Britney Spears’ mom to write tell-all book

October 26th, 2007 // 53 Comments
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Britney Spears mom Lynne Spears will publish an auto-biography about her experiences raising celebrity children, according to Ok! Magazine:

Set for a spring 2008 release, mama Spears’ memoir will give readers and fans a revealing look into her “personal story” of grooming Britney, 25, and Jamie Lynn, 16, into big-time celebs “while coming from a low-profile Louisiana community.”

Britney Spears turned out so awesome, so I bet this book is full of useful information. I can’t wait to buy it for my mom and show her how she messed up. Why couldn’t you sell me to the Mickey Mouse Club, mom? Huh? We could be living in mansions and I could have all the Chalupas I want. But, no, you screwed it all up. I don’t need you. While you were busy not exploiting me, I hit puberty at age seven and quickly developed these pythons I call arms. They’re all the love I need.

Note: I also need the love of bikini models, grain alcohol and the occasional tank.

superficial

  1. lentista

    britney can i knocked you up… i need some money,….just make sure you get tested first before i stick my cock in you….

  2. Britney in terms of publicity is almost on the level of Elvis, the Beatles, Marilyn Monroe, Farah Fawcett, Madonna and Micheal Jackson during their heyday.

    But she has NOT had nearly as many hits as them or any movie successes.

    It is amazing how the public just took to her.

    Previously Pam Anderson – and Paris Hilton were coming close – but Britney still leads
    *******************************************************************************

  3. #7 kudos, most intelligent comment of the post.

  4. PunkA

    I am guessing Lynne got cut off the Brit teet, and needs some cash. And what better way than to make millions that to give all the details on Britney’s life. I can hardly wait to hear about all the interventions.

  5. Italian Stallion

    FRIST drunk at a party: “And, now that I have once again introduced myself, I shall suck the post.”

  6. schack

    OMG! Call the slime patrol! I just messed my seat.

  7. vent

    no more britney posts!

  8. PunkA

    #5 FRIST. I thought you enjoyed being violated? Just not by SuperFish?

  9. theredsnapper

    i think rosanne bar was on to something..

    dumb kids — dumber parents..

  10. veggi

    For once, I want her to put her hat back on. yick.

  11. Lori

    Lynne seems like a nice lady, but both of her daughters are trailer trash. Britney is a hosebag in every possible way, and Jamie Lynne is a 16-year old douchebag who likes to get right up in your face and scream FUCK YOU! Is it Lynne’s upbringing or the “small Louisiana community” that turns people to trailer trash skanks? Hmmmm. I think I’ll pass on this book.

  12. schack

    shut up troll! I’ll mess your seat! ahahaha. I totally crack myself up. mmm, crack. butt crack. I love poop!

  13. Uh, if she leaves the good stuff out, she’s a sell out. If she puts the good stuff in, she’s a sell out. Where does that leave mamma?

  14. SmallLouisianaCommunitiesAreIncestHotBeds

    Britney is the spawn of an incestuous relationship.

  15. Firemarshall Bill, the Elvis Fan

    #8 – Have you considered investing in a carbon monoxide detector for your home? Either that, or you really need to lay off the cough syrup.

    My apologies, if you were being ironic, instead of moronic.

  16. Look the schack troll is repeating hersellf from the last post

  17. This is the picture I’ve put together for the “To Britney” dedication for my book.

  18. Auntie Kryst

    @8
    Oh by Christ Miss U, are you kidding me? As big as the Beatles were, guess that means she’s bigger than Jesus if you follow John Lennon’s thinking. Also no way she’s as big as The King, don’t fuck with Elvis. Only thing those two have in common is their diets. What’s really funny is when you say the public just took to her. No little girls and gay club goers did. The rest of us just like slowing down when we see a car wreck, and she is one.

  19. Feckless

    If it’s a “How To” book, Walmart and Kmart will get in a bidding war over the rights to the book and merchandise. Anyone want to send their kiddos to Kindegarten in boots and a shiteous weave?

  20. I loves me sum jailbait

    “Jamie Lynne is a 16-year old douchebag who likes to get right up in your face and scream FUCK YOU”

    yeah ok, let’s not lose our heads over this. she did that once. to a crazy lady. who yelled at her that she needs to leave the neighborhood. and then grabbed her and tried to yell some more. so maybe you exaggerated juuuuuust a bit.

  21. FRIST, just ask veggi to do that nose-tongue thing

  22. Oh, ok Jimbo!
    veggi???

  23. schack

    One time, I stuck my nose in this guys butt. He farted. I liked it. If thats wrong, I just don’t want to be right.

  24. veggi

    I’m off to lunch. or a couple beers. see ya fuckers.

