Britney Spears’ ass kissed to a lustrous shine at VMAs

September 7th, 2008 // 114 Comments

Hey, remember when Britney Spears’ manager Larry Rudolph said she’d be doing something “fun and unexpected” to open the MTV Video Music Awards? That dude lied! After a prerecorded skit with Superbad star Jonah Hill, Britney took the stage at last night’s VMAs, said four sentences and called it a day. No joke. Here’s what came out of her mouth:

“Thank you so much. Thank you for all the love. I’m here tonight to celebrate a very important birthday, the 25th anniversary of the VMAs. This is the 2008 MTV Video Music Awards and it starts right now.”

Seriously, I’ve eaten Pop Tarts that’ve made me feel more alive. On top of her anti-climactic opening, MTV also took it upon themselves to see that Britney Spears won three awards including Video of the Year which I get it: They don’t want her to go home and kill herself. Then again, that’s a whole lot of ass kissing for someone who basically firebombed last year’s show in an explosive jiggle of flab and sequins. Nice message to send to the kids, MTV. I can’t wait to see Miley Cyrus walk out of KFC with a bucket of chicken and Adnan Ghalib. Actually, I do want to see that just to hear the entire south have a collective aneurysm.

EDIT: Added photos from the VMAs press room.


  1. Tugurlan

    Trust MTV to make a slut and a pedophile pop icons…

  2. ganana

    The girl is recovering from mental illness —

    Pfish, why can’t you just applaud her a bit for what she’s done. If you have a mentally ill relative (as I have), you would have a bit more compassion. I guess that would be an antidote to the cynicism that fuels this site and it’s altogether appropriate when it’s directed against the allegedly “mentally well”.

    Cut Britney some slack. K?

  3. I was highly disappointed too but she looked good!

  4. britney

    This just shows you how much MTV has gone down hill. Dam I miss the good ol days when REAL musicians won awards for having actual talent. The music industry and most of it’s fans are just a bunch of brainless people who don’t know what REAL music sounds like. Britney is awful and a horrible influence on anybody! Why didn’t Christina Aguilara win? She is so much better, or even Mariah Carey. MTV SUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  5. She has a weird mouth

    Does she wear dentures her teeth look so unnaturally straight and all the same size (sort of like Horse Teeth), which is something that braces don’t do.

  6. She has a weird mouth

    Does she wear dentures her teeth look so unnaturally straight and all the same size (sort of like Horse Teeth), which is something that braces don’t do.

  7. She has a weird mouth

    Does she wear dentures her teeth look so unnaturally straight and all the same size (sort of like Horse Teeth), which is something that braces don’t do.

  8. Hillary

    No wonder McCain compared Britney to Obama, they’re both losers! Ha!

  9. Her teeth are beautiful

    her teeth are perfect, horses have big gums and overbites. Her teeth are too square and not long enough to be like horse teeth. The front two are clearly larger than the rest. She has the prettiest teeth I have ever seen.

  10. I am impressed

    she is so gorgeous. 5 pounds away from total perfection

  11. big teeth

    Jonas Brothers? Miley Cyrus? Britney Spears?? Are they kidding? Nothing left but the cold ashes over at MTV…

  12. boo

    They’re called VENEERS, people! Her real teeth have been filed down and the perfect porcelain overlays are cemented over them. Her teeth are as fake as her singing.

  13. LL

    Who still cares about MTV? They don’t even show videos anymore, unless you count 2 am after the kids have fallen asleep. The fact that Britney Spears won 3 awards for videos should tell you how unrelevant MTV has become.

    I do like her dress, though. Good job, Britney, of putting on the dress a stylist picked out for you.

  14. JPRichardson

    While Britney has certainly done nothing during the last few years to deserve any kind of trophies or awards, one must say she looked a lot better than she did a year ago. She won’t ever be considered the top selling pop star of the world, or the most desired female on the planet, but at least she is not looking like a pathetic piece of trash as she used to just a few months ago.

  15. B

    OK, seriously…the talking ads need to go. Popups are less annoying than some douche telling me I’ve “won a $100 Wal-Mart gift card.”

