Britney Spears hires a new manny

July 20th, 2006 // 99 Comments
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superficial

  1. Jaydel

    First biatch!

  2. Gordo69

    I hate britney

  3. twzzlrgirl

    Thank God for the mannies — it’s the only time the kid looks taken care of. Note to Brit — kid out of the sun, not slumped over, in a stroller.

    And, if I were here, i’d see myself photographed with some normal looking guy, realize I was married to K-fed, and cry myself to sleep.

  4. twzzlrgirl

    oops, if i were her, not “here.”

  5. It must be so degrading to be that man…

    http://www.VeryLiberating.com

  6. blowdart

    #5 Only if he’s very lucky SoftBlueGlow

    Oh. Shit. I said that out loud.

  7. jane's eyre

    That guy looks like Miami Vice-The Later Years.

  8. JoBOO

    Nice Cankles. Still, I’d hit that…

  9. tarjamarja

    The kid looks well and safe in the stroller. Even Britney looks pretty decent, she’s covered for the most part and isn’t wearing high heels. Unlike F-Fed, mannys seem to do wonders for both Britney and Sean Preston!

  10. BarbadoSlim

    Ladies !! Gentlemen!! Midgets!!

    I GIVE YOU:

    THE GIANT CANCkLE CREATURE!!!!!!!

  11. Jacq

    He looks like the kind of redneck that will make you pick between “switches ‘er a paddlin” if you act up. She should have stuck with the better looking one. I cannot think of a single reason why the new guy should not hate life.

  12. Italian Stallion

    In other news: Somalia was invaded by Ethiopia…………no seriously thats the joke

  13. tarjamarja

    K-Fed, not F-Fed. Duh.

  14. jrzmommy

    of course, she’s gotta have at least ONE strap hanging off of her–She’s country!!
    Is she packin’ twins? When is she due, like, tomorrow? Man, she’s big! I thought celebs only gain 8 pounds when they’re pregnant and all have 6-lb babies?

  15. C.B.

    she’s fat…a piece of advice….gym ;)

  16. twzzlrgirl

    13 — no, I like F-Fed. or F—Fed.

  17. Icognito79

    I get the need for a body guard, I really do. But push your own goddamn stroller!!!

    http://wobblybitsgirl.blogspot.com/

  18. Fugurself

    Anyone ever think that porky Britney’s revolving security men is to get bottom Federline jealous? She wants us to see her hair color change and her burly stallions. Somethings’ afoot.
    Will she mount them?

    Does she chew bubblegum while guarded for a stroll with Rambo?
    How often does she twirl her hair or throw it back with Liz Taylor abandon?
    Is she getting a pregnant jones for some heated military beef? Is Kevin? heh heh……

    In her own way, Britney is getting a taste test of the macho wares for future reference. The stormtrooper swooping down on her-muscles rippling -scoops her up in a perilous rescue

  19. Jacq

    #17 – That is a physical impossibility. She’s already chewing gum, walking and talking on the phone. If she was also given charge of the stroller, she’d push it in front of a bus.

  20. Jacq

    Fugyourself, you’re normally really funny. However, in light of post #18, I would like to motion that your name be changed to herbiefrog.

  21. MyWellRehearsedMistake

    14. Yeah, but this is Britney – You can take the girl out of the cuntry etc. She’s going for the ‘vest wearing, trailer trash living off bags of cheetos’ kind of look.

  22. Fugurself

    #20 I had fried frogs for lunch today……

  23. Uhn Tiss Baby

    This website is fast becoming the number one Britney Spears fansite. Half of the news on here is about her.

  24. TurdFerguson

    Why did she get preggers again? She’s too worried about her damn cell phone. She needs sterilization.
    As for Affleck, about time he got a job that he can actually do well.

  25. nc72

    Not a fan of the music but it’s too bad how things are right now she could really sing, even as a kid. Talk about melodramatic. Check her out about 7:11 minutes into the vid…

    http://www.exposay.com/celebrity-stars-before-they-were-stars/v/2736/

  26. pinky_nip

    I didn’t realize that certain women got pregnant in their thighs.

  27. leahdeadly

    atleast she is wearing shoes.

  28. hopeless_screenwriter

    I just got a letter in the mail from Dr. Rokter. He’s been in Costa Rica delivering malnourished babies with the Doctor’s Without Border’s organization (Medicins Sans Frontiers).

    Hello all,

    Nothing’s fun after 4 a.m. in Costa Rica. Hurl time. Woke up next to my wooden ass-tank
    again. The vodka is killer. Have chronic ass-piss. Can hardly remember the sound of plopping dung and that cool-chill-splash-rimmer that hits my bunghole just right. I’m also becoming a kleptomaniac. You should see the collection of bar ashtrays I have shoved in my 100% cotton Dockers. I was a Pall Bearer at Abdul Ababwars funeral but I was so drunk I was leaning on the coffin instead of carrying it. Tori? I think we’d make a pretty zani duo, lots of mugging, ad libbing and horsing around… hrrrrrrrrrmmmmmm.

    (note: that’s some pretty crappy onomatopoeia, but how else do you spell(ing) the sound a horse makes. Hold that ghost I’ll get a camera!!!).

    Babylonian kings had their names imprinted on temple bricks. Early Greeks hung written curses on public statues in hopes of bringing devine vengeance on thieves. I have a tattoo inscribed with micro lasers on the inside of my right femur that reads, “Back In 5 minutes, Have Some Peanuts”, in case I’m ever abducted by an alien life-force that should keep them occupied for a while. That is unless I’m in a terrible combine accident and my right leg gets all mangled than it might read, “I Had a 5 Inch Penis, Suck my nuts.” Which should also keep them ocupied for a while.

