Turns out the secret witness in Britney Spears’ custody hearing is Tony Barretto, a former bodyguard for Britney. He filed a declaration in the custody battle between Britney and Kevin Federline today, claiming that Britney used drugs post-rehab and was nude a lot. Anyone shocked? Me neither. TMZ reports:
Barretto started working for Britney when she got out of rehab, and was fired on May 17 because, said Allred, “He did not hear her when he was asked to pick up her hat.”
Barretto, himself the father of young children, came forward, Allred says, because while working for Britney, he became “very concerned” about the safety of her two boys. Allred also said that she has spoken to County Counsel for Child Protective Services about Barretto’s concerns.
You know what makes this guy’s story totally legitimate? He claims Britney Spears fired him for not picking up her hat. That’s the most believable statement I’ve ever heard in my life. The only thing more believable would be if Barretto said Britney fired him for stealing her Double Whopper – then chased him down the street in a tank. Would Britney fire one of her kids out of the cannon? Depends. Were there extra pickles on that burger?
JImbo | September 17, 2007 at 5:54 pm
omg FIRST!
DON_KEYPUNCH | September 17, 2007 at 5:54 pm
I AM TEH FRIST
ph7 | September 17, 2007 at 5:55 pm
I think they should stuff Britney now and let us make fun of her for eternity.
cowgirl | September 17, 2007 at 5:55 pm
OMG 3′s company!
Jimbo | September 17, 2007 at 5:56 pm
@1 Thanks you stupid fucking troll.
wedgeone | September 17, 2007 at 5:56 pm
The problem isn’t that she takes drugs. It’s that she gives drugs – clearly – to all the commenters who take them and then say “she’s NOT FAT!” (*chomp crunch munch gurgle gulp burp fart*).
Jimbo | September 17, 2007 at 5:56 pm
Hey cowgirl
. | September 17, 2007 at 5:57 pm
britney and kfed used to have sex together
cowgirl | September 17, 2007 at 5:58 pm
“nude alot”,but did she have sex in a bathroom stall? Come on Britney, you are so un-trendy or whatever!
cowgirl | September 17, 2007 at 5:59 pm
Howdy Jimbo!
Jimbo | September 17, 2007 at 6:00 pm
Any more broken glass?
Cowgirl | September 17, 2007 at 6:03 pm
Nope, just wood.
itspat | September 17, 2007 at 6:03 pm
Another misquote – she actually told him to pick up her ass, which was slapping against the backs of her knees while she walked.
Because, girls, she’s F-A-T.
Anna | September 17, 2007 at 6:03 pm
Shocking News… NOT!!
Poor Brit.
Anna again | September 17, 2007 at 6:05 pm
#13 High five!
JrsyGrl | September 17, 2007 at 6:05 pm
Uh, she’s not fat.
Jimbo | September 17, 2007 at 6:06 pm
Hey [*zip*] cowgirl [*fapfapfap*]
Jimbo | September 17, 2007 at 6:07 pm
Did you chop down that cactus with your machete?
Woooo | September 17, 2007 at 6:07 pm
So why is calling her fat a valid argument? Because of your warped sense of normal? Of skinny? Does she have to be annorexic to NOT be fat? It’s really unsettling, honestly. You can pick on every other bit of her extremely messed up life, but not her weight. Because she doesn’t have anything close to a weight problem.
Infonistacrat | September 17, 2007 at 6:08 pm
Go figure. Britney on drugs. Anyone who didn’t know that has been hiding under a rock. Just re watch that video of her that K-Fed and tell me she wasn’t high as a kite.
lambman | September 17, 2007 at 6:10 pm
Well if you can’t trust a man whose name looks suspiciously like burrito, who can you trust? At least we know why Britney hired him.
Jimbo | September 17, 2007 at 6:10 pm
@17 That is some funny stuff troll. Now stop dreaming about the past with your brother and live in the now!!!!
SFU!!!
Jules | September 17, 2007 at 6:10 pm
Let’s check with Brit herself, after her VMAs performance:
“Oh, my God, I looked like a fat pig! I looked like a fat pig!”
I believe she had what alcoholics refer to as a moment of clarity.
woooo | September 17, 2007 at 6:13 pm
Oh dear god, # 23.
What girl doesn’t have that “I look like a fat pig” moment??
Especially one is is used to be toned and fit.
CDC | September 17, 2007 at 6:13 pm
The new pic is a nice visual display to guide people as they battle overeating and overweight:
Bodyguard: obese
Britney: fat
Girl in black: acceptable weight
Note that Britney’s arms are the size of girl-in-black’s legs.
Barry LeFarge | September 17, 2007 at 6:16 pm
It must’ve been weed. Looks like she had quite a case of the munchies.
PunkA | September 17, 2007 at 6:17 pm
She is getting too easy to rip. The fun is almost gone. At some point, it is not cool anymore to rip on the stupid kid. I just hope it was Brit that tried to put the hit out on K-Fed. Then things will be fun again.
woooo | September 17, 2007 at 6:17 pm
You’re a fucking retard #26
She’s closer to the camera than the girl in black. You’re honestly one dumb mother fucker.
woooo | September 17, 2007 at 6:18 pm
I APOLOGIZE. I MEAN #25 IS A RETARD, NOT #26
kelley belly | September 17, 2007 at 6:19 pm
poor brit. shes really really pathetic. but she brought it upon herself.
she looks terrible.
ph7 | September 17, 2007 at 6:24 pm
You can take the girl out of the Arkansas trailer park, but….
PunkA | September 17, 2007 at 6:25 pm
she needs your abs #30….
