Brooke Hogan: Embracing the Future

March 16th, 2009 // 190 Comments

Here’s Brooke Hogan performing at the Calle Ocho festival in Miami Sunday. I had no idea she was still pursuing her “music” career let alone landing gigs. Fortunately, she’s significantly tweaked her stage act to resemble Britney Spears’ because, let’s face it, America loves a good “riches to clear stripper heels” story. It’s in the Constitution.

NOTE: These pictures are actually happening.

Photos: Splash News

  1. Rach

    ewwwwwwwww nasty

    but she seems ok at it so i see a career here…

  2. NeonWraith

    Y’know, I’ve gotta say…I definitely would. Though admittedly the man jaw is KINDA creepy.

    Also, how exactly do you sing while throwing yourself round a pole like that?

  3. Louise


  4. Louise


  5. Louise


  6. WTF?

    Seriously? WTF is her problem?

  7. Louise


  8. Louise


  9. jrz

    And the fact that she thinks she’s hot is mind-numbing.

  10. Hulk

    Id hit it, fo sho!

  11. beep beep

    That slut needs a good kick in the cunt.

  12. Deacon Jones


    ……eh, I’d still hit it….who cares

  13. d

    i bet her dad likes that performance

  14. Id drill into that till I reach China…

  15. Never have a seen more desperation… well not since they took Whitney Houston’s pipe away…

  16. Rick Flair

    You mean you’d drill until you reach Chyna.

  17. rumble grumble gurgle roar

    just you are hitting that, (s)he makes a sensual face and croons in a deep, throaty voice…”Oh, brother”

  18. mike

    I’d suck her cock, what the hell, you only live once.

  19. Just saying

    Oh, Brooke honey, pick your dignity up off the floor and go home.

    Poor kid.

  20. Steve

    Her thighs are almost as big as Jessica Simpson’s.

  21. I mean id actually give those inner thighs a good lather before the trip to china

  22. Zanna

    She needs a friend with a 200lb chimp to come along and rip her face off.

  23. Karen

    What’s the big deal, it’s not like she’s erect or anything.

  24. FromOutofFrakkinNoWhere

    I would totally rock that hard. Your opinion be your own, but I think you people have to be fucking nuts if you don’t think she is hot. I would pick her over a lot of other chicks out there any day. Least she’s got a head on her shoulders and not strung out on crack, coke, booze and all other kinds of shit like Taco Bell or going ape shit.
    Keep it up Brook. You look damn good.

  25. what sushi bar is that? it looks like a happening place to eat.
    anyone got directions?!

  26. Shmenge

    Miss Piggy looks good on a stripper pole. Rotisserie? oh no….

  27. FromRightHere

    I, too, would like to engage in sexual congress with an intersexed person.

  28. awwww....

    Brooke, meet The Bottom of the Barrel. Bottom of the Barrel, meet Brooke.

  29. Dr. Phil

    I feel like the ob-gyn consultant for an endocrine disorders clinic.

  30. Jrz

    #24′s Message paid and sponsored by The Socieity of Developmentally Challenged Pole Dancers

  31. sin

    She is just too muscular. She got screwed from both genetic lines. She is big like her dad, has his feet and chin, while she looks like her mom right now. her future lookes bleak as an entertainer. She makes that stipper pole look like a toothpick.

  32. the all that said guy

    All that said, kudos to her comparative lack of cellulite. She must have the least cellulite of any Kong-sized girl.

  33. Jrz

    Yeah yeah, I put an extra i in there. Whip-de-doo. At least I’m not nauseating the entire universe by showing my gigantic thunder thighs and crotch.

  34. Ted

    Her legs look like HAM HOCKS!

  35. Wow. That is horribly pathetic.

  36. meee

    she’s…stocky? butch? large? i can’t quite put it into words but you know what i mean.

  37. pete

    I’d do her, but only if she has a cock. Why fuck a giant man-girl if she doesn’t have a cock? That one hidden fantasy – yes, it’s true – is the only reason to “enter the ring” with this monster.

  38. T-Mon

    could they find a pole high enough…?

  39. gnipgnop


  40. Rick

    I’d say I want her to sit on my face but I don’t want to end up looking like John Graziano.

  41. TDizzle

    OMG OMG OMG!!!

  42. Owenlove

    Yes! she’s awesome, I mean, at her age, she’s still attractive to many people! you don’t know how h ot models and sex y folks on ___Tallmingle Co m___ go cr azy about her act!! she’s like kinda role model to many people there!! :-)

  43. jeff W.

    It always bothers me when white trash gains fame and money for doing absolutely nothing. Seriously, what is this woman famous for besides being part of an extremely dysfunctional family?

  44. TDizzle

    @ #44:
    you could ask Kim Kardashian the same question (spell check marks Kardashian as incorrect… even spell check thinks that that chick is wrong!)

  45. mamamiasweetpeaches

    Them thighs is lookin mighty meaty!

  46. In the main pic, I can almost see her balls.

  47. Kaiser

    The lack of humility before nature that’s being displayed here, uh… staggers me.

  48. Jaquis Johnson

    I’d hit that all day every day… If your a guy and you think otherwise, I think its time to look in the mirror and question yourself. 305 Wade County Baby!!!

  49. aaa

    She looks great if you like watching Hulk Hogan dressed in drag pole dancing. Can you say FUG x10??

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