“You gon’ go buy me a sandwich wich year dancin’ money, woman. Now git.”
In one of the most ludicrous claims ever leveled at the Britney Spears‘ camp so I’m not even going to pretend to take it seriously, Star is reporting Britney’s husband for two days, Jason Alexander, received an hysterical phone call from the pop star where she accused Jason Trawick of beating her despite the fact she’s under state-mandated supervision literally 24/7:
“Britney is in an abusive relationship,” the entertainer’s first husband says in a detailed interview with Star. “She told me her life had turned into a nightmare.”
Childhood friends Britney and Alexander stayed in touch after their 55-hour marriage was annulled in 2004. But their casual texts, phone calls and emails took a dark turn when she recently confided that Trawick “hit her so hard it gave her a black eye,” Alexander says.
And the abuse wasn’t a solitary incident, Alexander tells Star in our issue. Nor was it the only jaw-dropping secret the megastar told her ex! She also revealed that she had been pregnant with Trawick’s child earlier this year, Alexander says.
First off, this entire story hinges on the fact that Britney Spears engages in conversations that doesn’t involve bartering for sugar water, so that’s an immediate red flag. Not to mention it makes some fairly large assumptions that she’s capable of the following:
A. Operating a phone without thinking it’s candy.
B. Writing coherent text messages on said phone. (Right there you lost me.)
C. Having even a shred of self-awareness despite evidence to the contrary here and here.
Look, I don’t want to make light of domestic violence because then Chris Brown and Charlie Sheen start getting ideas, but let’s be realistic here. Britney Spears is a ward of the state who not only lives with her father, but has a security detail that’s paid to stand in restroom stalls with her so she’s not alone for more than 30 seconds. Those guys even blink and suddenly there are rolls of toilet paper with bites taken out of them. As for Jason Trawick, he’s handsomely rewarded for being labeled “The Mongoloid Molester” among his peers even though it’s just a facade to make Britney Spears look capable of complex human emotions. Granted, he’ll never regain his respect and dignity, he’s literally a year away from building his own Hooker Island to retire on. Life’s about sacrifice, folks.
UPDATE: And RadarOnline just posted the below audio recording that’s supposedly the phone call between Britney and Jason Alexander. Almost instantly I questioned it’s authenticity based on the voice, but more importantly the glaring lack of “y’all’s.” You guys can decide for yourself.
Photos: Splash News
“Star is reporting Britney’s husband for two days, Jason Alexander, received an hysterical phone call from the pop star where she accused Jason Trawick of beating her despite the fact she’s under state-mandated supervision literally 24/7″
Keywords: STAR IS REPORTING.
Come on, at least cite TMZ or something…
That guy has abs as good as Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino!
Randal
Hey “Randal” – give it up. Nothing like the real Randal, and not funny in the least.
I,being a first class stud, support the nongay New Improved Randal.
I gotta agree.
I’m with Spoonicorn. How sad is it when you have to steal someone’s name, twice, and still aren’t funny? Way to be original man.
well he can’t do much Damage.
yeah like I’m supposed to believe this crap.
I was about to say that her body’s looking quite nice when I saw what I assume is a cup of her own cholesterol.
That sounds NOTHING like George Costanza.
Maybe she waz conked in the head by one of them “flyin’ sorcers” she asked K-Fed about in their home video. “They’s real, ain’t they?”
Possibly worth noting Britney only sees UFOs when she is braless and chasing an ice-cream truck.
funny! Also, “Hooker Island” is an instant classic. Fish is on his game this week.
I think I flew over Hooker Island once. It looked real nice, sort of a glistening scab amid the blue waters of the Caribbean… or it might have been Newark, I’m not completely certain.
more PR stunts. just stick with showing us your not so hot body in a bikini.
And THE STAR, really.
it sounds nothing like her. this guy can’t be serious.
doesn’t sound like her at all
She only looks bad compared to herself 8 years ago, but she is still a good looking woman.
