Britney Spears not completely senseless

January 30th, 2006 // 38 Comments

Britney Spears allegedly flipped out after finding out Kevin Federline wanted to get their four-month old son’s ears pierced, and sent a group of bodyguards to stop him from reaching the beauty salon where he wanted to do it. A source told The Star:

“Brit was like a woman possessed when she heard Kevin had run off with their pride and joy. So she jumped in her car with her minder and sent three more security guards to take a different route to the parlour to ensure they didn’t miss Kevin. Britney reminded Kevin that Sean hasn’t even had his tetanus jab yet, so it was too early for his ears to be done. And she complained that apart from looking like white trailer trash, Sean would be taken for a girl if he wore earrings.”

If Kevin Federline is trying to convince us that he’s a stupid douchebag, I’d say mission accomplished. I suspect that this is part of some weird marketing ploy for his singing career though. There was probably some meeting where the heads of the studio were like, “You know what would sell records? A stupid douchebag. Let’s see if we can’t make Kevin Federline the stupidest douchebag in the world. Genius. We’re geniuses!”



  1. drowningfool

    That’s fire….that’s fire man

  2. M@ce

    While flipping through my new Portuguese to English dictionary, I came across the following entry:

    PopoZao (Slang-Brazil) 1. The unique smell created when the toilet of a double-wide trailer backs up on to a floor covered with filthy ‘wife beater’ T-shirts, cheap beer, and half-eaten bags of corn chips.
    2. See K-Fed

  3. CoJo

    I think someone should create a reality television series with actors reinacting the day to day Britney & K-Fed drama. Similar to how E! covered the MJ Trial – THAT would be HILARIOUS!!! Someone call E!, tell ‘em CoJo has a fab idea…

  4. spamnews

    Bah, it was just KFed’s diversionary tactic to distract Brit from noticing he got the boy a nice Prince Albert.

  5. Ok, Brit should totally just pay the guy for the baby and move on… since the actions describe indicate that She is the only parent and that K is simply the sperm donor.

    I’m currently laughing out loud at M@ce’s comment and “There was probably some meeting where the heads of the studio were like, “You know what would sell records?”

    Thanks, I needed a good laugh today.

    The Mad Dater,
    “Because there’s a Bastard in all of us”

  6. Xanthia

    Bet she has that kid’s ears pierced ten minutes after the tetnus shot is given – then off for Baby Goober wife-beater shirts so he can look like Daddy………. euwwwwwww.

  7. DEVO

    Spamnews, you made me laugh.

    And my thinking mirrors yours: Mr. Federline should have run a diversionary tactic to throw the Missus and her posse off the scent. He is not that wily, though, so his mission failed. He does not even reach “Mongoloid” status, as he does not meet two of the three criteria:

    1. And he wore a hat
    2. And he had a job
    3. And he brought home the bacon

    Be like your ancestors or not

  8. DuckBoy

    Kevin might be a tool but Brit’s looking DAMN good again. I bet Star feels like shit about running that article about her getting fat and using OLD and out of context pics…

    Brit and Kevin this week at the SAG awards

  9. hafaball

    Well, my respect for her rised a bit, but that means it still at about negative 1,653. At least she also admits they look like white trash, not sure what other celebrity would do that heh.

  10. BibaBui

    David Beckham pierced his son’s ears while the baby couldn’t even talk. Victoria let him do that. Also cutted the infant’s hair “mohawk” style. Sad thing.

    At least Britney knows that “tetanus” is a disease and not a butt-plug brand.

  11. LoneWolf

    I’ve been waiting for the mohawk, a la Travis Barker’s kid. Do beauty salons pierce ears? I thought your only options were a needle and an ice cube, the mall, and a body piercing place. I guess Sean’s first b-day present will be tats – at least he won’t look like a girl.

  12. SuperSpence

    Brit better keep those bodyguards on call. Next week Federswine will try to have their kid’s willie pierced.

    Dat’s PopZao, baby!

  13. Devil Is Chrome

    Britney has SO much more to worry about than her fluctuating figure

  14. ihatecelebs

    I don’t know about this. Brit needs to learn how to spell ‘tetanus’ first before she can edumacate Kev on what it is.

  15. Precisely

    I’m curious as to what would have happened between him and the body gaurds, had he been adamant about peircing his son’s ears.
    That would have been funny to see.

