Britney Spears really needs the help

June 19th, 2006 // 130 Comments

superficial

  1. LilRach

    This is so old. I’m in NZ and it’s been out here for ages. So in other news……

  2. Dashing Dave Ditko

    Man she’s dumb. I’d hit it still.

  3. hendero

    of course she uses “air quotes”. She’s an “air head”

  4. wastingtime

    Greatest. Meltdown. Ever.

  5. krisdylee

    I have officially exhausted all my cuntiness regarding Britney. I now only feel twinges of pity combined with annoyance of hearing all about her fucked up life.

  6. jane's eyre

    GAHHH! Couldn’t watch more than a few minutes. And I agree, this is very old news.

  7. BarbadoSlim

    I read somewhere that Matt Lauer ABSOLUTELY refused to do the sit down until a HazMat team was brought in to clear the smell of unwashed crotches and stale tabaca’ outta the room with high pressure hoses from tanker trucks filled with Fabreze.

    true story

  8. jane's eyre

    Love the part where she says,

    “I’ve wept with the world…” in response to his question as to whether she’s cried over being called a bad mom.

    What an ass.

  9. CoJo

    Dear Britney,

    In order to gain the public’s respect or your own self-respect back, please follow these 6 simple rules:

    1. Lose 20 lbs.
    2. Lose K-Fed in a public display of “gofuckyourselfyoufreeloadingloser-youhaveasmallpenisanyway”
    3. Let the manny handle the children, you stick to working out and making money.
    4. STOP CHEWING EFFING GUM WITH YOUR MOUTH OPEN!
    5. Whenever stepping foot in public, hire a hair & makeup artist and a stylist. They do it for a living, you stick to trying to sing.
    6. Never use air quotes ever again unless your “quoting someone”.

  10. sld

    Poor Britters, all that was missing was a great big lactating booby popping out.

  11. johnnywad

    Matt Lauer looks like at times he’s trying not to bust out laughing at her and point and make sounds like children do when they see the baboons at the zoo.

    And at other times he looks like he’s thinking “Goddamnit, they never made Brokow interview a dim-witted hick like this!!!”

  12. Jacq

    Anyone see the TMZ article about how she’s slipping back to Louisiana?
    One of her false eyelashes even fell off when she started to cry. And, it’ll continue to drive me crazy – spit out the fuckin’ gum COUNTRY!!

  13. BigJim

    I guess when you’re “cuntry” you figure there isn’t much difference between going on national television and going to a NASCAR race.

    She gives the term “double wide” all new meaning, but being preggers, I guess I can forgive that. What she really needs to do is lose 160 pounds of K-Fag.

  14. annie

    she’s chewing gum during an interview… i can’t believe it.

  15. Love that she threw Julia Roberts under the bus. Nothing is better for your career than pissing off somebody more powerful in the entertainment industry than yourself.

  16. Fugurself

    Isn’t it amazing that she can chew gum and shed tears at the same time?

    Why doesn’t she just crank out a few pornos and get it over with?
    Your 15 minutes are up dumbass – fifteen minutes of fame is too much.
    Britney falls into that rare category for whom fifteen seconds of fame is too much.

  17. Fugurself

    Britney Spears to play doctor with me in my trailor,
    caress my balls in her mouth,
    and smear my man goo in her hair.

  18. Celetina

    What disturbed me most about the interview (I caught it on TV; I’m a failure, I know) is the way her shirt fit like a thong. It’s totally okay to gain weight like that when you’re pregnant, but is it that hard to pick REMOTELY FLATTERING CLOTHES? It was utterly disgusting to watch.

  19. Jennifer

    I was never a big Britney fan but I have to admit I feel terrible for her at this point in her life. Clearly she is not in a good place in her personal life, and she has had people taking care of everything for her since she was a child. She was sheltered and exploited at the same time, and now that she has grown-out of her hot-teenager jail bait persona, she has been tossed aside.

    You can’t possibly believe that the Dateline people couldn’t have forced her to use thier hair and make-up people. She NEEDED this interview, she set it up! And where is her mother?? Seriously, no one is looking out for this girl. They left her to sink or swin and she is so obviously drowning.

  20. Nikk The Templar

    That was so awful, I have the sudden urge to go drink moonshine and walk barefoot into a public bathroom.

