Britney thinks she’s Madonna

December 16th, 2005 // 30 Comments

tn_britney_spears_pregnant2_cr.jpgSometimes people just need to accept that their best days are behind them. I can’t make midgets cry like I used to, just as Britney can no longer call herself spank bank material. But while I’m satisfied to look back on my glory days with a disturbing mix of shame and arousal, Britney is stubbornly setting down the Easy Cheese long enough to call up Madonna’s former crew to revive her dead career.

She has told her new musical crew that she wants her next release to feature songs that are

superficial

  1. BurnZ

    I think the only way for britney to make a comback is to get back into shape and then pose for playboy.

  2. MrPloppy

    Can some one please burn Britneys passport before she really starts with the copying. Or at least tell her Madonna lives in France.

  3. if this means britney’s moving to london and pretending to be british, i’m all for it

  4. Zanathon

    “Britney thinks she’s Madonna”?

    It is common knowledge that Britney is incapable of making rational decisions.

    Now this headline is doing its best to convince me that she has the mental capacity to actually think?

    I’m not that gullable. Until I hear it from a steadfast reliable source, like The Enquirer, I’m not falling for such LIES!

  5. HollyJ

    Do she and Kevin have a Nascar-style baseball cap for every day of the week? WTF is this? Some kind of bizarro stockcar fashion sense?

  6. Nola

    “…with an electronic edge.”

    Yeah, because THAT’S never been done before. Originality is SO overrated, y’all.

    I bet Federwhine just sits around the mansion and laughs… and laughs… and laughs.

  7. bafongu

    Brit only needs some slap happy, funky-town to get that mega bumpus back in shape. Now, I have a 3 step program to repost the profits; first, get a platipus to ween your young’n; second call a man named Dyson to suction that Feder thing out; and third, for the Hail Mary of us all, push yourself AWAY from the table! AWAY girl, AWAY!

  8. fanell

    Britney needs to dump K Fed and get with somebody better. Like getting back together with Justin or something. All I am saying is I want things to go back to the way it used to be, damn it!

  9. rivercmb

    “her new musical crew”? Don’t they mean to say, the people who actually write and record her music, until she shows up at the end and blerts out noises.

  10. becca11

    she also needs to get a divorce, a nutritionist, and a new image consultant inorder to revive her career.

  11. hafaball

    My love for her died quicker than a batch of sea monkeys. I’ve always hated her, always will, never thought she was pretty, when she tried, she failed, when she didn’t, she looked like a normal person. That horrible screech somehow won the hearts of millions and started one of the biggest Pop pops in recent history. Now her career is dead, and so is pop, and we can be free again. Oh yeah, Gorillaz fucking rule.

  12. thunderbolt

    Well, folks… You can’t say that you have truly lived until you’ve heard a young Urumqi girl sing karaoke to Britney’s “Hit Me Baby One More Time” at a university Christmas party in the dead center of north central China! I have, and I can tell you that it’s enough to make even the most convinced pacifist into a proponent of the “celebrity death penalty”… Now that’s fame for you!!!

  13. Captain Awesome

    I want you guys to write and create my best album yet.

  14. Cheyenne_1

    …”

  15. wickedopinion

    People, please. Britney was a superstar because she was cute, had a hot body, and sang slightly better than Will Hung. That she is not musically talented, however, neither makes her stupid OR a bad mother. She is smart enough to not only convince the world she can sing but also controls her entire family, including her ridiculous husband. Let’s see – she eats normal amounts of food and smokes – THAT makes her the white trash Anti-Christ?? Get a grip! Surprisingly, MANY people eat food and smoke – some of them multi-millionare CEOs of major companies. Shocking….

  16. wickedopinion

    BTW – who gets to decide what comments are “obnoxious”? And we are not allowed to “question why a comment is removed”. WOW. I guess I better go back to American sites…oh wait…hmmm.

  17. Michael1

    I’ll bet you feel better, now, wickedopinion!! Will you go over to the Ashlee Simpson section and scold people there, too. You’re a hoot!

