Britney Spears is a diet expert


Besides swapping venereal diseases and any last traces of dignity, Britney Spears and Criss Angel were also sharing a lollipop at the opening of LAX. But there’s more to this sucker than meets the eye. (No, it’s not a Transformer. Put your pants back on.) Extra reports:

The sucker Britney was sharing is more than just a sweet treat: it’s a diet secret. Insiders tell us she recently received a shipment of Hoodia lollipops, which suppress the appetite and supply an energy boost.

In the fifth grade I had to give a report about sugar. Then about a week ago, I mixed Jagermeister with Red Bull and suddenly I was five hours into the future – without pants! So, to answer your question, yes, I am a real scientist. Anyway, if you eat nothing but sugar, you will lose weight. You will also go into diabetic shock and probably die. I want to say I’m going somewhere with this, but in retrospect nothing but good can come from this scenario. Carry on, Britney.