  21. Evangelia

    i love it how they intersperse old sexy clips of her with how she looks now. it led me to make a realization. this is not the same britney. someone kidnapped her.

  22. Mick Fox

    her voice at the beginning of the last clip creeps me out.

  23. The best comment of this interview was that she was not drawn to trash??? What?? Kevin, anything she wears, etc. Also, what does Julia think about Britany turning her out during the interview??? I hope Kevin is making alot of money because I think her career ended during this interview. And she expects us to believe that she did not realize that Kevin was with Shar, Bull Shit!!! What does Shar have to say about that. Once a cheater always a cheater. What was with those eyelashes??? Matt gave an award winning interview just for the fact that he did not laugh in her face. After Chaotic Britney should not complain about the media scrutiny. She is not country, she is whitetrash, trailer park, redneck, losers!! Her and Kevin are like Bobby and Whitney or that trailer park couple from the Simpsons. Hopefully both of them will just go away.

  24. Tha-Flash

    Ya, leave the woman alone you fat bastards.

  25. shankyouverymuch

    Multiple air quotes… “CLASSIC”

  26. cocosbaby

    Can she even get her facts straight? Julia Roberts stole Danny Moder from his wife, who was not pregnant at the time. Unlike Britney, who just steals men from baby mammas.

  27. Brokeneyes

    I love how she places the blame of all her accidents on photographers. She just has to confess that she didn’t know wtf she was doing. Everyday I hate her more.

  28. LickyLicky

    Sad. Just sad. She needs to get her shit together, or at least pay someone to get her shit together for her.

    Did she call her babies her ‘boo-boos’? Freudian slip, anyone?

  29. Zapp Brannigan

    I’ve watched the terrorist beheading videos all the way through, but I couldn’t sit through this. Seriously.

  30. Charshine

    “I was hungry”

    Big surprise there!

  31. Wouldn’t it have been great if she reeeeally melted down on air? Like, while she was sobbing she farted LOUDLY, and the camera cut to Matt’s pained expression. Or in one of her rambling diatribes about how she’s not that bad because others do it, she outs all of Hollywood (“Julia stole a pregnant woman’s hubby, and nobody says nothin’. Clay Aiken swallows keilbasa whole and all night, and nobody says nothin’. Tom Cruise loves the cock, and only the people at The Superficial say something.”) Or she smears a big, bloody booger across her cheek and when Matt tries to tell her she makes it worse (Matt – “You appear to have something smeared across your cheek there, Britney.” Britney – “Probably just some of Kev’s baby gravy.”). Don’t you wish Lauer attacked her like he did Tommy Boy? Just went for the kill? Britney would be reduced to a quivering mound of cheeto-dusted, tear-stained hick fuck. And for any out there feeling pangs of remorse for this white trash Kylie Minogue, please rent Chaotic and shut the fuck up. Contrast the gleeful arrogance on display with the sorry sack of shit propped up before Matt Lauer. All that will make the downward spiral complete is the eventual new album, the comeback album/tour, flopping miserably. Then we can all sit back and anxiously await the VH1 Behind The Music.

  32. ptprez

    brit really needs help…

    water is really wet…

    the sun is really hot…

    ice is really cold…

    lame-bananas is really a fuck-stick…

  33. LilRach

    #19 – i have to agree. I really feel for her and what the media has put her through. We can take the piss out of her and mock her all we want but we really don’t know the whole truth as to what has really gone on at all because it has all been blown out of proportion.

    When i see the part when she starts to cry i honestly just wana cry too! She is only human guys. I know this is the wrong place to been saying all this – but come on – there must be someone out there that feels maybe a little sorry for her – anyone??

  34. Pearly

    I love how she never even tries to defend her “baby oopses” she just goes on and on about tabloids “cheap shots.” A cheap shot doesn’t include driving with your kid on your lap in the front seat. That’s just stupid as hell. She looks like hell, acts like an idiot and goes on prime time TV to complain about the media?? Dressed like that?
    Way to make the tabloids point, shit for brains.

  35. ptprez

    34

    she asked for everything she gets…

    “look at me world”

    why doesn’t she french kiss madonna again…

    move away and stay quiet…she’s no better than that pig mariah…

  36. ptprez

    boo fuckity hoo…

  37. She tries to act like she’s one of the crowd, but her past has been all about being a diva.

  38. jane's eyre

    34

    *crickets chirping*

  39. bluecanary

    YES, #24. I knew she reminded me of someone. the trailer park woman from Simpsons. “GIMME BACK MA WOMB FRUIT!!!”

