Britney Spears to light tree at Rockefeller Center

November 17th, 2008 // 35 Comments

Live in New York City? Now would be a good time to leave. Britney Spears is scheduled to light the tree at Rockefeller Center therefore ushering in Armageddon and ruining Christmas for every girl and every boy, according to OK! Magazine:

Sources close to the pop superstar confirm to OK! that on Dec. 3, the day after she turns 27 and her new album, Circus, hits record stores, Britney will be in the Big Apple for the 76th annual tree-lighting extravaganza. What’s still unclear is whether or not she’ll be performing at the ceremony, or just hanging out with host Al Roker for the NBC broadcast of the event.

BABY JESUS: Britney Spears? Are you shitting me?! She’ll eat the tree! Dad.
GOD: Son, the game’s on.
BABY JESUS: But, dad, she’ll ruin my birthday.
GOD: Jesus, Jesus, you’re killin’ me.
BABY JESUS: Fine. But I’m giving Stephen Baldwin those laser eyes he keeps asking for.
GOD: Yeah, yeah, sure, sure. TOUCHDOWN!

UPDATE: Stephen Baldwin blew up Hollywood, Keith Olbermann and beloved Harry Potter author J.K. Rowling today…

superficial

  1. xtina

    damn it

  2. I heard that she appeared on a millionaire & celebrity dating club ^^^^^^MillionaireLoving. C O M^^ ^^^^with a personal account there. Maybe you have the chance to talk to her online or meet some celebrities there. It is amazing.

  3. veggi

    Why not? She symbolizes everything that’s classically American – talentless celebrity, bad parenting, sexually perverse Christianity. If she lit the tree then went over to the manger and gave Baby Jesus a blowjob, it’d be perfect.

  4. wasi

    when is this? i (kinda) wanna attend..

  5. Im just worried Al Roker might get her into old habbits!

  6. b

    i wish her and the millionaire web site people would get ass cancer and die.

  7. The xtra b is for blows

  8. Andrio

    Gotta agree with #3. Britney=America.

  9. CaptainCack

    Agreed with #3 as well.

  10. Dread Pirate Robert

    I say give her a pair of scissors and tell her its the grand opening of something, merry x-mas ya’ll!

  11. Well, better than Paris Hilton..I hear she’s not so good with “lectricity”

  12. Dread Pirate Robert

    I say give her a pair of scissors and tell her its the grand opening of something, merry x-mas ya’ll!

  13. Dread Pirate Robert

    I say give her a pair of scissors and tell her its the grand opening of something, merry x-mas ya’ll!

  14. Sun - Star - TMZ

    One thing about E-Tabloids …They can always be counted on to be as two faced as is called for to get a story out …..

    Today it’s all about …”OMFG !! ” … Hillbilly Britney Spears is going to do something – in public !!

    Yesterday, it was all about what a good mom she is and how she got her shit together and how her new CD is sounding great again ….

    Whomever writes the trash-shit for this site …You have a tendency to contradict your own self – No wonder you write for Super.

  15. Frank Lucas' Bitch

    What the fuck is this shit? Who keeps giving this washed out white trash a job? Why is she always around? Seriously people, just let her die and rot so that we never have to see her ugly face, redneck ways and hear her horrible talentless songs ever again! God, the fact that she’s still around just shows everything that is wrong with the world.

  16. mimi

    Britney wishes all the haters a very Merry Christmas. She sincerely hopes that you all find some meaning in your lives that will make all your hatred and ouchies go away.

    Britney is not going away.

    GOD BLESS US EVERYONE!

  17. joe m

    Beautiful Britney could light up anyone’s life.
    Maybe the hateful,jealous losers could try to love her.

  18. Mene Paz

    Please don’t! Why not to have an honorable NY citizen?

  19. Mene Paz

    Please don’t! Why not to have an honorable NY citizen?

  20. Dozer

    I like the scissors idea. Make sure she’s standing in puddle of water. Could we have Paris help her cut the cord for the store opening?

  21. All the humans in the world and they give the job to the Mega-Beast.

  22. Alex

    Britney’s the best… we’re 100% behind you girl! Her new album is AMAZING.

  23. ummm...yeah

    Hahahaa, funny shit veggie…
    Hell she just might do it too,
    Shut the fuck up Alex…you fucking fag…you must be fucking deaf

  24. adnama0021

    WOW..WHAT A BUNCH NEGATIVE PEOPLE….I CAN NOT BELIEVE HOW EVERYONE IS BEING SO NEGATIVE TOWARDS BRITNEY. SHE DESERVES A SECOND CHANCE JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE. SHE IS HUMAN AND MAKES MISTAKES LIKE EVERY OTHER HUMAN IN THIS WORLD. MAYBE SHE WANTS TO SHOW HER KIDS SHE CAN DO A GOOD JOB….

