Britney Spears investigated for child abuse

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Britney Spears is under investigation for possible child abuse. According to TMZ:

An unscheduled hearing was held today at L.A. County Superior Court. Present — Britney’s lawyer, Dennis Wasser, K-Fed’s attorney, Mark Vincent Kaplan and a lawyer from the Los Angeles County Counsel who is assigned to the dependency court. We do not know the specifics of the allegations but we’re told the L.A. County Department of Children and Family Services is conducting an active investigation. A hearing in the custody case has been scheduled for September 4, which will be a follow up to today’s appearance.

Sadly, this had to be the easiest case to put together. All investigators had to do is follow her to McDonald’s and watch her set the kids under the French fry lamp. She usually returns to get them after a couple of days. It’s kind of cute actually. They help make the milkshakes, and fall asleep in the lap of the Ronald McDonald statue. Yeah, they might get burnt by grease every now and then, but goddamn if they aren’t safe for once. Poor little scamps.