Britney Spears’ ass kissed to a lustrous shine at VMAs

September 7th, 2008 // 114 Comments

Hey, remember when Britney Spears’ manager Larry Rudolph said she’d be doing something “fun and unexpected” to open the MTV Video Music Awards? That dude lied! After a prerecorded skit with Superbad star Jonah Hill, Britney took the stage at last night’s VMAs, said four sentences and called it a day. No joke. Here’s what came out of her mouth:

“Thank you so much. Thank you for all the love. I’m here tonight to celebrate a very important birthday, the 25th anniversary of the VMAs. This is the 2008 MTV Video Music Awards and it starts right now.”

Seriously, I’ve eaten Pop Tarts that’ve made me feel more alive. On top of her anti-climactic opening, MTV also took it upon themselves to see that Britney Spears won three awards including Video of the Year which I get it: They don’t want her to go home and kill herself. Then again, that’s a whole lot of ass kissing for someone who basically firebombed last year’s show in an explosive jiggle of flab and sequins. Nice message to send to the kids, MTV. I can’t wait to see Miley Cyrus walk out of KFC with a bucket of chicken and Adnan Ghalib. Actually, I do want to see that just to hear the entire south have a collective aneurysm.

EDIT: Added photos from the VMAs press room.

superficial

  1. Rant

    Brit sucks

  2. Uh-huh,

    Not sure I would kiss that ass…

  3. someguy

    Yay. First.

    It’s going to be a great day.

  4. Rant

    Same haggard twit as last year but few pounds lighter.

  5. John

    the VMA’s are such a bore, I don’t know why anyone really still pays attention to them.

  6. Mat

    So, we learned that MTV is asinine?

  7. someguy

    Fuck. Only third.

    This week is going to suck my ass.

    And why do people not realize that beyond this “rebirth” by Brit-Brit, that she still is a talentless redneck from the Bayou?

  8. HolyHell

    I love Pop Tarts! (I have nothing else to say about this…. NEXT!)

  9. She was obviously kinda nervous. I’d have a little sympathy if she wasn’t retardedly rich. WE MUST HAVE HARVEST!

  10. D4P

    MTV shows music videos…?

  11. toolboy

    I am surprised she didn’t go into a spiel about a fucking Verizon phone “changing her life for the better”. What ever integrity was in the VMA’s in the beginning, fuck it, I can’t even write that sentence without laughing….
    I want me some KFC too.

  12. “On top of her anti-climatic opening”

    It’s “anticlimactic” dummy.
    Anti-climatic means she was against the weather.

  13. mimi

    Eat shit FISH!

    You can’t stand to see your #1 target do so well!

    DIE FISH DIE!

  14. havoc

    The VMA’s are largely irrelevant. Much like Britney Spears herself and that homo hosting the show.

    I watched about 30 seconds and then changed the channel to something that appeals to people with higher intelligence…like CMT.

    .

  15. Simpathy

    I was actually glad that MTV did this for her. Really. It was a fun VMAs to watch, but I’m a Russell Brand fan. Yeah, I’ve got no jokes…

  16. boo

    I bet MTV was disappointed when she didn’t stumble out half naked and stoned. This ruins the odds of using her next year as a gimmick to get people to tune in to see a trainwreck.

  17. dude_on

    I’m so giddy over her “comeback” that I have forgotten all about the time she cut off her hair in public and the multiple times she showed off her snatch, or when she handed over her kids forever. Her turn around is such a feel good story you just forget about about the past. It is amazing what 3 awards from a cable channel and a bath can do for a person.

  18. She looks good, considering the huge mess she has been at time the past few years, the real question has to be how much did it cost to repair that body?

  19. Lindsay

    way to hold the mic in front of your face. It’s SO obvious she has no idea what shes doing now..her hair is pretty hilarious too

  20. Danklin24

    That was a little funny. The beginning was messed up though, what the hell is she starring off into space for?

  21. wow….NTV (for all the nigs it caters to) is so “european” in its values and audience viewership. That host, regardless of what you think, shouldnt have been able to walk out of there with the majority of his bones broken. You dont come to this country as a foreigner and criticize its leadership without repercussion. I would say the same if he came here and made fun of Barack Osama

    Im simply amazed at what pacifistic, white guilt ridden pieces of shit NTV viewers (and most people in this country) have become.

  22. Rae.

    i like that everyone prays for her and then this happens…

    i’m not a big Britney fan, but man, people are fickle assholes.

