Britney Spears has a sex tape, maybe, don’t quote me on that

October 3rd, 2007 // 78 Comments
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Britney Spears allegedly hooked up with some guy in Hawaii and supposedly their encounter was videotaped. The Sun reports:

The man in question says he met the singer on holiday in June and taped their alleged night of lust in Britney’s hotel room.

However, according to the unnamed man, the romp was a bit of a damp squib.

He reportedly told a US magazine: “It was just normal sex, we didn’t do anything crazy. It was a little disappointing. It lasted for about 25 minutes and then we passed out.”

So the last sex tape The Sun reported on turned out to be a joke. I wouldn’t be surprised if this is as well. The video will turn out to be some unfunny comedian, like, I dunno, anyone on SNL, doing a bag of Cheetos. Which is ironically how I imagine sex with Britney is like: Sad, awkward and with a lot of crumbs afterwards. Just thinking about this makes me want to sob uncontrollably in the shower while I scrub off a layer of skin. Where did those crumbs come from? Oh God, must scrub harder.

Images: Splash
superficial

  1. niner11

    1st ha ha ha

  2. Disgustiad

    GROSS

  3. Clementines

    Like she cares if they will only give her enough free copies to regift and send to friends for christmas.

  4. Chunk

    After hoping for an Eva tape, this is like getting a Geo Metro instead of a Dodge Viper :(

  5. BAM

    wasn’t Chaotic basically a sex tape? so this does not surprise me. What’s more shocking is that she hasn’t released one yet herself.

  6. S & M

    With who? Chris Crocker?

  7. I think I’d jerk off ON the tape rather than to it.

  8. Fred

    #4

    Shitney is more like a dump truck.

  9. PunkA

    It’s a fake. If it was real, it would have surfaced on the net already. Cuz the dude would have sold it for some $$$.

  10. MindRiot

    Skank, damn.
    When do the 15 minutes expire?

  11. Hm, drunk people videoing themselves having sex. Fun.

  12. Sad that she’s picking up strange men in Hawaii, strange men who are backup dancers on her video. I am a master of the obvious: this woman needs professional psychiatric help.

  13. adeliza

    Since she was in Hawaii, I wonder if she served that hammy ass up with some pineapple?

  14. Spongebob Gangsta

    This is all a bunch of media hype. I think that whole marriage was a stunt. Not wearing underwear and partying is a stunt. The getting fat is a stunt. Those kids are probably just little wind up toys as part of her stunt.
    In fact, i think SHE’S a robot…who is beyond our technology for repair.

  15. leatherdaddy

    eek. this is nothing to bragg about. whats worst then the term mopad? because thats what she is. whatever it is.

  16. havoc

    Even if I just saw the video of Britney having sex, I’d stick my dick in a bottle of bleach.

    .

  17. This needs to be destroyed before someone goes blind.

  18. please just stfu already

    and i had no idea that cottage cheese could leave crumbs.

  19. freakwad

    i wish she’d stop being so controversial.

  20. gotmilk?

    check out her belly button ring. that is the epitome of class – playboy bunny charm. she has the mentality of a 15 year old. jesus christ this chick is fucked up beyond repair!

  21. gotmilk?

    p.s. are dogs even allowed into Starbucks? isn’t that a health code violation? fucking celebrities think they’re above the law! oh wait….

  22. Hecubus

    “It was a little disappointing. It lasted for about 25 minutes and then I passed out from the fumes”

    I haven’t known who anyone in the last six sex tapes released is, I haven”t cared about a whole load more. I watched them all. this is the one I honestly would not even glance at.

  23. TS

    The fucked up part is that these tapes are so common now that I bet making sex tapes will be the “in thing” among young girls 13-17 before too long. Another example of poor influence on impressionable youth these days. My wife went to the Timberlake concert last week and she was apalled at the fact that there were basically strippers in cages performing for young kids 10 and up. I say slaughter all these dirty ho’s and start from scratch. That doesn’t sound too Taliban, does it?

  24. gotmilk?

    who lets a 10 year old go to a concert? didn’t you parents learn anything from the Akon incident?

  25. Spongebob Gangsta

    I suppose she resorts to shock value cuz she’s otherwise talentless and ordinary…something she hates to admit.

  26. Riotboy

    I’ll have to see it to believe it.

    /Fo reals

  27. LL

    Hey, I think I have a Britney sex tape around here somewhere…. now, where did I put it? Oh, here it is. (PUTS TAPE IN VCR) Let’s see… eating Cheetos, sitting around doing each other’s hair and talking about hot guys, drinking vodka tonics…. straight to drunken slumber. Damn… never mind.

