Brooke Hogan understands the importance of proper jug tanning

August 8th, 2008 // 96 Comments

Brooke Hogan stepped out to do a little tanning yesterday outside her Miami apartment. And by tanning I mean she’s making “the marketing team” work overtime. Gotta keep those ratings up. In fact, I’ve obtained an excerpt from Brooke’s VH1 contract that shows just how important her chesticles are:

“IV. Brooke Hogan will agree to prominently display her augmented chest area in the press at least once a week until the airing of the season finale. At such time, Brooke Hogan will pose nude for Playboy magazine who have graciously agreed to airbrush out her penis provided she receive no compensation and does not make eye contact with anyone on the premises. Brooke Hogan will also refuse to cooperate with local law enforcement in the likely event the photographer commits suicide immediately following the shoot. Brooke Hogan will be responsible for funeral arrangements including, but not limited to, providing an assorted cheese tray.”

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  1. jacy

    oh god i just threw up in my mouth.

  2. Miss Anthrope

    @ 40 & 41: hilarious!

  3. reply

    Her body is so large that is makes her look like a “pea-head”

  4. rainer

    - I heard she looks that way because of Hulk’s steroid abuse effecting his sperm and making her chromosomes all jacked up … Although this doesn’t explain Nick being such a bitch …

  5. El Ron

    See, I thought she looked surprisingly good here. Maybe not Hollywood-hot , but she looks healthy, and muscular rather than flabby. We can all poke fun at her for looking ‘masculine’, but chances are if she has a high percentage of muscles, she’ll probably have an easier time than the average keeping fit as she ages, and will probably hold up pretty well. When we’re all taking our cholestrol medications and complaining about our stiff joints, etc, and she’s out running a marathon, we might change our tune.

    Personally, I’d like to go back to ragging on people for their horrid personalities and the stupid things they say, rather than something they can’t help like their genetics.

  6. ab

    she’s 6’1”…. like she asked for those genes

  7. LizzT

    This celebrity spawn also has fake jugs. LOL. I guess she does have a lot of testosterone coursing through her veins.

  8. bonespur

    shit, i feel like a real loser–i think she’s pretty hot. in fact, i’d love to spend an afternoon perusing that incredible body.

    so what if she’s a tall woman! so were susan anton and lynda carter.

    i’d just tell her to disrobe and lay down on the bed and say…”look out, hoss, here comes little joe!”

  9. You guys are nuts

    You guys are crazy. She can’t help that she’s tall. But she looks good in these pics.

    All you girls that say she’s ugly secretly are jealous. And all you men need to STFU because we all know you’re fucking someone that looks waaaaaay worse than Brooke. IF you’re getting any at all. LOL.

  10. LizzT

    GOD !!YOU CAN’T HAVE AN OPINIONATED STATEMENT. IF U DON’T LIKE HER, IT HAS TO BE THAT ARE SSOOOOOOOO JEALOUS. OBVIOUSLY !!! GOD!!!! I’M 13 AND APPARENTLY, I’M ALREADY FUCKING SOMEONE~!! WHO’S UGLY!!!!!!! I WANNA GROW UP TO BE A BULKY BLONDE DITZO WITH A FAILED MUSIC CAREER WITH FAKE TITS. BUT SINCE I’M NOT LIKE THAT RIGHT, I *SECRETLY* HATE HER VIA THE INTERNET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  11. LizzT

    BTW: It’s not screaming, it’s sarcasm.

  12. Brooke's Penis

    @ 60 & 61- You’re jealous… and stop SCREAMING so much! Ho!!!

  13. kevin

    She is fashionable.I saw her profile on ***C e l e b M i n g l e . .com***—–This is the First, most Effective and Largest site in the world to Date, marry successful, beautiful people.
    Our members include CEOs, pro athletes, doctors, lawyers, investors, entrepreneurs,beauty queens, fitness models, and Hollywood celebrities, just to name a few.
    Every quality single is welcome here. You don’t have to be rich or famous.

  14. Zukyia

    Joe Jones is hot!!!!!! I digress. She is built like her daddy so she will never a petite thing. She needs to watch what she eats if she wants to keep her figure, then again who doesn’t?

