Britney Spears defends idiocy

February 7th, 2006 // 112 Comments

bspears-baby-lap.jpgBritney Spears has come out to defend the photos of her driving with her baby in her lap, saying in a statement:

“I was terrified that this time the physically aggressive paparazzi would put both me and my baby in danger. I instinctively took measures to get my baby and me out of harm’s way, but the paparazzi continued to stalk us. I love my child and would do anything to protect him.”

I’m sure there’s some sort of logic in this statement, I just can’t figure it out. Only Britney Spears could think that her rolls of thigh fat would be safer than the protective seat especially designed to keep babies alive. I guess that’s what goes through your mind when you have the mental capacity of a cucumber.

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  1. escapevelocity

    probably the weed talking, as she looks way too lax in this picture. her face doesn’t at all express alarm/panic, much less concern.

  2. Catscratch

    Can I smack her. Please?

    I’m sure a 2X4 firmly applied to the back of her head will wise her up. I have one.

    Can I??? Pretty please?

  3. Can we officially rename her baby “Airbag”?

  4. Redd Foxx

    She probably thinks airbags are like pillows. Hah.

  5. DannyJames

    i love how all the celebrities nowadays can just blame their idiocy on the paparazzi. Oh i crashed cuz of the paparazzi. Oh i drove with the baby on my lap cuz of the paparazzi. Oh i snort coke off my keys cuz of the paparazzi.

  6. pixelbasic

    That

  7. MortyFishbein

    Considering the accidents celebrities have been in involving cars because of the photographers, you think she’d have called the cops or at least tried to get her baby away from herself. She is the primary target, not him.

    This bitch needs to put down the Cheetos and pick up a book. At this point, any book will do.

  8. escapevelocity

    #5: yeap, scarlett johanssen did the exact same thing:

    http://www.thesuperficial.com/archives/2005/08/23/scarlett_johans_6.html

    media backlash.

  9. escapevelocity

    #6: figured that one out when i read the word “terrified.”

  10. HughJorganthethird

    Ok let me get this straight, the paparazzi were going to kill or grievously wound Britney and her baby so in order to PROTECT it she jammed into her Federline-smelling crotch and sped away at high speed?

    All I can say is thank god. How many more celebrities have to die at the hands of these camera wielding bastards before someone, like say George Clooney, does something about it? Forget Corretta Scott King, Britney is the true hero of the day.

    Moron.

  11. I just found this out that Brittney Spears is Latin for “Please beat in the back of my head with a 2×4″. So technically, she’s asking for it!

  12. Linnea

    She doesn’t look very terrified. But maybe that is the sort of placid horror that hicks with a fifth grade education disply.

  13. Linnea

    *display.

    And yes, I do see the irony.

  14. hermanita

    Well how smart is that? The paparazzi’s fallowing me, so I’m just gonna grab my baby and put him on my lap, in the front seat, without a seatbelt, where the photographers can see it clearly. Then I’m gonna drive with only one hand. And in case of emergency, my baby will be right infront of me so when I fall in the front, on top of him with my layers of fat, he will be protected. Yes…that makes sence.

  15. playahater101

    Po Po Palease!!!!!!!!!!! Nice excuse.

  16. maiira

    I kind of liked the phallic reference here: “…the mental capacity of a cucumber.” Brilliant.

    As for Brit…I just think the kid’s on her lap because she can’t afford a carseat. Or doesn’t know what one is.

  17. blackblackheart

    Britney Spears is a fucking idiot.

  18. em167

    Does everyone except her notice that the steering wheel (and AIRBAG) are aimed right at the baby’s head? I’ve been in a wreck before and had the airbag hit me and it HURTS… imagine what it would do to a 5 month old baby!

  19. frangly

    Could she BE any more white trash?

  20. eastboundanddown

    I think it’s pretty obvious that the little Federline is already driving.

  21. happy_bunny

    The passenger-side door is open and the background is unblurred. The car’s not moving.

  22. Debra

    “I was terrified that this time the physically aggressive paparazzi would put both me and my baby in danger. NOBODY gets to put my baby in danger but ME.”

    (and you think the car wasn’t moving? You think neither Britney nor her rep could have come up with that as an excuse if it was the case? Just because the pic may have been taken before the car went far — no blurring and the passenger didn’t have a chance to close his door — she obviously drove with the baby in her lap cuz she tries to DEFEND *WHY* SHE DROVE WITH HER BABY IN HER LAP.)

  23. Member #19

    happy_bunny – In the shot posted here at The Superficial it’s difficult to tell, but if you look at the other pictures from this series you can see that the car is in traffic, and the passenger door and window are clearly closed.

    This is CLASSIC white trash. Between this and K-FedEx trying to get the baby’s ears pierced, this is going to be one effed up little kid. “I was so terrified for the safety of my child that I didn’t wear a seatbelt and I placed it in my lap with its head directly between my overweight ass and the explosive power of an air bag.”

