Britney Spears’ ass kissed to a lustrous shine at VMAs

Hey, remember when Britney Spears’ manager Larry Rudolph said she’d be doing something “fun and unexpected” to open the MTV Video Music Awards? That dude lied! After a prerecorded skit with Superbad star Jonah Hill, Britney took the stage at last night’s VMAs, said four sentences and called it a day. No joke. Here’s what came out of her mouth:

“Thank you so much. Thank you for all the love. I’m here tonight to celebrate a very important birthday, the 25th anniversary of the VMAs. This is the 2008 MTV Video Music Awards and it starts right now.”

Seriously, I’ve eaten Pop Tarts that’ve made me feel more alive. On top of her anti-climactic opening, MTV also took it upon themselves to see that Britney Spears won three awards including Video of the Year which I get it: They don’t want her to go home and kill herself. Then again, that’s a whole lot of ass kissing for someone who basically firebombed last year’s show in an explosive jiggle of flab and sequins. Nice message to send to the kids, MTV. I can’t wait to see Miley Cyrus walk out of KFC with a bucket of chicken and Adnan Ghalib. Actually, I do want to see that just to hear the entire south have a collective aneurysm.

EDIT: Added photos from the VMAs press room.