Britney Spears doesn’t trust Kevin Federline

May 4th, 2006 // 108 Comments

federline-babysitter.jpgBritney Spears has allegedly hired a bodyguard to keep on eye on Kevin Federline and make sure he doesn’t misbehave when he goes out. An insider tells In Touch magazine:

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  1. Lindz_Blowhan

    popozao has a sitter! how cute.

  2. Feed_Me_Chocolate

    FIRST! GO BRITNEY! Beat that SOB into submission!

  3. BigJim

    Being that we

  4. Feed_Me_Chocolate

    Damn.

  5. SuperSpence

    “Kevin should just be glad he isn’t forced to wear a leash and is allowed to pee without asking permission first.”

    REPLY: Assuming an awful lot, aren’t you? How do we know that isn’t how it is? I wouldn’t allow that guy to take a leak without permission. He’d head straight for the nearest potted plant or sink.

  6. Why? it had said to him that it would remain beautiful and thin all its life? what a lying!

    http://bilybop.free.fr

  7. Feed_Me_Chocolate

    That’s weird. They have this new thing where you can’t post immediately after you’ve posted, you’ve got to wait “a short time”. Something about an effort to curb “abusive posts”. How that’s going to work, beats me.

  8. BigJim

    And I thought I was whipped.

  9. In this particular case, the picture they posted on the last KFED post this one:

    http://www.derekhail.com/2006/05/04/britney-spears-hires-babysitter-for-kfed/

    Works the best with the following caption -

    “Britney, I aint need no baby sitta. I’m gangsta.”

    Or maybe, if hes not gangster enough, he could talk about how he use to shoot at people as a kid to promote his rap album.

    I can’t decide if KFED is trying to be the polar opposite of eminem or not. Eminem did what he wanted when he wanted. KFED has to answer to Britney. How will anyone take him seriously?

  10. Providentius

    I’m sorry, but is this woman retarded? I mean, till death do us part is all well and good, but COME ON! You are wasting your life with this douche!

  11. BigJim

    Maybe Tom Cruise will dress up like Mrs. Doubtfire and look after him.

  12. MiamiGoldenPantherr

    #3 Do you really think any woman will answer those silly questions?

    AS FOR KEVIN, HE IS S PARASITE, I CANT BELIEVE SHE S WASTING MONEY ON THAT PIECE OF SHIT LOSER.

  13. BigJim

    #12:

    Certainly not an ugly one like you.

  14. BarbadoSlim

    Doesn’t the CIA teach its operatives to kill a man with like…I don’t know, a Tampon?

    She’s not getting her money’s worth.

  15. djyuckfou

    another proud moment in there relationship..talk about beating a dead horse!

  16. Feed_Me_Chocolate

    Why doesn’t she just get rid of him? What an embarrassment he is. I know she’s pregnant again, but having him around as a “father” isn’t exactly going to beneficial to their babies’ lives. Little Sean Preston is going to grow up to be as much of an ass as his dad.
    And Britney, can we talk? If you KNOW your husband is an untrustworthy, scuzzy loser, WHY, oh WHY, are you still having sex with him? And if you choose to have sex with him, be RESPONSIBLE to the next generation and get on birth control!
    But this IS Britney we’re talking about, and she’s not exactly the picture of responsibility. *sigh*

  17. Italian Stallion

    I hope her plan backfires and he falls in love with Costner……….

  18. playahater101

    #3 to answer your questions, 1)18 2)6, 3)0 4)tried it once, it hurt too bad 5)never did it 6)yes 7)no. I’m boring. Maybe I’m just a normal woman :)

    I think Brit is actually smart to do that. There must be a good reason. I’m sure he’s screwed around with a whole lotta girls without her knowing and I’m sure he’s drinking, snorting, smoking whatever anyone hands him. He obviously can’t be trusted. She needs to protect herself and her money before it’s all gone.

