Britney Spears thinks she’s a better parent than Kevin Federline

November 25th, 2008 // 75 Comments

Remember when I said Britney Spears should never leave the house without being airbrushed? I forgot one important fact: You can’t airbrush trailer park. Seriously, did Britney shoot this Rolling Stone cover herself? “Here’s mah belly, y’all! It’ll sell them maggerzines.” Anyway, if you can’t tell, the latest issue features an interview with “new and improved” Britney who keeps getting more precious every time she talks. And by more precious I mean someone’s getting an ear bit off soon:

On her new subdued life:
“I feel like an old person now,” she says one afternoon, as a manicurist applies rhinestones and girly pink lacquer to her chewed-up nails. “I do! I go to bed at, like, 9:30 every night, and I don’t go out or anything, you know what I mean? I just feel like an old fart.”

On her appearance:
She says she’s considering lopping off the weave she’s worn since shaving her head in 2007, and when she counts up her tattoos — “Seven! Oh, my God, y’all!” — she falls back into the couch giggling, kicking her feet in the air.

On her dad’s iron fist:
She is watched over day and night by security guards Jamie hired (and she’s paying for); it’s also rumored that Britney’s phone calls are closely monitored and that she’s not allowed to drive her own Mercedes. Recently, says one source with ties to the Britney camp, Jamie fired a guard who let the singer use his phone. (Her rep denies the claim.)

On Kevin Federline:
“They don’t look like their father at all,” she continues. “And it’s weird ’cause they’re starting to learn words like ‘stupid,’ and Preston says the f-word now sometimes. He doesn’t get it from us. He must get it from his daddy. I say it, but not around my kids.”

Oh, wow, that’s fucking awesome: Britney Spears criticizing Kevin Federline’s parenting. Amazing. First, it was her dad completely turning her life around and saving her from lying dead in a ditch of crazy. Now, it’s Kevin Federline, who may be a douche, but didn’t use their sons as coasters. At this point, I’m pretty sure you could drop Britney in the desert with a canteen, and she’d bitch about the water: “Why is this dumb shit keeping me hydrated? I hate you, wet stuff!”

In fact, let’s do that. I’ll rent the chopper.

superficial

  1. ashley

    first

  2. ashley

    first

  3. ashley

    first

  4. ashley

    first

  5. Keep it classy San Diego

  6. Balls McCoy

    Credit the writer: “Here’s mah belly, y’all! It’ll sell them maggerzines.” You managed to make me laugh to the point that I must admit, you’re almost as brilliantly funny as I am!

  7. alliegirl

    Remember when Rolling Stone magazine was about music?

  8. beefytee

    decent job covering up that double chin…some plastic surgery SHOULD be done.

  9. LIMERICK_MAN_FOREVER!

    Britney Spears

    There was a young singer named Spears
    Whose talent was left in arrears
    Her songs, if you’ve heard
    Are like polished up turds
    Causing listeners to slice off their ears

  10. ktb

    After going through all the film, this was her best picture?
    And yes she can what? Sing? I don’t think so!

  11. havoc

    I’ll pitch in for the chopper.

    Wait. Are you talking about landing it or just pushing her out?

    .

  12. Fernanado Narcos

    Even though the fact this woman even exists offends me quite a bit,I can’t help but feel she’s surrounded by nothing but pimps,her daddy the worst of them.She is nothing but a payday to these people,who really don’t give a fuck about anything other than keeping her together just enough to keep the money rolling in.Jamie Spears needs his ass kicked twice a day for the rest of his life.

  13. Savalas

    Remember when Rolling Stone was relevant?

  14. Green_Sex_Toys

    I’m in Rolling Stone! The ladies will check me out fo’ sho’!

  15. Unbelievable! This girl is such cartoon character… you sure she doesnt have only four fingers!

  16. Richard McBeef

    @Alliegirl

    Remember when MTV was about music?
    Remember when VH1 was about music?
    Remember when heavy breathing and prepackaged pop wasn’t music?

    Those were the days.

  17. Mike

    RD, You are like a cartoon character. You have no genitals and a stupid look on your face all the time.

  18. Randal

    Britney, you were a product of media fire, always pointing the finger at every little thing you did, placing your personal life under a microscope only to have it blown way out of proportion.

    You’re a great mother and an excellent role model for your two children. As you learn from each experience (because let’s face it, no one is taught how to be a parent), you’ll also become a better person and mother.

    Randal

  19. Leila

    She doesn’t look attractive, she lacks talent, she has the intelligence of a carrot, the emotional stability of a dead suicide and she’s is not even thankful to her father or Federline for not allowing her precious genes to go to hell, somebody tell me please, Why is she getting money and attention again?.
    I really don’t understand this.

  20. mimi

    Britney’s doing great and ya’ll suck if you don’t like it!

  21. sara

    i think we all know why they don’t look like their father………..

  22. Mike? ill say most people almost skip over what you wrote to read Randal’s post until they saw RD in the sentence and went back,,,,Now, kicking them self for wasting time reading a disgruntle rough obsessed fan gibberish…

  23. Britney? Sounds like the patella on an Anglo…

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHASHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

    (crickets)

  24. Britney? Sounds like the patella on an Anglo…

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHASHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

    (crickets)

  25. Damn… one errant double click… double the corniness. I blame the subject matter.

  26. b

    This should be an ad campaign for adobe photoshop!!!

