Britney Spears is holding a mystery press conference tomorrow, and even her closest aides have no idea what she’s going to announce. She’s invited select media representatives, journalists, and record industry executives to the Los Angeles Convention Center. Sony exec Karen Phillips says:
“Britney hasn’t held a press conference in so long that we know it’s something big – pregnancy, a split, we’re not sure.”
They might not know the reason for the press conference but I know. Britney is going to announce she’s finally discovered the difference between baby powder and baking soda. And that no matter how much they look like powdered sugar, they both taste terrible. Oh, and that putting a baby in the blender isn’t as much fun as Jamba Juice would have you believe.
Gerald Tarrant | May 3, 2006 at 4:25 pm
Announcement from Brit?
A doctor told her what causes babies. Hopefully she’ll share with Anna Nicole.
Sodomy_is_for_Girls | May 3, 2006 at 4:26 pm
how the fuck do I have to sign in again?
Damn you Gerald. Damn you.
Akapee | May 3, 2006 at 4:27 pm
Why is this post not getting through?
BarbadoSlim | May 3, 2006 at 4:27 pm
THAR SHE BLOWS….PwFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFWHSSSHHH..
boogaloo | May 3, 2006 at 4:27 pm
obviously she’s about 9 mos. pregnant.
Sodomy_is_for_Girls | May 3, 2006 at 4:27 pm
baby powder and powdered sugar?
What about K-Fed’s blow?
Akapee | May 3, 2006 at 4:28 pm
Whatever she has to say will be reflective of her size – huge!!
BarbadoSlim | May 3, 2006 at 4:29 pm
Whatever she plans to say, it’s a sure is gonna be something stupid.
Trotter | May 3, 2006 at 4:30 pm
She’s announcing that she’s aborting the baby, due to severe defects. Tom Cruise has offered to buy the “products of conception” stating,
“I haven’t had a solid meal in weeks. There’s only so many sperm-smoothies a gay can take.”
Vampyreska | May 3, 2006 at 4:31 pm
Hopefully she’s announcing her retirement. Can you say “has-been”?
BarbadoSlim | May 3, 2006 at 4:31 pm
*sure bet* damn talk about stupid
boredmilf | May 3, 2006 at 4:31 pm
where does her neck end and chin begin?
Cinco De Lie-O | May 3, 2006 at 4:32 pm
clickity clickity click.
pinky_nip | May 3, 2006 at 4:32 pm
@7 Akapee: I’ll be sending you an invoice for the time I’ve wasted today reading your stupid-ass posts. You are about as funny as cancer.
86 | May 3, 2006 at 4:33 pm
#12 I was just thinking the same thing.
Italian Stallion | May 3, 2006 at 4:34 pm
@14 no shit…..priceless…..I’m not the only one who thinks that Indian is retarded…..
Sodomy_is_for_Girls | May 3, 2006 at 4:36 pm
#14:
Hey, sometimes CancerNipples is funny.
Don’t be a hater…
(I agree)
boredmilf | May 3, 2006 at 4:36 pm
I’m really starting to hate all these big-ass sunglasses they all wear…..
my 4 year old has a pair of sunglasses and when he puts them on he thinks he’s spiderman…. I wonder what/who Brit turns into when she wears hers.
Erienne | May 3, 2006 at 4:36 pm
Is PapaHotNuts gone?? I haven’t seen him in forever.
She’s announcing that because shes a dumb fuck and stepped on a needle, she has contracted AIDS/HIV. Good goin, Britney.
chanel_bear | May 3, 2006 at 4:37 pm
#14
Amen to that
CoJo | May 3, 2006 at 4:37 pm
Maybe she’s going to announce that K-Fed is the father of Anna Nicole’s fetus…and that she’s going to marry her too becuase one leach just isn’t enough…
“I’m Britney Spears! If I want to marry another girl I can!”
They do have alot in common when you think about it…
A. They are both whores
B. They are both fat whores
C. They are blond
D. They are inbred
E. They are both famous for being dumb inbred blond fat whores.
F. They are both from the South.
G. Neither have any talent.
Fisher55 | May 3, 2006 at 4:37 pm
hey, SODOMY: click the box that says “remember personal info” and u won’t have to keep signing in (maybe)
Iambananas | May 3, 2006 at 4:39 pm
The one guy in 98 Degrees, Jeff Timmons, aka the one without a famous ex-wife, TV dance championship or long-shot mayoral campaign, was arrested on charges of drunken driving and driving without a valid license in Florida on Apr. 23, the Brevard County Sheriff’s Office confirmed Wednesday.
WHO IS THAT?? I DON’T EVEN REMEMBER HIM!!
watcher | May 3, 2006 at 4:39 pm
i hate indians.
Gerald Tarrant | May 3, 2006 at 4:39 pm
Damn you Fisher. Stop giving away my secrets.
Iambananas | May 3, 2006 at 4:39 pm
I think she’ll announce that her and k-fed are breaking up… mark me premnition!
