Reports have been circulating over the weekend that Britney Spears failed a drug test. However her friends and handlers are saying it was a false reading. They claim it was Britney’s prescription for Provigil – used to treat her narcolepsy – that botched the test. TMZ did some investigating and learned that these claims are bogus:
In generic drug testing — the type performed on Britney — there is not a special screening for Provigil.
In addition, we know the tests actually performed on Spears (until last week) all came back negative, and she had been taking Provigil before that.
Some people ask me why I don’t do any investigative journalism. Who says I don’t? I scour the internet for a good 10-15 minutes everyday looking for celebrity photos that give you, the reader, a boner. Or for you ladies they give you further reason to doubt your appearance and self-worth. I’m a national treasure; I get it. Anyway, I do a lot of hard journalism in my boxers before I get tanked at noon. So, ask me that question again when my Pulitzer arrives. In the meantime, I’ve got a lunch appointment – with destiny. And by destiny I mean a dump truck full of bourbon.
veggi | November 12, 2007 at 4:46 pm
First you semen gargling butthole licking smegma hounds
veggi | November 12, 2007 at 4:47 pm
Now swallow and write something, bitches
ph7 | November 12, 2007 at 4:47 pm
They should test the drugs for signs of Britney. That’s the more serious impurity.
Feckless | November 12, 2007 at 4:49 pm
that is the fugliest most hideous hoodie ever created. It appears that drugs will make you colorblind as well.
Pat | November 12, 2007 at 4:50 pm
She certainly won’t test positive for Clearasil.
Jimbo | November 12, 2007 at 4:51 pm
That’s Frist’s ATM face!
kathy | November 12, 2007 at 4:58 pm
she is the nastiest ugliest human being (um…maybe) alive.
D. Richards (Saint.) | November 12, 2007 at 5:01 pm
Oh, Britney. My little-trash receptacle. My cleanly-shaven anus. You continue to make life worth living for me, and for that, I thank you. From the bottom-of my heart, I thank you; for being number-one fuck-up. I wish I could penetrate you. I wish I could feel your pain from the inside, through my penis. Then, then I would really be living. Keep it up. You are my life. Love.
Jame Gumb | November 12, 2007 at 5:02 pm
“Britney Spears” hmmm…do I know her? No, nuh-uh. Oh wait… is she a great big fat person?
Bigheadmike | November 12, 2007 at 5:03 pm
She shouldnt be responsible for the kids alone!!!!! She is a mess.
Dick Richards (Banker.) | November 12, 2007 at 5:03 pm
#6? Frist does ATM?! Hook me up with her number. Stat!
SheIsSoDifferentFromYearsAgo | November 12, 2007 at 5:08 pm
Britney was once totally awesome looking now she isn’t. If fact she looks like the girlfriend of one of my beer swilling, chip eating buddies. Thanks so much Britney for showing all of us that we too can live the dream with no exercise and one hell of a lot of partying. And don’t sweat losing custody of your kids just pop out another one to replace the others. That’s what normal party people do.
hobo | November 12, 2007 at 5:15 pm
Kinda weird – I never gave a flying fuck about this bitch nor her music. Now that the pile of shit got dumped and crashed I really find her entertaining and inspiring. It is just great looking down on such dumb bitches who cannot withdraw from the spotlight (although it is not like they have no option – just lacking to brainpower to see alternatives)
Micky Mc | November 12, 2007 at 5:16 pm
@ 9 best.post.evah
Mal Reynolds | November 12, 2007 at 5:18 pm
I am loading that first picture as the background on my co-worker’s computer. He will shit himself when he comes in tomorrow.
Ript1&0 | November 12, 2007 at 5:25 pm
Damn man, you’re the ambitious type. Morning person, huh?
See, I usually don’t wake up until noon from getting tanked the night before. We should hang out – we’d both be smashed and never have to see each other. It would be a fabulous relationship, I know.
I’m really really good at them.
ack | November 12, 2007 at 5:26 pm
5 and 15, that’s some funny shit
Jackie | November 12, 2007 at 5:28 pm
I know it’s hard to do… but we need to forget about what’s her name. She lives for attention…
TheLostGirl | November 12, 2007 at 5:28 pm
No. One. Is. More. shocked. Than. Me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ;)
Ript1&0 | November 12, 2007 at 5:28 pm
God.. I’m in a terrible mood. Lighten up! Lighten up! I should get out of the house more.
Perhaps a long walk..
Red | November 12, 2007 at 5:29 pm
Hah! Provigil! I use to pop those things before going out with friends back in highschool. It gives you a damn good rush, and a very substantial high. It is definately considered a drug that can be abused, which considering we’re talking about Britney here is not surprising.
So yes, she failed her drug test, because come on… narcolepsy?
BunnyButt | November 12, 2007 at 5:32 pm
Ah, Britney makes me feel so damned good about my middle-aged body and boring academic life. A big round of applause for the celebrity fuckups of the world who keep doing their best to make we average people look spectacular and seem like rocket scientists in comparison. Keep up the good work, darlin’!
L.Linus | November 12, 2007 at 5:40 pm
Drop those panties, never mind, just piss in the cup while we make watch and make sure that Ali doesn’t slip her piss in the cup. By the way, your pussy looks older in person, grow some hair!!
race | November 12, 2007 at 5:46 pm
Is no one going to comment on the fact that she’s FULLY clothed?? I, for one, am shocked. Her hair and skin still look disgusting though. I don’t understand why she doesn’t just try to rock the short hair. Its GOTTA be better than those nasty extensions…
KamUK | November 12, 2007 at 5:53 pm
Thats actually pretty funny Fish.
