Britney Spears gets her own motorcade, airspace

January 31st, 2008 // 80 Comments

While no one is surprised that Britney Spears made another trip to the psych ward, what is surprising is that the LAPD and FAA already had previously arranged plans to facilitate Britney’s magical journey to cuckoo town. Ever since her last meltdown, plans were laid to expedite an inevitable return to the hospital. (You’re welcome, California taxpayers!) Britney’s lack of sleep was the trigger for today’s excursion, according to People:

“No one thought this would happen this soon, but it was clear if she stayed up for more than three days she’d have to get sent, since that could cause real damage. The last time she slept was Saturday.”
Adds the source: “The motorcade and everything was planned, it was already in the works to have them block off the road and airspace. It worked out perfectly.”

If I was a pilot flying overhead and found out I had to clear the airspace for Britney Spears, the shit would hit the fan, my friend. I’d get on the intercom and inform the passengers that this is their captain speaking and we’re about to make an unscheduled landing into Britney Spears pool. And by landing I mean crash. After a thunderous round of applause, I’d guzzle the rest of my Big Gulp full of whiskey (Thank you, stewardess) then lock the plane into a nosedive. I don’t want to say I’m a hero, but Batman better have an extra set of balls in his utility belt to pull off moves like these.

UPDATE: Video of the motorcade after the jump. And yeah, it’s every bit as ridiculous as it sounds.


  1. Pass The Vinigger

    Yeah, this bitch ain’t crazy……..


  2. Oprah's Gorilla Butthole

    She’s currently plotting the longest downward spiral to suicide in history.

  3. that is fucking ridiculous. Did she ask the paramedics to get out of the “passenger seat” so she could drive? “geh-out! geh-out! geh-out!”

  4. Sunny

    I love Britney! All you clowns are just jealous! Or else why would u be so obsessed with her? She’s beautiful and just wants to have a life and I will always respect her for the greatness she’s accomplished. You ppl are losers!

  5. SoCalSteve

    So much attention for such a waste of space.

    Someone really needs to beat the British accent out of her.

  6. I have a good friend who had that same look on her face when right after she won the “Longest Time Holding Semen In Your Mouth” award. I was disgusted when she spit it at me, if that makes you feel better.

  7. Oh yeah, change the picture and negate my joke, Fish fuck.

  8. Lipper


    Go take some Adderall and eat a box of laxatives then you can be JUST like Britney.


    I wanna be JUST like Britney, and be some talentless slut puppy who is crazier than ape shit. Yeah, I’m freaking jealous, how DID you know? Did Dr. Phil call you too???? I’m suing that bastard!!!!

  9. zane

    If she’s taking 10 laxatives a day I certainly don’t want to be in her airspace.

  10. Edie

    The only thing missing is hundreds of people with Down Syndrome lining the streets and applauding.

  11. Taint nothin'

    She looks like a stroke victim in this picture.

    She should start speaking out of the side of her mouth and pretend like she really did have a stroke.

    However, if she did that — people might think that she’s all fucked in the head, and we wouldn’t want that to happen.

  12. Redundo

    Gee, Mr. Fish. I’m surprised you didn’t start a new post with this video.

  13. Max

    All the cops were paid off with blowjobs from Jamie Lynn (and you all know that’s the type of thing a cop is into).

  14. Um, #6, you dared me to do that, remember??? That was right after that bukakke party we had…. good times my friends. Good fucking times. And that RichPort sure can aim!!!

  15. woodhorse

    Happy Anniversary to Carson Kressley! (did you think I forgot?)

    I want flowers.

  16. Bobdole

    That’s how imagine Dick Cheney leaving office.

  17. Anonymous

    Uh oh…….Sunny’s off her meds again……..

  18. Rossco

    If I ever need an ambulance, I’m going to ask why I don’t get a full police motorcade, blocked off roads and cleared airspace. Oh, right, because I’m just some guy having a heart attack or with a severed limb, -not a batshit-insane singer.
    Egads, Britney hasn’t slept in a couple days! Inform the president! Send in the Marines!

  19. binger

    the crazier she gets, the more turned on I get!

  20. Catie

    Oh cause Brit is the only nut job in Cali milkin the tax payers dollars. How about every worthless low-life sittin on death row? At least money was used to get her help, while other tax dollars are used to prolong the lives of criminals who are better off dead. Give her a break.

  21. Binky

    Ever get the feeling your country has gone down the tubes ?
    (You know…Just wondering etc)

  22. Gerald_Tarrant

    Show me your O-face Brit. No, not your StrOke-face, I said…, aww fuck it, nevermind.

  23. Well, this clit of mine ain’t gonna stroke itself.

  24. Mark Fuhrman

    Remember, this was the LAPD. It wasn’t wasted money. The motorcycle cops were radioing in the positions of all the worthless criminal n i g g e r s they passed, to be picked up when the cameras were gone. Then stomped a little bit, to get in a little aerobics, and eventually dumped into jail cells like the animals they are. LA was a little safer this morning.

  25. Xanthia

    I love that Fu*king Picture! Never fails to make me laugh my ass off!!!

  26. Amanda

    So we finally understand this picture – with all those laxatives Britney had just ripped a mudder.

  27. Gerald_Tarrant

    @24 – The LAPD is still selling their commemorative deck of playing cards. 51 clubs and a spade.

