Britney Spears thinks she’s a better parent than Kevin Federline

November 25th, 2008 // 75 Comments

Remember when I said Britney Spears should never leave the house without being airbrushed? I forgot one important fact: You can’t airbrush trailer park. Seriously, did Britney shoot this Rolling Stone cover herself? “Here’s mah belly, y’all! It’ll sell them maggerzines.” Anyway, if you can’t tell, the latest issue features an interview with “new and improved” Britney who keeps getting more precious every time she talks. And by more precious I mean someone’s getting an ear bit off soon:

On her new subdued life:
“I feel like an old person now,” she says one afternoon, as a manicurist applies rhinestones and girly pink lacquer to her chewed-up nails. “I do! I go to bed at, like, 9:30 every night, and I don’t go out or anything, you know what I mean? I just feel like an old fart.”

On her appearance:
She says she’s considering lopping off the weave she’s worn since shaving her head in 2007, and when she counts up her tattoos — “Seven! Oh, my God, y’all!” — she falls back into the couch giggling, kicking her feet in the air.

On her dad’s iron fist:
She is watched over day and night by security guards Jamie hired (and she’s paying for); it’s also rumored that Britney’s phone calls are closely monitored and that she’s not allowed to drive her own Mercedes. Recently, says one source with ties to the Britney camp, Jamie fired a guard who let the singer use his phone. (Her rep denies the claim.)

On Kevin Federline:
“They don’t look like their father at all,” she continues. “And it’s weird ’cause they’re starting to learn words like ‘stupid,’ and Preston says the f-word now sometimes. He doesn’t get it from us. He must get it from his daddy. I say it, but not around my kids.”

Oh, wow, that’s fucking awesome: Britney Spears criticizing Kevin Federline’s parenting. Amazing. First, it was her dad completely turning her life around and saving her from lying dead in a ditch of crazy. Now, it’s Kevin Federline, who may be a douche, but didn’t use their sons as coasters. At this point, I’m pretty sure you could drop Britney in the desert with a canteen, and she’d bitch about the water: “Why is this dumb shit keeping me hydrated? I hate you, wet stuff!”

In fact, let’s do that. I’ll rent the chopper.

superficial

  1. Maybe she think she is better than Kevin. However, living with both parents is better than divorce.

  2. mink

    I like how one of the headline on the mag says ‘skanky Brits.’

  3. JT

    If the media stopped hyping her and never reported on or gave her another cover, she would disappear into obscurity.

    Thing is, no matter how ‘f’ed up’ or metally unbalenced she is, people will still embrace her and throw money her way. I am fairly certain she could take a dump on her fans heads and they would run laughing home with some sort of brain-heat happiness only later to bitch and moan. But they’d still love her. It’s mind blowing and on every level of retarded.

    This talentless chick is really like Herpes; It goes away, and then resurfaces 2 weeks later.

  4. Astrid

    That cover is fucking awful.

  5. jenny

    ayn rand @47 is totally right. Jamie Spears is doing a good job, but poor britney has been badly messed up but her money-grubbing mother. Britney reminds me of other child stars who stay children for the rest of their lives. (Like Michael Jackson, Edward Furlong, Macauly Culkin). Maybe Britney has peter-pan syndrome too & she really does have the developmental age of 15. Poor thing.

  6. kitty_kat

    @12- Are you forgetting that it was her dad who stepped in and got things under control? I can’t believe that you’re actually making him out to be a villian when he deserves nothing but praise for caring enough about Britney to take her out of her self-destructive path.
    What I also can’t understand is why everyone is making K-fed out to be this great dad. Is everyone forgetting that HE CHEATED ON HIS PREGNANT GIRLFRIEND with Britney in the first place?? Seriously, you’re kidding yourself if you think that he wanted those kids for any reason other than money. I’m sure that if Shar Jackson started acting how Britney was he wouldn’t be in such a hurry to get custody of those kids.