  24. Aimtrue

    Her story is Bullsh** The kid would tip over if he was just sitting in her lap- the kid is not old enough to support himself. The kid is strapped into one of those baby carrier things. Which means BS got into the car with him strapped in. If she feared for the safety of the kid she could have walked away from the car and called 911 to get the paparazzi off her. Or she could have got int he car and had the guy in the passenger seat drive with her in the back seat. She was just to f’ing lazy to unstrap the kid fromt he carrier and put him in the car seat. Can anyone say child endangerment and you lose custody of your kid? She should be arrested. This is why she and k-fed should be sterilized. They do not have the mental capcity to put the life of a child ahead of their own. What’s next- I feared that gunman would shoot me so I used that blob of flesh as a shield?

  25. amma

    This is so beyond irresponsible. Clearly, someone was taking pictures of her–otherwise we wouldn’t be looking at them.
    But that only makes it worse! What if she really had had to flee? Being a parent, and knowing how close that baby’s head is to the steering wheel…I mean, that child could be killed or maimed for life if she stops too fast or just taps something…It is criminal. All joking aside, she should have to effing take a driver’s ed class and pay a huge, huge, huge fine. I hope this is on the cover of every magazine…not because I don’t like her {don’t anymore} but because this is so freaking dangerous!

  26. Wild Rose

    “Why”?..we’re all asking…”Why”?

    Well, the answer is obvious. Britney didn’t want the cameras capturing a shot of her *Huge Ass* while she strapped her baby safely into his car seat. Which brings us to our next question…why the hell didn’t she get that *useless lump of shit* sitting next to her to do the honours?

  27. suzy

    ok, i was watching the view this morning and they were talking about this because it was in the ny post…

    what they said happened was that her bodyguard stopped at a local little coffee place, and then britney got out while she waited for him and she went to go check on her kid and you know… what mom’s do.. then her bodyguard came out and paparazzi came out of no where… so she was trying to get out of there as soon as possible, and she wasn’t thinking.. and she knows what she did.. but she was trying to protect her son from anything bad… i think she believed that she had no time to put her child back in his carseat…

    shit happens.. she’s still learning.. i dont think it’s fair to start beating her up because she made this one mistake… but keep in mind that she is trying to be a mom and being in the public eye at all times.. it’s like 2 full time jobs.. just like a regular mom would have with her other job if she had one.

    God forbid anyone make a mistake and learn from it. She was just trying to protect her kid.

    And kill me for defending her.

  28. Zed

    happy_bunny,
    go here: http://www.dlisted.blogspot.com/
    and scroll until you find the article “Hi I’m Britney Spears and My Brains Are Mashed Potatoes”

    Now that you are there, notice the changing scenery in the background of the photos, proving vehicle movement. And there’s another photo clearly showing Britney with Sean in her lap, the body guard in the passenger seat, and the vehicle sitting in traffic (she’s in the fast lane no less).

    Face it. She is an idiot. There’s no getting around it.

  29. bravegirl01

    per CNN, officials say they can’t charge her with endangerment because no cops saw her dandling Sean and driving…if paparazzi wanted to get really good shots, they should have dropped a dime and called the child welfare…those shots would bring in $$$$$

  30. You know what’s interesting? She doesn’t look one bit ‘terrified’. Her bodyguard doesn’t look frazzled or upset, he looks as though he’s having an enjoyable conversation with someone on the other line. Oh, and why is there not one photo of her or her bodyguard maybe looking in the rear view mirror?

    I have 2 words for Britney…child services

  31. I think I’ve got a pretty good hit going here:

    Oh baby baby, how was I supposed to know
    That you would need a carseat
    Oh baby baby, the Babies R Us was closed
    So next I’ll try the Wal-Mart
    Show me how to raise my baby
    Cuz I’m busy, actin like a washed up redneck now!

    My stupidness is in my genes
    I hope Shawn lives until he’s 3
    But I’m not sure he’ll even get that far
    Cuz I’m his mom
    And I hold my baby when I drive!

  32. MortyFishbein

    Suzy (27), you’re fucking stupid.

    Knowing the POWER of an AIRBAG and the forces involved with driving an SUV in L.A. traffic (which Ms. Spears MUST know something about even if she doesn’t know how to dress or wash or pick husbands), you should know you just don’t jeopardize your CHILD’S LIFE by deciding it’s better to make sure no one takes pictures of you or him.

    A car accident is no joke and it’s certainly not a joke when you’re driving a 5,000 pound Lincoln Navigator. That stupid bitch should have sucked it up and took her no-makeup fat, stankin’ sweat pants wearin’ ass and strapped her child into his car seat. If she wanted to get away because she looked horrible (which is what a friend of her assitant told me), well, she should have remembered the HUNDREDS OF PHOTOS of her looking cracked out that we already have. No thinks she looks like she did on the cover of “Oops . . . I Did It Again.”

    This shit her and her publicist is just that–shit. And you’re dumb as hell for defending her country ass.

  33. LoneWolf

    Outgrageous. Irresponsible. Illegal.

    Just because you’re rich and/or famous doesn’t mean that you aren’t as stupid as a bag of hammers. Here’s a perfect example.