  28. jeps

    Glad to hear the men in blue are working hard to fight crime

  29. Abbey

    I think that picture is when the 10th laxative suddenly hit…

  30. havoc

    Hopefully they’ll give her plenty of rope in her room.


  31. kellygrrrl

    Dr. Phil – which part of SHUT THE FUCK UP do you not understand?

  32. Banabdas

    Any woman that fucks pakis needs to be sectioned, Princess Diana, Britney…

    Brown is the new black.

  33. Utley

    So the latest is that she was doing stimulants because she thought she’d be carted off to the looney bin by her parents if she feel asleep. Not just Adderall, but also meth – her real drug of choice – during her trips out with Howard Stern. Oops, Sam Lufti. (Wrong early-death bimbo) Probably total bs, but in an it-explains-everything way.

  34. Morgan

    I guess it hasn’t occured to anyone that if everybody would leave her the hell alone, she would not need a motorcade to be able to get to a hospital. Why are people acting like ooooh, she’s so privelaged…she got a motorcade and airspace cleared. If you guys didn’t leach onto her like the parasites you are, she could go to a hospital quietly like any normal person’s right is to do so. Then again, if it weren’t for you leaches she probably wouldn’t need to seek professional help to begin with.

  35. aeuwave

    sexiest picture ever.

    i used to drink a double big gulp of whiskey at my old job… or was it pepsi? =X

  36. Cobra

    Good God, why does she take pictures making faces like that ALL THE FUCKING TIME?

    Oh, right… ’cause she’s a stupid cunt. Somebody needs to take a baseball bat to her asshat head the next time she makes a face like that. It works with monkeys, maybe it’ll work with her too, after the 54th attempt.

  37. FRT

    Hey…when is her next album tour…?

  38. Shep

    I was going to say aren’t motorcades reserved for royalty but then I remembered who the Queen of Crazy was. My bad.

  39. Bags-o-fun

    Stupid spoiled whore. Its about fucking time they put her away.

  40. Shep

    Oh one last thing, it’d be really nice if some person died because it took longer for an ambulance to reach them because of Britney’s ambulance taking 15 minutes to fight through pap’s. Yea thats some emergency. We can drive half a mile an hour while everybody gets there perfect photo shots of drama queen.

    Oh sorry lil Timmy, your ambulance is going to be late because Britneys using the one that should of went to you when she could of asked any of her money leaching friends to drive her in any of her Mercedes Benz’s to the psych ward.

    Britney you want to act crazy and grab attention thats fine, but don’t do it at the possible expense of other people. People that really need it could be needing that ambulance while its driving parade like speed through tons of media vultures hovering outside of your multi million dollar mansion.


  41. grrrrrrrrrrrr

    oh J@#u#$S what a pic

  42. Cap'n Pickles

    Hey 4, let me geuss. Are you kind of chubby? Do you have a really thick neck. Are your eyes really close together and make you look like a china man. Do you have a little piggy nose? Does drool run down your chin uncontrollably? Do you sit in your room all day, listening to Britney and Back Street Boy cassettes, because you keep getting your fingers stuck in the CD player? WELCOME TO THE SUPERFICIAL, BRITNEY!

  43. sate

    Sam’s an ugly loser. Why is he still around? Why is Adnan still around? Is it hard for her to meet someone on her celebrity status level? Then maybe they won’t leech off her!

  44. D. Richards (Atheist.)

    Fantasy (among many).

    The ambulance is speeding up the 405 north when all of the sudden, the lead helicopter’s engine flames out because it accidently sucks one of Britney’s greasy wigs in to the intake; the wig got caught in an updraft! The helicopter’s going down fast and the pilot tries to control the spiraling aircraft to the ground below by using autorotation but the western winds from the beach inhibit him otherwise. It’s plummeting! The pilot says something cool like, ‘Three weeks until I retire’, right before the end.

    The helicopter crashes in to Britney’s ambulance, killing everyone onboard the helicopter and in the ambulance! It’s a huge explosion!

  45. McLuvin

    What a f’in waste of tax dollars! Couldn’t they just hog-tie her ass, throw her in the trunk and drop her off at the loony bin? Un-f*cking believeable!

  46. Mal Reynolds

    Alright Brit, now take that black tie, wedge it in the door frame and jump.

  47. Auntie Kryst

    @34 Nice rant, but it’s “leech” not “leach”. The thing is, no one here leeches off her. Britney is a fool, and good to ridicule as is the intention of the site. This hillbilly skank is joke soon to be a punchline, later to become a trivia question. You are right in one respect. The LAPD could give shit one about that Fucktard. The cops were there to ensure public safety from the rampaging paparazzi. Keep in mind that this dumb bitch instigates a lot of this bullshit and wants the paps around.

  48. Danklin24

    That last paragraph was fucking funny. Nice job SF. I’ll be damned if i’m going to clear airspace for Britney fucking Spears. Since when did filthy batshit crazy whores get more privileges than the Queen of England?

  49. meow

    what a load of media hyped crap! I would be totally pissed if I were a california resident. Even the local law enforcement has fallen into the hype. Does anyone there really have any actual, qualified documentation that states Britney requires this sort of treatment? WHAT A CROCK!

  50. OB

    Everyone in L.A. must be retarded. Letting your tax dollars go towards over a dozen police vehicles to escort the psycho-hillbilly to wherever. I’d be torching city hall at the very least.

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