Britney Spears opening the VMAs

Thanks to my incredible ability to repress memories by way of binge drinking, I had almost completely forgotten about Britney Spears’ performance/belly-dance at last year’s MTV Video Music Awards. But, once again, Britney will be the opening act at this year’s VMAs. Before you pound your chest screaming “Why, God, WHY?!” MTV is making it clear she’s not performing, according to the AP:

Instead, MTV Networks Music Group President Van Toffler said Wednesday, it’ll be something “fun and unexpected” on Sunday night’s show.
So what made Spears and MTV reunite one more time?
“MTV has long played an important role in my career. How can I not be there to kick off their 25th VMAs? I’m excited to open the entire show, to say hi to my fans and to be nominated,” Spears said in a statement.

The only thing Britney Spears could do that’s “fun and unexpected” is not show up and be replaced by strippers on unicycles. Then again, that’s my solution for everything – because it works.