Brooke Hogan: 21 Years of Hiding a Penis

May 6th, 2009 // 169 Comments

Brooke Hogan celebrated her 21st birthday last night at Pure Nightclub in Vegas, and you’d think Hulk would give her a night off from doing the inevitable creepy double-kiss photo. Then again, I’m not practically committing incest with a clone of my daughter, so what do I know? In the meantime, Brooke needs to fire her stylist for making her look more manly than Chuck Norris eating a steak. You can almost hear the penis-tape peeling away just looking at these pics.

Photos: WENN
superficial

  1. Deva

    First?

  2. Jonny B

    She looks 21 going on 35!

  3. first

    second!

  4. Brooke

    If I told any of you fat pot-bellied balding effeminate low-wage male commenters to lube up for me, you’d do it gladly. You don’t just have “one hidden fantasy” you’ve got like 50. How about we do the one where you call me “Daddy”?

  5. dubba

    its sad when at 21 you look 40

    too much tanning and too much steroids (perhapse she absorbed them in utero or something)

    she probly smokes too

  6. Yeah Yeah Yeah

    She looks like the guy from Saw

  7. Krassy McKrass

    The Hulk likes them pneumatic.

  8. STINK

    It’s time she let her handlebar mustache grow out

  9. Miss Kitty

    Nasty Nasty Nasty

  10. Karen

    Yeah, if I were her stylist, I’d probably not apply the makeup so that it looks like she has a moustache. She’s using all of her formidable strength to hold back the effects of that Y-chromosome, so this look isn’t helping.

  11. huh?

    She looks just like a very young Robert Plant circa 1969!! UGH……..NA..STEEE.

  12. dirk

    OMFG! She has to have a 4 pound cock!

  13. Jesus

    When I come back, I’m taking out this family. APOCALYPSE NOW!

  14. amoi_b

    Does she do anything for a living? I type this question with the complete realization that I don’t care. But sometimes I am sort of morbidly curious about the lives of questionable celebrities.

  15. i give it two years until she gets a full handlebar mustache like her dad.

  16. Jeff

    She looks harsh and masculine, like the women who defend Kate Gosselin.

  17. I wonder if Nick Hogan’s girlfriend looks like (is) his mom?

  18. Hedgehog

    that 5 o’clock shadow can be rough sometimes

  19. g_girl

    OH. MY. GOD.
    how old can you lookat 21? She looks like Nicolette Sheridan’s older sister.
    Also, flat ass, crazy tan, is that a new nose?, make-up… aaargh!!

  20. groan

    Nick Hogan’s girlfriend is named after the porn star, Christy Canyon, but he nicknamed her “Grand” in honor of John Graziano.

  21. chris

    I love thick women, a true …….”BUTTERFACE”

  22. Laura

    Did she just have work done or something? Her face looks totally different!

  23. Laura

    Did she just have work done or something? Her face looks totally different!

  24. Thigh Highs

    I agree with #5…she basically looks just like her mom. That whole family needs to lay off the tanning and peroxide.

  25. BB

    Dear god thats..thats just aweful. (vomit)

  26. Pat

    Wow! She is only 21? What is she doing to herself to look like she is in her early 40′s?

  27. Deacon Jones

    Her testosterone levels are probably thru the roof. What made Hulk a fucking maniac is slowly thurning his offspring into the next Carrot Top face.

    Oh well, I’d still fuck both of them without a hesitation.

  28. Yeah, they made her facial features look super harsh. She looks clownish, like a 4 yr. old girl did her make-up for her.

    Jennifer McDaniel looks naturally ugly here.

  29. bone

    I would be offended if I was Hulk’s girlfriend being referred to as his daughter’s clone, shes about 50x better looking

  30. LJ

    She looks a lot older then 21 but she’s still built like a stallion. Hotter then anyone I’ve ever been with.

  31. LJ

    She looks a lot older then 21 but she’s still built like a stallion. Hotter then anyone I’ve ever been with.

  32. sledman

    That’s a MAN Baby!

  33. Danklin

    OMFG! She seriously looks like a drag queen. Fire your stylist immediately Brooke. I’ve never seen her look so fucking manly.

  34. Americanwhitetrash

    I see America’s hilly billy clowns are on display again.

  35. Danklin

    I forgot to mention…What the super fuck?!

  36. gil

    shes 23 going on 24!

  37. mark

    Why is it that all men who try to look like women always look like old hags. I would like to see this guy fight the other guy that tries to look like a women, you know the one…Serena Williams. Two muscled up dudes with tits.

  38. khols

    damn tranny.

  39. Looks like Brooke is more into that kiss than the girlfriend. blehhhhh……………

  40. JB

    Wow…pretty scary. Didn’t she look in a mirror after her makeup was done? Someone should’ve said something.

  41. Eggy

    so very hideous.

  42. Prick McGill

    I wonder what would happen if she was given a good does of LSD and locked alone in a brightly lit room full of mirrors for the duration of her trip.

  43. Prick McGill

    Duh, I meant dose.

  44. I hope I’m not compromising my journalistic neutrality, but
    DAMN! THAT IS A MAN!

  45. The listener

    Love the boobs, hate the tan. The contrast of the dark tan against the light blonde hair looks odd somehow.

  46. The Listener

    Love the boobs, hate the tan. The contrast of the dark tan against the light blonde hair looks odd somehow.

  47. rob frost

    that double kiss pic is all kinds of wrong.

  48. Galtacticus

    Since her mother left,her masculin hormones took over.

  49. Awwww, she’s only 21?? So sad.

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