  25. IWONKY

    Britney Spears To Light Tree At Rockefeller Center With One Of Her Stinkin’ Farts

    Sources reported today that Britney Spears plans to light the tree at Rockefeller Center with a blast from one of her stinkin’ farts. “Ahm purty shure ah could do it in one blast!”

    Ms. Spears was reportedly last seen at Taco Bell, making the last decisions on just the perfect quantity of bean-laden specialties items needed hasten her grand emission. ” Ya never can be too shure about these thangs.” Still experts are convinced that she will be successful in her first attempt.

    “Make shure that tree’s tied down!” was the last thing she said as she jetted off.

  26. Sport

    #25 hello?
    It’s the fucking Superficial you douche. Duh.

  27. IWONKY

    Britney Spears To Light Tree At Rockefeller Center With One Stinkin’ Fart

    Earlier today, some bonafide reputable sources reported that Britney Spears will indeed light the tree at Rockefeller Center with a blast of one of her stinkin’ farts. “Ahm purty shure ah could do it in one blast!” she was heard to exclaim loudly.

    Ms. Spears, reportedly last seen at Taco Bell, minutes ago made her last selections of just the perfect quantity of delectable bean-laden specialty items needed to hasten her grand, aromatic emission. ” Ya’ll can’t never be too shure about these thangs.” Experts are still convinced she will be successful in her very first attempt and have assured that the tree will indeed be tied down and securely bolted to it’s base.

  28. D. Richards (Douche.)

    Synopsis: Britney shows up thirty minutes late, high on methamphetamines, totally fucked up and paranoid. She uses “that crazy Manhattan traffic” as an excuse, and her being a “simple Southern girl from Lousiana (tee-hee),” then runs to the bathroom to purge the three Big Macs she inhaled on the way to Rockefeller Center.

    After thirty minutes of silence, Britney’s bodyguards bust down the bathroom door. Inside, they find Britney’s head stuffed in the stall farthest away from the door, the handicapped stall. She’s shoeless. There’s vomit, blood, piss, and shit everywhere. She’s crying, mumbling about her toenails. Some of Britney’s own shit is in her hair.

    Britney’s then rushed, screaming, to her limousine and taken back to McDonald’s.

  29. Wormwood

    It is Britney Spears after all, but everything should turn out O.K. as long as they keep reminding her that lighting the tree does not in any way involve fire.

  30. Master of The Obvious

    Officials Concerned That Smell Of Britney’s Giant Fart Could Induce Hallucinations And Possible Mass Hysteria

    “Whenever Ms. Spears shows her face, the level of low-grade hysteria in the public raises several notches and nearly reaches the red zone. We’ve also noticed certain blearly eyed individuals in her wake.” Such are the results of an exhaustive study undertaken minutes after the recent mild slippage of methane that sipped from Britney as she was leaving Taco Bell after her famous announcement that she would indeed light the tree at Rockerfeller Center with one blast of a Taco Bell fueled fart. Britney insists that her farts will not induce hallucinations, but our sources in the know say otherwise and fear “a sea of mindless, aimless people” will ensue after the massive official emission. And how the hell does she know what her farts will induce?

    Heather Locklear is believed to be a recent victim of one Britney’s fart spears or “spearfarts”, basically interchangeable lingo to describe the same astounding phenomenon.

    “It’s kinda better than drugs”~Andy Dick

  31. rob frost

    YEAH #25,
    LEEEAAAAAAVE BRIIIIIIIIITNNEEEEEEY ALOOOOOOOONE!!!!!!

    Also, I’m gonna have to call Illuminati ritual on this one.

  32. grossssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss

    All I could picture when I read this was Fatty Spears wearing some hideous two sizes too small red velour leisure suit and ratty old santa hat on a lame looking stage right next to that giant tree “running” (arms flailing, all retard style) on a special power generating treadmill or riding a stationary tree lighting bike all smiley and dazed looking and “singing” her old hit ‘Crazy’ (which of course she can’t remember the words to) with a microphone that she can’t figure out how to work (so basically what is heard is this: “mamememeymemymehhh CRAZYYYYYYY!!!! dededahdahdeh nenenunah CRAZYYYYYYY!!!!”), while a bewildered croud looks on wondering if Dumpy Mclazyunfitmotherpants will actually manage to light even one bulb since she keeps taking breaks to inhale turkey, pies, stuffing, yams, gravy dipped christmas cookies and candy from the overflowing buffet she demanded be set up right next to “the tree lighting magigger” all while attempting to “eat” a glass of egg nog with a filthy candy cane she found on the ground at rehersals (rehersals being Britney trying to decorate the tree with her kids as ornaments) leaving her face and outfit more and more food stained with every break she takes (about every 20 seconds).

  33. Tom K

    Omg!!! I agree with Veggie 100%

    Britney = America!

  34. Your Mom

    Christmas is not Jesus’ birthday. He was born nowhere near Christmas. Douche.

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