Britney Spears to write autobiography

January 21st, 2009 // 43 Comments

Seen here looking pissed because they had bring dumb ol’ Sean with them to FAO Schwartz over the holidays, Britney Spears has reportedly landed a $14 million deal to write her autobiography, according to the Daily Mirror:

Our source reveals: “There have been numerous unofficial biographies printed about Britney, but she’s never agreed to pen her own tome – until now. “And some of the stories she’s got are absolute dynamite. She’s kept diaries so there’s nothing she’ll leave out unless she wants to.
“If the deal goes ahead she will write between three and five books throughout the next decade – it’s one of the most lucrative book deals in showbiz history.
“Britney will talk frankly about growing up and how she went off the rails. It’ll be a gripping read.”

While it’s great Britney will get to tell her story in her own words, $14 mil sounds a bit much for what will ultimately be two chocolate chip cookies glued to some construction paper. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m sure the glitter will be super sparkly, but I would’ve lowballed her on this one. You know, gone with something a little lower like 8, maybe 10, M&Ms.

Photos: Splash News
superficial

  1. Mylo

    first!

  2. havoc

    Britney Spears: A Life: At Taco Bell.

    .

  3. War Horse

    ROLF @ havoc. 1+ Internets for you sir!

  4. stupid people

    Who the hell will buy this book? What idiot would be totally ‘gripped’ by her tales of obesity, getting knocked up and destroying a family? Hopefully she got a box of crayons in that contract, too. At least one for each book. Nothing brings out your creativity like a big box of crayons to pen your life story.

  5. Write??? Can she even read??

  6. Don’t you have to be able to read before you can write a book?

  7. Jrz

    Britney’s kept diaries? HAHAHAHA!
    Deer Darry
    Today wuz fun I smoked meth n drunk vokka in my frapuchino I aint never new hineys is whare babys come frum.
    Love Britney

  8. Jadedkitten

    @ stupid people who would buy her book? I’m guessing the +100K ppl who bought $500 tixs to her sold out concert in a fucking recession

  9. TJ

    Anyone who posts after me has a mother with a hairy ass.

  10. I’ve never read an entire book written by someone’s feet…

  11. Dick Hertz

    I bet that it will be a “pop up” book.

  12. Fiz

    Thats not Sean it’s Jayden the younger one.

  13. secretly everyone

    Oh shut up. The book will be in the bestseller section labeled “Schadenfreude”. You will buy it as a “prank” for somebody else and then both of you will read it.

  14. Kelley

    #7 You’re hilarious, I love it !! Too funny … probably true.

  15. Maria

    I got the title of her book Memoirs of A SLUT > WHORE> SEX ADDICT> CRAZY WOMAN……

  16. Alice

    The son does an excellent Down Syndrome impression. Just like mom.

  17. simplicity

    LOL @ 7

  18. pete

    Probably a fake story, but anyway, Dad won’t let her do it. He knows the formula just like everybody else: early success, crash and burn (drugs + crazy), comeback, flameout (drugs + crazy + not young anymore), tell-all autobiography. The book is always at the end.

    But at least she doesn’t have to worry about the “what will your sons think after they read your book?” question. I mean, look at him – do you think either “read” or “think” is in his future?

  19. bemine

    she is so ridiculous.and UGLY

  20. brooklyn

    SKANK UGLY BITCH.WHO CARES

  21. p0nk

    i’m going to wait for Mimi to review it.

  22. Jane

    Does K-Fed ever have those kids anymore?

  23. lizzy

    god those babies look EXACTLY like her it’s insane!!!

  24. joe m

    Everyone will want to read Britney’s next book,
    even the pathetic losers who are jealous of her.
    Those people must have really ugly wives,
    girlfriends,mothers,sisters,etc.

  25. Gaby

    You mean she CAN WRITE!!!!!!
    OMG!!!!!!! That is some shocking news endeed!

  26. cutesy

    Leave Britney’s kids alone!!!
    It’s not their fault if they were born to such parents :-(

  27. lola richie

    Although I would never read the book, I bet it will be a big seller. People are obviously intrigued. I will tell you that kids can make you feel tied down, which is detrimental to anyone accustomed to vacationing around around the world at the drop of a hat. Britney wants freedom, but she wants respect. Her overeating or food addition is probably fueled by a desire to control her life.