    Anyone who chews gum in public needs to be punched in the neck, pregnant or no. I’m from the south, and there’s a lot of difference between “southern” and “trailer trash.”

  40. BoardBetty

    “He’s simple. He’s like a boy.”

    Yup, those are some winning qualities in a man. My favorite quotation of hers has to be, “He has a really big heart.”

    And by “heart” of course, she means “dick.” Obviously, he’s a good roll in the hay, but if Sex in the City taught us ANYTHING it’s that you don’t try to have a relationship with Mr. Pussy!!!

  41. BarbadoSlim

    “Shitney” “is” “a” “fat” “dirty” “pig” “who” “likes” “to” “fuck” “and” “roll” “around” “in” “her” “own” “filth” “.”

    and you can quote me on that.

  42. ellaminnowpea

    yeah…I feel sorry for her…for being so FUCKING stupid and thinking that SHE is a superior brain over and above the American public. PULEEEEZ!!!
    She ASKED for this.
    Why?
    Because she “really doesn’t care what anyone thinks about her”….but called in Matt Lauer to set the record straight, oh, excuse me, I meant to say “schtraight” (God that grates on my nerves!!!) ENUNCIATE!!!!
    The saddest thing about it?
    When they showed the clips of her singing Christmas carols when she was 17 and interviewed by Matt–she seemed more mature and more poised than this blubbering Jabba the Hutt that sat there oozing out of her sheer rags.
    Yeah….I’m sorry – Sorry that her parents were shitty parents and lacked childrearing skills and this new generation is even worse!
    She now gives rednecks and white trash a bad name!! sad…….> “you know” “you know” “you know”…You know?!?!

  43. ellaminnowpea

    @42 – “he’s simple”….where I’m from, saying someone is ‘simple’ is a PC euphemism for being retarded or developmentally slow….now is that a nice thing to say about her ‘boy’?!?!

  44. BoardBetty

    . . . and oh my gawd!!! Can someone teach this woman to sit up straight? She’s got to have the worst posture.

  45. LL

    Didn’t watch, cause the plentiful promos made it clear that it would be nothing but 30 minutes of Britney crying. I’m tempted to sorta agree that people have been a mite rough on her. I mean, her kid’s still alive, right? What more do you people want? BUT:
    * She did that crappy “reality” show, inviting us all into her life with Kev, but now we’re all supposed to respect her privacy? A lot of celebrities might as well have a blinking neon sign around their necks that say LOOK AT ME! but at the same time believe they should be able to switch that shit off and on like the on-duty sign on a taxi. Sorry, dears, doesn’t work like that.
    * Aren’t we all inured to celebrity crying by now? Did she hope to garner sympathy by bawling like a 5-year-old? She’s rich and famous and we’re supposed to feel bad for her? Bitch, please.
    * Clearly, she was not well-served by her teenage celebrity and has not been taught how to behave in public. She doesn’t need religion or a PR flack, she needs to go to a Swiss boarding school or a finishing school or just a weekend-long stint with Miss Manners. Something. Chomping on gum in a TV interview, slagging on other people in an attempt to defend yourself, dressing like a slattern – these things aren’t country, they’re tacky. The people this reflects most badly on are her parents, who were apparently too busy making their daughter a famous teenage sexpot to teach her how to be an adult.

  46. You know, Britney is a great actress. She almost had me convinced she didn’t believe the paparazzi were going to be this mean to her.

    Hey Brit…..when you marry a gold-digging, no job having, pregnant-girlfriend-leaving, no-good piece of shit loser……..people aren’t going to be happy for you. And when you make boneheaded mistakes as a mother, no one is going to excuse you or pat you on the head and say “it’s okay, accidents happen”. If you had been in a car accident with that kid on your lap……and he died……you could have been charged with reckless endangerment. Sound pleasant to you?

    Grow up.

  47. BarbadoSlim

    @32 You sir, (or Madam) are a god.

  48. userscreenname

    this interview was endearing, instead of amusing as I evil-mindedly wanted it to be. video 4 totally made me shed a tear. i admire her for being 24 and worth $100 million while still being as human as the rest of us.

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