Losing her children last week apparently woke Britney Spears up to the fact that she needs to change her ways. It turns out that all this time Britney had no natural maternal instincts. Really? I thought using your kid’s head as an ashtray was as natural as breast-feeding. Who knew? Ok! Magazine has the details of her parenting problems:
“No one has ever trained her or shown her how to look after her boys,” one Britney insider reveals in the next issue of OK!. “She really wants to learn, and she’s going to try really hard. She’s been taking parenting classes and taking them very seriously.”
The source adds that Britney’s limited knowledge of parenting comes from lack of experience, not an absence of love.
“She loves those boys beyond belief,” the source explains. “She just doesn’t know how to be a good mom.”
Britney, once again, I’m here for you. If you’re wondering how to take better care of your kids, just pretend they’re one of your precious Frappucinos. You know, your favorite ice-blended coffee drink that you’d slit someone’s throat if they tried to take away from you. I mean, if someone said you had to show up in court to keep your caramel Frap, you’d show up and not go tanning, right? Now apply that thinking to your kids. Yes, I know they don’t come with extra whipped cream, but that’s part of parenting. It’s tough, but in the end, your kids will soon be able to talk and say things like, “Why do we live at a bus station? Weren’t you rich? You spent how much at Starbucks? Dammit, I could’ve gone to college. I want to live with Dad above the bowling alley.”
Sam Hain | October 17, 2007 at 12:34 pm
yay more britney
Vincce Lombardi | October 17, 2007 at 12:34 pm
First!
Jimbo | October 17, 2007 at 12:34 pm
Who gives a shit!! Those kids would be better off with a homeless guy living under a freeway overpass
Vince Lombardi | October 17, 2007 at 12:36 pm
What??!! No boots????
IMPOSTER!
Matthew | October 17, 2007 at 12:37 pm
she is super serious about her kids like she super serious about manbearpig
improved | October 17, 2007 at 12:40 pm
YAY no boots , and jeans!
now, if she could only wash her hair and conceal her bra
britney u fat ass assshole | October 17, 2007 at 12:42 pm
OMG..DIS BITCH JUZ LIVES AT STARBUCKS………SHE NEEDS TO GO TO STARBUCKS REHAB…
lola | October 17, 2007 at 12:45 pm
ew look at pic #6..she looks like an elf with those dumbo ears
lola | October 17, 2007 at 12:46 pm
WHAT????? EXCUSE ME but Parentlng is a womens absolute natural instinct when she becomes a mother (and this wack job has 2 children) only a complete moron is born without it like her and then she has to take parenting for dummy classes ordered by a judge. BRITNEY YOU ARE A TOTAL LAME ASS LOSER! yes, mothering is a trial and error operation but to use your children as an ashtray..is well, unacceptable. even wild farm animals can take care of their offspring.
nori | October 17, 2007 at 12:50 pm
#5Mathew ?manbearingpig? I’m laughing yet i have no clue why
Tia | October 17, 2007 at 12:50 pm
Fuck this selfish bitch. She doesn’t care about her kids! Why does everyone always try to talk for her and say that she’s really trying to get her kids back? her actions prove otherwise… I hope she gets gonorrhea but she probably already has that , the little whore
smadgie | October 17, 2007 at 12:51 pm
I agree lola….you are either on or off with pareting. She just needs to treat her kids as good as she treats that fuckig dog of hers. What an asshole she is. Hurry up and OD like a good has been shitney.
Erica Nicole | October 17, 2007 at 12:53 pm
Since when do new mothers need experience in order to correctly take care of their children? Isn’t it called common sense and love? Idiot.
Soy | October 17, 2007 at 12:53 pm
Baby
steps
Brit
that a girl
{she’s wearing pants}
BigL | October 17, 2007 at 12:54 pm
Funny Britney shirts here
http://www.cafepress.com/larryadair/3338091
Tits McGee | October 17, 2007 at 12:56 pm
1) Starbucks sucks.
2) Britney smells.
3) LOOK YALL!!! SHE READS THE FISH: SHE GOT HER NAILS DONE. SHE’S SHOWING THEM OFF FOR US!
