Britney’s Baby is Jesus

November 30th, 2005 // 42 Comments

britney_thumb_1.jpgBritney Spears and Kevin Federline, pausing in their efforts to fill their swimming pool with beef jerky, have transformed their son Sean Preston’s bedroom into the nativity setting for his first Christmas. The gaudy decorations include six waxwork models and several life-size toy donkeys and cattle. Britney is so excited that she even bought a cherrywood style manger for her baby. A source close to Britney said, “It cost an absolute fortune. But at least she didn’t have to buy a baby Jesus – because Sean is playing the part.”

Considering that any baby’s Christmas list consists entirely of 1) food, 2) warmth, and 3) crapping everywhere, blowing thousands of dollars on worthless Christmas decorations seems kinda dumb. Britney could tape a cardboard box to his head and he’d be just as happy. Hell, Britney could tape a cardboard box to her own head and be just as happy. And if, instead of taping cardboard to her head, she taped herself to the underside of a bus, then I’d be just as happy. And then I’d cross off items 1 through 75 on my Christmas list.

superficial

  1. I don’t want to read another word about britney unless it is attached to a nude pic or a raunchy honeymoon video.

  2. HollyJ

    Britney has an NFL neck. That sucker is wider in diameter than her cranium. I just want to put a corset on it for her.

    PS ..Yes, why ARE people in here defending her? EW

  3. kloo

    …i thought she made out with madonna and caught Kabbalah.

  4. Marietta Fortune

    Don’t be so quick to dismiss kooky celebrity behavior. That’s how Michael Jackson started.

  5. FnHdl

    good one, kloo!

  6. Lush

    At every mention of Britney and Kevin’s trailerpark-esque spending habits I’m reminded of the Family Guy version of Britney in 10 years- 200+ pounds, missing a leg, attempting to dance on stage in her wheelchair… and then falling off the stage and starting on fire.

  7. squashy

    Did you see the photoshopped pic of the “holy family” on allthisnonsense.com. Funny – but some people have a lot of time on their hands

  8. always answer b

    I’m sorry, I thought Jesus’ mother was a virgin?

  9. squashy

    There are so many twisted comments to make…i’m better off just leaving it along. Funny pic though.

  10. KikiLala

    Her husband looks like a rat and he already has two children he ignores from a previous girlfriend, so we shouldn’t rag on Britney, instead we should pity her for the choices she’s made because she’s gone downhill and will continue to go further.

  11. ~S.Starr~

    TO: Brittany

    RE:I can’t believe there are people writing comments defending Britney Spears. BRITNEY SPEARS! The website you meant to visit and post your comment on is http://www.britneyspears.com. It’s okay; I can understand the confusion.
    ____________

    And here I thought people were allowed to have different opinions! Wow, you sure proved me wrong. I must be INSANE for not thinking the same way EVERYONE else does. How dare I defend BRITNEY SPEARS!!!! Lame…

    This girl hasn’t done anything out of the norm…how many people people in vegas have drunken quicky marriages…not an uncommon thing. Married a loser because they were in love and had a kid…REALLY not uncommom…She’s “dumb”…okay most people are except for the occasional few.

    I don’t understand how you can hate someone you don’t even know…thats a sorry way to live…

  12. tori

    that britney! she’s a real winner.

  13. LadySpankington

    I wish that broad would dis-a-friggin-ppear!!! But as well all know, she’ll just take another good stiff dump, call it music and making more money. More then Britney, it’s her damn fans that suck. But I guess we get a good laugh at her on a biweekly basis, so that’s something….

  14. Xanthia

    You must have cheated!!! That was #1 – 75 on my list too! #76 was when she o.d’s on cheetos and Festus (or whatever his real name is)is running around in circles pulling on his cornrows and screaming “what’l I do now?” over and over … and it is shown on prime time television~

  15. Stacyy

    wow i wud hate to be britneys kid.. think of how phsycologically disturbed it will be when it grows up.. i mean are they going 2 crucify it for easter or something? or some weird kaballah thing? i thought jews didnt celebrate christmas.

  16. HollyJ

    I don’t hate Britney. I don’t care enough to hate her.

    I just think she’s a good example of how all the money in the world can’t buy intelligence or class. **shrug**

    Anyway, it’s fine to mock wealthy young people that make stupid choices. I mean, we can’t mock fat ugly old poor people, can we? That’d be tacky, wouldn’t it?

    (Did I really just ask that in here?)

  17. HollyJ

    PS LOL Kloo!!

  18. PKClover

    THIS JUST IN: Britney is building an amusement park in her backyard for baby Sean and hiring circus performers to run the rides! And Kevin is taking acrobat lessons from the high wire while Britney shoves cotten candy into her gaping maw!

    God people, get a life.

  19. derekd

    You just gotta love the real life Beverly Hillbillys!

  20. kittiesyay

    omg blasphemy

  21. As if the kid wasn’t scarred for life by having Britney Spears as a mother, now he’s going to have a Jesus complex.

    Maybe they’ll change his name to Simon Peter Federline….or Judas Iscariot Federline.

  22. nichole

    WoW. That’s the most ridiculous thing since the was museum in NY dressing up wax celebrities as the nativity.

    What a waste of money. What worthless possessions.

  23. hafaball

    Did that say that crap is gonna be in the babies room? I’m no Martha Sears, but that seems pretty pyschologically damaging to me for the baby, not to mention not very safe, or sane. I’d like someone to just steal all her money, cause I think these people would be better off eating bread crusts out of trashcans on the street then living the good life. Tara Reid’s mom stepped in, why doesn;t this one’s mom…

  24. FH

    Who wouldn’t want to sleep in a room with six waxwork models and life-sized barnyard animals? If Britney’s as crazy as I think she is, Sean Preston will soon go by the moniker, Jesus Christ. She’ll be so convinced, she’ll start telling everyone he can walk on water and the next thing you know she’ll be taken in for drowning her baby.

  25. Cheyenne_1

    This is actually Britney’s Christmas gift to ex-flame Justin Timberlake: any lingering regrets or occasional surges of “wanna reconcile” went *fwoosh*, extinguished in bemused relief as soon as he heard about this.

  26. clitcommander

    If her kid is Jesus….I give all religion up.

    Period.

  27. clitcommander

    PKClover:

    God people, get a life.

    This just in:

    PKClover comes onto a celeb chat board to tell us all to get a life. I, for one, think we should all listen.

    Please PKClover, what other wise words would you have for us mere mortals who mock dumb ass celebs? Perhaps the SUPERFICIAL should shut down?

    Or, maybe, just maybe- you should visit sites more your style where the WORSHIP the dorks you defend.Oh….I don’t know. Say Seventeen Magazine.

    Have fun there!

  28. slinkhard

    It’s not like s/he said Britney was her god or anything. Just that the story sounded like bullshit. That’s hardly hero worship.

  29. assholic

    islam’s d greatest through and through. no, really.

  30. TheLuciousDeluxe

    Is there no end to the amount of money these two waste?

    Next she’ll hire three people to play wise men so they can bring the baby a Filet O’ Fish sandwich, a Starbucks latte, and a pack of Marlboro Lights to lay by his manger.

  31. Britney’s Baby well lets hope the kid gets a better break than her when its older

  32. i really like this i think it pretty cool!!!!!!!!!!

  33. Like it,Your blog is good.

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