Sodomy_is_for_Girls | May 3, 2006 at 4:42 pm
I’m not sure which is cooler.
The fact that you told me to do that, or that you actually said: “Hey, Sodomy!”
There’s a first for everything, perhaps I shall content myself with that…
watcher | May 3, 2006 at 4:42 pm
who holds a press conference to announce a break up?
L. | May 3, 2006 at 4:43 pm
If this is a retirement announcement, I may just start believing that there is a TRULY loving God out there somewhere.
suzy | May 3, 2006 at 4:43 pm
oh brother…
maybe she’s leaving the entertainment industry and going into hiding..
oh what a blessing it would be!
chanel_bear | May 3, 2006 at 4:45 pm
she’s going to announce that her and K-FED have decided to convert to scientology, and in fact K-FED has become the new grand high whatever the hell they call it.
Gerald Tarrant | May 3, 2006 at 4:45 pm
Just remember what you ask for. If Moby Brit goes into hiding and/or retires that means more Paris/Lohan posts on the Fish.
Trotter | May 3, 2006 at 4:46 pm
Akapee is to be hated, indeed, but don’t know which slur to use… I’m assuming we’re dealing with an obese, drunken reservation dweller – but I’ve also dealt with some curried-goat eating wife beaters when calling customer service for my ISP who are about as articulate…
Any help?
chanel_bear | May 3, 2006 at 4:46 pm
people she may be retiring, but your still going to hear about her all the time. only worse, now she’s going to be like Paris Hilton who is famouse for being famouse.
86 | May 3, 2006 at 4:47 pm
Seriously. I wonder what it is.
Something about Sean Preston’s brain.
She’s pregnant again.
She has breast cancer.
Someone in her family is dying.
She’s moving to another country.
She’s angry at the paparazzi.
She’s going to adopt orphans from other countries.
I guess we’ll find out tomorrow…….
chanel_bear | May 3, 2006 at 4:48 pm
i like the one about curried-goat eaters….
bjpack | May 3, 2006 at 4:48 pm
I’ve been told that she will be announcing her pregnancy, her break up with KFed and the upcoming reality show where they will be choosing the person that will be raising her children.
Fisher55 | May 3, 2006 at 4:50 pm
maybe she ate nicole richie
Trotter | May 3, 2006 at 4:51 pm
Chanel_bear, any thoughts there? What the fuck is Akapee? Aside from a flagrant idiot, of course.
chanel_bear | May 3, 2006 at 4:52 pm
omg! she’s turning lesbian, and is going to raise her children with Rosie O’Donnald.
chanel_bear | May 3, 2006 at 4:54 pm
trotter: personally, i think that Akapee is somehow related to sherry-co and meganharris in an inbred britney spears asking her cousin to “hit me baby one more time” sort of way….
86 | May 3, 2006 at 4:54 pm
Maybe CPS is demanding that she live in a one-story home so that the child won’t roll out of the top floor window.
PapaHotNuts | May 3, 2006 at 4:55 pm
I would love if she went all Ron Burgandy style with her news conference:
Ladies and gentlemen, can I please have your attention. I’ve just been handed an urgent and horrifying news story. I need all of you, to stop what you’re doing and listen.
CANNONBALL!!!
But instead of her jumping into a swimming pool, I wish a real cannonball would hit her in the face and kill her, Kevin, and knock her baby out of his highchair one more time so his journey in mental retardation could be completed without the needless years of accidental dropping, kicking, setting on fire by his chuckleheaded parents.
86 | May 3, 2006 at 4:57 pm
Seriously, why is she so fat?
CoJo | May 3, 2006 at 4:57 pm
She’s going to announce that she just signed a 2 year contract with TrimSpa (baby) and is going to debut her new song, “I don’t want to be a fat hillbilly anymore”
Trotter | May 3, 2006 at 4:58 pm
@41
Got it. I was trying to write a funny one about MeganHarris & Akapee being related and all, but then I realized it’s impossible to consider anything about them as funny.
Aside from the fact that they’re retarded, inbred transexuals who cannibalize aborted fetuses. That’s kinda funny.
chanel_bear | May 3, 2006 at 5:00 pm
@46
i think i may love you a little
Gerald Tarrant | May 3, 2006 at 5:00 pm
I think we’re all missing the big picture. Britney had a Sony Exec tell the media she has “something” to say. Why the fuck do we care?
I know, maybe she found a cure for cancer, or discovered a new alternative fuel source, or how to break the speed of light.
It’s Brittney fucking Spears. We’re supposed to sit on the edge of our seats and hold our breath for this Earth shaking, life altering announcement? Ooohh, the suspense is making my akapee’s flare up already.
WTF | May 3, 2006 at 5:01 pm
Britney Spears to announce buying stock in Krispy Kream. Good for you, Brit.
Fugurself | May 3, 2006 at 5:04 pm
Is this a site for losers with no lives to type out their trite views about wealthy superstars?