Britney Spears now a Hindu

January 18th, 2006 // 40 Comments

*britney_spears_thumb5.jpgBritney Spears has been going through a lot of changes lately. Each time I click on a new picture of her, I don’t know, It’s like a child opening a Christmas present expecting to find a new toy train and instead finding naked pictures of Santa Claus. And along with her recent physical transformation, Britney has undergone a transformation of spirit. Raised as a Baptist, and having famously studied Kabbalah, a branch of Jewish mysticism, Britney is now apparently dabbling in Hinduism. She was recently spotted at a Hindu temple in Malibu, where she reportedly was getting a blessing for her baby son, Sean Preston.

It’s obvious that Britney is looking for answers. Unfortunately they can’t be found at the bottom of a bag of potato chips. The thing is, she barely has a grasp on things like hair-brushing and showering; if I asked her about the difference between Jesus and Buddha, she’d probably answer “spaghetti,” and then give a knowing smile. And then I’d tell her to stop talking to the toaster.

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  1. SuperSpence

    I think Federswine will encourage Britney’s interest in Hinduism once he finds out that bride-burning is a real possibility. The rest of us, though, are left searching for a religion that involves husband-stomping.

  2. Realistic

    I think Brittany will be hotter as a Hindu.

  3. Larry

    I prefer to believe that Britney is converting to Buddhism, which would explain why she is attmepting to mimic the appearance of the Buddha.

    The Mahāparinirvā’a Sūtra tells us that the Buddha would often put his bare feet up on the dashboard and drive around from fast food joint to fast food joint.

  4. brideoffrank

    Maybe Britney is just making sure she covers all the basics in her kid’s salvation (????). Hinduism is too complex for her peanut brain anyway, this too shall pass.

  5. She’ll be right at home in that filthy Ganges River. She’ll probably want to dip her sweaty flip-flopped feet in it. It’s the only river in the world where bovine, corpses, feces and Britney’s feet come together in delicious harmony.

  6. CoJo

    Imagine how Brit would explain something such as this:

    (Chewing gum with mouth open) “Uuummmm, like, yesterdaaay, like, me & my lil’ baybee bowye, we like weynt to that hinduu teymple, and he got reeeel blessed like and everythang, y’all. It was reeel special, like. I want to teeeech my chyldrn that sprtuality, is more not about God, like, but how many Gods. And about learnin’ ’bout different races and all. That’s what spirtuality is all ’bout. S’bout lernin’ ’bout all of God’s peeeple.”

  7. andrewthezeppo

    I never thought I’d feel bad for a kid who’s Mom makes like 10 million a year…but I do

  8. Juliette

    I keep thinking to myself that Brit’s spiraling downfall is just some big joke. Sooner enough she would jump out from behind a disguise and say ‘GOTCHA!!!’ and the old Britney would emerge. As I hear more and more of this shit, I suddenly am realizing that this is actually her true self emerging. It’s a scary realization.

    She will never ever be seen as the same!

  9. Why doesn’t she just ask that brilliant Husband of hers? I’m sure that he has many answers to life’s questions…I mean she could ask him a question like “What would you do if you were a no talent looser with no prospects for sucess in life and looked like you smelled bad”? He could then answer her with all of his wisdom thusly “Why, I’d date a c level actress hoping that that would throw me into the path of a really stupid really rich A level kinda girl that I could trick into marraige and spend all her money. See, Britaney just isn’t using his big brain.

  10. MortyFishbein

    I think a Hindu temple is fine start, a fine start. But I would hope that her next steps in her spiritual journey takes her to a Clinique counter, then a Gold’s Gym stairmaster, then a Gucci boutique on Rodeo.

    Oh, and any praying she does should be to Marvin Mitchellson to represent her in her divorce precedings.

  11. ElFurbe

    She should just make with the Flying Spaghetti Monsterism and get it over with.

  12. MandySmurf

    Oh, great. Now we can look forward to Hindu Energy Drinks and “Hindus do it better” shirts. What a tool.

  13. jennifer11

    maybe it wasn’t actually a bindi mark… maybe she actually just fell asleep on a skittle.

  14. brian

    she should be in the top 5 of people that shouldn’t have had a baby.

  15. amma

    …Its all been so funny, till I think of Bobby/Whitney. This could happen, is happening to Brittney.
    The pre and post Kevin Brittneys are worlds apart. Where is her mom in all this? Doesn’t she have like only a little time left to divorce him before she has to do a big payout?
    As for the Hinduism, are we sure she just didn’t think it was an Indian restraunt buffett???

  16. sammygirl

    That photo of Britney will never get old.

  17. She is looking for answers. For Sure! She gave it all to some schmuck who used her for everything she is and will be. As much as we like to slam her with comments and jokes, seeing her turn to another power got me thinking.

    Brit has never cried the blues for celeb favouritism. Cough*. Paula Abdul throwing her weight because 2 hotel clerk guys didn’t get her a responce back in time for a flight time change.

    Using that as an example, and Brit is 1000x more wealthy the Paula. My point is she must have really like this schmoe we all have come to slam so hard. K-Fed? WTF kind of name is that anyways. He’s an idiot. Its not even fun mocking him anymore.

    Simply because he’s a tool. They had a kid or kids, whatever, and now they are splitting up because he can’t be a real man and take the hardship, role and dedication to be a real father. Those are the real issues.

