Britney Spears wants to be on the cover of Maxim as soon as possible. Apparently she wants to make sure you remember what her body look likes. I’ve got some really lumpy Play-Doh that helps jog my memory, but I guess we’ll do it her way. Ok! Magazine reports:
“Brit’s in damage control mode now. She’s been talking to the folks at Maxim about doing a photo shoot,” a friend of the pop princess tells OK! exclusively, referring to the popular men’s magazine that has been a career-boosting showcase for celebrities like Jessica Alba and Eva Longoria. “She wants to be on the cover as quickly as they can shoot her.”
Britney’s decision to go for men’s magazine cover stardom is based solely on her past success with selling herself as an object of desire.
Okay, grab a piece of paper. Now start to draw a circle. But keep in mind this circle will go way off the paper – like into the next room. And probably a few feet out the door. That’s the physics problem Maxim will face putting Britney Spears on the cover. I heard they’re bringing in a dude from NASA just to Photoshop her thighs. He designed a new rocket fuel at age 12, but said that condensing this much mass would be his greatest challenge yet. And by mass, he means Britney Spears. Because she’s fat.
Riotboy | September 17, 2007 at 10:46 am
Oh really?
adeliza | September 17, 2007 at 10:46 am
Sea Cow
Duchess of Dork | September 17, 2007 at 10:47 am
She’s not fat. She’s just a filthy human being.
edamame | September 17, 2007 at 10:49 am
Somebody make her stop!!!!
cowgirl | September 17, 2007 at 10:50 am
I like it when you talk science,Fish. Based on her MTV performance, her “spread” should be intrigueing. They will have to have someone hold her head up and spread her legs for her!
ScreenRant.com | September 17, 2007 at 10:50 am
You guys are harsh. I actually find her quite sad and pathetic. I pity her, really.
Vic
jrzmommy | September 17, 2007 at 10:50 am
What magazine? Maximum? yeah…..that’s perfect for her…………..What? It’s called MaxIM? Oh………….
edamame | September 17, 2007 at 10:50 am
Were the backup dancers during Bennett/Aguilera’s performance on the Emmy’s
mocking Britney by dressing just as she did on the VMAs?!
This is Britney Bitch!!! | September 17, 2007 at 10:51 am
Go away bitch.
tell it like it is | September 17, 2007 at 10:51 am
of course she’s desperate to get on a magazine cover so they can photoshop her into what she thinks she looks like and what we know she hasn’t looked like in 5 years.
sit your fat ass down, you dumb hick cow. go away quietly and live barefoot on your malibu farm. nobody wants your trashy gash anymore. it’s OVAH!!!!
Zoey Lund | September 17, 2007 at 10:52 am
I’d be surprised if the folks at Maxim would agree to put Brit on their cover. There are some standards they have to maintain.
Heh.
lattegirl | September 17, 2007 at 10:54 am
She needs to get to a gym before she can think of magazine covers. Unless she’s hoping that airbrushing will save her ass (haha! literally!)
stanley marsh | September 17, 2007 at 10:55 am
i don’t like her, but the hottest she ever looked was at the vma’s. I like that slightly padded healthy look. YUM
Jimbo | September 17, 2007 at 10:58 am
If those assholes put Britney on the cover Maxim magazine, I am going to cancel my subscription
Britney's Magazine | September 17, 2007 at 11:00 am
I found the right one for her.
skyhydragonfly | September 17, 2007 at 11:02 am
Ok, come on. I detest Shitney just as much as the next person…loathe her in fact, but she’s not fat. Yeah she sucks, and her parenting skills (or lack thereof) are shocking, and her bare naked “lady” almost made me puke in my mouth, but she’s really not fat. If we had seen Cher’s daughter/son or Wynonna Judd or (God forgive me for the graphic image I am about to condjure) Rosie O’Donnell dancing in a glittery bra and panties, then we could honestly say, “Man, she’s fat!”
BaldAsBritney | September 17, 2007 at 11:02 am
Yeah whatever Brit, get a little more delusional. I just saw your bloated ass on google earth for fucks sake.
veggi | September 17, 2007 at 11:02 am
HA! I just read how she’s banned from some restaurant for smearing food all over her face.