  25. PunkA

    Plenty more where that came from, too, schack!!!!!! WOOF!

  26. Matthew

    maybe next book to write about her chrildern is Dina Lohan and the book to be called How to be a Party Mom.foreword written by Hohan her sel\f

  27. @28 fuck you troll

  28. get it over with and just jump off the golden gate bridge or something

  29. LL

    Man, I’m glad I’m not famous. The loss of privacy would be bad enough, but then to have your dumbshit relatives getting book deals because you share DNA… not that I feel sorry for Britney and I know her mom is the one who wanted her in showbiz in the first place. I’m just wondering exactly what her mother could reveal that we haven’t already seen or guessed at. Probably some self-righteous Jesusy thing that tries to convince us all that Britney was raised right. Anybody who buys this book is an idiot.

    Also, when did Jamie Lynn Spears become a big-time celebrity? I didn’t get that memo.

  30. Shit4Brains

    Miss Universe
    Eat shit and die

  31. Ript1&0

    At least you make your living by insulting celebrities instead of kissing their asses. I’d say your mama’s done pretty well.

    PS=Louisiana rules.

  32. nipolian

    #8 You’re a total dumb-fuck. Farrah Fawcett, maybe. MJ, maybe during his pediphile trials not during the 1980′s. The rest have all reached icon staus. Britney Spears is no where close to reaching icon status. She is nothing more than a festering herpes scab on todays entertainment society. She has the same entertainment value as the Goat-Boy at the county fair. You pay attention to them because they are freaks, not because they have any talent. When Elvis and MM and members of the Beatles died, people truely were sad. Who is going to give a shit when something really bad happens to Britney? NOBODY!! It will only become a short lived – world wide joke.

  33. Im sure her book will FAST replace Dr. Spock as the how-to-raise-your-kids handbook for the modern mother…

    ugh.

    http://www.couturecult.com

  34. BunnyButt

    Meh, don’t concern yourselves with Miss Universe’s comments. She’s got a major crush on Britney and is a hardcore supporter, no matter how little Britney deserves it. Her comments are based on obsession, not reality.

  35. BishOP

    Besides the comments about her poor parenting there should be a chapter about how to exploit your children for money.

    Its obvious Britney is a fat, vapid trailer trash whore but it takes a real piece of shit to exploit their own child who obviously has mental problems.

    It’s no wonder the kid’s fucked up,she learned from the best.

  36. Moobs

    Where did britney learn her parenting skills?? DING DING!!

    I grew up in this same “small louisiana community” and have a lot of family there, and we’re certainly not trailer trash… >=| !

  37. Dick Richards

    Awe, shit. I hope mother writes about changing Britney’s shit-filled daipers. I wanna know all about the way Jamie-Lynn looked nude, right after she hit puberty. I must know about the akwardness of the first time mother tasted Jamie’s vagina. I am so salivating, waiting for this book. I need children now! That’s a great ticket to mutli-million dollars status. I’ll have a couple of kids, and put them to work for me as soon as their eyes open. I won’t worry about destroying their lives, though. I mean, who cares about a kid’s life, really? Plus, they’ll be my employees. I’ll pray to god for them to become successful. And it will work, because god listens.

  38. Spanky

    What the fuck is wrong with her lips. cant this fucking retard even do collegen right?

  39. The Amerian entertainment-industry isn’t quite in shape these day’s. Your own mum has to tell the “TRUTH”? Do you believe it. It’s quite time the real celebs leave th Cave they’re in. Where are the real stars these day’s? Are they still alive?
    You know what the biggest mistake is today?
    BECOMING A ROCK, POP,FILM-STAR, IS SIMPLY TOO EASY THESE DAY’S!!!!

  40. jack

    Dr. Laura can sue Britney’s mom plagiarism: “The ten stupid things women do to mess up their lives”.
    Shall we enumerate? Kfed marriage. Pantyless photo. headshave. weight gain. Unprepared for “comeback” stage appearance. Drunken parties….

  41. Please, get your things together and leave this fucking entertainment-scene because you are definitely no longer par of it!! There was time enough for you, showing people they could invest time and money in your person. But you simply failed to do so, so…………….THIS IS THE END!!

  42. I bet Britney’s happy with this announcement.

  43. John

    Seriously though. Say what you want about her Mom fucking her up and making her famous and rich.

    At least she’s famous and rich!

  44. Dee

    Who cares? I have read books written by people about themselves and it is always a big pile of bs to make them look good (and get easy money of course). Folks, you should hold out for the unauthorized version, wish someone would come out with that…where is Oppenheimer when we need him?

  45. amanda lantz

    I would to talk to britney spears mom camanda25@yahoo.com i love you britney.

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