    Sad. No amount of money can ever change the way people view and disrespect the woman. I think she wants redemption before she leaves the limelight

  28. Mal Gusto

    I would love to be in the room when her agent says, “OK, Britney we want you to pen your own tome.”
    Just watching her eyes spin, then looking around the room, and then finally just starting to undress because she thinks it is some new sex act.
    Priceless.

  29. mimi

    Don’t make fun of me you lifeless assholes.

  30. missywissy

    I always thought celebs wrote biographies later on in life when they can look back and really analyze from a wiser point-fo-view and are more in-touch with themselves.

    Next thing you know, she’ll be popping out kids again to get them million dollar pics in People magazine. How much money does this girl need?

  31. Athena

    Let me 1st state – I am pulling for Britney!! I wish her well, poor thing has been through so very much.

    With that being said….
    OH MY! I thought I was over analyzing her actions with her gorgeous, precious little one Sean Preston. How could you be that way? Aside from a few Christmas photos and one from her brother’s wedding – I swear she never touches that baby =[
    It crushes me!!

    She is ALWAYS shown to only be holding/interacting/affection to the younger of her boys. Maybe that is the paparazzi goal, but after so many pictures, it makes me wonder??

  32. mamamiasweetpeaches

    “There’s nothing she’ll leave out….Unless she wants to”
    What a stupid friggin quote! What that basically says is she’s kept diaries and she’ll tell us all the stories she sees fit to share. Big ‘effin’ deal! I’m sure it will be one long patting-herself-on the back session!

    Also—loved how it went on tos ay she’d write 5 or 6 books. What is she? Shirley Maclaine? Has she lived more than once????

  33. Joe

    That is gonna take a hec of a good crayon sharpener

  34. pat

    Of course she’s not going to Write it. A professional writer will be hired, and will sit down and tape record stories from Britney. And if allowed the writer will read the diaries and see if any kind of coherent text is in there.
    I can imagine this will be a fairly boring book.

  35. Skiddles

    Ha! the public probably knows more truth, exposure, immoral warts and all about her life and trials than she remembers.. Otherwise she wouldn’t still cling to the loving mother, girl next door, Pop Princess, sexy-girl men would die for myth whom suddenly just got mad and shaved her head or something that time..

  36. ……………….copy a “BEAVIS & BUTTHEAD” episode?

  37. A captive fly on the wall watching the birth of "Uhaul Cain't Handel Mah Trooth

    Britney has some drinks to unwind and get started with her book: “Ahm gonna caul it, ‘Uhaul Cain’t Handel Mah Trooth…Ahm gonna talk about all them times ah gone ta Starbucks an ahm pretty shore you spell coughy widda cough and a e! NO, I’m right! ah know everthang ‘n ah donneed no damn ghost writer either, how is a dead guy sapposeta write a book? NO, don call mah Dad…he got mah wig and I cain’t find mah boots no mo cuza him…WAIT! Ahm tryinta git in a mood ta write…cain’t ah jis go ta Starbucks agin? Cain’t ah jis start writin’ thar? Ahm Britny Spearz….an ma daddy don own me…well, yes he does own me sum…but ahm still in charj of mah own self…’n ahm gonna write mah automyography and Ya’ll cain’t handle mah trooth…,

  38. AB

    looks like she is wearing a snuggie

  39. Balls McCoy

    @38 LOL, blankets are complicated y’all!

  40. Darkie

    @ 7

    Brilliant, lol.

  41. Kendra

    I hope this is false, I’d think her father would be wiser than to let her do this. Anyway, I feel sorry for her! Celebrities are real people with real feelings and sometimes I think people forget that. I’d hate to be a celeb and happen onto these comments out of curiousity. I’d cry for weeks if people were saying the types of things about me as they say about her. No wonder she seems to have low self esteem. I don’t think it is her fault she spun out of control, I think she had postpartum depression like Brooke Shields. Regardless of what anyone says about her, I don’t see her going anywhere I think she’ll be just like Madonna. Madonna has crashed and burned a few times, but always comes back. She is overtly sexual, just like Britney. She has caused lots of controversy just like Britney. I just think Britney has too many fans to fade out. I don’t think Britney is ugly by any means. Yes, she let herself go for awhile but now she is back in shape and looks great. It’s so funny how someone can go from being one of the prettiest people in the public’s eye, to gross, just because she gained a few pounds.

  42. jime

    Look at his leader jacket (L) i love him, he’s so cute like his brother

  43. I always thought that the star has written biographies later in life when you can look back and really analyze a FO-view are wiser and more in touch with themselves.

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