LB | October 17, 2007 at 12:57 pm
Where did Britney’s feet go?
missy | October 17, 2007 at 1:00 pm
she got her nails done, why aren’t there pics of her getting that done?
they would look way better if they were cut down a little bit
Sam Hain | October 17, 2007 at 1:03 pm
Starbucks must be comping those drinks for the publicity… it is unreal the amount of time she spends there
Tits McCholo | October 17, 2007 at 1:04 pm
One more thing. I just thought about this. I miss the 80′s. You know why? Because the internet had not yet ruined our pop/movie stars. Seriously, yall, she would be a has-been now, or OD’d on purpose, or ended up like that guy that was on 21 Jump Street that had his own show, for just a little while….
MANBEARPIG!
veggi | October 17, 2007 at 1:05 pm
Looks like today’s lunch is boobage.
Tits McCholo | October 17, 2007 at 1:05 pm
I would think Starbucks would consider this BAD publicity. She should be banned from entering that establishment.
By the way, she can only go so long – yesterday was nails, tomorrow may be hair. Unless she gets drunk and forgets.
sharpeidude | October 17, 2007 at 1:07 pm
Bullshit! The only way this fucking Fruit Loop skag gives a shit about those kids would be if they themselves followed her around all day snapping pictures like the fucking paps. Parenting classes my ass.
Chef | October 17, 2007 at 1:08 pm
You have to remember the boots are super glued on. You just can’t see them.
I’m baffled though. She has a bra on. Is she mending her ways to prove she is a good mother? Is being a good mother mean going somewhere in public with panties and a bra? Maybe!
Kate | October 17, 2007 at 1:10 pm
Parenting doesn’t come with a handbook of how-to’s. But anyone with half a brain can figure out that you shouldnt smoke near your children. I don’t understand how someone so rich can be without help from professionals? She can hire someone to drive her around, she can hire someone to install her kid’s car seat properly and give her advice about when it’s time to turn it around. She can hire pretty much anyone to help her do anything with regard to these kids!
Maternal instinct doesn’t come to everyone as soon as that baby pops out…. but at the very least some common sense SHOULD.
Good luck kids, you are gonna need it.
Duchess of Dork | October 17, 2007 at 1:11 pm
Why does she keep wearing her hair so messy like that??
Becks | October 17, 2007 at 1:11 pm
atleast she isn’t dressed like a hippie or a japanese teenager who needs a bib ( as per usual),
she doesn’t bother me as much as she does other people
lots of celebrity moms do drugs and keep their kids
other moms have hired baby sitters for when they want to go out too..
i guess she went out too much though.
i still say there are worse people who have less talent and less appeal that are rich and famous
veggi | October 17, 2007 at 1:14 pm
21- try and be a bit more clever next time. ps: bet your dick looks like a pinky.
hegadeth | October 17, 2007 at 1:14 pm
@26 – Cuz it’s not hers!
Jimbo | October 17, 2007 at 1:15 pm
I fucking hate trolls veggi.
ManBearPig | October 17, 2007 at 1:16 pm
#10 WAKEuP!
the single biggest threat to our planet. something out there which threatens our very existence and may be the end to the human race as we know it. i’m talking of course, about… “manbearpig.” it is a creature which roams the earth alone. it is half man, half bear, and half pig! some people say that manbearpig isn’t real. well, i’m here to tell you now, manbearpig is very real, and he most certainly exists! i’m cereal… manbearpig doesn’t care who you are or what you’ve done. manbearpig simply wants to get you! i’m super cereal…
manbearpig is Al Gore’s way of getting friends because he doesn’t have any.
Oh booga booga boo , manbearpig is out to get you liberals.
abby | October 17, 2007 at 1:19 pm
#17
poor britthey has horribly deformed feet now
she has to hide them
ever since she had the boots surgically removed
veggi | October 17, 2007 at 1:21 pm
31- that’s HUGE. 3 halves…um…..makes it, like, one and a half? Is this a britney metaphore?
ultra8201 | October 17, 2007 at 1:23 pm
I’m almost done, she’s crazy
havoc | October 17, 2007 at 1:23 pm
You know what the absolute best is going to be? When Britney gets pregnant again.