  23. ugggg.

    uggg, can we go back to the lingerie bowl now?

  24. The Kilted Yaksman

    #22, Just goose-step back into your little cave and resume beating off to your dog-eared copy of Mein Kampf, ok?

    Back on topic, why the hell do her calves look so fucking big?

  25. @25 – yea, thanks drunkard. Go fuck your goat or sheepdog or whatever animal it is you fuck when not molesting children.

    you look fat in plaid btw…and thanks for proving my point.

    Ill bet your jealous of KK being able to fuck black guys too huh?

  26. Truth doctor

    I bet she went commando

  27. lol

    Haters are so cute.

  28. Dude

    WHAT???

    Spears won the Video of the Year???

    That’s it!! I’ll never watch MTV again…that’s not even MTV anymore..it’s MTfuckin BULLSHIT!!

    PS: Remember the great days of VMA’s with Pearl Jam , Nirvana, GnR, lots of controversy, RATM climbing the set, unscripted coolness, less fucking comercials….Jesus what the fuck happened to MTV…motherfuckers..

  29. boo

    #25! When I saw her calves, it made me think of Popeye’s “mus-kills”

  30. Brit Fan

    VMA–Video Music Award. This does not mean “Best Song Ever Released on the Planet in the HIstory of Music Award.” The awards are for videos. The Piece of Me video was a little funny in that she is keeping a sense of humor about what she has gone through in the recent past. At least that makes the video slightly interesting other than the other ridiculous $hit that is on MTV these days including the lack of actual music videos. I would have rather watched Brit’s awful performance for two hours straight last night than all the other performances last night put together. MTV has long since seen it’s prime.

  31. #32

    if you guys click the below link, i’m gonna share those

    http://www.ihateyoujulia.com/?id=27136a3d06d8ee5d9655fe503a82acaf

  32. Jumpin_J

    WTF does MTV have to gain by kissing her ass? Like if they don’t, the entire MTV empire will get sucked into some void? That happened years ago. MTV sucks. I agree, please, more lingerie bowl. Marisa Miller, I think you hear me knocking and I’m bringing my Moonman, and I know you know what I mean.

  33. #32

    if you guys click the below link, i’m gonna share those

    http://www.ihateyoujulia.com/?id=27136a3d06d8ee5d9655fe503a82acaf

  34. #32

    if you guys click the below link, i’m gonna share those

    http://www.ihateyoujulia.com/?id=27136a3d06d8ee5d9655fe503a82acaf

  35. rough daddy

    I think those applaud are going out to her dad!

  36. Bigheadmike

    She looked good…. Quite a change from last year…..

  37. trav

    okay, britney looked great, and did nothing bad that people could talk about, so your just going on saying shit because thats all you can think of, anyway to make her look back your just upset because you know she looks GREAT! now stop being so negative towards britney and move on to someone you, your probley the low life scum that everyone needs to talk about.

  38. rough daddy

    yeah she couldve been cultivating some Adnan todpoles right now!!!

  39. #32

    I got 2 more pictures.
    if you guys wanna see it, email me.
    kingwangjang@ymail.com

    Thanks!!

  40. LAUGHING LIKE AN AMERICAN.
    be sure: THIS IS NOO COMPLIMENT!!

  41. mimi

    Fish-Gutz leaped from his bed this morning to write about Britney!

    Go to HELL FISH-NUTZ!

  42. LAUGHING LIKE AN AMERICAN AT gerard vandenbergs CRAPPY ASS WEBSITE…be sure: THIS IS NOO COMPLIMENT EITHER!!

  43. mimi sucks

    Mimi shut the hell up you don’t like this stay the fuck away. Stick with Perez, or some other lame ass site.

  44. Rant

    Mimi is Perez! Pissing on the much wittier competition!

  45. missywissy

    @38- That’s it. She looked great. NOthing else. All the hype about Britney being on and the only thing that was enjoyable was her looks. NOthing else.

    By the way, I’m sorry, but Piece of Me video was not all that. She must have Carl Rove “architecting” her whole “comeback”.

  46. Pubaa

    If you even watched the MTV advertising show you are voluntarily taking a tranquilizer

  47. John McCain

    The Negroids have ruined MTV. Let’s not pretend there’s any question about this.

  48. jumpin_j

    #48, and that’s why you don’t vote for John McCain.

  49. Barack Obama

    Actually I agree with Senator McCain on this one. The bling of rap is a slave chain around MTV’s neck.

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