  16. Don'tPanic

    Where can I get some of that makeup she’s wearing? Jesus, it’s like they painted on a new face. She should do that anytime she leaves the house.

  17. Racer X



  18. SUSIE


  19. Yea,…agreed. It should definitely be called N-TV.

    Im tired of being associated with the likes of these clowns because Im black.

    What a fucking joke! T.I. & T-Pain screaming, lip syncing and dancing around with their pants at their knees helping to lower the credibility of blacks into the negative percentage (if it wasnt already there from the likes of Sharpton, Jackson, McKinney & the N.O.I.).

    As long as there are these idiots out there, blacks will continue to be used and enslaved…as bad if not worse than 400 yrs ago. They look like fools and continue to prove that every hand out theyve been given has only helped exasperate the stereotype that they really are what they dont (really) want to be…nig*ers.

  20. SUSIE

    by the way. did everyone forget she put a new album out this year? (full of number one hits) she deserves these awards, shes extremely talented and was going through a hard time in her life! leave the poor girl alone!

  21. Irisfromeurope

    Way to go Britbrit…but hey is 3 awards not a little too much? Tokio Hotel should have got another one! The show sucked big time BTW. Jonas brothers peformance looked like a SESAME STREETepisode…I was waiting for Big Bird to come along…AH wait, as I recall there was a big nasty bird…

  22. BaxterJ

    I thought Britney looked great, and I was rooting for her, but was a little disappointed with how robotic she sounded:

  23. The central point of my economic plan is to tax the rich in order the give money to the poor. Of course, this is nothing more than the core philosophy of the welfare state. It is also the core principle of socialism.

    What Democrats (and Republicans) have a difficult time facing is the philosophical roots of the New Deal, the federal program that abandoned the economic philosophy of laissez faire in favor of the welfare state. American welfare-state advocates attained many of their economic ideas from two primary sources: Benito Mussolini and Joseph Stalin, both of whom were highly admired by leftist American intellectuals and politicians in the 1930s.

    Mussolini’s economic philosophy was fascism, which was a system in which the government left private property under private ownership but subjected it to government control. Stalin’s economic philosophy was socialism, which involved taking property from the rich in order to redistribute it to the poor.

    During the 1930s, American leftists were traveling to fascist Italy and the socialist (and communist) Soviet Union not only to pay homage to Mussolini and the fascists and Stalin and the socialists but also to gain ideas from them for use in the United States. Many of the fans of fascism and socialism ended up serving in the Franklin Roosevelt administration or as founts of ideas for FDR.

    The irony (and hypocrisy) is that U.S. officials often rail against foreign regimes that engage in socialism. For example, consider Iran in 1953. The Iranian regime nationalized the oil industry, which means that they cancelled British ownership of oil rights in Iran and transferred such rights to the Iranian government. That action is what ultimately caused the CIA to oust the democratically elected prime minister of Iran from office and install the brutal dictatorship of the Shah of Iran.

    Today, what I, Barack Hussein Obama and other Democrats are calling for as a solution to high oil prices is a confiscation of oil revenues from oil companies, or what we call a “windfall profits tax.” (Never mind that the oil prices are largely a reflection of a crashing dollar brought about by out-of-control federal spending, which Democrats have enthusiastically supported. Confiscating revenues from the oil companies deflects attention away from the federal government and toward an easy scapegoat.)

    What’s the difference in principle between nationalizing an oil company and stealing its revenues? Isn’t the difference one of degree rather than principle? Iranian officials steal all of the company and U.S. officials steal a portion of the company. And they do it in the name of equalization and the people.

    One year later — 1954, the CIA ousted the democratically elected president of Guatemala, Jacobo Arbenz, and installed a brutal military general in his stead. Arbenz’s crime? He was a socialist who confiscated unused land owned by United Fruit Company, a U.S. corporation doing business in Guatemala, and redistributed it to Guatemalan peasants. That was a super no-no in the eyes of U.S. officials, especially given that United Fruit was a contributor to the political campaigns of many U.S. congressmen. Yet, Arbenz’s socialist philosophy was no different in principle from that of President Franklin Roosevelt, whose New Deal philosophy was based on taking from the rich in order to give to the poor.

