Dear Ryan Seacrest,
Last night, Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake performed in LA with Madonna – but not together as you had promised. Instead, Ms. Spears stood painfully still singing “Human Nature,” while afterward, Master Timberlake appeared looking like the Artful Dodger’s gay cousin Skippy. My only response to you, Mr. Seacrest, is “What in the hell?”
Like most of the civilized world, I had hoped the former lovers would reunite on stage reminding us of sweet innocence, and that time I masturbated to my roommate’s Britney poster in college (Sorry, Kevin!). It would be a joyous celebration. Only to be interrupted by Madonna devouring their souls and proclaiming herself “Justney Spearserlake.” “Justney” would then spend the remainder of the evening eating puppies and small children in the downtown area to the beat of “Lucky Star.” In hindsight, perhaps my expectations were too high, but then again, I’m a music lover.
As a man of honor, I cannot let this travesty go unanswered. Therefore, I’ve retaliated in a way that will haunt even the darkest of your dreams, Mr. Seacrest:
I canceled your 10:15 tanning appointment – and seaweed wrap.
May God have mercy on us all,
The Superficial Writer
EDIT: Added video after the jump. You’re welcome?
mimi | November 7, 2008 at 10:48 am
GO BRITNEY!
Sean Penn | November 7, 2008 at 10:49 am
Smart move…put someone on stage with you half your age. That can only make you look younger, you sinewy old hag. Blech.
mimi | November 7, 2008 at 10:49 am
FIRST!
BRITNEY ROCKS!
FISH SUKS!
AMY IS A B!TCH!
Love | November 7, 2008 at 10:58 am
Some guys jerk off to anything. I prefer guys that jerk off to old memories of past experiences.
dork | November 7, 2008 at 11:02 am
Is it just me or does Justin look like he’s having a hard time pushing that turd out?
Lucy | November 7, 2008 at 11:03 am
man I just lost my appetite…Madonna is creepier looking usual.
eb | November 7, 2008 at 11:03 am
Only to be interrupted by Madonna devouring their souls and proclaiming herself “Justney Spearserlake.” “Justney” would then spend the remainder of the evening eating puppies and small children in the downtown area to the beat of “Lucky Star.”
BEST MOVIE IDEA. EVER.
Common Since | November 7, 2008 at 11:04 am
Washed up or played out?
Take your pick because they both fit……
havoc | November 7, 2008 at 11:05 am
Britney looks like they loaded her up with Xanax just to get her out there….
Justin is still gay.
Madonna playing guitar is funny.
.
Rough Daddy | November 7, 2008 at 11:07 am
How does a muff get tight when a woman havent had sex in a while? or does it even occur, any gyno in the house?
Note | November 7, 2008 at 11:10 am
I was listening to the radio last night when he announce that. I don’t know why I need to write that here.
pelps | November 7, 2008 at 11:13 am
Trust me, they two will make the hottest cougar on ” Agelessmate.com “; Sexy and wild!! hot and sincere Ageless people like the kind!!LOL
Wendy | November 7, 2008 at 11:17 am
Madonna has ugly manly looking bicep arms. Ladies never ever bulk up your biceps.
Vince Lombardi | November 7, 2008 at 11:18 am
*yawn….*
Lola | November 7, 2008 at 11:20 am
Oh my God this is hideaous… I fucking hate that bitch Madonna. She’s just repulsive and I’m amazed that poor Guy stayed with her for as long as he did. Just stop it you disgusting 50 year old whore.
Then parading around with these 2 that could be her grand-kids????? Just freaking gross!!!!
lala | November 7, 2008 at 11:21 am
Nice scarf Justina……
What team does Madonna play for now? Anyone…….anyone??
Humpin frog | November 7, 2008 at 11:21 am
Ryan and Justin still get their thigh and asscheek peel, correct? Because, man, that would just be mean.
Sport | November 7, 2008 at 11:22 am
Is that Slash with Brit on stage?
WTF, the sea hag gets worse every picture.
Alex | November 7, 2008 at 11:26 am
Britney looks pretty good, except that outfit makes her body look weird. Madonna looks like shit as usual.
Balls McCoy | November 7, 2008 at 11:28 am
Madonna should cover John Lennon’s last hit. You know, the ground outside the Dakota building.
pewpewpew | November 7, 2008 at 11:28 am
I puke alittle in my mouth everytime I see that gross singing skeleton named Madonna
The Crow | November 7, 2008 at 11:29 am
@10
I have had the same partner for 26 years and haven’t “staid out of it” long enough to see if it will tighten up or not, abstinence is not one of my virtues. Its like wine – just gets better with age.
I do know, after our second child, that an extra stitch or two following the apesiotomy does wonders.
Wet and loose is always better for me – the landing strip is clear and pee wees playhouse is open….
