Britney Spears wants you to want her right now

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Britney Spears wants to be on the cover of Maxim as soon as possible. Apparently she wants to make sure you remember what her body look likes. I’ve got some really lumpy Play-Doh that helps jog my memory, but I guess we’ll do it her way. Ok! Magazine reports:

“Brit’s in damage control mode now. She’s been talking to the folks at Maxim about doing a photo shoot,” a friend of the pop princess tells OK! exclusively, referring to the popular men’s magazine that has been a career-boosting showcase for celebrities like Jessica Alba and Eva Longoria. “She wants to be on the cover as quickly as they can shoot her.”
Britney’s decision to go for men’s magazine cover stardom is based solely on her past success with selling herself as an object of desire.

Okay, grab a piece of paper. Now start to draw a circle. But keep in mind this circle will go way off the paper – like into the next room. And probably a few feet out the door. That’s the physics problem Maxim will face putting Britney Spears on the cover. I heard they’re bringing in a dude from NASA just to Photoshop her thighs. He designed a new rocket fuel at age 12, but said that condensing this much mass would be his greatest challenge yet. And by mass, he means Britney Spears. Because she’s fat.