Britney Spears gets birthing monument

March 23rd, 2006 // 181 Comments
britney-spears-sculpture1.jpg

The fine folks in New York have completely lost their minds and given Britney Spears her own Pro-Life monument at Capla Kesting Fine Art in Brooklyn’s Williamsburg gallery district. The life-sized statue celebrates the recent birth of Spears’ baby boy, Sean, and applauds her decision of placing family before career. Gallery co-director Lincoln Capla says, “A superstar at Britney’s young age having a child is rare in today’s celebrity culture. This dedication honors Britney for the rarity of her choice and bravery of her decision.”

The official name of the monument is “Monument to Pro-Life: The Birth of Sean Preston,” and I’m pretty sure the unofficial name is “The sex doll I was making but somebody caught me so now I’m pretending it’s a Britney Spears monument.” Besides, I don’t think getting accidentally knocked up counts as a brave decision to put family before career. It’s more like a brave decision to not use protection. Which actually isn’t very brave at all, but that’s what I tell the ladies because it makes them feel like sexy outlaws.

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  1. cbmd

    Britney Spears had a primary elective C-section, so this isn’t even an accurate depiction of the birth of her son. I guess her gravid self strapped to an OR table with a foley catheter in her bladder and her abdomen split by a Pfannensteil incision wasn’t artistic enough.

  2. CoJo

    What a rediculous statue…I’m curious what the backside looks like, considering that the front is so life-like…

    Pro-life? They should of made the statue of her driving with her baby on her lap. What a joke!

    Just another example of contemporary artists selling their ass to get some recognition…

  3. Maeve97

    This is easily the stupidest thing I have ever seen. Really.
    And why is Britney riding naked on Falcor?

  4. I’m not sure it really looks like her in the face, but I do know that I can’t help but wonder, what the sculpture looks like from the “other” angle.

  5. mamadough

    i love how big they made her hips/ass. and what kinda position is that to give birth? doggy style makes for bad birthing. jesus people!

  6. Quiggie

    WTF is this shit. # 1, I totally agree with you. I’m confussed. This non-sense HAS to be a joke. It’s utterly ridiculous and repulsing. #5 you spit on NY but I spit directly on this “art”.

  7. c1ndy

    If you look at the back can you see the baby peeping out?

  8. I’m not sure it really looks like her in the face, but I do know that I can’t help but wonder, what the sculpture looks like from the “other” angle.

  9. lesleyannf

    OH. Dear. Holy. Hell. WHY??? Just what the world needs – a monument to white trash! They would have been better off using the money that it took to build that monstrosity to sue FeyKed for irrepairable damage to the eardrums of thousands…

  10. mamacita

    #11

    Falcor!!!!!! Neverending Story RULES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I watched that movie 27 times in a month one summer when I was about 8 years old. “Bastian!! Say my name!!”

  11. PandoraKnight

    I am eating lunch for christ’s sake!!! This is so weird. Too weird. Thank God they didn’t show the back:

    “Natural aspects of Spears

  12. jugsgirl

    I think I saw that thing at my local sex store. If I had a dick, I’d hit it.

  13. Baroness

    I think doing anything sexual with that thing would be statutory rape.

  14. brewerpatriot

    I was going to write that I hope there is no access to the rear view – but then I clicked on the link and read the source article – it says that “Natural aspects of Spears

  15. jugsgirl

    #21 is so funny ~~~~ i almost peed a little.

  16. Feed_Me_Chocolate

    This is a joke, right? RIGHT??? Tell me it’s a big fat publicity joke.
    WHat is going on with ths “statue”? It looks way more like pregnancy fetish to me. Why are her ankles up in the air?
    #22….that is the most revolting way I’ve heard birth described.

  17. Lance Steel

    I believe I’m speaking for everyone when I say, “Where’s the vag photo?” They have three front/side shots but no photos of the back? Maybe the face of Satan is carved on her ass or something.

  18. Maeve97

    #18-
    Be confident Atreyu!
    Hey, do you know what the name is that Bastian yells out at the end for the empress? I’ve heard it’s Moon Child, but that makes no sense.

  19. oshkoshb-goshdammgosh

    This is a totally accurate depiction of a traditional Kaballah birth ritual. You get on all fours, grab the severed dog head, and a midget slides underneath you on a skateboard with a switchblade – performing the C-section (or, the Pfannenstiel incision)- the baby drops on the concrete, and the husband, wearing the traditional trucker hat and Von Dutch jersey, breaks a bottle of Boone’s over the mother’s head. “A Broch!”. It’s tradition, people, look it up.

  20. Woofhouse

    I’m hoping for the janitorial staff that they casted the rear end out of silicone, like they do with the porn-star love dolls. At least cleaning service will enjoy that statue the way it was meant to be enjoyed.

    And you know, here’s an odd thing. Did Britney ever pose nude for a magazine? To think, so many pop stars thought to accelerate their careers with Playboy spreads, but momma Federspears topped them all by showing her poonanner to everyone, young and old, that walks into the art gallery. I can only hope they have that double-barrelled hotgun (I totally just made that up. bleheheh) pointed at the door.

  21. playahater101

    #15 LOL!! You’d think with that position.
    Is she gonna hump the bear skin rug? And why don’t they show the family she broke up? WHY is anyone praising this girl??? Isn’t she working on a comback album right now? Doesn’t that mean she didn’t put her career on hold to raise her baby? And I didn’t know a 6 month old was considered fully raised these days. I also don’t think leaving your kid with a nanny most of the day qualifies as raising him either.

  22. happy_bunny

    That’s no kind of position to give birth in.

    It’s a well-made piece of work, but it’s completely ridiculous.

  23. Todd

    She should be holding a cheeseburger instead of that wolf’s head thingy.

