Britney Spears lost her virginity at 14


Remember when Britney Spears arrived on the scene and she was marketed as the wholesome little girl that was saving herself for marriage but just loved sexy outfits? Turns out it was all an elaborate ruse, according to Us Weekly:

But lawyer Eric Ervin, who worked with Spears as a teenager, tells Us Weekly in its new cover story that the “virgin” image Spears portrayed was, in his words, a “PR blitz.” In fact, Us reports in its new issue that Spears lost her virginity at 14 to boyfriend Reg Jones, and that she and Justin Timberlake were intimate from the beginning.

I find this all hard to believe. Britney Spears always has and always will compose herself as a lady. She’s a sophisticated connoisseur, devout animal lover, and philanthropist. In fact, I believe she’s still a virgin. I don’t even know where those kids came from. I’ll just assume that dastardly ruffian Kevin Federline purloined them from some unsuspecting couple. Fortunately Britney has delicately taken them under her wing and opened her home just like her role model Jesus of Nazareth would’ve done. Now those children can rest their heads peacefully knowing that they’re safe, loved, and free from danger.

NOTE: Yup, it’s official. If I ever had to run a Britney Spears fansite, I’d slam my head in an oven door until I lost consciousness. Ha ha! I’d smell like cookies.