    My guess is that nothing will come of this. Jacko dangled his kid over a balcony and nothing happened. In both cases, it’s a damn shame.

  34. powerpuffgrl1969

    Allie D, you need to get that shit recorded because it’s HILARIOUS. Put it on a website; if K-Fed can do it, so can you.

  35. Precisely

    X17, the photo agency responsible for the pics, tells “Extra,” “These pictures were taken in a very peaceful context, in which photographers exhibited no aggressive behavior. We believe the pictures speak for themselves.”
    Poster #31 – Funny :)

  36. DuckBoy

    Okay, this was a dumn move. Any you can all say what you want about her idiotic decision here…BUT

    STOP CALLING HER FAT!!! OMG! She is NOT FAT! In fact, have you seen recent pictures of her? She looks AMAZING! Here’s one of her last night at a pre-Grammy party:
    http://www.britneyalbum.com/details.php?image_id=26203&sessionid=b53f0fcc74d748eec705a9eaa7a89448

    The tabloids and websites like this use old and unflattering pics to convince people she is fat and ugly. Then they say it over and over in an attempt to make it more true. Look for yourselves…

  37. escapevelocity

    i agree with #32 – except for the “Suzy you’re fucking stupid” part.

    a horrible early morning picture of you with your kid is better than a picture of your broken kid’s neck in between you and an inflated airbag.

  38. escapevelocity

    #36: OMG, K-Fed’s going out with Mariah Carey!

  39. Precisely

    X17, the photo agency responsible for the pics, tells “Extra,” “These pictures were taken in a very peaceful context, in which photographers exhibited no aggressive behavior. We believe the pictures speak for themselves.”
    Forgot to add that yes these guys have been seen as being aggressive, but she looks calm.
    Silently debating Mcdonald’s or Pizza Hut for dinner.

  40. ESQ

    Too little, too late you stupid hillbilly. She can

  41. MortyFishbein

    Duckboy (or Kevin Federline, if you prefer), you need to get your head out of Britney’s oozing, Cheeto-douched snatch and smell the coffee, if you can clean the Brit juice out fast enough.

    She’s still dumbass, “fat” or not.

  42. theyareidiots

    #28, thanks for the link to the additional pics. The last one clearly shows that, unlike her bodyguard, she doesn’t have her seatbelt on.

    Her excuse is lame. If she was so afraid of the paparazzi, she could have gotten in back and strapped the kid in while the *bodyguard* drove away.

    It’s too bad no charges will be filed. This is criminal stupidity in the first degree.

  43. PapaHotNuts

    EVERYONE SETTLE DOWN!!! In order to avoid the press, she took off in hurry and neglected to put the baby in his carseat. It’s an honest mistake. I’ve been in a situation like this before. My youngest son and I were walking along the beach one day. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a poisonous jellyfish just a couple feet from us. And then I did what any parent would do (especially Brittany), I threw my 5 month old as far as could into the ocean so that mean ol’ jellyfish couldn’t sting him. I never saw him again after that, but it wasn’t because that fuckin’ jellyfish bit him. Brittany obviously shares the same parental instinct I have. So everyone can just go fuck off. Luv ya’ Britt!!

    PapaHotNuts-1
    Jellyfish-0

  44. spamnews

    ‘DuckBoy’ has comitted two serious crimes. 1) He claims these pictures are, and I quote ‘old’. Try to stick with the tour, ‘k ducky? These are like new, ya know? So like, the ‘media’ isn’t like trying to make her look like fat, they are like showing her DRVIVING WITH HER FUCKING BABY ON HER LAP.

    Secondly, he used the concatenation ‘OMG’ For this he must be punished harshly.

  45. escapevelocity

    #39: i’d go for Pizza Hut. they have those new cheese bites crust pizza whatchamacallit. jessica simpson’s voice in the tv ad’s got me hypnotized. *sings to the tune of “These Boots Were Made” while i myself dial pizza hut’s #* “one of these days these bites are gonna pop all over you.”

  46. HughJorganthethird

    C’mon people. Could it not be that maybe her beaver is so mishapen and stretched out from having such a large headed child that it now resembles a child car seat and the lad was safley wrapped up in the protective beef curtians?

    We can only hope.

  47. Catherine

    Sorry Britney, there’s no defense for being a TOTAL ignoramus. Your story is crap.

  48. mofe

    Maybe she was teaching him how to drive. LOL! How could she do that especially when she knows she’s got a hound of paparazzi following her 24/7?!? It was probably another publicity stunt to promote Kevin’s CD. How sad.

  49. che1964

    Sad thing is, if she had had an accident the headline would have been, “Paparazzi kill Britney’s Baby”, Not the fact that she killed the kid as soon as her feeble assed mind place the kid on her lap in the parking lot. But I guess a baby’s hoodie is a great place to put your smokes while your drive, that way you can just reach in and pull one out with your teeth.

  50. Mermaid

    come on…lets give britney a break! I’ll bet there was a big bag of cheetos waiting for her at the end of her drive. she was just hungry.

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