Britney Spears writes poetry

May 25th, 2006 // 128 Comments

bspears-poem.jpgBritney Spears posted a poem on her official site Saturday which she later took down and put back up. Sources are reporting that it’s directed towards Kevin Federline because it sounds angry and their marriage is supposedly on the rocks, but a note at the bottom of the poem says: “This is for everyone who thinks they know me…” and includes a shot of her and some girls giving the finger. Which I can only interpret to mean she hates her fans and wants them to leave her alone. And fuck off. And die. I guess I’d be pretty angry too if I was married to Joe Dirt and my plans to kill my baby were thwarted by that meddlesome paparazzi. I hear at the end they pull off her face and it was really just Old Man Jenkins all along.



  1. 86

    She used to be way hot.

  2. BSfan


    She used to be way hot

    And now she is so not.

    Ladies and gentlemen that was a better poem then Britney’s

  3. Proteon

    I’m just spitballing, but I think she is flipping us off. Yeah us as in us all here bashing her brains in with our wealth of life experience.

    I accept her “fuck you”.

  4. BSfan

    Well I don’t!

    *shakes fist at Britney*

  5. BSfan

    Personally with all the stuff she’s done I think she deserves a liftime of us making fun of her.

  6. spatz

    herbiefrog could write better poetry than this fool

  7. Jacq

    Nothing like a good old fashioned “fuck you” to your fans. It makes us want you more because we think we can’t have you and that we can change you.

  8. onager

    I think it’s pretty amazing that her streams of consciousness have an ABAB rhyme scheme. I bet she also has that old Meow Mix jingle going in her head: meow meow meow meow, meow meow meow meow…

  9. Jacq

    My Cheetos love me
    This I know
    Cause my baby tells me so
    Little bits in the bag belong
    Check it out ya’ll
    You can see my thong
    Yes, Cheetos love me
    Yes, Cheetos love me

    Why does she mention the Bible? Does she think SP wrote it? Man, I bet it would be beyond easy to pull one over on her as a mother. That kid’s got it more made than we know.

  10. HughJorganthethird

    Must be an old picture, she doesn’t appear to be so hippo-ish as she is now. That pic is so lame I may never flip the bird again.

  11. HughJorganthethird

    Plus the chick on the left looks inbred. nice pals Fatney.

  12. BSfan

    huh huh Fatney…cause she’s fat and ugly.

    Seriously I can’t wait till she’s 300 pounds.

  13. Britaney’s poetry submissions for the week.

    Pregnancy Fat Here
    Want to be hot like before
    Pass the fucking chips

    Husband is a tard
    Should have kept dating the fag
    God I’m so damn fat

    Whats that fucking smell?
    All he does is fart and spend
    Mom was right….the bitch

    A new CD soon?
    You Love Me! You Really DO!
    Why are you laughing?

    Stinks like Pot and Sweat
    Steals money can’t get a job
    I think his sperm makes me fat

  14. 10pound

    Some people may be saying that Im overweight
    But I think that my big body is looking great
    I used to diet and diet, it dont change a thing
    Everyone must accept that I wont be thin
    Well its the way I wanna be
    Cause Im someone that everybody can see
    Well I always stand out in a crowd
    Im the heaviest diva youve seen around

  15. Booger

    Her new role model is Tanya Tucker. Welcome to Spearsville, ya’ll.

  16. Shelley Bonnechance

    “Kevin, Kevin
    You are not gonna go to heaven.

    Please leave me and Sea Preston
    and go live in a MO-tel room at the Westin

    That’s all I have to say to you
    And…and…I’m rubber and you’re glue.

  17. 86

    Her stomach looks wierd in that picture.

  18. 86

    Kevin you were a lame back up dancer
    now I wish you would just get lung cancer
    Don’t you know anything about rap?
    Popozao was such complete crap.

    When we got together, you were a guy and a half,
    Now you’re so funny I forgot to laugh.
    Braids in your hair and you wanna be black
    Hey Joe Dirt called…he wants his look back!

  19. LickyLicky

    Britney, Britney,
    look around
    There is no spiral;
    It’s all straight down.

    Feddy’s sperm
    Is like eating lard
    It doesn’t help
    That he’s a ‘tard.

    Your kid’s like Stewie
    Flat football head
    Nice try but
    He still isn’t dead.

