Britney Spears to give away sex tape

November 20th, 2006 // 103 Comments

According to a family friend, Britney Spears is “seriously thinking about” giving away a digitally re-mastered copy of her sex tape for free so Kevin Federline can’t make any money off of it.

“Brit figures she’ll beat that sucker to the punch, just like she did by giving away pictures of Jayden James,” said Spears family friend Nyla Price, 55, the owner of Nyla’s Burger Basket. “Half of nuthin’ is nuthin’, and that’s what her lying skunk of a husband will get if she gives that video away before he can find some sleazeball to buy it.” Federline has been saying the sex tape is four hours long, however, Price says the tape is closer to forty-five minutes

This is like a battle of wits between Britney Spears and Kevin Federline to see who can screw each other over the most. I’d compare it to an intricate game of chess but it’s really more like a pig wrestling contest. I picture each of them staying up late at night trying to put together battle plans, furiously scribbling on a notepad with their tongue sticking out. Then when you look at the notepad it’s just a bunch of numbers, with some of the 3′s facing the wrong way.


  1. mrs.t

    Why is she with Jason Priestley? And what kind of hillbilly logic is she employing with “I’ll show him-I’ll GIVE the dang thang away!”?

  2. mrs.t

    And that guy, Jason Priestly or not, has on the gayest jeans ever. I think the back pockets might be heart-shaped.

  3. PunjabPete

    More importantly, how can they both be in possession of the tape? Two copies? Two versions? I am starting to smell a setup here….

  4. Captain Walleye

    She has a fat ass.

  5. Kristin

    Yeah, how do they both have a copy of the tape?

  6. Ed Bambrick

    Can we pay to have the two of these clowns erased?

  7. minniememe

    JP has not aged well at all. Word is TCLJPC!

  8. jbeezy666

    probably one for her to take on the road with her. also, kudos to britney if she’s really going to do that. what guts to release a sex tape of yourself, what with having two kids and all. and, hey, if it’s gonna come out anyways, why not be in control of it? neato.

  9. It will be the smartest thing she ever did.

  10. captainpyro

    #3, Of course there are two copies. Federtard’s is four hours long, because he edited it to play in super-slo-mo. I also hear that in order to make himself look less like a tool he used Peter North as stunt-cock.

  11. herbiefrog

    …worked for paris

    …get it all over
    …move on

    not that you should listen to us… : )

  12. A.In no way is that Jason-it’s one of her hangers-on.
    B. I’m guessing she was able to get the new silicone ones.
    C. She was so excited to fit into her new size 6 jeans
    she neglected to get them hemmed.
    D. You can take the girl out of the country but you’ll never
    really clean her up.

  13. herbiefrog

    ooo… ooo… ooo…

    …shoot the hostage
    …does that help?

  14. captainpyro

    Also, I refuse to believe that that’s Jason Priestly. It looks more like Keith Richards after an extensive face-lift.

  15. BoognishRising

    Never thought I’d say it, but kudos for Brit.

  16. happy_bunny

    She should totally do this.

    In other news, holy crap was that source article badly written.

  17. RunningWithCarsAndBoysWithScissors

    It’s ridiculous that the facts are coming from the owner of Nyla’s Burger Basket. Not only that, but she’s seen it? What family friend watches your sex tape?
    Classy, Brit.

  18. Sladder

    This article was posted last week and was clearly intended as a fictional satire of the whole kfed/spears sex tape hype… whats funny is that how a lot of news sites have started posting the story as if it were real ( they probably just saw some other site post it and assumed it was real ). here is the very last part of the story which never made it into the many different web sites that posted it ( it was way at the bottom sectioned off, and it reads.. )

  19. RunningWithCarsAndBoysWithScissors

    and JP looks like a truck driver.. wtf happened?

  20. killahcheese

    at least she has some leverage now with K-Fed.

    Good for her

  21. #2, they’re not heart-shaped. They’re True Religions, aka jeans that cost more than 2 for $10 at Wal Mart.

  22. happy_bunny

    #19 Sladder:

    That article’s supposed to be satire? Not only is it a grammatical mess, but it’s unfunny too.
    I’m not sure if I believe you’re correct on this, but maybe; there’s another article on there about Shar Jackson saying K-Fed’s a “nice guy.” Could be another humorless attempt at satire. hmmm…

  23. Dory

    This is funny. What a way to fight back.

  24. BarbadoSlim

    Check and Mate, get a joooooob faggot.

  25. The trucker dude is her manager Larry Rudolph-she needs
    a new manager quick!

  26. Sladder

    #23 happy_bunny:
    Here is a link to the original article.

    you can clearly see its a take on her white trash roots, i mean confiding in the owner of the ‘burger basket’ or taking one-year-old Sean Preston and nine-week-old Jayden James

  27. JoannieBalonie

    Those extensions my god! I cant get over how hideous they are! She is such a mess! Team Aguilera!

