Britney Spears poses nude in Bazaar

June 29th, 2006 // 138 Comments

britney-spears-nude-bazaar.jpgThe six-month pregnant Britney Spears will appear nude – but covered up – in the August issue of Harper’s Bazaar, similar to the 1991 Vanity Fair issue featuring a naked and pregnant Demi Moore on the cover.

This should be a relief to any women out there who didn’t believe in the power of Photoshop. We know what Britney Spears looks like. Everybody knows what Britney Spears looks like. And this isn’t what Britney Spears looks like. Either they pulled her face off some old photos or had to throw together a supercomputer to handle the processing necessary to make her look this good. They’ve got supercomputers that play professional level chess now, so I’m sure they’ve got one capable of making Britney Spears look half decent. Although the first three they tried probably exploded when given the task.



  1. crazybananas

    just so horrible she s a whale

  2. Camusa


  3. Camusa

    Not first :(

  4. SpecialAgentWind

    Nice placement of the thumb. Leave it to her to fuck up any “good” photo of her.

  5. jFp

    I wonder how many air-brushes they broke trying to cover up her rotting flesh.

  6. Some ladies in my office put that picture next to the picture from her on the Today show a while ago and all of them said you could tell the pic had been stretched and airbrushed because her neck wasn’t wrinkling from the fat and her arms were like half the size. Nice to know all that NASA imagine technology the U.S. has developed is being put to good use.

  7. Lynette Carrington

    Nice damage control, Brit. Desperation is not pretty. Did you really think you were going to get some respect by doing this?

    Why don’t you fire your publicist, then drop 160 pounds of dead flesh by divorcing your husband, that would be a respectable start…..

  8. smartblonde

    Does anyone think she looks a little like katie holmes-cruise in the face now with the dark hair?

  9. jane's eyre

    Nice fake tan, too. Did any of you see the picture of her in the black dress, holding SP? YEAH RIGHT. Her butt and thighs were WAY too thin to be her. I would be embarassed if I was her, that they had to severely alter the pics to make them presentable.

  10. MyWellRehearsedMistake

    There is no way in the world her skin is that good – she smokes, doesn’t take care of herself and eats crap food the whole time. Thats so fake! Do magazines think we are really gonna buy that that’s real? I can’t believe she’s done that after the whole crying and ‘i wish everyone would leave me alone’ crap she did the other day.

  11. PapaHotNuts

    It’s perfect she’s on the cover of a magazine called “Bazaar”. Next week, she’ll be featured in “Just Weird”, then she’ll give a candid interview to “No Fucking Way” and “Nekkid Hillbilly”.

  12. RichPort

    This is actually the best outfit I’ve seen on her in sometime. It does remind me of one of those pervy prego porn sites… I have issues.

  13. Precisely

    @11 My thoughts exactly
    Will she ever think before she acts? Ever?

  14. innit

    For real #10! Christ she is an imbecile. “I’m gunna park my naked fat ass on a magazine cover, but please — give me the privacy I so desperately need!”

  15. Precisely

    I think I’m beginning to think all hope is lost for her. Yeah um…just beginning to think that ;)

  16. dr. kenneth noisewater

    Harper’s Bazaar…wouldn’t she feel more comfortable sprawled out on the cover of Appalachian Preggers Monthly?…it could be a cover story followed by a step by step, do it yourself home guide to sewin’ up your baby hole

  17. Italian Stallion

    I had a harpoon with her name on it, but Sea World told me they would sue me if I shot their prize Whale………..

  18. jane's eyre

    Next Britney will pose for a centerfold spread.

    The thing is, she doesn’t know it’s for Guns & Ammo Magazine, and it’ll be offered as target practice.

  19. Just because we’re always making fun of Britney’s clothes doesn’t mean we want to see her naked. Britney could use both a stylist and a heaping dose of dignity.

  20. myheadhurts

    I read on imdb that her hair was so ugly after she hacked it off and dyed it black that the bazaar people had to put in some extensions just to make her hair look presentable. I am so in love with the downfall of britney, does that make me evil?

  21. slickwilliejr

    supercomputer one:
    MALFUNCTION…MALFUNCTION….syntax error line 19776 > cannot remove country bumpkin qualities SYSTEM OVERLOAD

    supercomputer two:
    MALFUNCTION…MALFUNCTION….syntax error line 25776 > cannot remove enough fat to make her feel beautiful SYSTEM OVERLOAD

    supercomputer three:
    MALFUNCTION…MALFUNCTION….syntax error line 3287021470 > impossible to make pregnant hillbilly sexy, logic error SYSTEM OVERLOAD

  22. jrzmommy

    That’s not her body. Didn’t we just see a picture of her in a store last week that was taken from the back and she looked about three times the size of the body in this photo. Not to mention the face is way too thin–with the black hair, Britney looks like Elvis she’s so bloated.
    The black hair is awful, by the way.
    Just as she thought she was doing something cool…..

  23. Italian Stallion

    “Look it this photograph, everytime I do it makes me laugh”……..since everyone knows how much I love “Nickelback” already……..

