Britney Spears gets her rehab on

January 3rd, 2007 // 48 Comments

The day after she ‘passed out’ or ‘fell asleep’ or whatever happened on New Year’s Eve, Britney Spears reportedly checked into Sanctuary, a super posh resort and spa in Arizona, citing “exhaustion,” which is usually code for rehab.

“With these celebrities, ‘exhaustion’ sometimes means something else and a little rest at a spa sometimes actually translates into something a little more serious,” says a source. Spears’ rep couldn’t be reached for comment, but L&S reports that the singer’s parents are urging their daughter to go into therapy. “It’s just been heartbreaking for her parents to watch Britney on this downward spiral,” an “insider” told the mag. “It’s so sad.”

It’s hard to believe Britney Spears has been over working herself considering the only work she’s done in the past year is lifting bags of Cheetos and/or bottles of alcohol. Although she did manage to forget to wear panties a few times. So yeah, I guess exhaustion sounds about right. It’s a miracle she’s still even standing. I hear that’s how they punish prisoners in Russia. Hard labor to the extreme. Or should I say eXtreme for extra extremeness? To the max!


  1. Zoey


  2. ph7

    FIRST to spell First! correctly

  3. cardio

    First to criticize those that pronounce themselves “First!” (or “Frist”)!!!!

  4. Wow, Bill Frist is here. Hey, maybe he can figure out what’s wrong with Britney (by video like he did with Terry Schiavo).

    Britney’s in free-fall over at crabbie’s.

  5. wedgeone

    It’s about goddamm time! Now she won’t be making any news for the next week, unless she checks herself out so that she can go shopping like Nicole Ritchie did.

  6. BigJim

    Come on! She’s got two little kids to take care of as a single mother, so of course she is exhausted.

    I mean, can you imagine how much effort it takes to order all that help around?

    I have to go away on a business trip to Europe for three weeks and my wife is bitching about have to take care of our two brats all by herself. I thought about telling her to quit her damn whining and just suck it up, but then realized that saying such things would get me kicked in the nuts faster than wearing black and white checkered shorts at a down syndrome soccer camp, so I hired a temporary nanny instead.

    The blow jobs should be coming any day now.

  7. anoniem

    it might be the truth, in a way. after that new years party, i bet her drug supply is exhausted.

  8. jFp

    ludes and bubbly…..deadly.

  9. NipsyHustle

    i find standing around in heels and sipping champagne all night utterly exhausting myself. i envy those contruction workers and miners. they don’t know how good they have it.

    the only thing that could be exhausting is trying to keep her legs together.

  10. anoniem

    while she’s there she should just go ahead and reserve the rooms for her kids, in about 15 years

  11. Considering that I just take a nap if I’m exausted it must be really really tiring lugging that huge sloppy vagina around.

    Or of course, publicists could wake up and finally realize that the term “Exaustion” hasn’t been believed since Winnona Ryder tried to use it back in the 90′s when she backed out of doing Godfather 3.

    Of course in that case it meant “Crazy” and in this case it means Alcoholic, Drug addicted Skank” but the idea is the same. Publicists, nobody believes you. You might as well say that she checked herself into Betty Ford becuase she heard it’s a great place to get waxed.

  12. It’s been said, but what does she have to be “exhausted” about? How did women do it 200 years ago AND they had 7 children and no help? Good God, Britney. It’s about time. She really does need serious intervention.

  13. rotarypot

    exhausting it must be to party all the time yes..

    i’d say it was the ecstasy/weed combo that “exhausted” her out… has happened before….not to me…of course..ajem.

  14. raquel

    in fairness, she might have caught the exhaustion bug from lindsay lohan when they were hanging out together awhile back (i’m sure the mutual absence of panties posed some sort of contagion risk factor). poor lindsay suffers from it chronically, yet somehow manages to complete her acting responsibilities. what a trooper! i hope both of them recover fully from this terrible illness. the world needs their soulful talents!