  19. playahater101

    Then again, if she needs to hire someone to have him watched, then she needs to rethink this whole marriage. Trust is a big part of being married.

  20. She can’t hold onto her baby…She can’t hold onto her husband…She can’t hold onto her figure…She can’t hold onto that tiny shred of dignity she has left…the list goes on and on!

  21. PocketRocket

    When will these inbred, mouth-breathing Swamp Rats run out of money? Maybe then they’ll be out of the limelight

    Tom Cruise Loves Cajun Cock

  22. Lindz_Blowhan

    #11, almost spit my coffee! tc would feel right at home in women’s clothes….hell, he’s probably all over Katie’s maternity wear.

  23. BigJim

    Thanks, #22, now if you will please answer the questions in #3 for me…

  24. Feed_Me_Chocolate

    #22,
    He’s also probably trying to breastfeed. I’ve heard that if you try really really hard stimulating the nipple, after a long time, you can actually produce milk, even if you haven’t had a baby. No joke. It’s in my “What to Expect When You’re Expecting” book I got when I was pregnant.

  25. pinky_nip

    @8 BigJim: I thought you enjoyed the whipping last night?

    P.S. 15/many/5/yes/yes/yes… oh yes!!!!

  26. Let me get this straight – Britney employs an ex-CIA agent? No wonder the intel on Iraq was off base if this is the quality hires the CIA is making. How can this guy look at himself in the mirror every morning? How can he not draw his razor across his throat in disgust? Once a defender of America, of the free world, and now reduced to babysitting K-Fag?? On the next 24, Special Agent Jack Bauer plays nanny to Bobby Brown.

  27. missscoobie

    Tom loves the hickory smoked cock too.
    as far as brittany goes, I’m sorry, she’s asking for it people.
    any sympathy I had for this peckerwood has dried up like paris hilton’s twat.

  28. St.Minutia

    Britney is at least as retarded as k-fed. I am 100% behind any decision that will ensure the end britney’s career. Team Spears-Federline!

    Just as long as there are NO MORE statues of her giving birth. Please?

  29. BigJim

    #12, see #18 & 25 (and I’m sure there will be more.

    Nyah, Nyah! Fatty!

  30. Lindz_Blowhan

    If you must know……
    1. How old were you when you lost your virginity? 18
    2. How many men have you slept with? 14
    3. How many women? 0
    4. Ever done anal? yes
    5. If yes to #4, did you like it? perhaps
    6. Ever filmed yourself having sex? yes
    7. If yes to #6, can you send me a copy? silly rabbit

  31. 86

    Duuuude. How can he still get it up? He’s practically a woman.

  32. BarbadoSlim

    Diary of a retired CIA agent entry:

    All I remember was this, he had been standing on top of that Maserati, Po po Popozao PO PO POPO ZAO, POPO ZAO again and again and again, next thing I knew, I had broken his neck…now I live in Burma.

  33. pinky_nip

    I’ve been looking to change careers… I think I would actually love to be K-fag’s babysitter and scold him whenever he fucks up. Maybe I could put on one of those dog collars and zap his ass when he gets out of line.

    I’ve got to go update my resume.

  34. tinkerbelle

    britney has absent-daddy and controlling-mommy issues. she’ll repeat this scenario the rest of her life. byeeeeeeeeee!!

  35. tinkerbelle

    #32 – haaaaaaaaaaaaaa!! great!!! I luv BarbadoSlim.

  36. Binky

    I think # 3 should answer his own questions before asking others to.
    (Of course the answer to the first is likely ‘still waiting’ so I suppose that excludes the others.)

  37. Iambananas

    No kidding… how about a bodyguard for the babies??? (To protect them against K-Brit)

  38. pinky_nip

    Oh yeah! Lameassbananas just posted! “It’s” posts make me feel like I’m watching the Special Olympics Open-Mic Night!!

    Hooray!

