrz

    Hundreds of French workers take bosses hostage (CNN)

    Gee, that must have been really hard…to take a Frenchman hostage. *rolls eyes*

  35. the "actually" guy

    Actually, for the French it’s worse than being taken hostage – they’re being blockaded in their offices and not allowed to leave. If the French government doesn’t intervene, they may spend up to 35 hours at work this week (up from the usual 23). With all that stress, they’ll need a “holiday.”

  36. Jrz

    HAHAHA! “Q’est que c’est…we have to …. eh….how do say….em….stay here at zee off-fiss. It eez madness…no?”

  37. Smarg

    Hey, at least she comes from a wholesome family.

  38. Jrz

    *puts down the French beret and white flag* Wait a minute…..did #37 just say Brooke comes from a wholesome family?

  39. ann

    She looks like an inflated Carmen Diaz

  40. Jrz

    Investigators suspect two African immigrants slain at a Long Island condo owned by an NFL player may have been killed as revenge for an Internet scam, police said Tuesday. (CNN)

    So, I guess they found the Nigerian prince?

  41. I don’t even like French toast, and don’t even get me started on the fucking fries.

  42. White Person

    White people age horribly? How’s that AIDS in Africa going for you there, stud?

  43. Jrz

    French Vanilla Ice Cream SUCKS!

  44. gotta love the sandwiches

  45. Mr. Jones

    Geez, can you imagine if she ever slapped a choke-hold on you? There’s no way you’re getting out of that.

  46. French Dip, ‘nough said.

  47. Jrz

    I don’t even like French manicures….they’re so fucking…..FRENCH!

  48. douche

    That dude, er, chick, needs to cut back on the tanning booth. She’s beginning to look like a an old catchers mitt.

    #8, you are my new God. Funniest post ever.

  49. I call 'em as I see 'em

    I am delighted by the caption, ‘Fish…
    Very nice.

  50. chris

    love them tick and full not like most white women a bag of bones and plastic implants but she is a bitterface, i would stll have have and give this chick what she wants

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