  28. BarbadoSlim

    Jason Priestly? Looks more like Eric Roberts, either way he’s had a rough couple of years…

  29. supanigga

    this is the smartest thing britney spears has ever thought of.

    it would be better if she sold the tape herself. britney the smut peddler.

  30. herbiefrog

    he hates


    to repeat himself


  31. sexybitch

    This is the sort of strategery that got us into Iraq.

  32. LL

    If this story is true, it sounds like one of the better ideas she’s had. Granted, it’s pretty bad when giving away a sex tape prior to your impending divorce/custody hearing just to keep your money-grubbing baby daddy from profiting from it sounds like a good idea. But hey, those are the cards she was dealt.

    RE mystery dude: Hello, that’s her truck stop pimp. He’s got Lohan working for him, too. You’ll see them all at the classier Truck Stops of America. The blue plate special is a burger and a blow job for $10.

    Sorry, that was mean, but I couldn’t resist.

  33. Flip21

    Britney better give head to the aide who thought this up.

    Head and about $10 million.

  34. Binky

    Well – I think she’s found the right ‘price point’ as they say in the industry.

  35. tsarinaamanda

    Ugh, who really WANTS to see those two fucking anyways? I’m betting there will be at least one of the following items visible in the background at some point:
    A: Cheetos
    B: KY
    C: a bottle of Jim Beam or a can of Hurricane Malt Liquor
    D: a pack of Marlboro Reds
    (feel free to add your own!)

    You could make a drinking game out of it…like every time you see one of those items, you take a drink. Every time K-Tard says “Yo”, “Dawg”, or any other type of wigger-ism, you drink. Every time Brit says “Y’all”….well, you get the idea. The possibilities are endless!

  36. chilifries

    Ok, so two things.

    First, that’s not JP. And if it were, well, he did smash himself up pretty good playing race car driver, so I’m sure he’s so grateful to be walking and talking he could give a shit about what he looks like.

    Second, it’s a brilliant strategy, but it won’t get Britney very far. It’s called “wasting of assets” and is frowned upon by the legal system. Where it WOULD get Britney is in the middle of a courtroom, sandwiched between “experts” going through the tape frame-by-frame to try to determine what its value would have been had it been legitimately exploited so they can figure out what K-Fed’s 50% share would have been. And then she’d have to pay him that. And as much as I hate K-Fed and would love to see him on a street corner working as one of those “sign spinners”, she was dumbass enough to marry him, procreate with him, make a sex tape with him. She is merely sowing what she has reaped.

  37. Richard C Mongler

    There are still people who want to see Britney Spears naked? Kill yourselves.

  38. Chances of this happening are approximately zero.

  39. BarbadoSlim

    ooof #37 I forgot that little legal concept (shame on me) you are absolutely correct.

    still, get a fucking jooooob douchebag.

  40. chilifries

    #40, I have a job and, considering my post, I’ll give you one guess as to what it is. Hint: In my job, as on SuFi, I’m still sometimes referred to as “douchebag”.


  41. herbiefrog

    sorry but sean preston think its a good idea

    and we’ll see jj soon

    so do it
    do it now

    what ?

  42. your_therapeutic_smile

    i have to say…
    that’s really smart.

  43. happy_bunny

    chilifries: what if she sold the tape for cheap – way cheaper than what k-fed’s claiming to have been offered? like $100,000? and gave k-fed $50k? would that do it?

  44. Courtney

    Nice. Although I’d much prefer the Britney/Justin version.

  45. This whole scheme is right up there with OJ’s “If I Did It” book. I mean the mentality is just effin’ psycho.

    At least they cancelled OJ’s stupid show and book.

    How about Brit-brit’s new take on the sex tape…”IF I did a sex tape with Kevin, this is what it would be like…”

    Yeah, my point exactly.

  46. ‘Where it WOULD get Britney is in the middle of a courtroom, sandwiched between “experts” ‘

    Wouldn’t be the first time she was sandwiched between two experts.

  47. assfacecocknocker

    i would like to sandwich the bitch. between me and k-fed. we can film it too and i can get some of that dirty porn money.

  48. sayll

    Some 14 year old girl in Russia went bald just so that tubby former jailbait (sorry, pop “singer”) can fix the crappy haircut she got a week ago.

    She looks so plain and frumpy, I honestly can’t understand why anyone would want to see her clothed, let alone naked.

  49. Lauren

    Funny you should mention chess, because apparently, that’s what’s on the sex tape. I didn’t even know they could play chess.

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