On the second day the creature returned. The villagers laid Whoppers and Frappucinos along the sand dunes hoping to pacify the beast. I looked down at my gun and wondered if mere bullets would be enough to preserve my hide. Then I heard its call:
“Y’AAALLLL”
Warm urine trickled down my leg as I ran to my Jeep like a man possessed. Would I be safe behind it’s metal frame? Or would the creature smell the Snickers bar tucked away in the glove box?
“Y’AAALLLL”
I looked down again at my gun then over my shoulder at the beast. I angrily threw the feeble sidearm into the bushes and hurried my pace. Suddenly, the air smelled of taco meat. The last thing I recalled was blackness and a sensation not unlike a bean-bag chair heated in an oven…
Photos: Splash News
veggi | May 19, 2008 at 4:59 pm
omg FIRST to lick her fat ass!
First Biatch | May 19, 2008 at 5:00 pm
FIRST TO SEE BRITNEY, BITCH!
stella | May 19, 2008 at 5:00 pm
SECOND.
she doesn’t look that bad…
FIVE0 | May 19, 2008 at 5:01 pm
Hell..I’d hit it…..but then anything short of Rosanne I’d probably hit.
dahm | May 19, 2008 at 5:01 pm
I’d still push her poo in.
Someone | May 19, 2008 at 5:01 pm
I still think shes sexy
biff | May 19, 2008 at 5:02 pm
So, what, did she have massive gas in those earlier pictures? She’s still chubby but in these pics it doesn’t look like she swallowed a large beach ball (more like a medium).
Cheetos | May 19, 2008 at 5:04 pm
Please hit the gym…baby one more time!!!!
steve | May 19, 2008 at 5:05 pm
I’d love to have a threesome with Britney and Jennifer Love Hewitt. Afterwards we could lay around and curdle…I mean, cuddle.
poot | May 19, 2008 at 5:07 pm
she’s just bloated. she’s WAY less gassy here. perhaps she took a crap.
oakling | May 19, 2008 at 5:07 pm
ha!! awesomely hilarious.
dozer | May 19, 2008 at 5:07 pm
Fish I have to gice you the hats off. That was some great commentary!
The truth | May 19, 2008 at 5:08 pm
Man, I would fuck the shit out of her. Not too fat, not too skinny… I would fuck the awful memories of Federline out of her.
FRIST!!! | May 19, 2008 at 5:09 pm
Huh, guess the day after or (3 months after) pill worked after all..
havoc | May 19, 2008 at 5:10 pm
She needs Kim’s body.
Then everything would be okey-dokey…….
.
Elliot_Spitz_On_Her | May 19, 2008 at 5:10 pm
Good God… When they told you to pucker Brit, they didn’t mean your ass…
Lauren | May 19, 2008 at 5:10 pm
I think Britney is beautiful. If I saw her on the street I would think her an average girl. Some people forget where she came from…she could be you. She’s a woman who made quite a few mistakes and I wish her the best.
britney's weave | May 19, 2008 at 5:12 pm
that cellulite looks non-photoshopped. get the hell back to the gym, brit-brit.
Sid | May 19, 2008 at 5:13 pm
I’m guessing the earlier pics where taken right after a meal. She probably still has a massively messed up digestive system after abusing stimulants and laxatives. She probably wander off for a little privacy, when into the water, released an inhuman stream of explosive diarrhea, and then returned looking slimmer. Notice she’s wearing a different swimsuit, because the other one had to be burned. The good thing is, the water quality actually went UP because it’s a third world country and white people’s shit is like ambrosia to them.
melissa | May 19, 2008 at 5:13 pm
NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT ………..GO BRITTANY !
U look great .
melissa | May 19, 2008 at 5:13 pm
NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT ………..GO BRITTANY !
U look great .
Veroonica | May 19, 2008 at 5:14 pm
Looks like she’s ah turnin’ into some nice farm girl stock. check out those haunches. I betchya she could haul a John Deere combine y’all.
