Brooke Hogan understands the importance of proper jug tanning

August 8th, 2008 // 96 Comments

Brooke Hogan stepped out to do a little tanning yesterday outside her Miami apartment. And by tanning I mean she’s making “the marketing team” work overtime. Gotta keep those ratings up. In fact, I’ve obtained an excerpt from Brooke’s VH1 contract that shows just how important her chesticles are:

“IV. Brooke Hogan will agree to prominently display her augmented chest area in the press at least once a week until the airing of the season finale. At such time, Brooke Hogan will pose nude for Playboy magazine who have graciously agreed to airbrush out her penis provided she receive no compensation and does not make eye contact with anyone on the premises. Brooke Hogan will also refuse to cooperate with local law enforcement in the likely event the photographer commits suicide immediately following the shoot. Brooke Hogan will be responsible for funeral arrangements including, but not limited to, providing an assorted cheese tray.”


  1. Que

    Que thundering!

  2. Dear Brooke Hogan’s Mam’s…will you marry me?

  3. Plastic Sturgeon

    Ugh. A body like that is enough to make even the strongest penis shrivel.

    I don’t see anything attractive about her. What body type is she trying to achieve?

    In any event, one quick fix would be for her to lose ten pounds immediately, and to put bottle of fake tanner down. She has a nasty orange glow about her.

  4. wow, that girl is a HEFFER!!! (oh and Coldplay sucks)

  5. say what you want, she has got a totally smoking body.. ok so her face isnt the feminine thing in the world, but i can guarentee most of you making these comments have bagged some women that have been at least as ugly and had not nearly as hot a body!!

  6. dethkind

    that girl needs a butt. also a new face…

  7. Bigheadmike

    Oh I would I would I would.
    I guess I’m alone on that opinion.

  8. dew

    She’s already soft at such a young age. She better watch what she eats, because she can’t afford to put on any more weight if she wants to stay in the spotlight.

  9. Racer X

    I’d hit it w/ her bikini on.


  10. Deacon Jones

    I’d hit it, but fuck, I’ve been in a relationship for 2 years now.

    I’d fuck a corpse at this point.

  11. Peter Gammons

    I’d drag my balls through a mile of broken glass just to hear her fart through a walkie-talkie.

  12. Tara

    She’s not fat by any means…just built like a total man. Poor girl got Hulk’s entire bone structure. I really don’t understand how one can have such a nonexistant ass.

  13. Dee

    She has her dad’s figure.

  14. Jim

    She’s “too much.” Of everything. Especially testosterone.

  15. @10 – Funny.

    Can i borrow those boobs for 5 minutes.

  16. rough daddy

    shes wearing what ever it is like a hood rat,,,thats why it appear as if she has no ass….

  17. Paolo Maldini

    She is good looking now so lets enjoy it. Props to whomever gets to hit it now. When shes old no one will want it except young guys who will fuck anything with a tan and a big set of saggy boobs.

    Atleast she does not date black guys who pee on her.

  18. #16 – They’re Lee Press On tits, so I’m sure that can be arranged.

  19. Karen

    On the upside, she has astonishingly little cellulite. Maybe she IS a man.

  20. Kingsley Amis

    That’s a fella, right?

  21. Tara

    17, have you seen any other pics of her? The girl just doens’t have an ass.

  22. she is amazingly gorgeous fit and tight like my gym teacher ms . camposa.

  23. Um… sir? That’s the ladies’ room…

  24. Venom

    MMMM. Mommas milk.
    I think Brooke is just fine.

  25. Ted Mosby

    I’d hit that with assunder

  26. If I got really high I might get fired up to take a shot at her. I’d want to see if I was strong enough to force her to be the bottom if, as suspected, a cock popped out of her panties. Possibly I’d be secretly hoping to lose. I’m man enough to admit that.

  27. norton

    Not everyone can be built like a stick with tits.

    Give the girl a break…. she’s attractive.

    Jesus, I’d hate to see what you douche-bags would have to say about Marilyn Monroe given today’s notion of perfect body types.

  28. Jesus

    “Jesus, I’d hate to see what you douche-bags would have to say about Marilyn Monroe given today’s notion of perfect body types.”

    Well, since you asked, I’d say Marilyn doesn’t look like a male professional wrestler.

  29. 0bservant

    Fish …. I’m sure it was simply an undersight on your part, but you meant “Brooke Bollea” right ?

  30. debisis…yeah, if she has a figure, with hips, and she’s got an adult shaped face…that mean’s she what? ugly? oh so she doesn’t look like she’s 12 and that’s why she looks like a dude….mmmkay, gotcha.

    and you guys all have small penises and are potential pedofiles or into 10 year old boys. losers

  31. Tara

    Wait…did someone just try to compare Marilyn Monroe to Brooke Hogan? LOL.

    You seriously need to get your eyes checked if you think you can actually draw a comparison between those 2…both blondes. That’s about it.

  32. Rick

    “she’s got an adult shaped face…that mean’s she what? ugly?”

    yes, because it’s a MALE adult shaped face.

  33. pistola

    debisis, no one thinks she looks like a man because she “has a figure, with hips, and she’s got an adult shaped face”… she looks like a man because her figure is ENORMOUS with broad shoulders like a man, and her facial structure is strong like a man- notice the jawline. shave her head, take away the fake tits and makeup, and u have her brother- ONLY BIGGER.

    that’s why.

  34. Clarice S.

    This is the suit that Buffalo Bill wanted to wear.

  35. M.D.

    You should really get that debisis looked at.

  36. Jen

    Awww, poor thing has no ass to balance out that gynormous set of shoulders and cilicone chesties. I guess you cant have it all.

    Oh, wait. You can……..if your Paz Vega.

  37. i would let her do me left handed

  38. I’m sure her “hulkie” said so.
    (he gets horny because of his own daughter.)

  39. llllllllll

    She is so Hulk-Holganish…is that a word?

  40. john

    “In China, she would be put to work in the deeps mines farming coals due to her muscular size and her brutal strength she inherited from her dad.”

    -Chang Woo Lin, a deep mine worker in China.

  41. Dr. John Blackheart

    Somebody should throw this whale back in to the ocean its disgusting. God damn white girl I can see your penis

  42. Kate

    She isn’t a “normal” body, she’s an amazon. Most women aren’t sporting biceps and gigantic shoulders like that. That’s like half man. For her to achieve normal “femininity” it takes a lot of work. She’s just so manish. I don’t know if she’s ugly, but she’s deffiantly not womanly. It’s like a box shape, with two gigantic fake silicone boobs, a man chin, and just a generally hulking demeanor.

  43. FromOutOfNoWhere

    As far as my opinion goes, she’s hot, sexy and d@mn good looking and would gladly hook up with her

  44. bootlips

    She looks like a man but she’s still much more feminine than your average negro woman.

  45. jt

    me too i think she is hot

  46. nick hogan the murderer

    this daughter of a drug addict and sister of a drunk driving murderer is not very attractive. it’s just a dude with two fake tits and a tucked penis.

  47. pistola

    @ 43

    kate, u are so spot-on! i totally agree.

  48. Jockstrap

    She would be sexy if she didn’t have the bone structure of an NFL linebacker

  49. Mike

    Puleeeeze….she is smokin’ hot and all you guys know it. All this bullshit about “oh, she looks like a dude” and othere crap is from punks with shriveled penises who know you would never stand a chance with a true hottie. Go finish wanking off to Lara the Tomb Raider.

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