    The ardent devotion to socialism among American liberals is one reason that they have long had a deep sympathy toward Fidel Castro. Castro carried out socialist principles to their logical conclusion. The state took ownership of everyone’s property and then redistributed the largess to everyone. Cubans who owned large mansions, for example, had them confiscated, whereupon poor people were permitted to move in to the houses. All businesses, large and small, were nationalized for the interests of the nation and the people.

    How is that different from my dream of taxing the rich in order to equalize people’s economic condition? Castro confiscates and redistributes 100 percent. Obama wants to confiscate and redistribute, say, 30 percent. Big deal. The difference is one of degree, not one of principle. Socialism is socialism.

    At least the Cuban people recognize that they live under a socialist order. The American people have permitted themselves to be convinced that their system continues to be “free enterprise.” In fact, when you confront an ordinary American with the fact that public (i.e., government) schooling and government-provided health care are the core elements of Fidel Castro’s system, they’re likely to say, “You mean Castro is finally adopting free enterprise?” The sad plight of the American people can be summed up with the words of Johann von Goethe: “None are more hopelessly enslaved than those who falsely believe they are free.”

  24. lulu

    did you guys notice that when Brit said those couple of sentences she actually said, “anniveristy” instead of “anniversary”?? LOL, that was funny,.,

  25. ironwrath


  26. Khirschy Squirts

    It was a blatant kiss up by MTV for putting her out there for failure last year. She didn’t even deserve to be there much less win anything.

  27. Danklin24

    How the hell did she win three awards? Does MTV hand out awards now for spreading your legs for the most douchebags because Britney won that one by a landslide.

  28. Vince Lombardi

    Nice gum.

  29. Caitlin

    She looks good!

  30. Turd Ferguson

    You dumbasses feed the shit machine that is “music” today.
    I’m getting to be an old fart because I can remember when you could flip on MTV and they played music videos. You could watch anything form AC/DC to The Jam.
    Now its just a bunch of uneducated shit-pants who get rich because stupid kids think that repeating “Yo, Yo, Yo” over a drum machine equals talent.

    Remember, you can’t spell “crap” without “rap”

    And whats with this fuckstick p-diddy, diddy-dildo, dumbfuck, who actually think hes smart enough to get involved in politics in any way???
    Uhhhh….I really don’t think anyone with any smarts is going to take the work of a moronic crap “artist” Hey dumbass, if you’re so concerned about urban issues, take some of that money you make from suburban white kids and spend it on urban initiatives.

    (bada-bing) Thank you….I’ll be here all week.

  31. blah

    The fact that she won 3 awards shows how fixed that whole thing is. Of course, Britney herself probably has no idea… “I won, I won; they really like me!” (drool hanging off her mouth). I bet this is some swarmy PR deal her manager Larry Randolph has w/ MTV to get Britney back in the spotlight & start making them both a ton of money again. They’re trying to revive the cashcow (haha). I think its time to give it up or at least change her style; she’s pushing 30 and still trying do the same crap she was doing when she was 18 and it was the 90′s. Sorry but she’s dated and getting too old to be a “popstar”. She’s still a pretty girl; the bloom isn’t totally off the rose; but she’ll never have the “it” factor like she did before. I mean, come on, where’s the mystique? Everyones seen her flippen vag by now, for cripes sake! And she’s had 2 kids (that she abandon), gone wacko & shaved her head, got fat… oh I could go on and on. Just go live a peaceful, semi normal life somewhere Britney and go away!

  32. well

    80 – get off your high horse. You are just getting old. I have accepted it, why can’t you. I don’t know why you’re talking about AC/DC ( they never had too much to do with Mtv or the VMAs) But yes, grunge is over, music today is over produced and silly.
    Move on.
    76 – “deserve” to be there?? Like everyone else there is full of integrity and talent?!
    She may not be the best singer, but a few years back she had more success than most of those ghetto thugs and stupid tramps will ever have.She has a diamond record, I don’t think anyone else that attended does.

