Britney Spears’ two new songs are really good

August 31st, 2007 // 243 Comments
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Two new Britney Spears songs have popped up online and they’re every bit as bad as you’d expect. According to The Sun, she opens her new song Cold As Fire with the lyrics:

“I’m just the girl with the ability to drive a man crazy/ Make him come in my mouth/ Make him my new baby”

Other sources are saying the lyrics are:

“I’m just the girl with the ability to drive a man crazy/ Make him call me mama/ Make him my new baby”

You can listen for yourself here, but either way it’s bad. Like really really bad. Like so bad I thought it was a fake. I think they squeezed Britney until they got her voice as high up as it is, and then pulled some random people off the subway and made them backup singers. And Britney’s next single Gimme More (listen here) opens with the lyrics:

“It’s Britney, bitch”

Ooh, sassy. I don’t know about you, but this Britney character sounds like she’s got a lot of attitude. Man, I bet she also smokes and wears sunglasses indoors. She’s so cool.

NOTE: Just to be complete, here’s her third leaked song. Although it’s the same one I posted a couple weeks ago and still just as bad.

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Comments (243)

  1. guapo | August 31, 2007 at 11:17 am

    blows

    Reply
  2. shnoobie | August 31, 2007 at 11:17 am

    wow first! yeah yeah i dont have a life.
    i listened to the first song.
    and…
    i like it! good as fire baby!!!!

    Reply
  3. L | August 31, 2007 at 11:18 am

    crazy

    Reply
  4. Spanky | August 31, 2007 at 11:19 am

    I smell a grammy! no wait the dog just farted.

    Reply
  5. Ummm | August 31, 2007 at 11:20 am

    she’s like squeezing her voice . it makes me shiver . kinda ew ?

    Reply
  6. Tweets007 | August 31, 2007 at 11:20 am

    She sounds like a billy goat being raped by a farm boy at the beginning.

    Reply
  7. TheColombian | August 31, 2007 at 11:21 am

    God damn it sounds like she’s being backed by singers from munchkinland.

    Reply
  8. Ryan | August 31, 2007 at 11:23 am

    Sounds like the latter to me. Unfortunate, though. I would’ve loved to hear Britney talk about oral ejaculation. Crazy wench.

    Reply
  9. veggo | August 31, 2007 at 11:24 am

    WOW! That song makes me wanna do the no pants dance. Weird.

    Reply
  10. Megathy | August 31, 2007 at 11:26 am

    Cold as Fire is so WHINY.

    Also, does she think repeating “Break it down” makes a song cool?

    Reply
  11. flavio | August 31, 2007 at 11:28 am

    um, yeah it sucks, but she is definitely not saying “make him come in my mouth”, it doesn’t even sound close to that. that said – this is the worst circus music I’ve ever heard.

    Reply
  12. Jus' Stupid | August 31, 2007 at 11:29 am

    Good gosd do they suck. Like an orec pro.

    Reply
  13. Gimme more | August 31, 2007 at 11:29 am

    Gimme More ROCKS – I can see people dancing to that when they’re out – also the lyrics from ‘Cold as Fire’ are definitely ‘make him call me mamma.’
    I think Cold as fire is meant to be a fun track like Do Somethin.’ I really like Gimme more tho its hot!

    Reply
  14. Chauncey Gardner | August 31, 2007 at 11:29 am

    If you put on headphones and close your eyes and listen to the songs and allow your mind to drift, you will find yourself in a place that no man or woman were ever meant to see. It is a place of eye-gouging, cheek-clawing madness, and if you are not strong, you may never return.

    Reply
  15. Vince Lombardi | August 31, 2007 at 11:30 am

    I don’t think this is her, actually…. a copycat. She’s flat. And yeah, the backup singers are horrible. The sidewalk singers in Rocky were better.

    Reply
  16. Tweets007 | August 31, 2007 at 11:30 am

    Oh yeah, and if Britney is twice as nice as heaven – what does that say about hell?

    Reply
  17. bottlesandcansjustclapyourhands | August 31, 2007 at 11:31 am

    “I take kids and feed them Kool-Aidy/ Drive around with them unrestrained/ Just like with my babies”

    Reply
  18. Lindsay | August 31, 2007 at 11:34 am

    Gimme, gimme, more, gimmee, gimmee, gimme, more… Give ya what? Pants, cheetos, self-esteem???

    Reply
  19. Laura Ann | August 31, 2007 at 11:35 am

    “Make him my new baby” As if she needs another kid to mistreat.

    Reply
  20. zuzuspetals | August 31, 2007 at 11:36 am

    I really wish the “sing-with-a-baby-voice” trend in music would go away.
    Britney, Jessica Simpson, J. Lo, Gwen Stefani- please, please, please women- grow up.

    Reply
  21. pointandlaugh | August 31, 2007 at 11:38 am

    hahahahahahahahahaha!!!!

    I can’t wait for her CD to come out, to be roundly PANNED and ignored by the public. :)

    Reply
  22. Jus' Stupid | August 31, 2007 at 11:38 am

    She keeps hearing that Cher song, over and over in her head. “If I coullddd tuurrrn back time”

    Reply
  23. Lindsay | August 31, 2007 at 11:39 am

    In the picture, is she riding in or driving a special needs bus? The dude behind her looks like a ‘tard.

    Reply
  24. CD | August 31, 2007 at 11:39 am

    I’ll be honest..

    fellas, it was sounding great.

