Britney Spears on her way to bankruptcy


Court papers in Britney Spears custody battle with Kevin Federline have revealed the pop singer is blowing through her roughly $700,000 monthly salary. Entertainment insiders and analysts aren’t surprised. They say the way she spends, Britney will share the same fate as M.C. Hammer, according to FOX News:

“Most high earners, like celebrities, should view themselves like ballplayers do,” said Everett Weinberger, a financial adviser at Merrill Lynch. “You need to put away money right at the beginning, assuming that it may end. … Young people can be very shortsighted, forgetting that they’re not going to be famous forever.”

Don’t worry, Britney Spears will be famous forever. People kind of remember when you crash your car into an oil trunk and take out half a city block because you used a taco wrapper to get the last drop of whipped cream from the bottom of your Frappucino. That sort of thing doesn’t really blow over. Wait, did I just predict the future in an eerily detailed fashion again? Shit, why can I do that for Britney Spears, but not at the horse tracks? Hold up, never mind. It’s right here in this contract I signed with Satan. Guess I should’ve read the part where it says “Does not apply to gambling.” Don’t see how I missed that. Though writing it in a glowing-red boldface font that floats above the paper seems a tad excessive.