  33. Jess

    Stop hating on the girl — Brit looks fabulous!
    She has come a long way since last year’s VMA’s. She’s been through a lot and thankfully seems to be on the road to a full recovery…unlike so many celebrities her age or younger.

    GO BRITNEY! :)

  34. Ashley

    Um, first off, her teeth are NOT fake. Whitened, absolutely, but not fake. She’s had the same teeth since day one, and she had EXTENSIVE orthodontal work before she even made it famous.

    Second off, why are you people so mean? Every last one of you throws stones at people like her, because you’re so perfect. God forbid you live in the same kind of fishbowl she has for 10 years. I’d love to see what the magazines print about you.

    She looks great. I wish her the best of luck.

  35. joe m

    If you’re going to kiss anyone’s rear end,who better than
    beautiful Britney.
    Her entire body is gorgeous.

  36. sarah

    She actually looks really good.

    And who ever said that MTV was the utmost authority or best representation of quality in music…?
    They never really have been, just a commercial presence to reach the masses, so whatever, I say she’s earned it in emotional taxation.

  37. T

    Am I the only one who thinks she still looks like a chubby, mannish, whore in her 40′s?

  38. tina

    #87 you are obviously looking in the mirror at yourself!!

    Britney looks amazing. She is as pretty now as she has ever been. Her body is back into shape and she looks healthy. She seemed like she was in good spirits and I think she deserves success. Bipolar disorder can be devastating. She is lucky the courts intervened and have set her life back on track. I wish Britney the best, because unluck some of you losers I hate to see people fail and am not happy when bad things happen to them!

  39. leigh

    lame lame lame. Pity awards don’t coun’t, but now that she has them, she can celebrate by throwing her life away. again. See you next year for some more vma bs

  40. Hitler

    Must this dumb cunt always have gum in her mouth???

    p.s. SMILE!!!….I’M HITLER!

  41. mimi

    I am going to shave my pussy and transplant the hair to my worn out anus if anyone is interested.

  42. 73 is an idiot

    The rich are rich because of unfair advantages. And they need to pay an enormous share of the tax burden whether you like it or not. This government in terms of it’s duty to serve the people and by that ALL people is being robbed by the rich not paying their fair share no matter how high they are taxed. If they don’t like it they can try being poor.
    How is it fair that 10,000 people are worth 41 trillion dollars? We should take their money and ivest it wisely. Fuck them and all you greedy capitalistic predators. You are all vampires sucking off the life of the working man. Sending his jobs where labor is cheap. Harboring foreign factories where children are enslaved. Godless. We the people should choke the life out of each and every one of you. You are evil and need to leave this world.

    Go play your little gold plated fiddle elsewhere asshole.

  43. missywissy

    @81- Amen. Enough said.

  44. Sangria

    I just don’t get it, she looks fabulous….and she did last year too. Aside from the stringy extensions atop her head. Not much of a fan of her music but she has a to-die-for body.

  45. NastyBedazzler

    Will someone else zoom in on her knees and tell me what the fuck is going on there.

  46. Glorb

    they’re still giving her awards? what did she do last year? sigh .. it’s not the Jooz that are ‘controlling the world’, theorists – it’s the American South. Yee-hack

  47. immmers

    You can tell there’s exactly one Britney fan coming on here every few minutes to make sure that nobody gets to point out Shitney’s veneers, tacky clothes or fake hair.

    73 is an idiot, you sound like my grandma. She’s always railing about the rich and how evil they are an how they oppress the poor, but she has more money to wipe her ass with than I’ve had in my whole life.

  48. blah

    I don’t get it; does how many awards you receive depend on how many chins you have???

  49. It was a dog & pony show. Perez Hilton even said, after the show, on MTV in front of everyone, that he voted for Britney to receive video of the year because he “felt she needed it.” Way to dis all the nominees that actually worked for the award, putting together *good* videos for *good* songs (i.e., The Ting Tings). I’m never going to waste my time watching MTV again.

  50. NY Ted

    Isn’t amazing what plastic surgeons can do in this day and age?

    Hmmm…does anyone have the actuall date of when she did an actuall live concert…???

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