Britney Spears writes poetry

May 25th, 2006 // 128 Comments

bspears-poem.jpgBritney Spears posted a poem on her official site Saturday which she later took down and put back up. Sources are reporting that it’s directed towards Kevin Federline because it sounds angry and their marriage is supposedly on the rocks, but a note at the bottom of the poem says: “This is for everyone who thinks they know me…” and includes a shot of her and some girls giving the finger. Which I can only interpret to mean she hates her fans and wants them to leave her alone. And fuck off. And die. I guess I’d be pretty angry too if I was married to Joe Dirt and my plans to kill my baby were thwarted by that meddlesome paparazzi. I hear at the end they pull off her face and it was really just Old Man Jenkins all along.



  1. uberfrau666

    that is obviously an OLD photo of her!

  2. pinky_nip

    THAT’S IT! I’ll never buy another album of her’s again. I’m so offended. *major sarcasm*

  3. uberfrau666

    oops, i almost forgot the esteemed ‘superficial’ ending…


  4. BrianMolko

    I love how she tries to make it sound intelligent by giving it a pseudo-philosophical title ‘The Stream of Consciousness’ when basically it’s whiney I-married-the-wrong-guy-he-sucks poetry, I’m a poet and I’ve seen 13 year old emo girls write poetry. Someone also needs to teach her how to be subtle.

  5. CruisingForCock

    I’m kind of a big deal

  6. BrianMolko

    write better poetry*

  7. EvilFiend

    now if she could only give k-fed the same jester…

  8. Geno

    Her CDs are quickly becomming Bargain Bin material. $9.99? $7.99? $0.99?

  9. pinky_nip

    I’m so mad,
    what will I do,
    I hope my husband,
    slips in poo

    I thought we were amigos
    but now I only have cheetos

    *giving finger*

  10. BSfan

    Wow how old is that shot?

    And who the they flipping off?

    And why is it on her fan site?

  11. CruisingForCock

    Thanks SF, now I have to admit that I actually went to her website.

  12. leahdeadly

    #9 Awesome.
    Does anyone have the actual poem? I bet it’s pure gold.

  13. aivilo

    ew, my god. she needs to get over it since it was HER FANS that made her famous. i’m guessing she’s all pissed off since everybody figured out about her baby-killing scheme. & we do know her…she’s a white trash skank.

  14. Grphdesi23

    Here is Britney’s actual poem

    No more chains
    That you gave me
    Enough of pain
    Manipulation is the key

    They screw it in
    Because you

  15. Dr.Rokter

    That poem was AWESOME!

    Writing words
    takes lots of time
    must make sure
    a few of them rhyme

    Actually going to her site and reading this drivel in its entirety made me sort of feel like I let somebody kick me in the nuts. Getting flipped off afterwards is just the icing.

  16. pinky_nip

    I bet she initially drafted this in her Hello Kitty diary.

  17. Grphdesi23

    That rendition of Birtney’s poem I got off

    After looking at Britney’s site, I find there is more.



    Don’t worry; the rest is just as, er… it’s more of the same anyway.

  19. kaileykat

    Hmmm. Maybe she dropped the Tater Tot on his head so that he wouldn’t realize when he’s a little older that he’s smarter than both mom and dad put together.

    Poor Britney . . . it’s not the same now that you’ve lost your killer body, is it?

  20. pinky_nip

    She reminds me of every girl in Junior High/High School that had to cry at every dance. And all her friends sat around her and “comforted” her. I hated those chicks.

    Anyway, I call it CADS (crying at dance syndrome). Worse case scenerio is CAPS (crying at Prom syndrome)

  21. leahdeadly

    manipulation is the key?

  22. BSfan

    Atleast maybe now she’ll dump Kevin…. *stretches for funny Kevin Federline name change*… Meh I’ve got nuthin.

  23. We do know you Britney. You are of the species Whiteus Trashus. Your kind have an ingrained fondness for tractor pulls, NASCAR, WWE Wrestling, Cheetos, marijuana and incest. You generally make terrible parents, often successfully raising juvenile delinquents. The females tend toward either straight crackers or wiggers when seeking a mate. You practice poor hygiene and collect STDs like some people collect coins. Were it not for your substantial income (culled by the exploitation of America’s impressionable youth and the selling of your ass), you would be fat(ter), dumb(er), and happy in a double-wide. I won’t even address the artistic merit of the poetry (or lack thereof), but will address the hand gesture offered by you and your bought friends – fuck you, Britney, enjoy the downward spiral.