    But..

    I could’ve used a little more cowbell.

    Reply
  25. gimmeimmi | August 31, 2007 at 11:41 am

    I thought that Baby Boy sounded familiar. Listen to the song Legend on Nelly Furtado’s “Whoa Nelly” album, and you’ll hear the hook is similar. There is no way any music exec is going to let that album hit store shelves. It sounds like she made those songs up with an old synthesizer with a corded microphone attached.

    Reply
  26. JennMSU | August 31, 2007 at 11:41 am

    yea i’m over her. she’d better invest whatever $ she has left wisely!!!

    Reply
  27. swan | August 31, 2007 at 11:42 am

    #4… LOL ! Good One.

    I can’t really believe how BAD these songs are. Her style is so OUT and she sounds AWFUL…so off key. AND the lyrics are so HURTIN’. Break it down? Isn’t that from 1991? And she repeats it !! And it is so SICK the way she is singing about being so cool and hot stuff! WHY? SHe is hanging on by a thread to her past and it hurts.
    Yah, this is probably the worst “singing” I have ever heard.

    Reply
  28. Jus' Stupid | August 31, 2007 at 11:42 am

    @25 With a fisher price plug and play….

    Reply
  29. MR PAPARAZZI | August 31, 2007 at 11:43 am

    i like errrrr…….

    click my name go on click it… it’s friday afternoon and your trying to kill the last few hours at work so go on click it.

    TOTALLY WORTH A CLICK!

    Reply
  30. veggo | August 31, 2007 at 11:44 am

    29- go fuck yourself.

    Reply
  31. Rusty | August 31, 2007 at 11:45 am

    The fundamental problem with these songs is they’re too much like her 90′s style. There’s absolutely no sense of her having grown or developed or anything. And if her audience back then was still around, she might be able to sell a few of these. But they’ve grown and moved on themselves. She has no audience … and this drivel ain’t gonna create any new fans.

    Reply
  32. Lindsay | August 31, 2007 at 11:45 am

    ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh….death to Britney Spears… I WISH a spear would go throught her throat so she would literally be incapable of singing….not that she isn’t already. boy…..no one want to come to that mama!!

    Reply
  33. kathy | August 31, 2007 at 11:46 am

    my ears are bleeding. and not in a good way.

    #18…hilarious!

    Reply
  34. Uber Bean | August 31, 2007 at 11:48 am

    Cold as fire, hmmm… what is that supposed to mean?

    Reply
  35. Jus' Stupid | August 31, 2007 at 11:48 am

    @29…Took a click, Cameron Diaz has some nice get away sticks….Heard about most everything else. Don’t who the topless chick is with the fakies, but weren’t bad. I’d chew on ‘em for a bit.

    Reply
  36. kathy | August 31, 2007 at 11:49 am

    oh – and the douche bag at the end of the second song….”The Legendary Britney Spears”. LEGENDARY??? you have to fucking be kidding me. she’s legendary alright….for being a talentless, ass picking, white trash whore. she should be proud.

    Reply
  37. Sidney | August 31, 2007 at 11:49 am

    HORRIBLE!

    OMG! SHE SOUNDS LIKE A LITTLE GIRL LEARNING HOW TO SING. I COULD NOT EVEN FINISH LISTENING TO IT.

    Reply
  38. Jus' Stupid | August 31, 2007 at 11:50 am

    yeah, a legend in her own mind. If she has one. I highly doubt.

    Reply
  39. James | August 31, 2007 at 11:51 am

    It’s “I’m just the girl with the ability to drive a man crazy/ Make him call me mama/ Make him my new baby” dumb asses. These songs are awesome, stop being such a bunch of mean fuckers.

    Reply
  40. sane-o | August 31, 2007 at 11:51 am

    y’know, i don’t like her, but this is so bad it couldn’t be her. And if it is her, sad. Just sad. These songs are terrible.

    Reply
  41. Whatthehell | August 31, 2007 at 11:53 am

    #23

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

    #24 AHHHHH HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

    Reply
  42. bob | August 31, 2007 at 11:53 am

    what in holy fucking hell was that??!

    Reply
  43. BunnyButt | August 31, 2007 at 11:53 am

    Nice that Alvin and the Chipmunks are making a comeback.

    Reply
  44. bb | August 31, 2007 at 11:56 am

    At this point even Madonna has got to be embarrassed that she stuck her tongue in that.

    Reply
  45. veggo | August 31, 2007 at 11:56 am

    She should have done Kenny G cover songs. You know, the kind with no words.

    Reply
  46. Shallow Val | August 31, 2007 at 11:57 am

    This is just the rancid cherry on the awful cake that is her life. Her goal of Uber Trash will not be complete unless it has an awful album on top of it all. Now she’s going to play that “Ah don givvafuck; tha’s me, I’m keeping reeeeel!”

    Reply
  47. ssdd | August 31, 2007 at 12:01 pm

    This fatneck bitch has no career anymore…..i dont know why she bothers.

    Reply
  48. Crap Tonight | August 31, 2007 at 12:01 pm

    Well at least someone is making music for that hard to reach niche market of crazy cat ladies

    Reply
  49. your mom | August 31, 2007 at 12:04 pm

    both are still better than “stars are blind”, but that might not be saying much

    Reply
  50. Faye | August 31, 2007 at 12:04 pm

    Wow I really like them. And I’m not a Britney fan.

    Reply

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