Britney Spears is on drugs

September 17th, 2007 // 83 Comments
0917_britney_spears_bodyguard.jpg

Turns out the secret witness in Britney Spears’ custody hearing is Tony Barretto, a former bodyguard for Britney. He filed a declaration in the custody battle between Britney and Kevin Federline today, claiming that Britney used drugs post-rehab and was nude a lot. Anyone shocked? Me neither. TMZ reports:

Barretto started working for Britney when she got out of rehab, and was fired on May 17 because, said Allred, “He did not hear her when he was asked to pick up her hat.”

Barretto, himself the father of young children, came forward, Allred says, because while working for Britney, he became “very concerned” about the safety of her two boys. Allred also said that she has spoken to County Counsel for Child Protective Services about Barretto’s concerns.

You know what makes this guy’s story totally legitimate? He claims Britney Spears fired him for not picking up her hat. That’s the most believable statement I’ve ever heard in my life. The only thing more believable would be if Barretto said Britney fired him for stealing her Double Whopper – then chased him down the street in a tank. Would Britney fire one of her kids out of the cannon? Depends. Were there extra pickles on that burger?

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  1. #49 she obviously weighs more than 120 pounds, id say a good 140.

    so. stfu.

  2. PunkA

    Ummm, for a girl wearing the crap Britney does, she needs to tighten her abs. Fact is, you wear that crap, you ask for the critique. Don’t try to act all sexy like, then get pissed when the reality is that you are not what you once were. Sure, she looks good for two kids. But she she does not look like she once did, and like she ought to wearing the outfits she does. She had rolls in the VMAs. She has no pride in herself like a Madonna who understands that she banks off her appearance. Britney, Inc. is about to shut down unless hse pulls it together. Just the reality.

  3. Goldstein

    Is that Britney in the yellow dress? Because if it is I want to fuck her.
    I don’t understand why everyone says Britney is fat. She’s not fat. I mean, she’s not skinny like Nicole Richie, but I don’t want that.
    If I met a girl that looked exactly like Britney does right now, say at a bar, and we went back to my apartment, and my wife wasn’t there, and we sat down on the couch, had a glass of Everclear, and she took off her clothes, I would have a boner like lickety-split. I can only dream of a girl who looks like Britney standing over me, ready to slide her silky snizz down onto my below-average dick. And you know she has a tight, smooth pussy because she c-sectioned those two maggots of hers and didn’t deliver them like a vagenius.
    Even though I don’t pack enough to pound Britney’s pussy from behind, I would do anything to be able to. Can you imaging what it must feel like to be fucking Britney Spears on your couch, she’s just wearing a pair of high heels, and you’re really opening her up, she’s screaming, Give it to me harder, y’all, you gotta fuck that pussy harder, y’all, and for one magical moment you’re able to hold off from cumming, you’ve got perfect dick control, and you’re fucking her harder than anyone ever has, so hard she leans back and whispers in your ear, I think I’m about to squirt, y’all, and that’s when you pull out and she shoots a stream of pussy nectar across your studio apartment, dousing a framed photo of your family at Passover, and right when she’s done squirting she tells you to stick your dick back in her pussy and pound the shit out of it, which is what you do, and then, right when you don’t think you can control yourself any longer, Britney says, You gotta come in my mouth, y’all, which is what you do, you come in Britney Spears’ mouth, she’s kneeling down in front of you and she opens her mouth and grabs your dick and begins to furiously stroke it, and she says, Come in my fucking mouth, y’all, and when she says that you do, you come in her mouth, and it’s a lot of come, that’s what Britney says, she says, That’s a lot of come, y’all, and then she looks you dead in the eye and swallows it.
    You mean to tell me you wouldn’t want that to happen to you?

  4. Yourfairytalen

    LL is right – she’s out of shape, not fat. She’s not toned anymore. But certainly not fat like most of these people (men, I’d assume) think.

  5. PB Smailes

    Only a white boy would say Britney is fat. Healthy little blondes with a little jiggle on them are like catnip to a brother. I used to fuck this little blonde bitch with big titties back in the day. She lived next door. She was only fifteen, and she still had some baby flab on her ass, but she fucked me like a demon. Bitch used to pin her own legs behind her ears, let me fuck her mouth, did pearl necklaces when she was on the rag. Britney came on like a virgin, but know she aint, which is why everyone’s so uptight. K-Fed broke that bitch in like the thoroughbred she is. Her only mistake was that she didn’t get an abortion, because that bitch is here on planet earth for one reason and one reason only: to fuck and to be fucked. Now she lost her purpose. That’s why she’s so upset. I know I’m getting all serious here, but it makes me sad to see a fine little white girl ignored. What she needs to make her feel better is a big black dick. That shit cures everything, including the common cold. It’s hard to think about the daily pressures of life when you have a twelve-inch chocolate monster filling you up like concrete.

  6. Nikki

    FAT? NO
    OUT OF SHAPE? MAYBE
    TOTALLY LAME? ABSOLUTELY

  7. Ted from LA

    Dear Penthouse,
    I never thought I would be writing you, but I met this woman in a yellow dress…

    Is that the theme for tonight?

  8. lookwhaticando

    PLLLLLEEEEEAAAASSSSSEE, Take the kids away from this slut bag, and give the kids to Kevin. Kevin is a much better dad, And for thoes who say he screwed her, Remember, she pursued him, when the HO knew that he had a girlfriend, with a child and one in her tummy, KARMA, She deserves every thing coming her way.

  9. Spiraticus

    Why didn’t the fat cow pick up her own hat! What a lazy little heifer! I suppose she can’t pick up her drugs either.

  10. Pikachelsea

    Holy crap, I just lost it over that Britney Spears tank imagery. I haven’t laughed so hard at this site in ages. I love you Superfish. Be mine.