  39. I’ll go play babysitter for this tool.

    Me: What do you want?
    7 year old fan: An autograph.
    Me: Get lost kid, you are too much of a risk.

    *later*

    Me: What do you want?
    30 year old guy: To stab K-Fed and piss on his body.
    Me: Whoops, sorry Kev, that one slipped pas me.

  40. Dr.Rokter

    BigJim:

    I found you. You can’t hide.

    http://www.bachelorettepartystripper.com/

  41. djyuckfou

    poor k-fed having such a dumb bitch for a wife

  42. BigJim

    Okay, Binky, but it’s nothing too exciting, I’m afraid:

    1. How old were you when you lost your virginity? 16
    2. How many men have you slept with? None — I’m a hetero guy
    3. How many women? 9, and I’ve been with #9 for 17 years.
    4. Ever done anal? Nope, neither given nor received.
    5. If yes to #4, did you like it? N/A
    6. Ever filmed yourself having sex? No, the wife won’t go for it.
    7. If yes to #6, can you send me a copy? Also, N/A

  43. BigJim

    #40:

    I wish I was as cool as that guy. Having chicks pay me to strip, that would be awesome. I’m flattered you thought it was me.

  44. PapaHotNuts

    I wish Brittany would allow me to babysit him for just one day. I’d make him watch re-runs of Full House, Charles in Charge, Seinfeld, Hee-Haw, Threes Company, Bosum Buddies, The Brady Bunch, and ALF. I would force the whiteness back into him with lessons in grammer, etiquette, and fashion. I would make him say the word “nigger” in front of a high school football team. He would eat sushi, drink red wine, and shake hands, rather than “give dap” or “pound it”. I would make him shave that fucking crustache on his lip and clean up the Joe Dirt white-trash beard. He could not interact with black people, except for the football team beating him up. I would make him drive a Yugo and wear slacks and a Polo shirt with a sweater draped over his shoulder. And right when he starts to act normal, I’d kick him in the nuts and call him whitey.

  45. Lou

    # 3 I’m game but you will have to answer questions 1-6 yourself first. Feel free substitute appropriate genders.

    Additional queries
    7. Have you ever touched yourself at work?
    8. If yes to #7 were you caught?
    9. Aren’t you Canadian?
    10. If yes to 10 have you ever had sex in a mounty hat?

  46. Iambananas

    pinky_nip: Why don’t you grow up?! I didn’t do anything to you and you don’t know me….. and since

    *****I know I’m better than you*****

    I’ll leave it at that.

  47. asmith

    She doesn’t trust her own husband?? SHOCKER!

  48. Binky

    # 40 and #42

    What the ‘h’ was I thinking !?!

    Yikes – Too Much Info !!!! I need another coffee!!

  49. Iambananas

    Don’t spit on me and shame yourself
    Because you wish you were someone else
    You look so clean but you spread your dirt
    As if think that words don’t hurt
    You build up walls no one can climb
    The things you do should be a crime
    You’re idiot of superficiality
    Keep your lies out of my reality
    And when you’re nice it’s just a pose
    You’re one of those HATERS

    EVERYTIME CHILDREN WRITE SOMETHING ABOUT ME THAT IS UNTRUE BECAUSE THEY DON’T KNOW ME AT ALL… I’M GOING TO POST THIS. YES, IT WILL GET ANNOYING, BUT SO IS IMMATURITY.

  50. Dr.Rokter

    Muddy Sludge
    Crusty Bun
    Shrimp Boat Tandoori
    Mother-in-Law
    Up Country ’tis of thee
    This is my destiny

    EVERY TIME CHILDREN MAKE ME SAD BY FUCKING WITH MY MIND I’M GOING TO POST CONCEPTUAL POETRY AND HOLD MY BREATH UNTIL I PASS OUT AND BREAK MY NOSE ON THE T.V. TABLE. THIS WILL DEMONSTRATE THAT I AM A GROWNUP.

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