  27. ummm...yeah

    Shit…I’m tired of this bitch…
    Skankney needs to shut her fuckin mouth…no more interviews…everytime that bitch opens her mouth she says something fuckin incredibly stupid.
    Havoc…I’m going for pushing the bitch out of the copter…right on top of Randal.
    Mike and RoughDaddy sittin in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g! First comes fudge, then comes ludge, then comes RD with his ass on backwards!
    What a fuckin waste of my time…

  28. surah

    People who come on celebrity blogs and complain about how much britney is posted about are HILARIOUS! she’s one of the most famous people on the planet, what.do.you.expect? she sells. live with it.

  29. Anon

    Never thought her husband would leave her?

    didn’t she divorce him?

  30. I remember when Rolling Stone was all about the music man. Why do I need a copy with Britney Spear’s airbrushed belly on the cover? Oh yeah, the litter needs changing. Y’all!

  31. Ben Grieve

    #19, a “dead suicide” has the maximum amount of emotional stability possible, assuming that they aren’t re-animated.

  32. Okay Brit, time to keep your mouth shut. I think she looks cute, but they could have done a better photo shoot.

  33. Okay Brit, time to keep your mouth shut. I think she looks cute, but they could have done a better photo shoot.

  34. Dave the slave

    Not bad, but the magazine is shit.

  35. r

    Gee she is sooooooooooooo ugly, she looks like she is in her 40′s.
    And what a liar, she does cuss in front of her kids, we have heard
    you bitch. She is so arrogant and blames everyone else for all her troubles when she is fully to blame for ALL of it. Kevin is no saint but he is a much better parent than this selfish whore will ever be. She is pathetic. And Rolling Stone haven’t been about music for a long ass time. Since they started putting this talentless slut on their covers.

  36. LL

    What I love is how all the media outlets are giving Britney this free advertising to tell everyone how awesome she is now that she’s not behaving like a truck stop hooker. And way to manage our expectations, Brit Brit: “Hey, I’m not showing my vag to the entire world and puking up overpriced drinks in my car, so I’m old. I really miss those carefree days of 6 months ago when I blacked out all the time and drove my car into stuff. Good times. Whaddaya mean I have two kids? The fuck?”

    RE “Preston says the f-word now sometimes. He doesn’t get it from us. He must get it from his daddy. I say it, but not around my kids.”

    Mothers say this shit all the time and it is ALWAYS a lie. They yap on their cell phone constantly, dropping F-bombs left and right and then shit a brick when their precious says “fuck” and gets scolded by a grandparent or teacher.

  37. b

    if i had a sniper rifle………

  38. Take out Food

    People keep paying attention to her because they like train wrecks. You look at a pile of cow poop – you’re disgusted but there’s a dark part of people who still look.

  39. Balls McCoy

    @37, if you had a sniper rifle I should hope you would turn it on Eliott_Spitz_on_Her for that patella anglo joke.

  40. Balls McCoy

    @37, if you had a sniper rifle I should hope you would turn it on Eliott_Spitz_on_Her for that patella anglo joke.

  41. Balls McCoy

    bah-dum-bump!

    (end scene)

  42. urfavbrunette

    britney….i love you and all, but good grief, LET THE BELLY RING GO!!! so nasty…..

  43. urfavbrunette

    britney….i love you and all, but good grief, LET THE BELLY RING GO!!! so nasty…..

  44. mee

    I hate to be mean, but she needs to close her mouth. why does she always have her mouth open in pictures? And the hair is so 80′s but I guess thats “in” right now.

  45. mee

    If she’s bipolar, she’s def in a manic phase, judging by the photo.

  46. R32ster

    I have to agree on the belly ring. Otherwise, I think that’s the hottest photo she’s ever shot.

  47. ayn rand

    To those blasting Jamie Spears – he’s the only one who gives a damn to take care of her. Her mother treated her like a whore and a mealticket – encouraging her to relate to everyone on a sexual level and never setting any limits.

    We all know Britney can’t sing and has little real talent but it’s rather sad that she’s been pushed to the limits of crazy and beyond because her mom cared more about making a buck off of her.

    Kevin might be rather trashy but he seems to keep his nose clean, take care of the kids and stay out of trouble.

    I especially hate the “go Britney!” stuff I hear. She’s closer to 30 than to 20 but expresses herself like a slow 15 year old. She’s still a child and needs to learn discipline and self control. Her father seems to be trying. Look how well her mom did with Jamie-Lynn? Knocked up at 16, letting the boyfriend spend the night. Pretty bad. At least her father is trying to take care of her. It’s just sad that a 27 year old has to have her father take care of her like a child or she goes off the deep end.

  48. venom

    Who the HELL poses like that? What a contrived picture.

    Rolling Stone hasn’t been relevant in decades.

  49. joe m

    Britney is still beautiful.
    All of us,including you jealous losers,
    should continue to pray for Britney.

  50. denise

    What was that song she did……”I’m not that talented”

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