    And I agree with TS, let’s slaughter all the dirty ho’s, because they are singlehandedly responsible for all the skank in the world. Yesiree, just all the people with vaginas responsible for all the dirty sex, nobody with a penis has anything to do with it at all, it’s all the skanky whores who’ve led us all into temptation. People with penises have no culpability here whatsoever.

  28. TS

    She said that there were parents with these kids and some appeared shocked and others didn’t (surprise surprise, those are the parents who are going to be grandparents by the time they’re 35). It’s horrible.

    …And what the is Akon? What kind of band names themselves Akon. I guess it’s no worse that Shaka Kahn.

  29. George

    Every time I see a picture of Britney, I need to take a poop.

    Her little dog looks like he need to poop, too.

    I think that everyone in the whole world feels that they need to poop after looking at her.

  30. ***

    now thats really gross! who would want to see that???

  31. D. Richards

    Sex Video? Why pay for a video when you can see Britney sucking on Youtube at the VMAs for free?

  32. steve

    hey niner up at #1, thanks for telling us what grade you’re in.

  33. @29, nothing new there. Everyone on this “thing” is full of s.h.i.t.

  34. sex tape has already hit the web…

  35. Hey steve I finally read that thing you put up last night about the date. That was some funny shit!

  36. squab

    I really hate the shape of Britney Spear’s ears.

  37. Don'tUnderEstimateAPervert

    No wonder this dude could hook up with Britney. He hadn’t the brains to figure a way to profit from his moment. I’ll bet they met at a bar. The dude walked up to her and said “Your Britney Spears aren’t you?” and then picked a big booger out of his nose and ate it. She looked at that and thought this goober is so stupid I just gotta fuck him. And the rest is 25 minutes of celluloid history.

  38. TS

    I tried to read the whole thing but I fell asleep like Ross Gellar. Can’t believe I just used that reference.

  39. adeliza

    Akon is a name of one person. He was in Trinidad at a club for 18 and older. A 14 year old got in on fake id and jumped on the stage and started humping Akon. It caused a big stir because it was on video. His saving grace was that he was at a club for 18 and older and in good faith he did not think the girl was 14. I saw the tape. It is raunchy, but the girl did not look 14, and I say she had done that before.

    Other than that, up until recently I wouldn’t hesitate to take my 10 year old to a concer that was pop music and geared towards the age group of 10 year olds. Who would think that if a singer or a band knew that their target audience was preteens that they would have a stripper cage. I guess you live and learn and now we all know.
    I mean I wouldn’t take my 10 year old to see Marilyn Manson for christ’s sake!! But Timberlake, I would have thought that would be safe.

  40. LOL…ross

    How come HE’S never in the tabloids???

  41. Oh right. No sex tape

  42. dsadasds

    #39 … rappers are attracted to young girls, because they are the most willing.

    I think the reason why Britney got a tan is so she could look ok for her drivers licence. I know when I take my drivers licence picture I look pale.

  43. TS

    You would think…So would I I guess.

    Akon is a person?

    Trinidad…
    14 yrs old on stage humping…
    A name like Akon…

    Don’t take it this the wrong way, but I would bet my life savings (and that’s not very much) that Akon is a black guy. Am I right?

  44. please just stfu already

    adeliza, “But Timberlake, I would have thought that would be safe.”
    either you have a very short term memory or you live in a cave if you thought Justin “I’ll have you naked by the end of this song” Timberlake would be free of sexual innuendo.

  45. TS

    Because he’s smart. He’s doing exactly what I would be doing if I could. Retiring before 40 and living off interest. Furthermore he’s probably not getting totally wasted every day like I would be doing, he’s too nerdy…um, smart for that. I could use a martini or a shot of cazadores right now, That report’s almost done…

  46. jrzmommy

    Sex Tape is the new black.

  47. Jetta

    .. LOrd woman you need to choose your guys wisley who ever you sleeping with I don’t care ..
    sadly this ting called man has to talk about it to everyone..?
    I guess the guy needed a story and got himself one …
    why do people post up these things about the going to bed stuff ..
    I dfon’t wnt to know all that…
    As for that guy You need some duct tape seriousley :D
    cause hesounded like one of those guys that you have to do all the owrk lol
    :P
    NO way at least if you are going to say it wasn’t all that you need to be putting your half too I’m sure you wasn’t all that ethier?

    MAn .. ok i needs to calm down clecberaty or not not all guys.. but man talk about bragging who they screw…
    :D

  48. adeliza

    #45-
    Dear “please stfu already”, I live in a cave!

  49. gotmilk?

    Akon was humping the girl, flinging her around like a rag doll, not the other way around.

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