    I love you all very much.
    Take care,

    Leopold Ignacious Rokter III OB/GYN

  29. MyWellRehearsedMistake

    #28.
    So are you Dr. Rokter as well then? (And you pretended so well the other day you didn’t know how to change your screen name.) I always enjoyed his comments.

  30. pinky_nip

    Yeah, I miss Dr. Rokter. He volunteered to deliver my baby, but I told him I wasn’t even pregnant. He said that didn’t matter, so I humored him and got in the stirrups.

  31. Fugurself

    Conversation between Britney and Ben Affleck (not reported by the Superfish)

    Britney: My childbirth instructor says it’s not pain I feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?
    Ben Affleck: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.

    Britney: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
    Ben Affleck: Yes, pregnancy.

  32. hopeless_screenwriter

    For those of you curious, Dr Rokter was sent to Cost Rica due to all the mal-practice suits he acquired in The United States. Who knew using more than one finger during a ‘Rectal Exam’ was mal-practice. It’s an honest mistake. Anyway, that is how we met and have been great friends ever since, and I will always support him in everything he does.

  33. hopeless_screenwriter

    For those of you curious, Dr Rokter was sent to Cost Rica due to all the mal-practice suits he acquired in The United States. Who knew using more than one finger during a ‘Rectal Exam’ was mal-practice. It’s an honest mistake. Anyway, that is how we met and have been great friends ever since, and I will always support him in everything he does.

  34. hopeless_screenwriter

    Sorry about the double post…damn computer. ERROR ERROR!!!!

  35. penguinwaddle

    Why is it that she can never keep her clothes from falling off her body?

  36. RichPort

    That’s the director for “Pregnant Cuntry Whores 11″. I know because I’ve seen 1-10… fucking classics… I especially like how he anally devirginizes them, then when they think it’s over and only have to endure one ass to mouth money shot, he calls in the bukkake boys to spackle her like Mexican day laborers on a holey wall. Good times man, good times.

  37. BarbadoSlim

    These will be days long remebered, while Dr. Rokter lays a path of genital destruction, Israel lays the smackdown on Hezbollah, they just put a missile thru some asshole’s living room and laid waste to his sorry ass Hoorah!!!

  38. bigponie

    #36

    since britney is anally devirginized, is it physically possible for her to give birth through her bunghole??

  39. Regan

    “And then dedicating his life to saving children and punching bad guys in the face. And maybe curing cancer. I’m also filthy rich and a fox in bed. Call me, ladies.”

    Oh Mr. Superficial… who are you? When can we meet so that I can marry you? Or at least talk shit on all the stupid celebrities out there? A man this witty cannot be straight. Sigh.

  40. Princess Di's Ghost

    For fuck’s sake, has the person who used to do the Superficial been raped and killed? The reason I ask is because I’m sure this site used to be funny…

  41. BestNameEver

    Is that the Moustache Man that tried to catch poor Sean P. when Brit tripped in New York?

  42. hopeless_screenwriter

    @36 I devirgined her ass with my face, completely on accident; I was 69-ing her and I was on the bottom and she passed out, and her huge ass like engulfed my entire head, I almost suffocated. Thank God the ‘kerknockerknock’ woke her up, it was a close one.

  43. hopeless_screenwriter

    Kerknockerknock: v. When a female sits too
    far down on your face and you can’t breathe, so you knock on the small of her back in rapid succession until she realizes she is sitting too far down on your face and you cannot breathe, and she sits up a bit.

  44. bigponie

    #42

    holy shit that’s a nasty thought…

    did she yell 21, 43, 69 hut hut hut and yanked at your weiner and if so do you still have one.

  45. #41, I think it is the same. The hairline is different, and in these pics he looks a little, I don’t know, Cheetohs cheese-puffier, than in the pics a couple of months ago. But I’d swear the 70′s porn star ‘stache is the same.

  46. hopeless_screenwriter

    @44 you are one twisted ponie. It was a harrowing experience– nothing to joke about. Do you have any idea how long it took to get the smell out of my hair?– Or the months I had to endure being called ASSHEAD! I wouldn’t wish that on anyone. Thankfully, my weiner is still intact.

  47. ChickenScratch

    Britney’s phone conversation:

    “So I was like, ‘Wait til you see what I did to my hair this week’…and she was like ‘No way, the extensions?’ and I was like ‘Yep, I don’t know what all the fuss is about, ya’ll, they keep taking pictures of me, so I change my hair’ Tee! Hee! Hee! (that’s a giggle) And then she was like ‘I wonder how they knew it was you then’ and I was like ‘I know ya’ll, they are always hounding me…just leave me alone for pete’s sake, I’m just a girl tryin to live the dream…Kev understands what it’s like, he understands me, he’s the only one…wait hold on…Manny, I smell shit, change the baby’s diaper.”

    Manny: “Ugh!”

    Britney: “Do it fucker. So anyway, where was I? Oh yeah…she was like…..”

  48. bootface

    i’d still hit it

  49. ChickenScratch

    I don’t care if you didn’t find it funny, it seemed funny to me at the time.

    I’m so burnt out on Britney, her baby, her men, her cankles, and that fucking hair this was the only thing I could think of.

  50. RichPort

    #42

    Fucking hilarious. I’m thinking about auditioning for “Pregnant Cuntry Whores 12: Cars on Bricks”. I hope I don’t have to stick my head in her ass, accidentally or otherwise… I dare say, that practically makes you K-Fed, so you might want to go visit a museum or listen to some classical music to combat your probable urges to chew tobacky and scratch yourself in public. Or smoke a joint, that always works for me.

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