  15. BarbadoSlim

    If I had to haul around all that trailer trash I’d be exhausted too, honey.

  16. In this case, “exhaustion” is being used as an excuse to get Britney to travel forward in time. You see, what we’ve been witnessing recently is Britney from 20 years in the future. The receded hairline, jowls, elephant trunk legs, extra 30 pounds in the can – that’s all Britney circa 2027. As in her infamous videotaped conversation with K-Fag, wherein Britney revealed to the world the truth of time travel, the poor girl has gone mad with the fact that she’s trapped 20 years in the past. She now has to relive her long hard road to obscurity and domestic abuse in a trailer park just outside of Galveston. She was supposed to jump back to just after “Hit me baby one more time”, still on top and still the object of Justin Timberlake’s affections, but overshot the calculations by nearly a decade. Now, all of the greatest minds in the world today are laboring to find a way to get her fat ass back to 2027. At least that’s the excuse she’ll use for looking like shit…

  17. Courtney

    I really thought that the new year would hearken a swift end to all Britney and Cheetos references. Or was your New Year’s resolution to be as unoriginal as possible?

    But kudos on this not being about Paris Hilton. Although I suppose the day is long. <3<3<3

  18. RichPort

    Wait… the Betty Ford Center has a cock slobbing whores wing?

  19. BarbadoSlim

    @17…Greasny and Paris are not worthy of A or even B material, they are sad, played out cliches and that’s what they get.

  20. LL

    “…considering the only work she’s done in the past year is lifting bags of Cheetos and/or bottles of alcohol.”

    Despite what some people seem to think, THAT shit is still funny.

    I love how fragile and easily exhausted 20-something American celebrities are nowadays. In other countries, small children work 14-hour days for pennies and manage to show up to work on time every day, but poor Britney is exhausted by her busy schedule of drinking, smoking, appearing at nightclubs and forgetting to wear underwear. What a rough life she’s had. I can’t wait to see the TV movie of her life. I’m sure I won’t be able to see the screen through my tears.

  21. fergernauster

    I do not believe this. How can this young mother undergo rehab? She has two young babes to protect and nurture and who are in the absolute throes of maternal bonding. Rehab must never interfere with the health and well-being of infants and their mothers.

  22. Don’t give the Superficial guy too much grief for the Cheetos reference. Hell Perezhilton still does stories on Jared Leto. I didn’t even know that dipshit was still alive much less worthy of being written about.

    P.S. Brittney, the girl just looks like she smells like cheap perfume and a little bit of puke in her hair.

  23. I can’t wait until Britneys babies become little boys.

  24. I can’t wait until Britney becomes a molester. It’s the next logical step.

  25. misanthrope

    Animal in the Sanctuary.

  26. frenchtoaststix

    Fab. By the time she gets out of the jub, Spiffy and Jiffy won’t know who she is anymore, and will be calling the nanny Mommy. Stupid-ass skank.

  27. frenchtoaststix

    Fab. By the time she gets out of the jug, Spiffy and Jiffy won’t know who she is anymore, and will be calling the nanny Mommy. Stupid-ass skank.

  28. Don’t you know geting shit-faced every night will tire you out like a mofo? And then there’s the random drugs given to you by strangers. Don’t forget having the train run on you by the Arizona Cardinals. Then add to that the exertion of remembering to put on panties? Whew, I’m tired just thinking about it….

    (I would mention the fact that she had two kids, but I think she forgot they exist and therefore their care will not be factored in)

  29. And I forgot to mention that rehab is for quitters. You don’t want to be a quitter do you Brit?

  30. MrSemprini

    How obnoxious do I have to be to get deleted around here?