  16. ESQ

    I can just picture it all, Britney jumping in her cap crusader mobile, (just like in her video for

  17. PapaHotNuts

    Kevin was also spotted bottle-feeding the baby a 2-liter of RC Cola and heaping spoonfuls of strained pork rinds. They have an appointment next week to get a wrap-around bicep barbed-wire tatoo as well as teaching the baby the proper way to dip Skoal. Word on the street is he’s gonna go with long-cut. Also, on the baby’s next birthday, K-Tard has promised the kid that the filters on the Marlboro Reds he can start smoking will be cut off, so he can grow into a big boy like Daddy. I’m sure the kid is gonna end up awarded to the state at some point.

  18. Kelly

    Brit doesn’t want the baby’s ear pierced because she thinks it is white trash. Well it’s kinda late for that. I mean she and her husband are so white trash that it isn’t even funny.

    Hey Kev while you are at it why not cut off the nutsack so you wont reproduce nymore geniouses.

  19. Caroline

    As South Park reminded us, would we rather want a douchebag or a turd sandwich? Although, at this point, the latter is looking a quite appealing.

  20. Tracy

    What’s the best indicator of future performance? Say it with me kids… PAST PERFORMANCE!! Britney should have run screaming from K-Tard, so she deserves all the trouble she’s getting now and will continue to get from this lying, mooching, dirtball.

  21. Well I guess since I can’t dislike HIM anymore this means I’ve got to like her better.

  22. Ben_Danglin

    Man I feel sorry for this kid. When he gets to grade school and its time to tell the class what his father does what will he say? “My dad is the worlds biggest douchebag?” Doesn’t sound too appealing now does it?

  23. SMF121490

    Don’t couples usually discuss these types decisions before one of them runs off with the little rug rats and puts holes in them? OH YEAH, I think I forgot myself there for a minute. We are talking about dumb sh*t, trailer trash parents. Can you say, disfunctional?

  24. HollyJ

    “They agreed, instead, to get Sean a Nascar tat in lieu of the ear piercings.”

  25. hermanita

    Wow. Britney has mother instincts. I really wouldn’t have imagined it. As much as she is an idiot, I think her housband is far too dumb. I don’t think anyone deserves to be married to an a–hole like that.

  26. lina77

    Bejeezus! What a weirdo

  27. outfile

    This guy has to be one of the biggest retards on the planet.

  28. HughJorganthethird

    First of all I’m sure K-Fid hasn’t had all his shots either so can u blame the guy if he gets a little confused? The Father- Son bonding these two are going to get up to boggles the mind. Hell, I remember when my dad took me to be circumsized. What a day. Sure I was 14 at the time but you just can’t get those golden moments back. Especially after the shock treatments.

  29. susie-q

    It’s just a matter of time – this couple won’t make it much longer. I’m sure she spends most of her time pulling her hair out and banging her head against the wall.

    That kid is going to grow up like Anna Nicole Smith’s son. “yeah, that’s my mom’s room next door – now leave me alone in my room to play with all my cool electronic toys and to do my homework. yeah, my mom’s a celebrity. I’m just her kid.”

    what a horrid existence

  30. Jeremy1Esq

    Give KDouche a break. He just wanted his kid to have earrings that said “Federline” so when he dropped the kid off for daycare or he visited his other kids, he could easily identify him, just like his Ferrari.

  31. Ben_Danglin is teh funny. PopoZao!

    He’s probably going to just say “I don’t know my dad” out of shame.

  32. ir0ny!

    K-Fed needs to go back to preschool & start all over again. That way he can still stay a few years ahead of his son (hopefully!)

  33. rachel

    Watch this clip of Britney’s come back

  34. ~Luna~

    OK. . .SP is, what? almost 5-6 months old? and hasn’t had his flippin’ tetanus shot? Ummmmmm. . .hey Twit (oops, I mean Brit) your kid shoulda had his first DTaP (Diptheria, Tetanus and Pertussis) at TWO months! I guess it isn’t only ‘poor’ white trash that don’t get their kids innoculated. . .dumb a$$es. . .sheesh

  35. KittyKat

    Okay, I’m starting to really feel sorry for Britney. I’ve never liked her, but from everything I’ve seen so far, she is an extremely devoted mother, and appears to not have much help in K-Fed. As a matter of fact, he reminds me of a jealous older sibling (with ADHD) desperately trying to get noticed.

    Who tries to pierce a 4 month old boy’s ears? WHY????

    I agree with a previous poster, that it’s too late for Brit to worry about Sean looking white trash. It’s in his genes. But she can try to make him look like more upscale white trash by not having his ears pierced.

  36. A Nobody

    He should change his name into Kevin Federdouche. Or K-Douche, whatever suits him.

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