Brooke Hogan: My ass is like ‘an old car’ to my dad

Brooke Hogan is wisely distancing herself from the PR landmine that is her bleached family. She sat down for an interview in the latest issue of Us Weekly where she talked about no longer speaking to her mom Linda who’s dating a 19-year-old. But Brooke still thinks highly of Hulk and defended him for putting lotion on her bikini ass. However, she remained mum on the moustache buffering that followed:

“I know I’m a grown woman, but it’s like he’s touching an old car,” the singer tells Us Weekly. “He used to change my diaper!”

So that’s it, huh? That’s the secret: changing diapers. Once you change those you have unfettered access to a woman’s nether-regions… Of course! First things first: I need a time machine. Geekologist, stop slathering yourself in fondant and get cracking. In the meantime, I’m going to look up the birth dates of every hot chick I can think of. Anyone know the real names of the Golden Girls?