The world will literally tip on its axis. LMAO!!!!
Can you imagine the scmuckarazzi then?
hahahahahahaha
.
mahw | October 17, 2007 at 1:25 pm
Ha! I love how the source implies she’s taking parenting classes because she wants to be a better mother, and she thought that maybe taking a few classes would help her improve her skills.
She’s taking the classes because a court ordered her to take them if she wants to see her ashtrays on a regular basis.
Cat | October 17, 2007 at 1:26 pm
Apparently, no one ever showed her how to get her pants hemmed, either. But at least she’s actually wearing pants for a change.
Age | October 17, 2007 at 1:29 pm
ORLY?
Brock Landers | October 17, 2007 at 1:33 pm
Good for her. The first baby lesson should be how to get her daughter to rise in fame, get implants by 12 and then tumble by the age of 15.
LL | October 17, 2007 at 1:33 pm
Yeah, it’s gonna take more than an “insider” (cough, cough, PR flack, cough) to convince me Britney cares as much about her kids as she does about her career or booze or cigs or Frappuccinos. I have no doubt she loves her kids, kinda like a child loves a puppy, but loving a kid is not the same as taking good care of him/her. It’s a start, but it isn’t indicative of parental fitness. Loving the kid is kind of a gimme.
And this is the best I’ve seen Britney dressed in literally months, perhaps years. She actually looks like a 20-something mother and not a hooker. Her hair is still a mess and those gigantic sunglasses are fugly, but all in all, I give her a 6 or 7 on this one. Hey, I’m grading on a curve. She’s wearing a bra and her cooz isn’t showing. For Britney, that’s saying quite a lot.
And I’ve also gotta say, I’m with Britney on those Frappuccinos. Those things are a cupful of joy. Hopefully, she’s getting the low-fat ones.
Kourtnei | October 17, 2007 at 1:35 pm
It’s wonderful that Brit is finally getting the help she needs. Always living in the public eye kept her from learning what it truly means to love. Still she is a great artist. Brit I’m praying for you and your kids.
Naw I’m just fuckin’ with ya. She’s a selfish stupid skank. Hope she never gets her kids back, for their sake. Filthy pig.
A. Kryst
Titty man | October 17, 2007 at 1:37 pm
I like her new assisstants massive titties.
cashitin | October 17, 2007 at 1:40 pm
#35 – that shits not funny because it will happen. Once the media loses interest in her, the only way she will be able to get attention is drop another little piece of trailer trash into the world. Wahlah – the whole world is looking at me again.
gotmilk? | October 17, 2007 at 1:40 pm
sorry, that’s no excuse. is anyone taught how to do that stuff? no. it’s called common sense. clearly she lacks it. otherwise she wouldn’t be trying to place the blame on others, yet again!
boo | October 17, 2007 at 1:41 pm
Doesn’t her album drop in two weeks? The PR machine kicks in, now all the Britney fans can buy her album knowing that she’s taking *CLASSES*and it is OK to admit to liking her.
boo | October 17, 2007 at 1:44 pm
Shit, what am I saying. Britney fans would buy her albums even if she ate her kids.
britneyfan | October 17, 2007 at 1:53 pm
#46, sure would!
gimme more britney
fraps are yummy
radar is my myspace song, i already have made at hot dance routine for it
her jeans look fun
her smile is so hot, go brit!
manbearpiglet | October 17, 2007 at 1:56 pm
#5 – that was literally my most favorite episode of South Park
as for brit taking parenting classes, #36 hit the nail on the head.
“No one has ever trained her or shown her how to look after her boys”… Naturally this explains it… as everyone whose had kids knows, after the baby pops out, so does the instruction manual. Poor Brit just didn’t get her copy, and THATS why she [insert whatever dumb sh*t she's done this week].
BritsAGoodMom | October 17, 2007 at 1:58 pm
Brit is a good mom. She never has her children in the room when she is letting men do the things to her that gave her Pink Eye. I know I have pictures. The kids are not in the room. farm animals yes…kids no
Phaimus | October 17, 2007 at 2:01 pm
whahah yeah whatever