Brooke Hogan: My ass is like ‘an old car’ to my dad

June 25th, 2008 // 63 Comments

Brooke Hogan is wisely distancing herself from the PR landmine that is her bleached family. She sat down for an interview in the latest issue of Us Weekly where she talked about no longer speaking to her mom Linda who’s dating a 19-year-old. But Brooke still thinks highly of Hulk and defended him for putting lotion on her bikini ass. However, she remained mum on the moustache buffering that followed:

“I know I’m a grown woman, but it’s like he’s touching an old car,” the singer tells Us Weekly. “He used to change my diaper!”

So that’s it, huh? That’s the secret: changing diapers. Once you change those you have unfettered access to a woman’s nether-regions… Of course! First things first: I need a time machine. Geekologist, stop slathering yourself in fondant and get cracking. In the meantime, I’m going to look up the birth dates of every hot chick I can think of. Anyone know the real names of the Golden Girls?

Photos: INFdaily.com
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  1. Dave

    what cha gonna do when my son drives a car into you! First to all you hulkamaniacs

  2. kat

    dave, you are #1 douche knuckle. grow the fuck up, please. thanks.

    and for all the Hogans – go to hell you creepy assholes. i would NEVER let my dad touch my ass like that.

  3. bah

    is it like an old car in the sense that he rides it every night?

    wrestlers breed winners, who knew

  4. Plobes

    Bea Arthur, Rue McClanahan, Betty White and Estelle Getty

    if you go back to 1913, they should be SUPER HOTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!

  5. mike

    Sure, it’s like touching an old car – in Frist’s case.

  6. veggi

    She also said she put Courtney Love in touch with John Graziano’s family because he’s become a big fan of Hole.

  7. Cindy

    She trusted Hulk to put on the lotion because he wouldn’t freak when he reached places where her testicles were hanging out.

  8. Ang

    They always leave out the last picture, where he’s done putting on the lotion and his wristwatch is missing.

  9. HeidiHo

    #7 LOL
    #6 Somehow even for this site, I think your comments went over the edge and into the proverbial ditch.

  10. p0nk

    like an old car, with that musty backseat sex smell of hulkster’s man-juice and ArmorAll.

  11. JWM

    ….holy shit…

    First, the story is fucking sick. If I saw my dad touching my (hypothetical) sister like that, I’d call the cops.

    Second, #6, veggi — come on. That’s not funny at all and you know it. The dude is going to either linger as a vegetable for the rest of his natural life, or die much sooner than he should. Berating the Hogans = Good. Making fun of a tragic thing like that kid is going through = Bad.

  12. MR

    You americans are sick fucks. Not everyone who cares about their children are phedofiles that fucks their of daughters. He is her father and normal parents dont think about their children in a sexual way. Amazingly stupid americans as usual…

  13. veggi

    Yeah, that wasn’t me..

  14. They left out the part where Brooke revealed that she gave John Graziano a blowjob in the hospital room because her dad always told her to eat her vegetables.

  15. martygras9

    oh, frist…wrong…so wrong.

  16. sameshitdifferentyear

    “…it’s like he’s touching an old car…”

    Hulk Hogan (Terry) has sex with old cars??

  17. wally

    9 & 11, i hope you realize that #6 is a troll, furiously masturbating in the basement because he now got his revenge on the internet women that keep scorning his advances. yeh he’s a sick fuck like that, and every time you react to his game, it just emboldens him.

  18. veggi

    and that’s not FRIST!!!

    jackass.. It really isn’t funny..

  19. p0nk

    troll, the graziano joke wasn’t funny the first several hundred times you used it, stop trying to attribute it to the women who’ve scorned your advances.

  20. molly

    are the superficial writer & geekology writer really the same person?

    p.s. MR, go fuck yourself. And please brush your teeth more than once a week.

  21. gb

    I am more interested in who the ass in the front of the photo belongs to then what the dysfunctional family in the background is doing. Am I the only one? Has no one else noticed that shapely bum?

  22. Que

    Que Amazon!

  23. Deacon Jones

    This story wouldnt have legs if he was dating her fucking clone

  24. Deacon Jones

    This story wouldnt have legs if he wasn’t dating her fucking clone

  25. mike

    Like an old car, huh? I got something I’d like to put in the trunk!! ;)

  26. IgottabeMeee

    With those orangutan arms, you’d think she could reach around and grease herself up.

  27. Mike Hawk

    I wonder if he checked the oil? Gave it a tune up? Rotated the tires? Replaced the muffler? Overhauled the chassis? Lube oil filter? Serviced the Trannie? Took it out for a spin? Burned rubber? Checked the headlamps? A ten point inspection? Waxed the finish?

  28. I used to have an old car.

    If I ever saw someone touching it like that, I’d call the cops.

    Also, I have never seen anyone concentrate as hard as Hulk is concentrating. I mean, he is really concentrating. Like some sort of super concentration that regular people can’t master.

  29. juju

    What’s with all the geekologie plugs. It’s really getting old now.