  15. Zukyia

    Joe Jonas is hot!!!!!! I digress. She is built like her daddy so she will never a petite thing. She needs to watch what she eats if she wants to keep her figure, then again who doesn’t?

  16. Jeff S

    NO TALENT WANABEE WITH DAD’S MONEY!!! STOP POSTING THIS TALENTLESS BIMBO!!!

  17. rm

    she is a curvy big girl with womanly curves, she is hot, no straight guy would turn her down. Britney Spears is someone that looks like a man.

  18. Tenchi059

    @10: I can totally see your point.

  19. brooktroutfarts

    my friend skippy says she has frequent issues with explosive diarrhea from all the junk food she consumes. DO NOT get a 69er going, unless you like sewer chowder.

  20. JOHNTY

    airbrush out her penis

    urghhhh

  21. Smith

    I would love to suck her toes.

  22. She looks pretty toned to me -__-

  23. Bobby

    She has the worst body type ever and she looks fucking old. She needs to go on a diet fast because nobody likes a fat chick.

  24. Erica.

    Fish, you’re missing out on reports that are huge because you take the weekend off. Bernie Mac dies (RIP) and THE OLYMPICS! What the fuck? I would give up my weekends to report on that because that is stuff we want to know! Not bikini pictures, only men want that but you know.

  25. lawrence

    She is my favorite. Just saw her on milllionaire personals site “”"”"W e a l t h y S o u l m a t e. co m”"”"”" last week. I am wondering what kind of relationship she is looking for on that site.Is she single again now?
    ?????????????????

  26. Uncle AL

    Brooke Hogan’s boobs make my doggy soggy.

  27. Angry Beaver

    Her fake boobs almost make you forget how manishly fugly she is. Almost.

  28. alisa

    #59 you’re completely right. i would LOVEEEE to see what everyone looks like that’s posting.

    she looks better than most. not the best but not nearly as bad as you guys make her out to be. all she needs to do is lose a little weight…

  29. lawrence

    I love Brooke Hogan~~~She is very popular with beautiful people and wealthy singles at Richromances.com. I guess she gets many winks per day… Good luck! My queen!

  30. Boiiiii

    That grrl’s tittays are badonkadonk!!!

  31. amy

    WHAT THE FUCK? FOR REAL THOUGH ALL Y’ALL MAFUCKER’S IS HATERS FROM HELL YO! BROOKE I PRAY TO GOD YOU’RE READING THIS BECAUSE YOU’RE BEAUTIFUL. YOUR BODY IS BANGIN,YOUR SKIN IS BEAUTIFUL AS WELL AS YOUR HAIR YOUR FACE AND JUST EVERYTHING. AND SO TO ALL YOU JELOUS ASS OPIONIONATED ASSHOLES(WHICH HEY OPINIONS ARE LIKE ASSHOLES EVERYBODY HAS ONE AND NO DISRESPECT YOU’RE ENTITLED TO YOURS, JUST AS I AM ENTITLED TO MINE) BUT BACK TO THE SUBJECT AT HAND YOU PEOPLE ARE JUST OUT RIGHT MEAN, BROOKE’S YOUNG AND HAS HAD A PRETTY ROUGH YEAR, YOUR COMMENTS COULD BE VERY EMOTIONALLY DAMAGING TO HER AS THEY WOULD BE TO PROBABLY ANY PERSON THAT YOUNG. ANY PERSON OF ANY AGE PERIOD. I’M NOT SURE WHO YOU PEOPLE ARE OR IF YOU’VE EVER HEARD OF A THING CALLED FEELINGS.???????????? SO ANYWAY I REALLY HOPE YOU SOMEHOW READ THIS BROOKE CUZ YOU’RE THE SHIT AND YOU KNOW IT AND YOU’RE ALSO A VERY TALENTED SINGER AND I’ M HIGHLY ANTICIPATING YOU’RE UPCOMING ALBUM! I LOVE YOU GIRL, AND NEVER FORGET UGLY MOTHER FUCKERS HATIN ON YOU AIN’T NEVER GONNA MAKE THEM LOOK ANY BETTER!!!! P.S. MY HUSBAND IS WITH ME ON THIS 100% AS WELL. HE THINKS YOU’RE SEXY AS HELL.

