So Brooke Mueller Fell Off The Wagon

April 15th, 2011 // 33 Comments

Charlie Sheen‘s ex Brooke Mueller has apparently fallen way off the wagon because TMZ has obtained footage of her in a pawn shop yesterday morning where she tried to sell a stereo and a men’s watch in the most suspicious-looking way possible. Of course, this shouldn’t come as a surprise to anyone considering she used to let Charlie Sheen stick his penis in her. I’m just amazed she’s not pushing her infant sons onto the table. “For real, these are like brand new, cash, you do cash?”

An employee at the shop, Jack Feldman, tells us … Brooke was desperately trying to get cash for the two items … but the store would not make the purchase because Brooke did not have a valid I.D.
In the surveillance footage from the store obtained by TMZ, Brooke nervously and anxiously paces around the store while the employees check out the items.
Brooke certainly shouldn’t need the money, because she’s getting $55,000 a month in child support, not to mention the multi-million dollar settlement she scored in her divorce with Charlie Sheen.

You know, I give Charlie Sheen a lot of shit for being a violent, over-entitled woman-beater worshiped by undersexed idiots, but at the end of the day he does bang a lot of hookers who provide me with material on a horribly slow Friday. And before you say, “Brooke Mueller was actually his wife,” really think about that for a second.

UPDATE: Just in case this story wasn’t open and shut enough, Brooke’s mom is now saying her daughter was only selling the watch and stereo “for a friend.” In related news, guess who just believed there’s such thing as a “purse cleaners shop.”

Photos: Splash News

superficial

  1. Cock Dr

    Isn’t she getting tested daily/weekly as part of her custody settlement agreement?
    She’s going to lose her kids & her money & maybe her life if she doesn’t clean it up.
    As if incentive to keep small children away from crackhead maniac Sheen wasn’t enough….
    Cocaine is a helluva drug.

  2. Richard McBeef

    she looks like she would be a power lay.

  3. The Critical Crassness

    Not to run contrary to the conventional wisdom of the Superficial gang but just for the sake of argument…..what if she actually needs the money to buy food and diapers because the “Tiger’s Blood Ninja” is just as truthful about a settlement as he is about his imminent return to TAHM……he probably is paying the support to her in the same ‘Bentleys” he has paid his hookers/goddesses with.

    • dramkit

      That would make sense if her parents didn’t have money. Also, her mother’s lame excuse about it being for a friend… well, you be the judge.

  4. She and Charlie Sheen and every hooker he has in that syphyllitic swamp need to get on the Violent Torpedoes of Dermabrasion tour. What does he have against good skin?

  5. “stick her penis in her.”
    10 AM MST and you are already drinking, Fish???
    Well, played…

  6. Some might say she has brown eyes and THAT is why they look odd in this pic. I am gonna put my money on her pupils being so dilated that you don’t even see iris anymore.

  7. Is that the watch he couldn’t find in that hotel room? she’s lucky to be alive, bruce willis did a lot more damage than that over one

  8. Ed

    That’s alotta money to blow through.

  9. We wouldn’t be reading this story if they’d just bothered to check her ear tags.

  10. Deacon Jones

    There’s something about a girl with a coke problem that does it for me.

    I’m perverted, what can I say.

  11. It was the best of times, the rough of times

    Any one ever hold a yard sale with only two items? it is spring cleaning around this time of year. Stop being so Judgmental …

  12. RP McGillicudy

    Sure thing, Mom. Even Chumlee is smart enough to figure out what’s going on here.

  13. horny pig

    I would love to snort coke out of her asshole

  14. catapostrophe

    Honest typo: “… has apparently fallen off way off the wagon …”

    Inability to use proper grammar: “… most suspicious looking way …” [should be "suspicious-looking way".]

    Second honest typo in the same paragraph: “… this shouldn’t come to a surprise to anyone …”

    Easy work should look easy.

  15. james

    It wasn’t her stereo, it was her friends. She was just holding on to it. Yeah, my brother used the same excuse when my mom found his weed.

  16. FamousPlastic.com

    I don’t doubt for a second that Brooke was pawning those things for a friend! A friend who happens to be a drug dealer that she owes money to perhaps?

  17. Leroy

    Whatever, she’s privileged to be friends with Paris Hilton, who is incredibly sexy and desirable and knows a good time. Why else does every man want her? Dicaprio fucked her too.

  18. Woody Long

    MMM , meth !

  19. She probably took it from Sheen’s house while wearing a Hamburglar disguise too. That’s how dumb this broad is.

  20. cc

    Mmmmm, the frosting on that donut looks like blow.

  21. Brooke Mueller
    Lita
    Commented on this photo:

    It’s not so much “fallen” as it is “took a header” off the wagon.

  22. mensa

    Brooke Mueller: making Denise Richards look good.

  23. Allison Wunderlan

    And that’s not her tongue. It’s a giant candy coated compressed cocaine capsule.

  24. the captain

    rest in peace, AMEN.

  25. Brooke Mueller
    milkcerealbaby
    Commented on this photo:

    Dusted or Not, she’s kinda sexy

  26. anon

    LOL…there is no such thing as going to a pawn shop to pawn items for “a friend”.

  27. DumbDumb

    Nasty skanky lowlife piece of jail trash. When I see ANY pic esp her eyes, I just want to smack her hard, though it wouldnt register. Yuck, you’d meet nicer people in prison. VOM.

Leave A Comment