Britney Spears & Madonna. Whee.

November 7th, 2008 // 82 Comments

Dear Ryan Seacrest,

Last night, Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake performed in LA with Madonna – but not together as you had promised. Instead, Ms. Spears stood painfully still singing “Human Nature,” while afterward, Master Timberlake appeared looking like the Artful Dodger’s gay cousin Skippy. My only response to you, Mr. Seacrest, is “What in the hell?”
Like most of the civilized world, I had hoped the former lovers would reunite on stage reminding us of sweet innocence, and that time I masturbated to my roommate’s Britney poster in college (Sorry, Kevin!). It would be a joyous celebration. Only to be interrupted by Madonna devouring their souls and proclaiming herself “Justney Spearserlake.” “Justney” would then spend the remainder of the evening eating puppies and small children in the downtown area to the beat of “Lucky Star.” In hindsight, perhaps my expectations were too high, but then again, I’m a music lover.
As a man of honor, I cannot let this travesty go unanswered. Therefore, I’ve retaliated in a way that will haunt even the darkest of your dreams, Mr. Seacrest:
I canceled your 10:15 tanning appointment – and seaweed wrap.

May God have mercy on us all,

The Superficial Writer

EDIT: Added video after the jump. You’re welcome?

Photos: Splash News, WENN

  1. Jennifer

    Madonna’s legs remind me of frog legs. LIke what we dissected in biology.

  2. sunshine

    #49 – Jennifer you hit the nail on the head.
    But seriously, is Britney a server at Olive Garden now, or just dresses like one? How do you go from no underwear to Mormon Missionary in a few months time? Her cuffs even cover 1/2 her hands.

  3. TH

    And the winner of the Slash air guitar contest is….Madonna.

  4. Marypoppins

    Ugh…die, Madonna, die…please.

  5. sunnyRain

    britney sos lo massssssssss de la vida!!! me emociono ver el video.
    vamos britney!!!!!!!!!!

  6. Racer X


  7. Piss Lips

    Where does Madonna tuck her penis?

  8. Skeletor

    #55 – Suicidio por favor.

    #57 – Justin, he looks like he really enjoys it too.

  9. Teenbeat

    If she weren’t so repulsive, and if she didn’t do it to herself, you’d almost have to feel sorry for Madonna. She is Baby Jane gone thermonuclear.

  10. You can't always get what you want

    All you young transvestites, look carefully at these pictures. Even when you get old, you have to keep taking your estrogen shots or else you’ll look like the guy with the guitar.

    Somewhere, Keith Richard is pointing to these pictures and saying to Mick Jagger, “But I never look like THAT, right?”

  11. Stiles

    Could someone please already put Madonna away in a crate into long-term storage? Like in ‘Lost Ark’? A movie that tanks, music that’s irrelevant and limbs that terrify small children…

  12. Me 2

    Its funny how no one has anything bad to say about Britney when she’s standing next to Madonna.

    Britney looks washed out in those pics but overall she looks good. Weird pants but I’ll take that over Madonna’s titanium quads… She must be on steroids, thighs like that are not natural, she really looks weird.

  13. TUBBO

    Justin Timberlake loves to be tea bagged with Madonnas scrotum.

  14. Jamie's Uterus

    Madonna playing a guitar, like she’s a real musician? Funny.

    You’re so right #59 – so Baby Jane Hudson gone Mad Max.

  15. Pukebag

    OMG why does Hagdonna continue to wear fishnet stockings and lingerie??? Does she actually think she is sexy? Is there ANYONE left on this planet that can look at a pic of her and not mini-puke in their mouth?? How in the hell did guy ever have sex with this crypt keeper? It seems to me we all think she sucks and hate her – so who the fuck is going to these concerts?

  16. Kat

    I think it’s sweet that Madonna gave Britney a little chance to be on stage. She seems pretty protective of her. Even though Madonna, being such a strong woman, has never lost her shit the way Britney did, she definitely understands the pressures of being famous for so long. She can definitely afford to extend some good will to her, since she seems to keep winning the game.

  17. USYAY!


  18. joop

    are there even strings on that guitar?

  19. anna

    Justin Timberlake she is nice . and i have found her profile on yeah there re some moe hot videoes and sexual pics about her . she is seeking someone one on that site .is she still single ?

  20. Ted

    Madonna is about the grossest thing imaginable! I think I would bang JT before I would bang her!

  21. Michael from WA


  22. Jackson'shole

    Britney’s outfit is horrifically ugly. I’m tired of both of these hags.

  23. They both wanna get on top again but the only way is DOWN, folks!!

  24. Inx

    in the video the man says spears ’94 album Bedtime Stories..amm..he ment madonnas, right..

  25. TommyP

    So.. Britney still seems to have a thing for Madonna, as evidenced by the serious case of RT she had in that white shirt.

    Or they keep the stage REALLY cold for Madonna so the lights don’t melt that spackle she wears for makeup these days.

  26. dave ain't here, man

    Look! Madonna learned an “A” chord! Her guitar teacher must be so proud. Too bad the song is in B flat.

  27. eastcoastgirl

    This Isn’t 1983. Madonna, please put some fucking clothes on. Don’t you own a mirror? Have you no Shame? Gross.

  28. torin

    madonna =demon

  29. patricia

    madonna only knows one cord? it cant be plugged in.

  30. ishi-san

    Next to Madonna even Britney looks really good!

  31. CJ

    Madonna totally rocks! I loved the concert!

  32. Life is about living and these people are living it no matter what we think.

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