I speak for all men | September 17, 2007 at 6:25 pm
Thin attractive girls are very picky, so we often have to fuck the fat ones, but it’s not our first preference. When we’re young, we go to bars, get buzzed, try to pick up the real hotties, usually bomb out, then get truly drunk and drag a fattie back home because it’s better than nothing. Over a longer period of time we try to do the same thing, and marry a hottie, but just like closing time eventually the lights start to flicker and we’ve got to grab something and marry it. Hopefully, she’ll be at least ok, and not completely pull the rip cord after marriage and become a hog, although that’s pretty hopeless if she gets pregnant. If we have better options, we go for them, whether it’s an affair or divorce and remarriage. If not, we try to accept being stuck with a pig by drinking a lot and getting really involved as fans of professional sports. At least then we can check out the hot cheerleaders and later beat off in the shower. That’s the sole reason “Heroes” was a breakout hit, and why Hayden Panettiere is considered hot – she brings back happy high school memories for depressed men yoked to porky pig mommywives.
And yeah, Britney’s fat. Young mother of two fat. Soon to be even fatter. Jesus.
Riotboy | September 17, 2007 at 6:26 pm
Drugs are bad, mmmmkay.
LL | September 17, 2007 at 6:26 pm
Whether Britney is fat or not (and apparently more research is required on that one), this was still funny: “I believe she had what alcoholics refer to as a moment of clarity.”
But just a moment, then it was back to fucking crazy Britney. Yeah, it’s just not funny anymore. Unless she dies in some unbelievably convoluted way, like an episode of CSI where it takes them all damn hour to figure out how someone died, then it’ll be kinda funny again, then just sad. Congratulations, Britney, you’re at the Anna Nicole Smith level of fame now. That’s not a good thing, in case you were wondering.
CDC | September 17, 2007 at 6:27 pm
Closeness to the camera has nothing to do with the fact that you can’t see her kneecaps clearly, since they’re submerged in a layer of fat descending from her ass, through her thighs, and onto her sprouting cankles. Girl in black has no such proportions.
Go back to your bonbons.
woooo | September 17, 2007 at 6:29 pm
you’re a pig, #33. I can’t imagine ….if you think Britney’s fat….what you think a “hott, skinny” girl looks like.
woooo | September 17, 2007 at 6:31 pm
I can clearly see her kneecaps you fucktard. And yes, closeness to the camera does have a little something to do with looking bigger than objects in the background. But um, nice try though.
LL | September 17, 2007 at 6:34 pm
Wow, #33, that is bleak. Can’t say that you’re wrong, though. Never been married, so I can’t speak from experience. Although you left out the part where the man puts on a ton of weight too and spends most of his time sitting in the La-Z-Boy watching ESPN but still expects to get laid with the same frequency he did when he and the little woman were just dating and had nothing better to do in their free time than screw and eat. Oh, and he watches porn all the time and thinks that’s how sex is supposed to be and makes his wife feel bad because she doesn’t wanna do it like Jenna Jameson. I see plenty of unattractive, tubby men that I wouldn’t want to spend 5 minutes with, much less a lifetime. Just sayin’.
untamed cowgurl with a drawl | September 17, 2007 at 6:35 pm
@18–Nope. I just tore it apart with my bare hands and then drank the fluid inside for nourishment (don’t go there boys–don’t go there)!
Lil Princess | September 17, 2007 at 6:35 pm
@21. lol! damnit… now i want a burrito… good thing these pix of Brit remind me of how i DONT want to look. im not getting a burrito!!!
zil | September 17, 2007 at 6:37 pm
Ah, yes LL. You’ve got wise comments. Took the words right out of my mouth
medialady.proboards105.com | September 17, 2007 at 6:38 pm
She’s on drugs??? NO!! shocker.
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Lil Princess | September 17, 2007 at 6:39 pm
@39…. hahahaha. 33 lives a sad life.
kelley belly | September 17, 2007 at 6:43 pm
also, is this a recent picture? i said she looked terrible at #30, but she looks more put together here.
she should work out and get toned, back to her old body if she ever wants to make a comeback.
she wont make a comeback as long as she keeps buying cheetos in bulk.
youareallfaggotsorfatjealoushos | September 17, 2007 at 6:44 pm
If you think Britney Spears has a weight problem you are all faggots who like cock in your ass or fat toothless jealous cow women. She looks damn good for having 2 kids and she actually has some meat on her bones. Since when did being rail thin and have sunken in cheeks become the definition of beauty? I think any meat eating testosterone filled straight male would nail Brit Brit in a heart beat. And if you wouldn’t send me a picture of your wife cause you’re full of shit. And if your a chick sent me a pic of yourself cause I’m sure you’re fat cow.
PunkA | September 17, 2007 at 6:47 pm
Only way works out is if it involves free booze and unlimited cheetoh puffs. She can’t even go to dance without a smoke in her hand. Pretty pathetic.
kelley bellyy | September 17, 2007 at 6:48 pm
personally, i dont think shes FAT necessarily, but you cant say she looks good. a bmi of 19 is like, the perfect weight. britney is 5’5″, so a good weight on her would be 114-120.
JrsyGrl | September 17, 2007 at 6:52 pm
kelley belly…WTF are you talking about? How do you know what she weighs? And she does look good, and she’s not fat. So STFU.
LL | September 17, 2007 at 6:55 pm
In case anyone’s wondering, I don’t think Britney is fat. Out of shape, yes, fat, not really. It’s too bad that almost everyone in America has been so jacked up in regards to body image (with some refusing to see fat where it exists and most others believing that any sign of body fat constitutes obesity) that few people know fat when they see it or exaggerate it when it is there. Britney’s problem (well, her physical problem) is that she wears fugly clothes that make her look way tubbier than she actually is. Clothes do make a significant difference in the way you look (in public, anyway). If you wear something so goddamn tight that everyone can see the outline of every pore on your ass, that’s probably going to be unflattering no matter who you are.