  30. Uh

    I’m going straight to hell for laughing at #14. Thanks a lot.

  31. So we know #12 is a pedophile! And, dear #12 – it is not just us “Americans” who think touching your children inappropriately is not right – it is the WHOLE WORLD you sick fuck.

    Oh, #1 you almost made it through a post but you had to go and get excited about being first thus you are a douche.

  32. Old cars need a lot of lube too… I’m just sayin’…

  33. SigmundFuckingFreud

    Quit your bitching. I put lotion on my 19 year old sis in a bikini all the time (I am 24). Half the time I think LA LA LA, the other half of the time I think wow my sis has a great butt. The end.

    Jesus you guys need to get laid more often. Everything is not about fucking.

  34. Oh my gosh! For people that call Cameron Diaz and the like old and geriatric one would think those same people would get a laf outta veggis post. So fukin super sensitive are you hypocrites. I say bring on the ‘just wrong humor’ veggis blessed us with cuz the other kind is yawn and dumb! Hi Jimbo, Veggi? R u hung more than Jimbo? I LOVE a guy w a REAL sence of humor!

  35. kate

    #12 Last time I read the news, Europe has some pretty sick fucks in it. I mean last time I checked national news there were stories of people locked in basements being, raped, beaten, and eaten. But whatever. For some, putting lotion on your grown daughter’s ass is weird and for some it isn’t, I think the real question is “Why couldn’t she have done it herself?” i mean it’s not like it would of taken much effort for her to put it on her own bum. I just know most people I see applying lotion at the pools and beaches do it themselves, except on their backs where they can’t reach well, but the butt area is totally within reach.

  36. kate

    #12 Last time I read the news, Europe has some pretty sick fucks in it too. I mean last time I checked national news there were stories of people locked in basements being, raped, beaten, and eaten. But whatever. For some, putting lotion on your grown daughter’s ass is weird and for some it isn’t, I think the real question is “Why couldn’t she have done it herself?” i mean it’s not like it would of taken much effort for her to put it on her own bum. I just know most people I see applying lotion at the pools and beaches do it themselves, except on their backs where they can’t reach well, but the butt area is totally within reach.

  37. MR

    Kate, you dont know what ever reason they had but that still dont make it okey to call him sick of what ever you call him.

    We dont have mutch worse then in america. Atleast we dont go around have sick laws so everyone can get hold of a gun anytime..

    Also in europe we dont think about our children in that way, atleast not the normal people. You might want to fuck your own child but most of us dont and dont think in a sexual way about them.

  38. Dank

    Brooke, silly, stupid bleach blond Brooke, its not that you’re a grown woman and he shouldn’t be doing those things anymore, its that you’re his FUCKING DAUGHTER!

  39. don

    #37 did you know that in the UK for example, they have have a lot of gun crimes yet you can’t just go out and get a gun. can you please explain that sir?

    #36 you made some great points.

  40. justifiable

    #37 That’s the whole point, you blithering fucking idiot, NORMAL PEOPLE don’t generally take an opportunity like this to rub their hands over their grown children’s assets. “Hey, you’re burning, put some lotion on your butt cheeks!” That’s all it takes.

    When was the last time you were full out balls naked out of the shower in front of your mother – and she dried you off? Yeah, didn’t think so, douchebag.

  41. #40

    Yuck! She’s too old for him to be changing her diaper as well!

  42. Sickening

    Not that Brooke Hogan’s masculine chin doesn’t disturb me, but if I had a daughter and she was hot I think I’d entertain the thought, probably disgust myself a little, maybe fap to it a little bit, but ultimately never act on it because it would forever ruin the relationship because of societal taboos. Still… I would be like.. wow, this hot little thing came from part of me and part of her mother? She’ll get to have sex with some really hot people and if she’s a lesbian, she could make some insanely hot lesbo porn.

  43. kayla

    MR # 37 i’m certain people in europe don’t think any differently about their children than people in america (and most of the rest of the word). it’s natural to have a mild amount of sexual thoughts about people in your life, no matter the relation. it’s just socially acceptable to hide it. and for example not put sunscreen on your daughters ass.

  44. Macho Man Randy Savage

    That’s OK, in a couple more years she’ll be changing HIS diapers. Oh yeah!

  45. Cherry

    #12 I’m not American and I think that is wierd. It just seems innapropriot for close family members to do that, even if it is just normal and innocent for them.

  46. veggi

    By the way speaking of ass touching, are there any well hung black dudes on this site that don’t mind a girl with a little cottage on her groove cheese and a little extra podunk in her adunk?

  47. Mandingo

    @46 Veggi, wussup baby, li’l daddy whitesnake aint itchin da cave walls sour tuna? Send a link an we see if Doc Chocolate can do a little operatin’ on the patient.

  48. Truth doctor

    There’s a reason it’s called wincest. That’s right.

  49. Peter

    #33 – exactly. Everything isn’t about fucking. Anyone who’s offended here really needs to get their minds out of the gutter and relax.

  50. Hulkamaniac

    Just admit you like it when hulk touches your butt cheeks, brooke.

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