Britney Spears is the Antichrist, tries to hang herself

March 5th, 2007 // 139 Comments
britney-spears-antichrist.jpg

Britney Spears allegedy tried to hang herself with a bedsheet after writing 666 on her shaved head and running around the rehab facility screaming “I am the Antichrist!” at frightened staff. A friend of her says:

“She attached a sheet to a light and tied it around her neck. Paramedics were called, but luckily she was unhurt.” But within days out-of-control Britney had swung from suicidal to matrimonial as she told hubby Kevin Federline she wanted to take him back, renew their wedding vows and get pregnant.

What’s left for her to do? The only way she could fall any farther is if she got huge boob implants and then drew a face on a watermelon and pretended it was her baby.

superficial

  1. duhhhcy

    gross

  2. Colden Whett

    FIRST!! Somebody shoot her and put her out of her misery already…

  3. Sheriff Jen

    old news for those of us who already knew she was the anti christ.

  4. leezastudio

    I’ts about time .. .. .

  5. Johnny Be Good

    She has a couple of problems.

  6. Colden Whett

    damn…

  7. Not sure about the boobs, but I loves me some watermelon.

  8. Poor crazy Britney. It’s past the point of humorous, and just scarry and weird at this point. And a little humorous. Probably the biggest indication that her life is inthe crapper is not trying to hang herself, but that she thinks more of K-Fed in her life will help.

  9. leezastudio

    wow, i wonder what’s next? running ppl over in trafic with her umbrella hanging from the window screaming, I am the angel of the dark side!! man, she has soooooo lost it

  10. Chanty

    Yeah right… This is something Tom Cruise would do, but not Britney. I don’t believe shit of this story.

  11. Johnny Be Good

    Now’s the time to say goodbye
    To all our company
    Through the years we’ll all be friends
    Wherever we may be
    M-I-C-K-E-Y M-O-U-S-E
    Mickey Mouse, Mickey Mouse
    Forever let us hold our banner high
    M-I-C – See ya real soon!
    K-E-Y – Why? Because we like you!
    M-O-U-S-E!!

  12. Donkey

    Is she becoming one of the Manson girls?

  13. jrzmommy

    I can’t believe I’m gonna say this, but….RUN, K-FAG….RUN LIKE THE WIND. TAKE THEM BABIES AND HAUL ASS!!

  14. Donkey

    I’d still do her crazy ass.

  15. jakebarnes

    As much as I’d like to believe this, it’s gotta be fake…

  16. Ahem Roid

    “The only way she could fall any farther is if she got huge boob implants and then drew a face on a watermelon and pretended it was her baby.”

    let’s leave Anna Nicole Smith out of this.

  17. JoshSpazJosh

    Ummmm…

    Is “News of the World” the most credible source?

  18. rrd

    I agree with #15. Gotta be fake

  19. crestlin

    you know, at first i thought the press was blowing everything about her out of proportion…that maybe she was just going through a rough patch like everyone else…but holy crap! this woman has actually lost her mind. i can understand the antichrist thing, but taking back fed-ex???

  20. Donkey

    I think I’m in love.

    One of these days I’m gonna marry that girl!

  21. sol

    at least the story made Fish update. it’s not as boring as lindsay lohan or the skinny cracker twins, but of course it’s fake – the staff at an inpatient rehab facility got “scared” and “didn’t know what to do” when a patient had a freakout. sure they did. it must have been everybody’s first day.

  22. gatorbates

    I’d like to see what her and Charles Manson’s offspring would turn out to be ……

    A singing homicidal maniac.

    “Slash me baby one more time”

    Prediction … she will not be alive in 3 years.

  23. brennreyn

    The sad part is that this is actually somewhat believable.

  24. suzy

    that’s really sad.

    and scarey

  25. Bugman4045

    It is 11am on the east coast.
    This story is utter bullshit.
    The Superfish guy can’t rouse himself out of bed any sooner in the day to give us some mildly interesting Celeb gossip?

    Anticlown has been advertising for writers. I can think of three posters on this site that could write better stories than Superfish does. I think the posters will need to save this site.

  26. herbiefrog

    …she’s gonna be fine

    does that feel better?

    respect and charity

    africa might be good place to spend a few million

  27. Stink

    Detox is a wonderful thing. I’m surprised she didn’t steal someone’s wheelchair and play Professor X.