    I agree: eating a normal amount of food and smoking don’t make a person the white trash anti-christ. Having no discernible common sense and exhibiting a taste for “low rent” do.
    Poor Brit… you can take the girl out of the trailer park but you can’t take the trailer park outta the girl.

  18. thunderbolt

    I think it is understandable why everyone is so angry and dismayed at the sight of certain celebrities these days when you consider that they have been forced on almost every corner of our lives in roughly the same way as our current president took office. Someone is getting very paid by pushing these people. The most insulting element of the equation, however, is the underlying assumption that the American public is stupid and largely devoid of any discernable taste.

  19. derekd

    The ultimate would be a suicide attempt by trying to over dose on cough syrup after her record miserably fails. Thats how those hillbillys roll.( Try to read the rest of post with the most preposterous shit kicker accent you can think of ) “We’s likes dat der cough syrup! Makes me feel kinda funky. Kinda like straddlin’ the monkey bars and slidin’ across at recess! K-Fed! Looks at me! I’m fancy! I drink mocha locha choke-a latte!!” Well you can take the shitkicker outta the trailer park… shit you know the rest.

  20. derekd

    OH yeah! I had to write this. I can’t believe Britney had the nerve to make fun of K-feds tape when she has yet to write her own lyrics, music, or dance sequence.

  21. jka

    It’s going to take a whole lot more than a red string bracelet, but anything else in Madonna’s career or life that Britney copies would be a step in the right direction.

  22. jka

    Derekd, I see your point, but still, Britney laughing at Federline’s tape is maybe the only instance I can recall of Britney showing any taste or good judgment.

  23. AmberDextrose

    Oh please, please, send Britney over to Britain. It would be so nice to see her take on huntn-shootn-fishn in a tweed cap a la Her Madgesty

  24. oshkoshb-goshdammgosh

    I love Britney. Because she has made me realize how important it is to keep yourself up as a girl. If you can really transform that quickly from grade-A all-American bonerage to the everywoman you see at Wal-Mart buying economy-sized mayonaisse just by getting knocked up and being a lazy drunk, then, by god, I’m going to work out 7 days a week and eat nothing but salad and tofu. Option B is the picture of Britney I carry around in my wallet to remind me how disgusting she has become. Thanks Brit!!!

  25. MacMac

    Derekd, best laugh I’ve had in a while!

    I thought that Kylie and Madonna WERE electronic! Anyone who has heard them sing live knows there’s not a whole lot there…

  26. xd

    We all have bad moments… and every girl gets her body kinda ruined after giving birth. And I think her husband looks good, I don’t care what people say. If she loves him, there has to be very good reasons for it. And everything she has made she’s made it out of love. When she’s back… she’ll be hotter than hell, and you all will have to pick your jaws off the floor.

  27. xd

    I FUCKING LOVE Britney!!!

  28. FIVE0

    Hey “xd” what are you?? Some 13 or 14 year old girl who lives and dies with every issue of Tiger Beat?? Get a grip, read the disclaimer to this web site, it’s called “THE SUPERFICIAL” for a reason. Maybe when you grow up and get a job you’ll finally understand what the term “facetious” means. Until then just make sure your 4th period math teacher doesn’t catch you looking at this web site, instead of working on multiplying and dividing fractions.

  29. ThatsHot

    Hmmmm, Brit thinks she’s Madonna. Really? I guess I’m not surprised since she thinks she can sing. And she thought that Kevin wouldn’t cheat on her eventho he cheated WITH her. And she thought he’d be a good dad to their kid despite the fact he totally bounced on the 2 he already has. Oh, yeah, she also thought that passing on the screenplay to Crossroads would have been a bad idea. Girlfriend’s got it goin ON!

  30. Astro6

    Posted by becca11 on December 17, 2005 02:59 AM

    she also needs to get a divorce, a nutritionist, and a new image consultant in order to revive her career.

    This is the “music” biz and these are the comments people leave like the one above about how Britney Spears should revive her career.

    WELL I SAY…Ummmmmmmmm, how about one more important factor in reviving her career. LEARNING HOW TO ACTUALLY FUCKING SING!!!!!!
    AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH…!
    IMAGE CONSULTANT? Voice consultant more like it!

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