  31. bananabanana

    I go to the Sanctuary for my weekly massages..It is a beautiful resort on Camelback Mountain. It is NOT a rehab facility. Vince Vaughn and Jennifer Aniston stayed here and so do many other celebs when in Arizona. She isnt in rehab, she is relaxing at the Sanctuary. If you are ever in AZ, you should really stay at the Sanctuary if you can afford to. It’s worth every penny.

  32. chicagogirl

    I was never a fan..but, geese guys, I hope she recovers and god bless….she has 2 young babies….wait, what the hell!!! TRAMP

  33. kacsing

    Is that justin timberlake standing behind her?

  34. Kristin

    Lmfao @ the cheeto remark.

  35. coma12

    I think it wasn’t exhaustion but more the stress of the last year and the memories of it all. You know, KFed is FedX and the kids…well who the hell knows were, poor Brit was feeling empty and while reflecting on all this turmoil in her life at the beginning of the new year she accidentally slipped and found herself in a k-hole.

    End of story.

  36. coma12


    Dear God I hope not. What a mind-f**k that would be…

    Just think, you just broke up with Cameron and now you are standing behind your ex-girlfriend, who looks like the left over mangled remains last years fruit cake you just found in the back of the fridge.

    At that point if I was Justin I would be looking for my swiss army and make preparations to cut myself out of that situation!

  37. NicotineEyePatch

    #20, LL, I think about my time working in restaurants when I was 18 – 30. Especially the early years, when I would get off work and head straight to the bar (your only friends are the people who keep your hours; the only places to go after work at midnight are bars, or other restaurants, and who wants to eat after serving food all night?).
    We’d get shitface-pounded and count down the hours of sleep we’d get if we went home in an hour. We’d dance all night and smoke and drink and smoke weed. Then we’d go home, get three or four hours of sleep, and go back to work. If we ever got tired, we’d drink extra coffee.
    I don’t remember one person I worked with ever suffering from ‘exhaustion’ during those twelve years – and most of my friends were in university. Even the ones who did coke at the time seemed to manage life without crashing into exhaustion every couple of months. I mean, when you feel exhausted, you fucking SLEEP, and then you’re usually back to rights after one weekend off the party train.

    I just wish there was a little more honesty with these idiots, but that’s asking too much. No wonder nobody believes a fucking word they or their publicists say.

  38. theyareidiots

    Unless the FDA has determined that drug or alcohol addiction can now be cured with a mani-pedi and a Shiatsu massage, the Shitster isn’t in rehab. The place she’s at is just one of many fancy resorts in the Snobsdale area.

  39. anothershityear

    FIRST !

  40. anothershityear

    some years ago, those two dudes next to B. Spears would have been having a fight to the death for who could smell one of her sweaty foot for 10 seconds

    now they’re standing right next to her, and distracted looking at someone with toilet paper stuck to their shoe on the 2nd floor

    Britney, allow me to be so presumptuous as to propose a new year’s resolution for you:

    Fuck Off

  41. anothershityear

    one of her sweaty *feet*

    and BS if you insist on sticking around, here’s a surefire idea for staying in tabloid cycles, given the now-horrendous body, nonexistent talent singing or acting, and general glazed frontal-lobotomy expression:

    Munchausen Biproxy Syndrome

  42. cmn_snse

    Just the sight of Britney Spears standing in front of anything with the word ‘PURE’ on it makes me piss myself in laughter.

  43. APINK

    Exhaustion? From what, raising two kids all by herself?! NO, that can’t be it! Maybe she’s exhausted from finally doing something productive with her life?! NO, that can’t be it either! Perhaps she’s exhausted from living a meaniful life?! NO, wrong again!! I figured it out, she’s exhausted trying to be even skankier than Paris and LL, their tough competitors!!

  44. Britney should stop talking. or maybe she should totally stop opening her mouth. or maybe she should try to stop being so FABULOUS cause it ain’t happening anymore. never was, sorry, she’s always been a trash whore. lover

  45. i thought part of her rehab was dumping kfed!

  46. yeah, alcy is trying to get help

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