  28. Me No Know

    I’m certain it’s been said before, but I’ll see it again. With that shaved head, that girl is the definition of a bull dyke. I swear I want to stand in front of her with a rose clutched between my teeth while I wave a red cape in front of her. Viva la Bull!!!

    And wow. I’m a sick fuck and giggled with perverse glee at her downward spiral, but this is getting just plain sad. Not sad enough for me to stop poking fun at her, but sad enough that I might have a moment of regret when she goes on a killing rampage in the rehab center.

  29. Niki_Jacob

    It has to be all for show. How embarassing and sad. She’s always wanted the media to leave her alone…… =0P

  30. Flip Rogers

    Why did they stop her???

  31. Donkey

    Most people in the real world know that when you’re trying to get custody of your kids you should be on good behavior.

  32. schack

    please. being CRAZY is the only way to have a long-standing PERMISSION SLIP to NOT be free.

    who wants to admit s/he is free? that would mean that s/he is accountable for everything she’s done. she’s faking it, for sure (see article link), but to make a pretty enlightened point (hate to say it):

    “I AM NOT FREE”

  33. schack

    well, who the fuck is, honey?

    it’s idealogical bullshit, signed and sold by the good ol’ boys… forget freedom. what we need is forgiveness.

  34. superstar

    I don’t know why her mum is not doing anything really. Why doesn’t she force Britney to move back in with her so she can look after this crazy person who she brought into the world?

  35. GooniesNeverSayDie

    This is going to be the BEST episode of “VH1 Behind the Music” of ALL TIME!

    I smell a three-hour special in the making!

    PS Not to get off-topic, but does anyone else wonder what Cisco Adler’s nuts are up to lately? We havent heard anything in awhile.

  36. This is obviously not true. If it REALLY happened, the numbers across Britney’s forehead would have read 999.

  37. What she needs is a good cooter punch. Get her right while she running around looking like some freaky Ghandi, just a good, full-bodied uppercut to the cunt. The problem is she’s got so many people babying her. She needs someone to get in her face, bring her down a notch – have a donkey teabag her. Watch K-Fag turn down her reconciliation. If that doesn’t cause her to want to go see Jesus, I don’t know what would. Getting back with K-Fag at this point would be like gifting a cutter with a year’s supply of razor blades.

  38. HollyJ

    In other news, her bald head looks like Cisco’s ballsac
    (#36-now we know what’s been going on with it)

  39. Wow, Britney’s really snapped. i mean here i was thinking Promises might clean up her act. maybe that was everyone’s assumption. guess she proved us wrong then didn’t she? that’s britney! good ol’ britney. i wonder what kind of drugs she’ll take next. maybe next time we hear about her, she’ll be the one that snuck outta Promises and tied a rope to a sheet and yelled “look everybody! its a kite! look at it go!”
    ~N@ughty

  40. Carsten5577

    Attention whore. I wish she would just kill herself for real, then we wouldn’t have to read so much about this stupid idiot.

  41. N@ughty

    @20. i think ur in love too. as a matter of fact, i think ur just the thing Britney needs right now. another crazy hudband. good luck in Rehab…i mean thats where ur going if u plan to marry Britney.
    ~N@ughty

  42. mrlithium

    i am not the father of that watermelon

  43. jrzmommy

    Why can’t I get Nelson Muntz’s laugh out of my head??

  44. murmurzz

    Instead of lollygagging around on this site and typing about how Britney’s Gone Bonkers – I, for one, am going to post flyers about town seeking her missing marbles. She has certainly lost a few. Adios!

  45. Stink

    36- Cisco Adler is cloning his nuts so he can have a klik-klakking Newton’s cradle in his pants. Fun for perverted physics students!

  46. N'Arianne

    Remember when they decided to divorce and everyone was sooo happy about that thinking she’d lose all that weight she put on and go back to being the famous-babe Britney Spears. I liked it better when she was married. But then again her becoming the anti-Christ is good, it is a step in the right direction away from the selfdenial she’s been in. Soon K-Fed will stop denying himself and let his hair grow and claim he’s Britney Spears. They make a fine couple, a fine couple indeed.

    Damn their kids are going to be fucked up.

  47. eastboundanddown

    This story is so fake. Please. Next thing you’re going to tell us Britney attacks cars with umbrellas and hijacks salons to shave her own head.

  48. Reveille

    I can’t believe you guys actually believe this crap! This didn’t happen. Not only is it a fake story but it’s not even funny.

  49. schack

    isn’t selfdenial a redundancy?

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