Britney Spears wants to be on the cover of Maxim as soon as possible. Apparently she wants to make sure you remember what her body look likes. I’ve got some really lumpy Play-Doh that helps jog my memory, but I guess we’ll do it her way. Ok! Magazine reports:
“Brit’s in damage control mode now. She’s been talking to the folks at Maxim about doing a photo shoot,” a friend of the pop princess tells OK! exclusively, referring to the popular men’s magazine that has been a career-boosting showcase for celebrities like Jessica Alba and Eva Longoria. “She wants to be on the cover as quickly as they can shoot her.”
Britney’s decision to go for men’s magazine cover stardom is based solely on her past success with selling herself as an object of desire.
Okay, grab a piece of paper. Now start to draw a circle. But keep in mind this circle will go way off the paper – like into the next room. And probably a few feet out the door. That’s the physics problem Maxim will face putting Britney Spears on the cover. I heard they’re bringing in a dude from NASA just to Photoshop her thighs. He designed a new rocket fuel at age 12, but said that condensing this much mass would be his greatest challenge yet. And by mass, he means Britney Spears. Because she’s fat.
she’s not at all fat. although, i’m sure you are. she’s just not toned, and shouldn’t be trying to show off her body as if it is toned. fat? no.
brhaha! what world is she living in? no wanted to she her in a skimpy outfit at the vmas. how could she have not read that somewhere. the sad part is that cant use the excuse, “the drugs made me do it”.
“as quickly as they can shoot her.”
it sounds a lot better out of context!!
Scientists Confirm “Megaslut Gene” Not Derived From Pigs
Scientists have always agreed that the prominent “Megaslut Gene” can be found in pigs, who were once thought to be the originators of the gene. But today after a furious debate, scientists concluded that though the pig has most of the characteristics once thought to culminate in the “Megaslut Gene” , after Britney’s VMA performance, she more closely matches all three of the dominate characteristics of the “Megaslut Gene” over a pig.
This presence of this gene is prominent amongst blonde haired pop tarts like Britney Spears, however the true connection that distinguishes this gene seems to be the common denominator of blonde hair extensions, vapid stupidity and a pig-likeness, most readily seen in Britney, the biggest megaslut of all time.
Ok, so Britney is not the fattest person on the planet, but she sure in not at all sexy and no one wants her to make a comeback. Comebacks are for talented stars that couldn’t get a gig for whatever reason, and not for white trash like her. Brittney should be locked up in a mental hospital, and not be allowed out unless she promises to behave and not gross us all out.
It’s just a little water weight.
Other Britney Headlines:
Wendy’s To Market New Margarita Slutburger Combo w/ Cheetos on the side
Britney Can’t Take Heat; Leaves Gutter.
Hair Extensions Found To Curb Brain Activity
Miracle Cheetos and Lollipop Diet Creates Beefcake
Fatty Roll Stomach Dance is #1 Craze
Slimed Barstools Reveal link to primodial ooze
46, so you claim it’s the media’s fault that people have eating disorders? who lets kids read these magazines? or watch these terrible tv shows? or let them read The Superfiical? the parents, that’s who.
how about you make your kid read or watch something educational. get a fucking library card instead of letting them watch MTV.
people are always trying to find excuses for shitty parenting. always trying to pass the buck instead of holding themselves accountable.
Britney only career saving option is to get into porn and make her debut DVD called “SAVE MY CAREER”. In it, the 5 biggest dicks in porn will bugger Britney’s butt while she screams “GIMME MORE” and “SAVE MY CAREER”. As a special surprise for the first 10000 who buy this DVD Britney will include her 1st lesbian scene on film with “DEMI MOORE”. Watch while the girls eat their lip smaking snatch and scream things like “SAVE MY CAREER” and “BEST ASS MONEY CAN BUY”. This video has been rated 3 erections on the peter meter so get it now.
Ya okay. Like we won’t know the pics are PHOTOSHOPPED BEYOND BELIEF. Get a life Britney and nobody cares about you anymore.
Britney’s Shocking Confession: “That fucking hair made me do it!”
Sources says Britney Spears was overheard today repeating, “That fucking hair made me do it!” over and over. When asked what her hair made her do, she began ripping out fistfuls of her extensions saying “You don’t know the power they fucking things have! You don’t know the disgusting things these Kankelons make me do! I’ve got such a warped sense of myself now that I didn’t realize my belly was so stretched out and my cooch was so disgusting until now! You want proof? I married Kevin Federline and had his kids, didn’t I? It’s my fucking hair! Where’s those fuckin’ clippers? Where’s the fuckin’ clippers!!!!!”
Two words for Britney – Do porn.
She isn’t fat she’s adorable. She has never looked better.
She just needs a few years with a good therapist- at least twice a week- and she also needs to confer regularly with an expert in childcare.
That’s all Britney needs.
But so does most of the population.
The trick is to find a therapist who is less fucked up than you are- that’s the hard part.
It’s too soon for the Maxim cover- I’d give it at least 3 months.
Britney is not too fat, she’s a normal size. She’s just too fat for that clownsuit she wore on National TV. She’s not to fat to do porn though.
Fuck this no talent douchebag. Next.
That’s what K-fed said #63. And someone will take her place. Someone else will fuck K-fed and have his kids too. Just watch.