Jackson | May 19, 2008 at 5:16 pm
#15
The only way Brittney could have Kim Kardasian’s body is by getting big implants like Kim. Getting lipo suction on the stomach and then gaining 30 pounds because Kim is 45 pounds overweight and Brittney is about 10 pounds overweight. Kim originally had a pear shape body (small on top and fat on the bottom.) At least Brittney can run around the beach without having to cover her butt with a sarong like Kim. When Kim goes in the water she has to cover her big loose wide butt with a towel or sarong!
toolboy | May 19, 2008 at 5:17 pm
that’s asking a lot of a swimsuit…hell, that’s asking a lot of the sun.
luvzlionz | May 19, 2008 at 5:18 pm
Certainly helped by her $150 Ed Hardy bikini
Andy | May 19, 2008 at 5:19 pm
She deflated from Amy Lee back down to Britney Spears. She’s still really fat, but she less resembles a seal (Amy). Now she just looks like that girl from high school who was a cheerleader freshman year, then put on weight and had to put out to keep getting attention from guys. I loved that girl.
mike | May 19, 2008 at 5:21 pm
She’s got Jimbo’s figure and veggi’s skin, to go with Frist’s look of intelligence and sophistication.
ph7 | May 19, 2008 at 5:26 pm
A 25 year old with the body of an out-of-shape 40 year old.
DO NOT WANT
beastman | May 19, 2008 at 5:26 pm
man looking at these pictures it really makes me wonder, why did i ever beat off to her pictures in high school?
DOMDOM | May 19, 2008 at 5:29 pm
HAhahahahhahahhahhaa @ at the commentary.. Y’AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL
Seth | May 19, 2008 at 5:31 pm
You guys aren’t seeing the whole package. When you get her home in her bikini, you get to kiss her chin zits while she croons gibberish at you in what a retarded child imagines to be a British accent. Then, if you’re lucky, you get her bikini off and are treated to the sight of her low-hanging boobs, stretchmarks, c-section scar, and thoroughly abused labia. Lord only knows what will be staring back at you if she wants doggie…and she will. She’s got it all! Enjoy!
Holy Moses | May 19, 2008 at 5:31 pm
Its. Not it’s.
licky licky sucky sucky fuck me fuck me. | May 19, 2008 at 5:32 pm
#28. If you look like that good at 40, you’re damn lucky.
Crystal | May 19, 2008 at 5:34 pm
LMAO! You never cease to make me laugh. :)
Crystal | May 19, 2008 at 5:34 pm
LMAO! You never cease to make me laugh. :)
miggs | May 19, 2008 at 5:36 pm
There are a few extras in this series where the photographer pulled back and all you can see is fish floating belly up…
Jackson | May 19, 2008 at 5:36 pm
#28
Correction; Kim Kardaskank looks like she had 3 kids because she is 45 pounds overweight, and Brittney looks like she gained 10 pounds which she could easily get rid of within 2-3 weeks. Most Americans are 30 or more pounds overweight like Kim Kardaskank. Like it or not; Brittney looks better than 70 percent of the fat Americans.
Marj | May 19, 2008 at 5:38 pm
Yawwwn. A normal sized American woman at the beach. Sure, her job description says she should be skinnier, but she’s not exactly staying on top of her career right now anyway.
OC Dee | May 19, 2008 at 5:39 pm
Makes me wish I was at the beach right now.
sdf | May 19, 2008 at 5:41 pm
this russian chick is WAY hotter: http://digitalfuntown.squarespace.com/dft-blog/2008/5/16/dft-news-episode-4.html
Matt | May 19, 2008 at 5:42 pm
#38 – Gulp. A fat American woman in her pretend world of acceptance.
Caitie Harmful | May 19, 2008 at 5:43 pm
Dear god….that is the funniest thing I’ve ever read….
tp | May 19, 2008 at 5:46 pm
I’d much rather watch Britney frolic in the surf ANY DAY than Amy Crackhouse terrorize all of England…
Anonymous | May 19, 2008 at 5:50 pm
Marj:
What career?
Bigheadmike | May 19, 2008 at 5:51 pm
I still would…..
sportsdvl | May 19, 2008 at 5:53 pm
She’s not the hot little piece of ass she was when she was 19yrs old but she still looks better than most chicks.
Oh, #1 & 2 – both losers!
Binky | May 19, 2008 at 5:54 pm
She looks pretty good.
I’m a little concerned about the ‘KILLS’ and various Knights Templar or whatever messages on her bikini. Whatever happened to, like, a simple SPEEDO printed somewhere ?
Good for Mel for helping her out – but what exactly is he getting her into ?
pistola | May 19, 2008 at 5:58 pm
for the idiots that think she’s only 10 lbs overweight… it’s more like 20-25.
sherry | May 19, 2008 at 6:01 pm
good god leave the poor whale alone, she’s trying to stay in remote locations and lets face she looks way better then me in swim suit…
Me | May 19, 2008 at 6:03 pm
LMFAO that is the funniest story I’ve ever read on here. THen Sid made me lmao even more