GiggityGoo | November 7, 2008 at 11:33 am
Madonna looks like Slash’s skeleton
Max Planck | November 7, 2008 at 11:34 am
80′s meets 90′s. Trying much too hard.
TUBBO | November 7, 2008 at 11:39 am
It’s amazing how well Madonna is able to tuck his penis.
TUBBO | November 7, 2008 at 11:40 am
It’s amazing how well Madonna is able to tuck his penis.
Thigh Highs | November 7, 2008 at 11:56 am
I think Britney looks gorgeous!
Alex | November 7, 2008 at 11:57 am
Britney is on her way up and you douche bags can do nothing about it! HAHAHA!
Cliff Clavin | November 7, 2008 at 12:05 pm
Britney sucks.
Mimi sucks.
Cheers!
Fernando Narcos | November 7, 2008 at 12:08 pm
29-But only Britney swallows too.Mimi’s one of those bitches that’ll spit it in your underwear.
gotmilk? | November 7, 2008 at 12:10 pm
20, that was awesome.
Rebecca | November 7, 2008 at 12:13 pm
Is that really Britney Spears? Her head looks… different.
PADDY | November 7, 2008 at 12:14 pm
That is clearly a wig britney is wearing, and her forehead looks really high. Has she shaved her head again?! cos that would definitely be a step back! The wig is slipping off her freshly waxed scalp, that’s why she didn’t move so much. I’m a genius.
The Palinator | November 7, 2008 at 12:21 pm
Britney looks great. In fact, next to Madonna, Britney looks hot.
BTW, pic #7 is giving me nightmares and I’m not even asleep.
gotmilk? | November 7, 2008 at 12:25 pm
her forehead has alway been huge, so no, you’re not a genius.
B | November 7, 2008 at 12:31 pm
Madonna scares me.
Hefe | November 7, 2008 at 12:46 pm
madonna dresses so fucking lame for these concerts.
lj9283 | November 7, 2008 at 12:55 pm
Would have at least been newsworthy if Justin had made out with Ryan, and Madonna with Brittany. Then they could have switched…….oh……… but who would Ryan have any interest in…………
hudy | November 7, 2008 at 12:58 pm
I enjoy Britney’s music. It’s a big surprise that she has joined ^^^^^^MillionaireLoving. C O M^^ ^^^^and start her journey to new love. I believe ^^^^^^MillionaireLoving. C O M^^ ^^^is the right place
for this talent girl.
Welcome to Jungle | November 7, 2008 at 1:05 pm
WOW BRITNEY!!!! She looks amazing!!
mimi | November 7, 2008 at 1:14 pm
Cliff… go jump off one… like the lemming you are.
Fernando Narcos… are you a real person or a cartoon?
Alex… let’s go celebrate!
GO BRITNEY!
fancy | November 7, 2008 at 1:18 pm
What the Hell is Madonna wearing?!?
it looks like those halloween costumes they make for dogs
when did madonna get so fugly – just creepy fugly ewwness
and even more shocking is brittany looking good WTF
baffling
aaaaand why would JT have anything to do with either of these has beens
hey justin just cause you popped her cherry don’t mean you gotta let her ass rape you – train is wrecked jump off!
fancy | November 7, 2008 at 1:19 pm
What the Hell is Madonna wearing?!?
it looks like those halloween costumes they make for dogs
when did madonna get so fugly – just creepy fugly ewwness
and even more shocking is brittany looking good WTF
baffling
aaaaand why would JT have anything to do with either of these has beens
hey justin just cause you popped her cherry don’t mean you gotta let her ass rape you – train is wrecked jump off!
Jammy | November 7, 2008 at 1:21 pm
Quick! Switch outfits!
Katherine | November 7, 2008 at 1:35 pm
First of all, why is Britney picking items from MC Hammer’s 80′s wardrobe. Second, Justin looks like a gay samurai (no reference to Tom Cruise I must add), and that is NOT Madonna, that is Mum Ra, arch enemy of the Thundercats, and he is plotting his evil plan to live another hundred years by stealing the youth from Britney and Justin…although if he takes anything from Britney, he might end up aging instead. I must say that all those extensions are working for Britney, nobody can work fake, hooker hair like her. That said, I have always had a soft spot for the bald Britney that used to beat the shit out of cars with Burberry umbrellas.
timmy the dying boy | November 7, 2008 at 1:56 pm
What’s with the arms, Grandma?
KYgentleman | November 7, 2008 at 1:59 pm
Why does they always say “video after the jump???”
I don’t see any video.
Where is it?
lazy troll | November 7, 2008 at 2:01 pm
first
bitchez
Jennifer | November 7, 2008 at 2:33 pm
Madonna’s legs remind me of frog legs. LIke what we dissected in biology.
Jennifer | November 7, 2008 at 2:33 pm
Madonna’s legs remind me of frog legs. LIke what we dissected in biology.