  32. schak

    amy @ 81

    you are a real asshole. trust me on this.

  33. Something is missing… Daddy?

  34. Something is missing… Where is daddy?!

  35. *ManBrooke*

    Everything about her is manly! Big tough Hulk-jaw, big square Hulk-shoulders…she has the body of a man. Any man attracted to BrookeBitch is clearly attracted to guys like Hulk Hogan. That’s what attracts you to Brooke; she’s nearly identical to Hulk.

    And why is Nick such a sniveling little douchebag, crybaby, snotslinging, whining femm-hulk?

    Something became very mixed-up with this family.

  36. poon tang

    Have you seen Brooke Hogan’s clitoris?

    it looks like a penis!

    clitoromegaly!

  37. interested

    Hey everyone why does it matter how Brooke looks? Are we gonna win some sort of prize? Are we? Huh? Huh?……that’ll be great!!!…This is FUN!!!!…….yeah 4 ppl with no life

    I’m tired, I’m gonna go play with my kids and then have sex with my husband. Huh, I wonder if nyone else on this site has a life too?….things to ponder

  38. HelioMobile

    I’d Tap it.
    If I seen her walking at my beach, id be like “Hellllllloooo There”

  39. Coastalgal77

    I get sucked into reading these things on my day off so I can’t judge too much. BUT I think we are pretty pathetic if we think that these stars being talked about have time to go on these things and read them. They are bothered enough by the idiot photogaphers flying around them everywhere they go… like flies over poop!
    But I have to point out that the ones that are commenting on how ugly these people are…. Are probably sitting at their keyboards with unbrushed hair & teeth…. in need of a good shower and waxing and the need to lose 50+ pounds.
    It’s easy to tear someone down when we can’t see a picture of YOU.
    Next time you submit how ugly someone is… look in your own mirror before you push send. If you are one of the beautiful people… or think you are… and are commenting on someone’s looks … how sad that they don’t have mirrors for the soul!

  40. Nicki

    Gosh, I agree with Coastalgirl…How sad have we truly become if we have to tear down people like this! Brooke is a human being! She is not perfect, she is not supernatural, nor is she god. Those who can say they are one of the three above…go ahead and post crap about someone else. Otherwise, keep your crap to yourselves. Lets post your not so great days pictures up on this blog and we shall see who looks the best. I say Brooke Hogan looks better than all of us on her worst day! Poor language and nasty comments is usually for those who are uneducated or who have no heart. Give the girl a break. She is truly a beautiful young lady who is trying to just be who she wants to be. So what if she eats junk food….so does Kim Kardashian and she is gorgeous as well. Would you want people to say these things about yourselves if the roles were reversed? Just a thought

  41. Coastalgal77

    Nicki~
    Glad to see someone else agrees! I just wish that people would STOP judging. It’s so funny…. they say things like Who Cares??? But they didn’t just happen on these sites that they go to… they had to make an effort to google it or click on it. And then they attack everyone they can. Who cares? They do!
    They must.

  42. Sandy

    This is crazzy!!! Brooke is gorgeous and talented and funny!!! Such judgement on this forum!!! I agree with Coastalgal… enough judgement!!! There are bigger issues and problems in this crazzy world!!! *Shrug* FOCUS ON SOMETHING ELSE!!!

  43. Sandy

    This is crazzy!!! Brooke is gorgeous and talented and funny!!! Such judgement on this forum!!! I agree with Coastalgal… enough judgement!!! There are bigger issues and problems in this crazzy world!!! *Shrug* FOCUS ON SOMETHING ELSE!!!

  44. Sandy

    This is crazzy!!! Brooke is gorgeous and talented and funny!!! Such judgement on this forum!!! I agree with Coastalgal… enough judgement!!! There are bigger issues and problems in this crazzy world!!! *Shrug* FOCUS ON SOMETHING ELSE!!!

  45. Sandy

    OOOps!!! Sorry!!! I SO did NOT mean to post that 3x!!!

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