  24. tinkerbelle

    After observing her during fly-bys, I believe this is close to what she looks like. She’s only 24. The effects of carrying k-fed’s spawn are still a good 6-10 yrs away.

  25. danielle

    her face looks like she’s thinking “okay, hurry up and take the photo because i really gotta pee”.

  26. dr. kenneth noisewater

    does anyone think she looks like lisa marie presley? she needs to lay off the peanut butter and ‘nana with bacon sandwiches

  27. CoJo

    She should of waited until she really looked pregnant – like at 8 or nine months. She just looks like chubby white trash. Oh. right. How dumb of me…she IS chubby white trash.

    One good thing, though. The black hair does look better than that back of the woods bleach job she was sporting.

    Not that you would need to work at an ad agency to notice it, but I do and it is the most obvious airbrush job I’ve ever seen. I know, I know…preaching to the choir.

  28. xmarcelax

    don’t doctors say that it might not be healthy for the fetus to dye your hair during pregnancy?

  29. Dr.Rokter

    Call me a loopy pre-vert, but this picture conjures up images of K-Fed grunting and bumping and depositing his seed inside Britney. And that gets me hot! But I just got out of jail for promoting videos of mentally retarded people fumbling with each others’ groins while yelling retard at each other and trying to escape captivity. It’s a funny thing that if you tell a one of them something’s a “cookie”, they’ll always put it straight into their mouth. It’s especially funny because when they find out whatever they put in there isn’t a cookie, they cry and start pleading with whatever god it is retards worship. Anyway, naked pregnant Britney is just as hot, in my book, as pictures of the Crying Retard Genital Cookie Fake.

  30. MyWellRehearsedMistake

    That expression on her face reminds me of that middle brady bunch girl – the one that wanted to be just like her older sister but never will be pretty or popular enough. oh the comparisons are endless, but i bet she was thinking ‘it worked for Demi..’ She’s so tryhard i feel bad for her.

  31. BigEyedFish

    Oh, Im sorry you’re not first, Camusa. That sucks.

  32. jrzmommy

    29–! Don’t know whether to laugh or cry or call a priest.

  33. jrzmommy

    I think it’s funny that the cover says, “Nothing to wear?” right next to her.

  34. LoneWolf

    Old news, Old Sport. Not only has this been on other gossip sites for days, but they have other photos from the shoot, equally airbrushed

    Brit’s been on a downward spiral beginning with her marriage to Jason Alexander – or more accurately she’s been showing her real self: That abortion of a reality show, the rocky marriage, her incompetence as a mother, the Dateline interview (sure, Sweetheart, you do your own cleaning), and now this. It’s going be interesting to see what happens when she finally bottoms out.

    Best case for us is she’s going to just drop out sight, kind of like Tiffany, Debbie Gibson, Cindi Lauper, etc. Best case for her is she’s going to end up in Branson, Missouri, doing two shows a day (three on the weekend) for a bunch of dull-eyed, slack-jawed yokels, gaping at her in dim admiration. “Ah’m so proud y’all came to mah show!! We put the ‘cunt’ in ‘Country’, and…..dadburnit, ah spit mah jumpsuit again….Kay-vin! put down that needle and spoon and get a needle and thread. Mama needs some stitchin’. And bring me a nanner and peanut butter sandwich. Thank you, thank you very much.”

  35. bigponie

    I feel sorry for that stool she’s sitting on, I know it’s not an animate object, but still it’s an object…

  36. Jedi Kevin

    Now we know why the HAL 9000 went crazy. He was told to make Britney look good.

  37. teenage fairy

    demi moore.. hmm might explain brit’s new balck hair.

  38. gas_up_the_hrududu


  39. Craig & "em"

    (5 sec’s later)

    Damn…I don’t remember having corn last night!

  40. Brak

    Black hair..?

    That ain’t Britney! It’s Bizarro Britney!

    … wait. Maybe not. She’s missing the handlebar moustache and / or eyepatch.

  41. pudzilla

    Thank god for the airbrush!

  42. alekwel

    ok, u people know that all magazine covers and photos get retouched, not just britney’s…

    and why’s everyone always talking shit about britney?
    she’s 5’5” and 6 months pregnant ofcourse she’s gonna look like a whale.

  43. sweetcheeks

    You know, Jodie Marsh has a “nipple belt” Britney could borrow that could keep her from having to clutch her bosoms like that.

  44. Pol Pot Pie


  45. jrzmommy

    people talk shit on britney because she’s an easy target. and quite a wide target, at that.

  46. Well, at least she looks better here then she did in the photos she posed for with Preston in the belly.

  47. PapaHotNuts

    Where is Scott Peterson when you need him?

  48. al rarow

    Forget the hosebeast — that is some shitty typography right there!

  49. biatcho

    Tits are supposed to be fun bags, not punching bags.

  50. somedayshine

    oh my,
    i dont know what to say….
    all i think is het poopoochesse thighs look really fat on tv when she was talking to that guy on like abc or something and now she looks like ok. this is what i hate about hollywood makes you know so many people just hate them self because they dont look like celebrities but then again its all an optical illusion from airbrush.

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