I wish she would just make fun of herself now…..like looking to get on the cover of a cheetos bag.
o0oscar0o | September 17, 2007 at 11:03 am
c’mon.. fat? please. i am not any fan of hers and actually enjoy her trainwrecks more than her ‘accomplishments’ but i do have to say that she isnt fat in the slightest. should she have worn that bikini outfit? dunno.. i she didnt look as good as she used to but how many guys here have wives and gf’s that look as good as her (ignore the chopped hair, bad skin and blank eyes lol)
Britney's Cheese-Flavoured Queef | September 17, 2007 at 11:03 am
But I need my blubber to keep warm! After she shaved all the pubes away….
It’s cold down here…. so cold….
hopefully she will lose 15 lbs | September 17, 2007 at 11:04 am
hopefully she will lose alil weight before. but i don’t think she is fat.
i also hope she will realize she needs to try harder next time she “performs” i’ve seen her sing live on snl and shes not that bad when she tries.
if shes going to dance and cant sing the whole thing… at least sing a little bit over the track.
LadyJane | September 17, 2007 at 11:06 am
I’m sure there’s a few crazy fuckers out there, willing to rub one out to her FUPA.
USED to have | September 17, 2007 at 11:09 am
she used to have the prettiest face. 2000-2002 was a good year for her.
check vmas 2000 and 20001
michael jacksons comeback special
red carpet appearances with JT
videos… etc.
perfect symmetry
smile,
eyes
button nose
and people accuse her of thick legs now…. she had barbie legs when she walked around on stage with michael jackson
katydid | September 17, 2007 at 11:10 am
Britney Spears isn’t fat. She seems dumb, and can’t sing for shit, and her kids would be better off being raised by wolves, but as far as her weight goes, she
looks good for someone who had two kids so close together.
shes a hippie | September 17, 2007 at 11:11 am
shes kind of a crazy hippie that isn’t into health food or hippie music.
theShizaan | September 17, 2007 at 11:11 am
This is front row seat to the making of her E! True Hollywood Story. Beautiful…it’s like watching a building collapse or a speeding motorcycle plowing into the back of a big rig…in slow motion.
Someone please explain how and why this bitch is relevant to anything anymore?
deep thoughts, by Mrs. Ernestine Jones | September 17, 2007 at 11:14 am
here is some damage control for you Brit:
keep your legs closed. there is enough smog in LA.
take those ratty extensions out your hair and get a stylist who will honeslty check you ass when you try to leave the house looking like a crackhead. it’s a shame you spend so much to look like so cheap and unkempt.
stay on a treadmill. run like your name is kunta kente and massah’s hounds are on your trail.
stop whoring around town craving paparazzi attention. you look like shit and all they are doing is making you the most highly photographed turd in history.
find god, dr. phil, or who moved your cheese. But please stop binge eating. The cure can’t be found in every bag of Cheetos. It’ s beyond time for you to put on your big gurl panties and deal with it.
get rid of the hanger-ons that say “yes” to every crackhead decision you make. you’ve got more hanger-ons than a bus in New Dehli. they are using you for another check and laughing at you on their way to the bank to cash it.
and most importantly, spend time with your kids and make that your priority right now. it’s a sad fucking day when an unemployed backup dancer trying to be a rap mogul from fresno has better parents than you. get your shit together for the kids. once they are grown and out of the house, you can meltdown to the fucking pavement , but right now you owe them better than this.
bob | September 17, 2007 at 11:16 am
fish is funny today. keep it going.
maxim can’t afford the level of photoshop that will be required.
UglyPeopleSafaris | September 17, 2007 at 11:16 am
@27 Yo. Thats some nice advice. Im sure Brit is def. tuning into superfish to get her daily dose of advice.
LadyJane | September 17, 2007 at 11:17 am
I would prefer to talk about anything else besides this.
I would prefer to discuss, in length, the zits upon Wally’s ass instead of Britney.
havoc | September 17, 2007 at 11:19 am
The key words here are……
“….as quicky as they can shoot her.”
.
LL | September 17, 2007 at 11:23 am
Move over, Jebus, Mrs. Ernestine Jones is my god now….
Yeah, there’s no other way I can think of for Britney to do damage control (is there any PR in the world that could accomplish that at this point?) than to spread ‘em for a men’s magazine. Nice self-respect you got there, Britney. I was pretty dumb at her age, but she’s creating new frontiers of dumb here.
emma | September 17, 2007 at 11:25 am
By the sounds of it, alot of you people need to grow up.
she’s going through a rough time at the moment, and having all you bastards watching her, just waiting and hoping she’ll mess up isn’t helping her.