  24. Binky

    Well, if they can get away with this – they’re going to love my ‘Mona Hilton’ painting.

  25. tits_on_snack

    Um.
    Ok yes, putting your family ahead of your career is a good thing, in fact, more women need to pick up on that. Today’s society is losing touch with the family unit.
    But what the hell is with the statue? It doesn’t look like Britney, and the wolf head symbolizes … something? I’m not sure. And Britney had a C-section while doped up on pain meds, she didn’t even go through the actual pain and agony of birthing a child. So making it appear all spiritual in the sculpture is just silly.

  26. Italian Stallion

    I like to do that same position when I massage my dog’s ears, except he doesn’t howl like that when I do it……She must have a bigger penis……..

  27. Topaz Vamp

    Ridiculous. The girl in the sculpture looks NOTHING like Britney. She’s got lovely long legs, as opposed to Britney’s stumps, and nice, defined biceps, as opposed to Britney’s arms which bring to mind enormous hams.

  28. MrPloppy

    Some where right now Michelabgelo and a hundred other Renaissance artists are laughing their arses off.

  29. rick mcginnis

    If this is “Pro-Life” then Tom Sizemore and Charlie Sheen are feminists.

  30. Topaz Vamp

    “Sexy outlaws” – that is awesome! Superficial guy is back and in fine form.

  31. fblau

    I think he’s just confused… that is how the baby was CONCEIVED.

  32. tits_on_snack

    (from the site) “a posterior view that depicts widened hips for birthing and reveals the crowning of baby Sean

  33. ermine

    Is there a happy smiling baby face sticking out the other end?

  34. L.ronhubbard

    They really should call it “Britney meets Henry Miller” Nonetheless, what a breathtaking work of art. I hope the artists have the good sense to put it in a time capsule for “Life on Earth 2006″.

  35. Catscratch

    Pardon me, but how has Britney Spears shown herself to be pro-life?

    So she had a baby, a baby she’s used for her own selfish ends since he was conceived. She’s used her pregnancy and her son as a PR machine to get attention for herself and her joke of a husband or as an excuse for her own abysmal lack of common sense.

    She has hordes of money, and a gaggle of handlers cum nannies, something the majority of young women and single mothers, struggling to pay the bills, don’t have. Still she manages to be a rotten caretaker of her child. And yet, somehow, she’s the pinnacle of selfless motherhood?

    PLEASE. SPARE. ME!

    If this artist wants to celebrate ‘pro-life’, he should go to Africa where thousands of women struggle every day to take care of their children while they cope with the realities of life, those being AIDS, lack of clean water, no education, wars, famine and unimaginable poverty.

  36. Catscratch

    (cont. from above)

  37. Catscratch

    Here endeth angry pregnant lady’s rant. We now return you to your regularly scheduled Superficial column

  38. asmith

    Oh, yeah – I saw that. The Nanny is two monuments down on the left. She gets one too…

  39. Jacq

    #21 – Baroness, very witty! Had to read it twice.

    I know that the last thing my brother would want named after him is a statue of our naked mother with his head poking out of it. Add that to the long, long list of things he’ll be talking to his shrink about.
    If Brit’s so pro-life she should keep that kid strapped into his freakin’ car seat!

  40. Zed

    #9 is correct. Britney had a C-SECTION.

    So everything about this “work of art” (and I’m using this term VERY loosely) is wrong. C-sections are done flat on your back, and Sean Preston didn’t go down her birth canal and just his head out of her vag.

    C-SECTION, people, C-SECTION!

    To the artist: Next time, remember to add “research” to your pre-design tasks. ‘K? Thank you ever so much!!

  41. katie

    it should be called ” monument to white trash imbeciles” and as for women needing to get in touch with the “putting family ahead of career thing”, honestly, go back to 1950.
    its funny since britney is really the poster child as to why birth control is a good thing and why abortion needs to stay legal.

    perhaps forced sterilization should be added to that list.

    and as for “spitting” on new york. well, something like this belongs in the bible thumping white trash dirty south. you wont find many new yorkers agreeing with this sentiment.

  42. cat

    she-was-number-one-with-google-last-year-with-good-reason—people-are-inspired-by-the-beauty-of-a-pregnant-woman-is-he-from-a-parallel-universe

  43. I hope the pigeons go to town on that.

  44. I think that was the pose she was in when she GOT pregnant, not when she HAD the baby.

  45. aziajs

    Does it look like Uma Thurman to anyone? Or is it just me?

  46. sully

    Hey
    Some people were wondering what it looks like fromt he back. I heard about this on my morning radio station and they said that you can apparently see “Sean Preston” crowning out of her from the back.

    Hahaha – now that everyone has lost their apptite over that lovely image I’ll get back to work. Hahahaha

  47. Meghann

    The “mounument” needs about 40 more pounds on it to get close to lifesize. And why does she look like a porn star instead of a beautiful pregnant woman?

  48. msjenn

    This is for real? **cough, sputter**

    You get a statue dedicated to you if you have reckless, unprotected sex?

    Those pro-lifers sure have some f**ed up values. How about taking that money and using it towards helping OTHER CHILDREN that are the result of reckless, unprotected sex.

  49. Just imagine that the apocalypse has come. The shells of buildings remain, the skies are so grey there’s no sunlight, and civilization has been completely wiped out save for two people stumbling through the rubble. They look for some sign. A sign of life. A sign of human existence. They look for some sort of legacy of what once was.

    And then they come upon this statue.

  50. YikesAndAway

    I bet when you’re standing at the, uh, posterior end of this monstrosity, you can hear the goddamn ocean.

    Glad to see all those Pro-Life donations going towards a worthy cause.

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