Britney Spears’ dad gives himself a raise

When a father sees his little girl overcoming adversity to become a superstar, his heart fills with unimaginable pride and joy. Except for Jamie Spears who did that shit the first time and would prefer his joy in the form of greenbacks. The AP reports:

Jamie Spears had been receiving $10,000 a month for his work, but Los Angeles Superior Court Commissioner Reva Goetz increased that amount to approximately $16,000 per month and agreed to give him backpay.
He was also granted an additional $1,200 monthly payment so he can maintain an office, which Goetz said was justified by his work getting his daughter’s personal life — and music career — back on track.

So, by my math, Jamie Spears is now pulling in an annual salary of $894,000 $206,400 (It’s early!) for making sure his 26-year-old daughter wears underwear. I gotta get me a special kid. Any ladies out there have a uterus I can borrow for eight to nine months? Here are the terms:

1. Greatest minute or less of your life!
2. No child support.
3. Guarantee that if child doesn’t grow up to be a superstar, we’ll tell her she’s adopted then send her on a quest to find her birth parents. And by we I mean you. I’ll be in Reno explaining to bookies how my baby mama couldn’t even land a record deal, so please don’t break my fingers.

Sound awesome? Hell yeah it does! American Dream, here we come!