She is not fat at all, just not as toned as she used to be, but she’s had two kids ffs, i bet most of you lot are a hell of a lot bigger than she is……. so shut up and leave her alone.
liberal douchebag | September 17, 2007 at 11:29 am
Always refreshing to see a Brit snippet that isn’t simply a vehicle for a “ding dang, y’all” punchline.
silverdollar | September 17, 2007 at 11:29 am
she’s most definitely not fat. she may have a frew extra pounds, but she looks pretty good for someone who has had two kids.
i think she’s as washed up and crazy as the next person, but she’s definitely not fat.
babyG | September 17, 2007 at 11:30 am
maxin cover??? puke! come on britney you’re gross!!! stop gallivanting around! nurture ur kids at home stupid lady!
Brandy | September 17, 2007 at 11:31 am
Give it up see this is the reason why we have children with eating disorders. Britney is not fat she just needs to tone up a little she looks amazing after 2 C-Sections. keep dreaming of the olson twins and Paris Hilton if you like stick bitches but for goodness sake stop calling Brit fat.
my mama said | September 17, 2007 at 11:32 am
it’s time for her to pack up her wares and go home. nobody is interested. damn, kevin federline must be getting no snatch from all this. this long, slow, downward slide just confirms for women that it’s a bad idea to hookup with him.
bob | September 17, 2007 at 11:36 am
well, golly emma, you sure told us.
according to my calculations, this “rough time” has been going on for a few years. usually, one might try to fix it instead of continually fucking up. nice try emma.
CurvesAreGodd | September 17, 2007 at 11:38 am
yeah I think she is phat
emma | September 17, 2007 at 11:39 am
Its started to get really bad at the beginning of the year.
and if the reports are true, and she is suffering from bi polar disorder or depression, it doesn’t go away over night. She needs to surround herself with people she can trust, and people need to stop sticking the knife in….
bobII | September 17, 2007 at 11:42 am
37, no, making fun of britney is not why children have eating disorders. it’s because idiots who think think like you are parents.
Barry LeFarge | September 17, 2007 at 11:44 am
I hope this doesn’t go through
um, yeah | September 17, 2007 at 11:44 am
#41
hollywood isn’t known for bring a kind, trusting place. she needs to go back to lousiana and reconcile with her family who reportedly, she fell out with cause they didn’t approve of her antics. she’s acting like a child. she wants to be around people who approve of her cause she has no self-esteem and she shuts out people who want to help her.
she’s a grown ass woman who needs to decide if she’s going to take responsibility for getting better or continue to blame everyone else for her problems. you can’t find salvation hanging out til 3am in hollywood hotspots every night.
im ashamed BUT | September 17, 2007 at 11:47 am
i secretly DID want her to shock me and be hot and dance well and sing alil on the vmas. that was her chance. she has had a few. but now???????????????????????? too many chances. too late now:(
............... | September 17, 2007 at 11:48 am
bobll……….. and who are you to say that about people?
The media plays a massive part in why children have eating disorders, the way they scrutinise and judge people by their weight instead of the actual person.
Pick up any news paper or magazine, and your guarenteed to find articles saying _____ is fat when actually, there not.
And i believe Brandy didn’t say it was making fun of britney specifically,she means the way the media and small minded people, like yourself think of others……….
not FAT | September 17, 2007 at 11:57 am
she doesn’t looke fat to me. now she looks like an out of shape athlete. she always had a nice little athletic body.
Britney's Cheeto-Flavoured Queef | September 17, 2007 at 11:57 am
Look, just because 50% of the American adult populace weighs more than Homer Simpsons’ 239lbs, doesn’t mean Britney isn’t fat.
She’s FAT. She’s just slimmer than the average white trash American bint.
Coming soon, to Britney’s tired and worn out snatch… “Pizza Delivery Boy junior #3″
flavio | September 17, 2007 at 12:00 pm
she’s not at all fat. although, i’m sure you are. she’s just not toned, and shouldn’t be trying to show off her body as if it is toned. fat? no.
leatherdaddy | September 17, 2007 at 12:00 pm
brhaha! what world is she living in? no wanted to she her in a skimpy outfit at the vmas. how could she have not read that somewhere. the sad part is that cant use the excuse, “the drugs made me do it”.