    Go have another
    double mocha-choco-caramel-vanilla-sprinkle latte’
    Instead of fatty
    We’ll all call you FATTE’

  20. bunnyloo

    Um, okay Britney maybe it might not be the best idea in the world, to flip-off your FANS. Yeah, I’m sure there are alot of people out there, who’ve been getting on your case lately, but they are generally not referred to as FANS. You see, FANS are actually the people who support you, unlike the rest of us who think you suck. So maybe in the future you should reserve your fansite for um, oh yeah, your FANS, and save the anger for all of us who actually deserve it. Dumbass

  21. 86

    Call me crazy, but could she be flipping off Kevin?

  22. che1964

    I took Sean Preston to the Park
    While his father watched Playboy after Dark,
    With his hommies and his crew
    I knew just what I should do,
    I called the bank and with great glee
    Had his credit cards canceled cuz’ nothing is free

    I think my thong is showing
    My face embarrassed is glowing,
    I’m a MILF or so I think
    At least my thong is a nice hot pink.

    Now I almost dropped my kid
    And from the paparazzi I hid,
    You look at me and now you mock
    When you used to dream about me and your cock.

    At one time I was a hot ass singer
    Well that

  23. Ari

    The next thing I want to see Brit write is an “apology” and farewell to her fans, because she is taking her spawn and husband and living out the rest of her days in the Louisiana bayou.

    Of course, once there, she’ll be eaten by an alligator after she murders K-Fed and gets stuck in the muck while trying to drag his body away…

  24. Apologies for the blatant pimp but the full text of the poem – including sins of my fathers bit and the wonderfully fitted (ahem) last line “damn it’s good to be me!”- is here:

  25. lomies

    Is that her best attempt to try and look like the Pussycat Dolls?

  26. Toonlite

    ….*weeping*…that was soooooooo beautiful….she is such a victim…..and always will be……

    Now if we can get a picture of her gnawing off Sean Preston’s limbs…..oh yea..I said it…you know it’s true…her methods to off him thus far haven’t been working…

    Britney…you are soooo losing your touch!!!

  27. BSfan

    That would be why she needs a gun

  28. Toonlite

    ….and I heard from a guy who knows this guy who told me that Sean Preston’s limbs are Cheeto flavored….Mmmmmmmm cheeeeetooos


  29. xd

    She does NOT hate her fans… she hates, and that poem is, for all the ppl outta there who keeps talking trash about her… and saying bad things about her… yeah FUCK ‘EM.

  30. LickyLicky


    sorry. capslock was on.

  31. BSfan

    Yes she does indeed like her Cheetos.

    That’s why she had trouble losing the weight from Sean and why she’ll never lose the weight from this one.

    Her weight can only go up from here.

    Kriste Alley look out there’ll be a new Jenny Craig spokes person soon.

  32. bloodyvictim

    LickyLicky… haha… ‘Fatte’ was fucking gold!

  33. TrannyGranny

    Damn that chick for posting a pre-hippo pic. Reminded me of a day I would have let her snow-ball me.

  34. Fa Cube Itches

    Former hot jailbait,
    Kills her career, will kill son.
    Karma is a bitch.

  35. Fa Cube Itches

    A former pop singer: All that!
    Of late grown incredibly fat
    She now wants a gun
    Tho’ she endangers her son
    Won’t someone do something, and STAT!

  36. sweetcheeks


    A pillowy female form
    alights upon a mouth
    sprinkled with hair

    The dark warmth of
    man nipples
    like coffee beans
    emerging through a thin white shirt.

    Oily velvet crest
    wound tightly like rope.
    Menthol ribbons of smoke
    embrace me.

    At once
    it is over.

    Now I smell like spunk.

  37. TrannyGranny

    Ah, yous guyz!

    I wish I could rhyme…all the time

  38. libertarienne

    sweetcheeks…that was just…so…beautiful. *sobs*

  39. llynnowens

    The picture appears to be from the shoot for her “Do Somethin” video (circa 2004)…those chicks ride around with her in the pink Hummer (it flies around in the clouds). She does a lot of pelvic thrusting in her undies and such in the video, pretends to be some kinda hard rockstar chick…the song features some really outstanding lyrics (um, not):

    a sample-
    “Somebody give me my truck
    So I can ride on the clouds
    So I can turn up the bass like

    Somebody pass my guitar
    So I can look like a star
    And spend this cash like…”

    Yeah, it’s that bad.