  24. HollyJ


    In honor of her break-taking poetic talent, it’s time for another installment of “Haikus for Superstars” …

    Licks Cheetoh finger
    As KFed mounts her dunghole:
    “Ho, Call me daddy!”

  25. 86

    9 thats hilarious!

    Sue me, I liked it. I hope this means she’s come to her senses about her baby daddy. He sucks cock!

  26. Iambananas

    Okay… that’s a good way of being mean! She’s washed up, but most importantly… SHES A TERRABLE MOTHER!! She is by far the worst mother everywhere. Okay, I don’t “think I know her”, but I know the proof of photos.

  27. Iambananas

    married to Joe Dirt and my plans to kill my baby were thwarted …

    Okay, taht’s funny and priceless!!!

  28. I think it’s time to use the word contagious in a sentence.


    “It’s going to take this cunt ages to get her career back on track if she is going to keep writing shit like that”.


  29. Iambananas

    There’s a picture of her giving the finger to her fans… but at the bottom it says…

    Buy Britney’s fragerange, Curious.

    The only thing I’m curious about is what kind of person would buy a product from her when she disrespects everyone who liked her at one point… Hmmm… maybe a bad carreer move? Pssibly… maybe a pub. stunt? Mosy likely.

  30. Iambananas

    That picture must be old… she’s thin.

  31. There are cave Paintings that are not as old as that photo of her.

  32. Iambananas

    Especially my son
    You should bow down

    First of all.. her son isn’tbetter than ANY other baby.. and second, if he’s so great, why’s she trying to kill him?

  33. HeeHaw

    It’s really annoying when people don’t take responsibility for their reeeeeaaaaally bad choices in life.

    And for walking around barefoot in gas station bathrooms.

  34. sara1beth2

    this is what i feel like when i am behind the short bus at a stop light and the kids on it flip me off. awwwww, how cute, the tard flipped me off.

    tclt <=========3

  35. Iambananas

    Writing words
    takes lots of time
    must make sure
    a few of them rhyme

  36. sara1beth2

    speaking of short bus

  37. Grphdesi23

    Hasn’t anyone told Britney that wine isn’t juice?

  38. kittyontheprowl

    My Son Sean

    My son Sean
    likes string beans
    is not mean
    I try to keep him clean
    sometimes with my jeans

    He fell on his head
    so I put him to bed
    I didn’t name him Fred
    I named him Sean instead
    his hair is not red
    he tastes like rye bread

    I tied Kevin’s penis
    in a great big knot
    it’s totally his fault
    that I’m no longer hot

    Thanks y’all, I’m here all week.

  39. 86

    Guys, that photo was from her days on Mickey Mouse club.

  40. peep

    she is so over….the reason why people can’t get enough of her because she makes us ALL feel better about ourselves…..great example of scraping the bottom…no matter what kind of wad you are carrying….

  41. Italian Stallion

    My baby Sean is a crying
    I drop him on his head
    But the bitch ain’t dieing
    I’m not saying I like to kill
    But my dumbass should have been on the pill
    Stop making fun of my love for the Cheeto
    The fatter I get the more love from the negros
    I never said I was a great singer
    So to all you haters I give you the finger…….

  42. PapaHotNuts

    Rose are red
    Violets are blue
    I hope Brittany dies in a fire.

  43. I hear at the end they pull off her face and it was really just Old Man Jenkins all along.

    And she would’ve got away with it too if it wasn’t for them meddling kids!

  44. Brak

    Clearly a pre-Federline photograph — her body doesn’t look all that haggard. Trashy… but not full of rich, creamy Land O Lakes butter.

  45. Giggles

    Wow. Britney really shows class. I had been thinking she was just a skank.

  46. gogoboots

    Yeah it’s like the worst lyrics of the century…maybe she should not show us the horror that is her mind anymore…

  47. pinky_nip

    “Stop making fun of my love for the Cheeto
    The fatter I get the more love from the negros”

    Damn you Stallion! LOL

  48. Saucie

    I know my Cheetos love me
    How do I know?
    ‘Cause my Chester told me so
    He loves the way I look
    In my fat pants
    And when I do the Cheeto dance

    (Thrusts cheese encrusted middle finger at adoring pre-teen fans)

  49. gogoboots

    There was a part about the sins of the father, what happened to it…that was probably the only redeeming quality about the entire shitty poem…the other being that I wished I had never set eyes on it…

  50. Feed_Me_Chocolate


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