Britney Spears teaches your kids about Kabbalah

I don’t know much about children, and everything I do know, I learned from babysitting the Lindbergh baby, and that advice I got from Roman Polanski. But I do know enough about children to know that there is very little Britney Spears can teach them. Apparently, though, Kabbalah disagrees with me. They’ve asked her to write a children’s book based on the cult’s teachings, and she seems pretty keen on the idea.

Except I don’t see how Britney can be much help. Unless Kabbalah has a story called Barefoot Eli and the Magical Bathroom Tetanus. Or The Frog Prince, except in this version, after the princess kisses the frog, it turns into a dancing sack of dirt. Kevin Federline could even write the forward for that book. It’s about time that sack of dirt starting pulling his weight.