Britney Spears held captive! But goes shopping

Britney Spears is supposedly being held hostage in her own house, according to a New York attorney. Apparently being held hostage means shopping in Beverly Hills all weekend. Somebody better let those jackasses at Webster know. TMZ reports:

Attorney John Eardley filed papers in federal court last Thursday, alleging the California courts have railroaded Britney by imposing a conservatorship. Eardley tells us Britney called him, but he would not disclose the circumstances surrounding the alleged call or what she said. We do know that Michael Sands, who used to be the spokesperson for K-daddy’s lawyer, Mark Vincent Kaplan, is now the mouthpiece for Eardley. And Sands also reps Sam Lutfi, who is now restrained from all things Britney.

Not only can’t John Eardley prove Britney Spears even contacted him, legal experts say the chances of Britney’s case going federal are slim to none, according to the AP:

“Anyone who’s under a conservatorship can argue that they’ve lost their civil rights,” said Peter Tiersma, a law professor who teaches trusts and wills at Loyola Law School. “That’s what a conservatorship does, it takes away some of your rights.”
If the federal court were to take jurisdiction of the Spears case, said Tiersma, “that would mean that anyone under a conservatorship could do this, and that’s a loophole you could drive a truck through.”

Hold the phone. If my fifth-grade level comprehension skills are serving me right, if Britney’s case goes federal, someone will drive a truck through her loophole. I’m assuming that’s lawyer talk for face. Let’s see if I can get this ball rolling:

Dear Congressman,

I love America and want to see Britney Spears become a federal case. Some dude just said a truck will totally drive into her melon. I’m 90% sure that would boost the economy. It’s what Jesus and Abe Lincoln would do. Believe me I talked to both of them last night after I ate some leftover sushi. (How long ago was Columbus Day?) Also George Washington was there but he just wanted to play Guitar Hero. P.S. He sucks!

Your constituent,

The Superficial Writer

Photos: Flynet