  40. Star Maker Machinery

    The Dream is Over: A Haiku for Britney

    I like to binge on
    Hot beef and menthols in bed
    With my doomed baby.

  41. somedayshine

    hahaha oh man poor fans, they were the ones that made her rich
    oh well.

  42. herbiefrog

    56 clue
    i did write it
    brittney has a boy inside her
    that makes her do stuff
    she thought it was like a guardian angel
    but i switched that because of the child abuse

    so brittney

    still not an apology

    here or asd?

    cos i’m setting a time limit
    on you
    and as you know
    im already outside time
    so how long would you like
    a 2000 year era
    365 day years
    52 weeks
    12 months
    oooo shiney
    something switched in there

    the time limit?

    [where were we?]

    12 months
    no back to weeks

    7 days
    five working days
    leaving TWO rest days
    and do you rest?

    or do you have a mobile glued to your ear, tv on full blast, radio on
    ipod on
    noise to drown out the sound of your baby

    asking for love

    yes thats the final switch [for now]

    your babies are more important than you
    got lost somewhere in the thatcher era

    you have to look after the children of the world
    the children are your future
    it determines the number iof iteratiuons

    to adjust the program and get it right

    so its not 7 days
    24 hours
    60 minutes
    60 seconds
    100 miliseconds
    and there we switched to the metric system

    cos in 3d, its just easier

    in 3d you get 0 to 9

    those are the only numbers youve got

    well unless you learn to speak hexadecimal

    its a shorthand for higer numberds

    hidden numbers?

    in the next dimension

    we extened you 10 digits to 16
    but you can only see 8
    as the others are in a direction
    that you cant quite see

    althogh i can *feel* you looking out from behind these eyes

    and my fear of spiders
    is where i hid me
    the 4d guy you thing of as sog

    but actually i’m him either

    i’m and so much higher, you cannot even imagin or comprehend yet

    to i’m still waiting for an apology
    b*tch :)

    you dhave no choice

    i could call be boy


    actually it is your choice

    its after midnight
    so i must still be here
    and you said no
    but flipped

    so if you negate her peom
    and read it as her boy inside
    it is a message from boy TO *to* her

    not from her

    are we nearly there yet?

  43. prettierthanmeganharris

    I’m sure if I smoked some weed, post 92 would be more interesting and meaningful.

  44. Charlie

    yeah #4 stream of conciousness is a writing style, it’s not her term.. you give her too much credit

  45. For Britney:

    Super Low IQ Haiku

    Who are you flipping off?
    … your fans? We thought you liked us.
    We were fuckin’ wrong.

    You love yourself more
    than the baby you carry
    now, you need a gun

    That is what we need
    Ma Barker and her cronies
    advising young moms

    By the way Britney
    don’t ever quit your day job
    Oops! Guess I forgot

    you already did
    when you delivered Fed’s spawn
    (Still, a cute, lil’ kid)

    We must save Sean P.
    from your greasy Cheetoh grip
    before you both slip!

    (c2006 Miss Hunnybytes)

  46. Zed

    The new guard, Rico
    He is so very hot
    Is he not?
    Kev, you can rot,
    Go smoke your pot.
    I’ve got a new man.

    Paparazzi, go leap
    My new man’s no creep
    Don’t you dare speak!
    Quiet, Sean’s asleep
    and we’re bleepity-bleep,
    Me and my new man.

    So bye-bye kevie-fed,
    Wish you were dead
    What was in your head
    You really stunk in bed
    Is my face red!
    But i’ve got my new man

    Rico loves my fat
    He’s a cool cat
    Watched me as I sat
    Laughed when I spat:
    “This is why I need a bat.”
    I’m lovin’ my new man.

    Rico thinks SP
    Will surely die if he
    Gives him a quick knee.
    Not like silly ol’ me!
    Who failed for all to see.
    But not my new man.

    **This is for everyone who thinks I won’t kill Sean P. — Brit

  47. What are you people trying to prove by writing all these “poems?” That you’re just as good as Britney Spears?

    Post it on your MySpace pages and leave it out of this, Emos.

  48. LickyLicky

    Starmaker, thank you. That haiku. I was eating a coffee candy and spit brown tobaccy-looking spit all over the screen.

    I swear, it was a coffee Nips, not cinnamon Redman.

  49. herbiefrog

    74 [extract from the full poem]

    You trick me one, twice and now it

  50. strong

    omg did you just read that and get to my post. You are one sorry ass mofo.

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