  11. lovinshoes

    Love the shoes! Dress is cute too. Good job on this outfit Brit. If you had hair on your head you could have gone without the black head wrap thing.

    Otherwise, considering what your outfits have been looking like…Kudos girl!

  12. No, she's fat

    check out #56 PB Smailes – girls, if you pork out, your reward is a drooling nig.

  13. mr right

    As always on these types of threads, the girls are talking to the girls – “Do you think I look fat???” “Noooooo!” It’s a game you girls play, in between bouts of savagely tearing each other down behind each other’s back. Has zero impact on what guys think. If you’re lesbian, that doesn’t matter. If you’re straight, it’s the only opinion that matters, because we’re the ones who fuck you, not your girlfriends. But carry on – the knee-jerk reflex aspect of your responses is always amusing to watch.

  14. hotwife

    My, #33, how pathetic your little life is. I’ll bet you are a factory worker or some sort of blue collar slob who makes a little money and spends it on redneck pursuits while neglecting your fat wife and 3 fat kids. I can imagine that you are no prize yourself, buddy- so keep jacking off to cheerleaders; it’s really all you have left.

  15. goldstein's wife

    You are a disgusting little slip of a man Goldstein. Ugh.

  16. Hmmmmmmm . . . . .

    I wouldn’t be surprised if one of her ex-employees came out and said Britney smoked her kids’ baby teeth to get high. She’s just that off.

    And yeah, she’s not fat, but she’s out of shape as hell. If she’s supposed to compete with the new pop tartlets out here with their six-pac abs and minimal body fat, she has to get it together or change her image. Like someone said, you don’t see Madonna slubbing around looking like an obese slug and she’s damn near 100. That’s because she knows her body is a part of the packaging and thus keeps it in tip top shape. Maybe instead of swapping spit with Madonna, she should have gotten her trainer’s phone number.

    (And 33, you seem to be under the impression that all men are hard bodied sex gods, when in reality most of you could stand to do a few crunches just like Britney. America in general is overweight, meaning most of you sexist putzes probably need to lay off the hungry man dinners and hit the gym as much as your female counterparts. Unless you’re built like Christian Bale, Ryan Reynolds, or Jake Gyllenhaal, shut the fuck up and go back to jerking off to pics on the internet. You know, since that’s the closest you’ll ever get to a real live vagina.)

  17. soy

    Jenny Craig is calling

  18. the yellow dress made britney looks like an idiot.

  19. u da man 33

    There should be some type of thread-Emmy award. #33 wins for best trolling – an obviously exaggerated comment that nevertheless got all the ladies steaming. Honestly, girls, do you have to be so pathetically insecure about this? You fall for these playground pranks every time, starting when Fish dangles a line by calling a slightly chubby girl “fat”. Do you have any self-control at all?

  20. jrzmommy

    “Ah said pick up mah dang hat, Fat Man! Yer fard!”

  21. No, she's fat

    I’m sorry everyone I’m a bit on edge and I didn’t get fucked up the ass last night by my boyfriend…who’s a nig too. I actually should have agreed with you PB. It does feel nice to have a big black monster shoved up your rectum, and the best part is that I get to lick the boo-boo off his manhood after he slides it out as well as swallow his man milk.

  22. No, she's fat

    PB will YOU bend me over tonight?

  23. Toonces

    As a female, I actually found #33 quite funny! Everyone who’s getting so bent, get a sense of humor, people! If we can’t laugh at ourselves, who can we laugh at? Okay, okay, the list is long (starting w/ Brit Brit, of course), but come on…lighten up.

  24. Fumus

    #33,

    Awesome post…accept I’ve gone home with plenty of hot girls, had hot girl friends, I mean we don’t always have to settle for fat chicks…it’s just there are more of them then their are hot girls. It all depends on how desperate for lovin’ you are.

  25. Haywood Jablowme

    Since when is Ben and Jerry’s a drug? Or is the heavenly Hash just that?

    hmmmmmmm

  26. bert

    She never should have fired that bodyguard. Next to him, she looks human-fat, instead of livestock-fat.

  27. barknot

    Did she really fire him for not hearing her say “pick up my hat”? Is she really that tiny of a human being? (Despite looking rather globular).

  28. Dr. Phil

    #33…..Thanks for spilling your guts about your personal history. Everyone here cares. Really.

    Claiming that *all* men fail at getting hot chicks is absurd. You’re simply angry and jealous of the guys that do get ‘em.

    Hopefully you won’t go over the edge and commit rape and/or murder. You’re seriously disturbed, angry at the women who reject you and envious of the guys who succeed where you fail.

    My staff will refer you to a specialist and as a goodwill gesture I will pay for the treatment.
    ———————————————————————————————————–
    28, 38…

    Sometimes you’re brilliant, others you’re an illogical fuckwit. But you can work on that to bring out your best.

    Actually the girl in black is 2 feet behind Brit with the camera being at an angle. That is minimal. Now if one were 20 feet away from the other, and in line with the camera, it would be significant.

    Call my office for treatment recommendations and a list of educational institutions offering high school equivelency classes.

  29. ElvisLives

    This is a prime example of what is wrong with our court system. We have to have someone come in a make a declaration to prove what the entire world already knows. It’s like having Gallieo on trial, and then the court requiring someone to attest to the earth going around the sun. What a waste of taxpayer time.

  30. PettyPape

    #33 That’s what I thought.

  31. Jessica

    Baretto just slit his own throat; and is now A PARIAH!! once you turn on a celebrity after working for them…what celebrity in their right mind will want to hire you fatso!…They’d be afraid you’d turn on them!!!…..Better find a new line of work…perhaps sumo wrestler or go on the next fat march!..

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