I HATE THIS UGLY CUNT
SHE’S NOT FUCKING FAT YOU IDIOTS!!!
Yeah she’s not ass in good shape as she used to be, and is crazy and pathetic. But not fat. You are really stupid.
I feels for u brit. U and I has so much in common. Once we were both at the top of our game and then the time bug bit us and we started to suck. What say u to sucking on me dic while I draws my life story on your ass with lipstick.
The custody battle is on! Who would you give your kids to? A junkie, mentally troubled woman or a loser, flake-of-a-father? Click on my name to vote and help brit or Kfed out.
Wow, honestly. She isn’t fat. She shouldn’t be on the cover….NOT because she’s “fat” but because she’s a has been. But seriously, stop calling her fat.
She’s fat. I can’t believe nobody noticed that yet.
For an American woman, she’s normal-sized. Which means she’s a lazy ignorant fat pig.
I’m all for Britney posing for pictures on the cover of men’s magazine. I can’t wait to see her on the covers of Blackmen Mag, SSX and XXL showing off her assets. I hope she gets a dedicated issue and lots of g-string, thong based 2 piece swim suits.
The very sad truth is that she’s not just “not fat” – she’s the new, semi-realistic bodyshape goal for all the cows out there. That’s why they’re getting all pissed off about people saying Britney is fat – the best they can hope for is getting trashed. How depressing. For us guys, that is.
#11- I thought about that, but she is probably paying THEM!!!!!!!
just a little overweight. there are fat people in europe. not as many as american. shes just kinda thick and she lost her waist
Eh? See Brit on the cover of Maxim? I’d rather eat paste and then rinse my mouth out with a cup full of tacks. *mmm* [Drools blood.]
so i was going to say something witty…. but then i got annoyed by all these fucking comments about how she isnt fat…
she is a fucking F A T. A S S. get over it
i don’t get it. how lazy do you have to be? demi moore spent $200k to get all the work done required to make her body hotter than ever before. we know you have no will power, brit. use those chubby fingers to dial Dr. 90210 and have him give you the Works. You can’t do it on your own. At least then, you’ll just crazy and annoying as opposed to crazy, annoying and disgusting.
While I don’t think her body is that bad, I still think she should shed some pounds before posing for sexy magazines and before her new album comes out. A good portion of her success was based on her sexy, toned figure, and sex appeal. She has all but erroded most of that. She can’t sell based on her musical talent alone. Judging by her MTV photos, I would say she is no more than 10-15lbs heavier. If she put effort and discipline into her work outs and diet, she’d drop 10lbs in a month.
shes not a FAT ASS. get over it. what do you look like? 12 years old with nothing from tits to hips.
Looks like Brit is contemplating venturing into the male adult entertainment field. We knew it would only be a matter of time. Now, it is very important that you Britards support her in this. Just tell her how gorgeous she looks and such and how you support her and understand. You can do it.
I don’t get it. Why would she want to get on the cover as soon as possible. Seems like she should want to book the shoot in at least a month so she’d have time to do the master cleanse and get tho the gym everyday before they take pictures. Get back in shape first. You can’t have a comeback until your body is rocking.
exactly. comeback = look good ( for her )
and her face looks prettier when shes thin
Whenever somebody says “you don’t look fat” it means you look fat. By definition, it’s a white lie handed out freely to all the girls who are desperately trying to hold on to their self-esteem, even while packing on the pounds. Nobody says something like that to a girl who looks good. Sorry, but it’s the truth.
If she shapes up, she’ll lose that “trainwreck” effect. Hell, I kinda like her better as a trainwreck.
(Britney, do porn)
can we say meltdown because she will meltdown during the photo shoot remeber the ok magazine debacle?
find ich geil
If I was even in the position to be talking to Maxim about a cover. Helloooo….
IWONKY I LOVE YOU!!!! I NEARLY PEEDED MYSELF WHEN I READ #55
Didnt this bitch once talk about wanting to be known for her music and not her image? I guess thats shot to hell.
If anybody has a REALLY LARGE FORK stcik it in Britney and give her a flip cause she’s done.
Something tells me superfish is a chick. Because only guys who are insecure and want cookie cutter chicks need to get their head back into reality. Supefish doesn’t like women he likes dolls.
Britney will get photoshopped yes. she will probably look like Trish Stratus, or Pamela.
@80. at least we have pictures of britney to base opinions on. you’ll never be lucky enough to see me, so shut up.
The AP is reporting that the FBI and LAPD are investigating a contracted threat on K-Fed’s life.
I think they’d do it. Isn’t this the same magazine who named Lindsay Lohan the hottest woman in Hollywood?
she should get used to the fact she is a has been.
she has two kids, she should pay more attention to their needs and not her own. like REAL MOMS do.
her own “want of needs” have been what have gotten her into the shape she’s in. her decision making skills are obviously non-existant. anyone with that much fame and fortune should not have to resort to posing semi-nude when you’re supposedly “an artist” (laugh my ass off)
the only art she can create is (f)arts.
she’s “tooled out”
Maybe some guys in prison might desire her but .. ew.. the rest of the world has had enough of her vulgar slutty self. All she wants is freedom from family, kids and ex hubby.
Why doesn’t she try for something a little more attainable……Mad Magazine perhaps???