    If I acted like that around my family, my better half would have tossed me to the curb, just the same as Brit is doing. She is hurt. She is a mom now and realises all that dancing and prancing means nothing. That kid or those kids are her life now.

  18. Kelly

    She is also a fucking idiot. What did she expect from a man that left his pregnant girlfriend. Did she actually think it would be different for her? Well if that isn’t karma.

  19. ihatecelebs

    I’d say Britney needs some sort of god in her life after the nasty stuff I just read about her being a serial bad-tipper on the great site http://www.bitterwaitress.com. She’s the biggest pig on the planet, behind Paris Hilton. Britney deserves the Federslime.

  20. i pray to the hindu gods that fedderline stays with her long enough for a damn good divorce settlement,for her idiotic fans to see what a talentless ugly hick she is,and for her kids to grow up worshipping christina aguilera.amen.

  21. Jayne

    I wanna see her wear a sari!
    She’d look lovely.

  22. HughJorganthethird

    Hey 750 million Indians can’t be wrong can they? It’s like Apu said, “Britney’s like the extra arms on vishnu”

    Can a name change to “Britpinder” be far off?

  23. annjenleigh

    This totally makes sense. She’s obviously an untouchable.

  24. tess

    Anyone who would have experience what she went through (losing her first love, being lonely and remorseful, crying a river, being depressed, meeting a lazy broke ass rebound, having a ghetto wedding, giving birth to a fugly child, having to deal with a greedy and cheating soon2be ex) would have lost their religion…She’s obviously lost and searching 4 answers she hadn’t found in the Bible. It’s really sad to see her so desperate that she turns to Buddah. Anyway, whatever works 4 her…

  25. ESQ

    She looks like she bought her sunglasses at a $1.00 store. The same $1.00 store were I saw to five-year olds fighting for the same pair while their mother said, “No, put them back!” All because she needed to purchase her pregnancy test. Instead of spending ridiculous amounts of money on her sunglasses, I guess the Federline’s are cutting corners a little. Especially with that expression on her face, the same expression on her face that Vicki Lawrence used when she played “Momma” on the old sitcom “Momma’s House.”

  26. hafaball

    Perfect post…i can say nothing that’ll make this funnier lol!!

  27. chibanii

    I feel like all the Jews did when Madge, this crackwh0re, and all those other wackos started touting Kabbalah as the next-big-thing.The only upside is : worship time also doubles as “celebrity” spotting time!

    p.s. You have to be BORN a Hindu, you can’t simply convert like other faiths. You can practice Hinduism, but unless you’re born one, your merely a follower.

    p.p.s. The Ganga River is one of our HOLIEST sites. It’s dirty, but I’m sure if BritBrit set foot in that river. She’ll get spit back out.

    [ :

  28. lastangelman

    “if I asked her about the difference between Jesus and Buddha, she’d probably answer “spaghetti,” and then give a knowing smile.”

    Aha, it shows she is familair with the teachings of the flying spaghetti monster. Look for BritFed to start sporting pirate garb and plundering Mimi’s Bahama cove and booty.
    AAArrrrrr!

  29. September_bebe

    monkey, don’t diss on the ganges river, its a holy river… u wouldn’t want anyone to diss on something you would respect, right? just saying… guess i take it more personal because a person close to me’s ashes were let free there

  30. becca11

    i wish i could go back in time and kill kevin federline, maybe things would be better that way.

  31. DannyJames

    by the arms of shiva!!!

  32. COMMONSENSESAYS

    Wow Brittany,
    Whats next welfare…?

  33. hann

    i think britt is just trying to reinvent herself, and if she thinks she can do it by studiing different religions and connecting with herself spiritually then lets bless her for it! she has made alot of mistakes and she knows it. i think she finally realizes its time for her to really mature and find out what really matters in life. there is really no reason why everyone should jump to conclusions about her studiing of other religions.

  34. hann

    i think britt is just trying to reinvent herself, and if she thinks she can do it by studiing different religions and connecting with herself spiritually then lets bless her for it! she has made alot of mistakes and she knows it. i think she finally realizes its time for her to really mature and find out what really matters in life. there is really no reason why everyone should jump to conclusions about her studiing of other religions.

  35. hann

    i think britt is just trying to reinvent herself, and if she thinks she can do it by studiing different religions and connecting with herself spiritually then lets bless her for it! she has made alot of mistakes and she knows it. i think she finally realizes its time for her to really mature and find out what really matters in life. there is really no reason why everyone should jump to conclusions about her studiing of other religions.

  36. hann

    i think britt is just trying to reinvent herself, and if she thinks she can do it by studiing different religions and connecting with herself spiritually then lets bless her for it! she has made alot of mistakes and she knows it. i think she finally realizes its time for her to really mature and find out what really matters in life. there is really no reason why everyone should jump to conclusions about her studiing of other religions.

  37. kk

    i think people need to stop dissing a religion and focus on the subject ‘Britney’ who may be confused on what is it exactly she wants to follow???????????????????

  38. kk

    besides what is wrong on going to a temple that is not your religion it is not a crime.

  39. yeah, someone should set up a secret microphone in her room and whisper ‘dump Kfed….dump Kfed’

    http://hollywoodsnark.com

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