  7. jadorepandas

    well, everybody has their own opinions. i personally think she looks really cute and natural. these photographers/photo editors choose these certain photos to go on the cover for a reason, you know?

    she doesnt look contrived at all; look at her face, it looks like shes just messing around and having a good time and a laugh.

    people forget shes just a young girl from a small town. im sure she was most comfortable and normal in the clothes shes wearing. it seems more real than those super-made up photo shoots everyones done before. this seems more low maintenance and back to her roots.

    but thats just me. hate on her all you want.

  8. Narcissist

    Photoshopped Stone Magazine.

  9. fletcher

    Apparantly she’s on her way to England this week, I’m warning you now if you don’t keep her I’m sending Jordan and Kerry Katona. And you will be sorry!

  10. it.aint.real.folks

    So Rolling Stone owns a copy of Photoshop…big whoop.

  11. 0h_hey

    jeezus give her a break. i bet half the reason shes still so popular is because twats like you still need to make fun of her to feel better about yourself. shes doin good now, i was never a britney fan but i’m happy to see her getting her life back together.

  12. BIO

    she is really ugly bitch.no one believes in her anymore.SHE WILL BE BREAK AGAIN SOON.AND SHE WILL DISAPOINT HER FANS TOO.SHE IS NOT STRONG AS MADONNA.MADONNA IS PERFECT.QUEEN OF POP.BRIT NEVER WILL BE LIKE HER

  13. schmagelly

    Ya can’t airbrush crazy…

  14. Britney should focus on her true fans, which would be her kids.

  15. Ya'll

    I like that just cuz she’s not fat anymore and maybe off one medication she’s apparently “back.” According to who? Her record company? Let’s let them force feed us other little girls to break under the pressure of fame. BRING ON THE VIRGINS

  16. DirtyFootWorshipper

    She may be nuts but I always feel a sexual pull when I see her photos. Maybe it’s her foot fetish…..

  17. IM SICK OF BRIT BRIT

    Britney has a disease that’s immune to money, stylists and meds. It’s called STUPIDITY y’all.

    “I feel like an old person now,” she says one afternoon, as a manicurist applies rhinestones and girly pink lacquer to her chewed-up nails.”

    Rolling Stone’s article was very sarcastic indeed. I wonder if Britney ever got the joke? I guess not.

  18. you need Filthy Richmond

  19. thomas Robinson

    Shouldnt judge persons by where they grew up I have lived in trailer parks, and I can tell you, most of the persons were a hell of a lot nicer than those in a Mc Mansion in a a gated community. Yeah, dipshit, talking to you now. Own my home and 47 acres. Paid off. By the grace of God and pure luck, I guess. Quit the shit about trailer parks and trailer trash. How would you like it if you were refered to as “project trash”. I get so damn tired of double standards.

  20. Me

    I AGREE

    K-Fed is a lazy jerk who took advantage of his wife’s mental breakdown that he helped create by cheating on her when she was pregnant.

    I do not believe he is the better parent when Britney is stable. He has nannies taking care of those kids, he is not doing it.

  21. mk

    I loved Britney since then, I’m so happy that she is back now. People will always judge her. But millions of people still love her including me. Success is not measured by how high you reach the top but on the way you stand up with every downfall. Britney had a troubled life but now she’s putting back every thing in her life and that is success.

  22. carlitos

    TO BRITNEY`s HATERS:
    everytime you guys say something negative about her you are actually making her stronger!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    there are more britney´s fans than britney´s hater in this fucking world

  23. joe m

    Golly Gee! Not only are crybabies jealous of beautiful Britney.
    They’re also jealous Kevin,Lynn,Jamie and entire Spears family.

  24. snow white

    I agree she has come a long way. She was brought up in the world of crazziness and had a break down who hasn’t after a divorce and a bum of a husband like K Fed. Give the girl credit for putting her life back on and working at it, she has come a long way, and I agree K Fed does not deserve any money joint custody 50/50 with no money at all, K Fed get a job maybe you will loose some weight. Unless you have gone through a divorce and depression don’t judge.

  25. Black Dalia

    What can I say?I can’t figure her out!Britney is a mystery unsolved!!!! hik !hik! ….

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