I hate to say it, well, I’d at least pee in her but. Body looks kinda good in some pics
Bitch had it coming
Nobody “has it coming” you ignorant hick.
She got it. You got it coming. Now stop bitching and go make me a sandwich.
Women need an ass woopin from time to time to keep in line. Or to make em shut there fuckin mouths. This bitch most likly dont learn shit from the first ass beatin and needs more.
That’s how we play ball down here.
ya real tough guy, reading a purple themed website called “the superficial”
It wouldn’t surprise me one one bit if this story turns out to be true.
When that kind of money is on the line people will do shitty things to maintain access to the pile.
Quite frankly the Spears family circus seems like a very likely place for strongarm pimp tactics keeping the breadwinner out on the street….I mean STAGE.
I wonder what her punishment was for the recent french fry excursion.
Is a mongoloid molester suppose to be bad? That’s my life long dream…
For some reason i can never find mongoloid porn no matter how much i google. Thats soooo prejudiced. Found britney porn tho.
the voice does not seem like brit to me…
I didn’t hear “mmmm fries” so nope not brit brit.
On its own merit, this is a picture of a good looking dumper.
100% not Britney’s voice – I think people are making serious shit up about her now because she’s not doing anything shocking and actually seems to have her life together. I truly feel bad for her… Why can’t people leave her alone and take all their boredom out on Lohan? Now there’s someone who’s just down right pathetic!
OMG, Shitney was hit by the hollywood whackers!
Stupid shitney. I hope she put millions aside in an account for her cheetolings, because they’re going to need a lifetime of therapy, thanks to the antics of their backwoods inbred retard of a mother…
I mean, at times it seems like it could be her voice, and other times I think it sounds NOTHING like her. The red flag for me is I don’t believe she would be angry about this even if it were true. She seems like the type who’d be like, “Aw yep he hit me awl right but it’s ok cuz I know he lurves me. He bought me a milkshake after so I know he still cares! Imma be wif that man foreva y’all.”
GODDAM my ERECTIONS! They cannot cease for seeing such juicy chicken parts! I am in love with you darling. Come over to my love cabin where we will devour each others snack packets!!!! (humpa humpa)
Gotta keep that bitch in-check!…or she’ll start running around with Adnan and Sam Lutfi again and then she’ll shave her retard head and get a cocaine habit while flashing her mangled bald pussy.
Definitely does not sound like Britney.
If I’m remembering correctly, this ex of hers readily sold stories to tabloids about their relationship, drug use and sex life almost immediately after the marriage was annulled. He even went on TV and did an interview! I’d hope Britney would have the common sense to realize that confiding in someone like that about something this serious (a story that clearly tabloids would devour) would be a bad idea.
But it doesn’t matter because this is completely fake. “Tell me about the problems with your, uh, fiance…” Please. Isn’t Star Magazine a complete joke, anyway? Why are we talking about this? I’m embarrassed that I know the Jason Alexander back story…pathetic.
Doesn’t sound like Britney at all. She talks much slower.
Britney getting beat. Big deal. It’s what Muslims do anyway. Why should we be any different when there is one in the White House.
Does this Jason dude honestly think he’s going to get away with all this without even a whimper out of her family? Man, talk about cajones.
Britney needs to hit the gym and Jason tawick needs to eat a little more. The dude looks sickly.
How does she still look like that? Is she made out of magic?
However unlikely, it is still entirely possible. It could be one of those Mariah Carey/Tommy Mottola situations… minus the power.
is that his handbag?
Barrack Obama is not muslim, it was confirmed a while ago that he is a christian and was a member of a very offensive church in chicago. get your facts straight bro.
GOD THIS IS SOO FUCKING RETARDED. That’s obviously not her.
>>>and to York ^ ANYONE still spooging that Obama is a Muslim have as many brain cells in their head as a Palin Family Member.