Shallo Val is a bitch, I know......w/e | November 12, 2007 at 5:54 pm
Narcolepsy – You mean nodding off after too many biscuits, or codeines?
Get the fuck outta here…..
sandman | November 12, 2007 at 6:00 pm
this writer/photopig sux! she probally failed for smoking pot u morons. let this b a lesson to u all. don’t put ur self in this postition. lendzie hun, u listening?
LL | November 12, 2007 at 6:10 pm
So now she has narcolepsy? Since when, exactly? Is this supposed to be the all-purpose excuse now for all the dumbfuckery? I’m not buyin’ it, and anyone who does is even dumber than Britney (which is just a few blips on the EEG above comatose).
KC | November 12, 2007 at 6:16 pm
Next: Leprosy
boo | November 12, 2007 at 6:21 pm
LOL @ “dumbfuckery”, I damn near choked on my coffee.
doc | November 12, 2007 at 6:22 pm
She doesn’t have narcolepsy, she’s addicted to coke. Provigil is actually used to treat cocaine dependence.
Roflcer of the Lawl | November 12, 2007 at 6:32 pm
She takes pills to stop from fucking dead people?
rose | November 12, 2007 at 6:38 pm
This woman is such a useless piece of shit. If she wants to do some good with her useless life, she should get on an airplane and fly down to Tabasco, Mexico, and just look at the flooding and say something stupid like ¨WHAT A MESS…..THIS IS TERRIBLE¨ and let she stupid photographers take photos and print stories about how Britney thinks the flood is bad. This would bring a lot of aid to a country that has had a very disasterous flood that is so terrible it makes Katrina look like a sprinkle.
Hannah T | November 12, 2007 at 6:49 pm
#32, Alas, even Britney hasn’t yet stooped that low ….. basically, narcolepsy means falling asleep during the day without warning.
I think necrophilia means having a thing for dead people….gross…..
korina_jebediah | November 12, 2007 at 6:56 pm
How come Britney’s ears always look red hot?
mhmm
maybe she coke-farts, you know?
I think i read somewhere it is a secondary effect of using Provigil.
Rocko | November 12, 2007 at 6:58 pm
I take ProVigil. My drug tests go fine. Sorry, Britney.
Colin Bell | November 12, 2007 at 7:03 pm
As a longtime veteran of drug tests let me just say that TMZ has proven nothing. Just because the drug Provigil hasn’t given a false positive in the past doesn’t mean it can’t have given one this time. Click my name for my page. You will see that I know of what I speak. All that being said, I hope the bitch really did fail a test. I always love to see the rich and mighty fall.
Nookie Wookie | November 12, 2007 at 7:12 pm
Someone should walk up to her and kick her in her box.
von | November 12, 2007 at 7:17 pm
nasty hairy upper lip
Brooke | November 12, 2007 at 7:36 pm
I could care less about Britneys drug tests or child neglect issues. However, any photo of her sobbing, her cellulite, or horrible extensions, never gets old. Yes, I am an evil woman with a VIP ticket to hell. The bit about a lunch date with destiny ala bourbon truck is entertaining enough to continue reading this crap.
Brooke | November 12, 2007 at 7:37 pm
I could care less about Britneys drug tests or child neglect issues. However, any photo of her sobbing, her cellulite, or horrible extensions, never gets old. Yes, I am an evil woman with a VIP ticket to hell. The bit about a lunch date with destiny ala bourbon truck is entertaining enough to continue reading this crap.
danka kobs | November 12, 2007 at 7:38 pm
finally someone noted her hairy lip!!!!
Diane | November 12, 2007 at 7:46 pm
OMG, someone tell that bizotch to wax that lip.
nagger please | November 12, 2007 at 7:49 pm
Why do white chicks want monkey lips?
iburl | November 12, 2007 at 8:25 pm
Nacolepsy, my ass, it’s called falling asleep because you’ve been up on coke all night and day for 3 days straight.
lulu | November 12, 2007 at 8:30 pm
her mustache is soooo sexy
babyglyniss | November 12, 2007 at 8:42 pm
FUGLY
FACE!!!!!!!
Igottabemeee | November 12, 2007 at 9:05 pm
Narcolepsy? And yet this is the very first we’ve ever heard about this serious illness? She’s performing on stage and in front of cameras constantly, but she has never once appeared to pass out or fall asleep during any of these activities?
If she was being treated by a physician with a drug to combat drug addiction, then the drug testing company would be aware of that. You provide all the medical information prior to any tests being done.
You do know that coke goes out of your system rather quickly? Why does she stall for days, or not answer the telephone? So she can have time to flush out her system perhaps? The more they press her to show up when required, the less chance she can dodge the obvious outcome.
OOPS! I SUCKED IT AGAIN!! | November 12, 2007 at 9:16 pm
What’s the over/under on her committing or at least attempting suicide? I’ll take the under in a heartbeat. Is there a bookie in the house?
Nick | November 12, 2007 at 9:57 pm
@32 ‘She takes pills to stop from fucking dead people?’
Ahhahahahaha, that totally cracked me up.
This is one of the best threads in a while.